• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: streaM Freak

I'm ready to do this, but...

G

gsquared81

Greenlighter
Joined
May 8, 2015
Messages
7
Hello ladies and gentlemen. I'vebeen lurking on BL for a while now and finally decided to be a part of this helpful community. Here's a bit about me:

I'm a married 33 y/o man with a 8 y/o stepdaughter and an 8 month old baby girl (my world). I own a home, maintain a decent job, but I've been struggling with a 100-130mg/day OXY addiction on off for 10 years. Two weeks ago I came clean with my wife, who was in a beautiful state of denial.

After some research I found a Suboxone doctor, and started dosing this past Monday. Sounds good, right? I'm being proactive, honest and focused. I guess the drug addict in me expected some instant gratification, but reality has smacked the shit out of me.

1) I know that I hurt my wife and that healing will take time, but somehow she always takes my personal struggle and makes herself the victim. All of her focus is directed towards the pain she has absorbed. I fucking need her to listen to my story! Understand my pain! On top of that she thinks it's ok for us to go out drinking, so who's being selfish?

2) I've heard from the majority that SUBS won't get you high. I must be a case study or fucking anomaly because it's taken me 20 minutes to fight through nodding to get this far. I didn't want to feel like I was using.

I don't know if im seeking answers here, or just venting. Either way I feel a bit better saying it out loud. Thanks for your time, any advice or comments would be great.
 
Just gotta say I wish you the best of luck bro and at least your wife is still with you. It can't really compare but when I came out about my opiate addiction to my gf of 3 years she dropped me on the spot. Truth be told I was a pretty shitty boyfriend that last year. I totally understand what you mean by needing her to try to understand you and the position you were in.

Drinking is pretty much a societal norm and no matter what its always going to have less of a stigma than any other class of drugs, and its cool to go to bars sober and watch people around you act like fucking fools (so I'm told).

Hang in there buddy
 
glad you're here, gsquared. for what it's worth, i think it's totally normal and to be expected that addiction recovery will put a strain on your marriage (it has on mine!). there's no easy route around this. obviously i know very little about your situation, but it may be that while your wife fully absorbs what's going on, you may need to rely on different people.

i started going to NA meetings about a month ago, and my feelings about it are iffy. i'm certainly not a proselytizer for them. but i *will* say that being in a room full of recovering addicts has been helpful for me many times. i'd encourage you to give your wife (and yourself) some space... meanwhile, see if you can find someone who you can be totally honest with, without worrying about the consequences. if it's NA, fine. if it's a friend, that's fine too.

can't say anything much about the subs. i quit cold-turkey. but my habit wasn't all that bad. my friends who've done suboxone treatment all say the same thing: getting off subs fucking sucks.

good luck, man!
-Sim
 
First off, thank you for your insight. I think BL is a great tool for someone like myself.

I guess i'm feeling like i'm burdening people with my recovery, even though my addiction has caused much more of a problem. Maybe it's because i've had
a crutch (pills) to lean on for so long that normal interactions are foreign to me. My plan is to use the SUBS as part of my recovery. Pretty much to help me
with my urges to use while I get in NA or some type of group of likeminded individuals (it's required by my DR. anyway). I'm not looking at any timeline for
tapering off. I want to make sure that i'm ready mentally for a life of not using.
 
Went through/going through a nearly identical situation (although my usage was for a shorter time period, I have no kids, and I didn't willingly tell my then fiancée- she found out). She reacted identically, and it made getting clean even more difficult. I am on subs now also... and certainly still consider myself to be under the influence. I feel them quite a bit. Nothing like oxy, though. If you ever want to talk specifics, feel free to PM me man.
 
oxy gen said:
Went through/going through a nearly identical situation (although my usage was for a shorter time period, I have no kids, and I didn't willingly tell my then fiancée- she found out). She reacted identically, and it made getting clean even more difficult. I am on subs now also... and certainly still consider myself to be under the influence. I feel them quite a bit. Nothing like oxy, though. If you ever want to talk specifics, feel free to PM me man.
Click to expand...

OP
Please be careful..... If u say u are nodding on subs, 9 out 10 they have u on a WAY higher dose then u need!!! U might end up getting a bigger addiction jus beware and make sure u talk to ur sub dr and express ur feelings

I too am in the same boat. I'm w and awesome guy who thinks I'm clean and I'm trying like crazy to get clean before shit hits the fan. I took obtained Subs and will be doing a 5 to 7 day detox taking NO MoRE then 3mg (at most) of subs. And I have a habit anywhere from 6 to 12 roxi 30mgs a day and it's been on Goin for 7 to 8 years w no more the. 3 day breaks once in awhile

Now that's jus me and that's jus my thoughts and advise. Also Na has helped *alot*.
My heart goes out to u bc I know how it feels. I'm in my own dirty bath water :(
 
Lovee 88, I have taken myself down in dosage and will talk to the Dr. when I go back on Thursday. I don't want to replace addictions, I truley want to better myself. She started me on 2 8mg strips daily. I cut them in half to yield 8mg daily and feel much better. I am in no hurry to get off them though because relapsing is not an option for me. I want to treat the mental aspect of my sickness and feel I can do this much better on the Subs.

NA is required by my Sub dr., and I too believe it will benefit me greatly.

I'm lucky to have a loving and supporting family, I just hate myself for all I have put them through.
 
gsquared81 said:
1) I know that I hurt my wife and that healing will take time, but somehow she always takes my personal struggle and makes herself the victim. All of her focus is directed towards the pain she has absorbed. I fucking need her to listen to my story! Understand my pain! On top of that she thinks it's ok for us to go out drinking, so who's being selfish?
Click to expand...

Several theories regarding addiction consider it a family disease, meaning your wife needs treatment to get better. Is there an NA meeting in your area for spouses/family members of addicts, just like AA has Alanon?? She needs to attend these meetings so that she can get out of victim mode, as well as to understand that you need support, and going out drinking is not ok. You would be surprised how selfish many spouses are in that they refuse to attend these meetings. However, it is to her benefit to go... she will learn many valuable concepts that will strengthen your marriage and allow you both to move forward. I am both an addict and after getting clean, dated an addict so went to both AA and Alanon. I learned a lot about codependency and healthy boundaries in Alanon... you could always play hardball, and if she chooses not to go tell her she is the selfish one. IDK her, so this may be overkill... just my 2 cents. Feel free to disregard whatever does not apply to your situation.
 
^^^

Naranon is NA's version of Al-Anon, but Al-Anon would work just fine. Her wanting to go out drinking with you might still be parts of the denial/enabling behavior still present inside her. I'd bet she has known something was up for a long time. Now she is hopefully realizing how much has to change.

I actually need to get to an Al-Anon meeting, I guess I qualify now (GF is in recovery too, relapsed, is doing well but doesn't even have 90+ days yet)
 
Al-anon really helped me clarify the craziness in my own head from my son's addiction--and more importantly to own it rather than blame him for it. Sometimes the language and certain heavily dogmatic (simplistic) thinking was problematic for me but then I made myself take what was useful to me and let the rest go. Everyone has to decide what the lines are in their own lives and relationships between enabling and supporting. There is no formula. You have to be brutally honest with yourself and trust your own gut at the same time.

I've never really understood the reason for separating al-anon and naranon--the meeting I went to was for any kind of substance addiction. One thing that did help was that I found one that was specifically for parents because in some ways there is no comparison between a relationship you can distance yourself from (spouse, your own parents, a sibling, lover, friend, etc) and your own child (especially a minor).
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top