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I'm really thinking about scoring dope

laCster

laCster

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 16, 2010
Messages
6,851
Location
$toned
Idk I am kind of sick of being sober, but if I get high and get caught, I get kicked out of my halfway house. Help me
 
Are you just bored, laCster? Keep yourself busy with new hobbies and talk to someone about how you're feeling. You have 122 days today, that's a lot and I'd hate to see you give that time up! <3
 
It's not fucking worth it, bro.

I'm pretty sure you gave me he same advice back around May. Having a house is fuckin awesome. It's the middle of winter, cold AF, a few hours of high, which will probably be a letdown Ime, is not worth the lasting repercussions of being fucking homeless. You can do it man. You've made it this long; you can keep going.
 
You still thinking about that vivitrol shot? Now might be the perfect time for it. Do you really wanna waste all the effort you've put in so far for a few hours worth of pleasure? (if you can even enjoy it without beating yourself up the whole time).

I'd stay the course, getting high isn't going to solve any of your problems or make life any easier.
 
Bob Loblaw said:
It's not fucking worth it, bro.

I'm pretty sure you gave me he same advice back around May. Having a house is fuckin awesome. It's the middle of winter, cold AF, a few hours of high, which will probably be a letdown Ime, is not worth the lasting repercussions of being fucking homeless. You can do it man. You've made it this long; you can keep going.
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Thanks bob, I really appreciate the support. Idk if I even want to be sober or I am just doing sobriety right now so I have a place to live. It changes like every day, some days I will want to be sober and some days it is like I can't stop thinking about using. It changes throughout the day too hour by hour. I will convince myself getting high is not worth it and I will be like yah that's dumb , then an hr later I will starting thinking about drugs again.

The porn situation has really been fucking with me for the past five years and I just realized watching porn makes me feel like shit and I associate looking at porn with using cuz I would always masturbate and look at porn, feel ashamed and then get high :(
 
I will convince myself getting high is not worth it and I will be like yah that's dumb , then an hr later I will starting thinking about drugs again.
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Years of drug abuse tend to have that effect, trust me I can relate. The brain remembers getting high as an effective way of getting rid of pain. I'm the same way, some days I would wake up convinced I wouldn't use that day and lo and behold a few hours later I would be in a completely different state of mind fiending for a hit of whatever. If you can tough through the cravings hopefully they won't last to long.
 
laCster said:
Thanks bob, I really appreciate the support. Idk if I even want to be sober or I am just doing sobriety right now so I have a place to live. It changes like every day, some days I will want to be sober and some days it is like I can't stop thinking about using. It changes throughout the day too hour by hour. I will convince myself getting high is not worth it and I will be like yah that's dumb , then an hr later I will starting thinking about drugs again.
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Anytime, lackee.

Fuck longterm goals imo. You don't have to want longterm sobriety to realise that getting high ONCE & running the risk of being out on the street is just dumb. I wouldn't even stress about that until you have more stable living conditions. Work on yourself obv, but first thing is don't get homeless.
 
So I can get crack like in ten mins. Fuck would it be bad to do? I know it isn't the right thing but maybe it would be good to do then realize it's not worth it? Fuck my brain and thinking are so fucked up right now god damn. Idk what to do oh god please help me. I know I could get away with it just this one time, but would it be worth it? Would I be able to stop after this one time?
 
Crack is fucking stupid anyway. You feel cool for 10 minutes, then you feel like shit for 2 hours, which will lead to craving downers hardcore. You already know it's not worth it or you wouldn't have made this thread. No one would ask a question like this if they didn't have serious doubts.
 
Can someone call me and talk me out of it maybe? Please help I feel like shit and I know I shouldn't do the crack

I feel like I just want a break from reality
 
I'm not going to call you because I've had a few drinks this morning (not many, but still). I will PM you my number tho, so if you have to then call me.
 
hang in there bro, if you want someone to talk to we are all here, your honesty shows me alot that you are willing and want to stay sober, i dont care what your mind is telling u every other hour, the fact that you stayed clean is more then enough for me to see that you are on the right path, unlike you. i cant even get the courage to come online to talk to someone before i think about getting, I just get it first chance I get... and for you to talk this thru with us, you are a fucking encouragement to me and im sure others too, dont fuck this up! you are just going way too god damn good and i salute you for that, if no one else knows it or appreciates your sobriety, well know that I do, and for that you are the fucking man!
 
Thank you feelingit and lastchance. I didn't end up using anything yesterday but I was really close! I try to be honest because if I'm not honest than how can anyone help me? My subconscious doesn't want me getting dope, but sometimes my conscious mind can trick me.

Yesterday was really hard, I was crashing HARDCORE from propylhexedrine, probably one of the worst comedowns I have ever had in my life. I'm feeling a lot better today, but I am going to drink some alcohol today. I'm not to worried about it because I was never to find of alcohol, but it was nice every once in a while. I am getting back on vivitrol though!! Which will help with dampening the pleasureful effects of masturbation/porn . In addition naltrexone is very structurally similar to LH, a neurotransmitter that signals the production of testosterone. My testosterone is fucked right now. I should be at 900(idk the units), and I'm at 450.. Lol
 
Just A Guy said:
Just get back on your horse after today, bro. Aint got nothing but love for you and your desire to be the best you can be.
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Thank you justaguy, I really appreciate your support. Anytime u want to talk I'm here man. How are u doing? How many days u got, and what were u using?

Your friend,
-laC
 
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