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I'm quitting methadone

cj

cj

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Nov 18, 2008
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I've made the decision to get off methadone. I am at 170mg and plan to be b down to 50mg in 6 months or less. From there I am jumping to heroin. In the process of all this I am moving to a medical pot state to stop the bullshit of buying pot for marked up prices.

I am going to start the taper at 10mg a week and see how it goes from there. The clinic system has finally beat me into fucking submission to the point I'd rather give my money to a drug dealer.
 
Pot still isn't free. Going back on heroin is a horrible choice. You don't have to resort to heroin.
 
It's really not a money thing honestly. If I keep smoking they will kick me out the clinic anyway. I've been on exactly 2 years which statistics show is the time to quit. I also want to leave the state which will be easier without methadone over my head. Hopefully I won't end up back on heroine but I don't want to lie to myself. Besides the clinic isn't going anywhere. I just am so tired of the bullshit they put me through as a client. Like fuck them
 
cj said:
I've made the decision to get off methadone. I am at 170mg and plan to be b down to 50mg in 6 months or less. From there I am jumping to heroin. In the process of all this I am moving to a medical pot state to stop the bullshit of buying pot for marked up prices.

I am going to start the taper at 10mg a week and see how it goes from there. The clinic system has finally beat me into fucking submission to the point I'd rather give my money to a drug dealer.
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I've been though Methadone tapering from 170 mg until 5 mg. It can take sometime but It's totally doable, it gets harder after you quit. You'll feel rewarded after some time, so much freedom. It's tough but you can do this. Think of things you would like to do in life, anything that you enjoy. Exercise, eat well, all the basics.

Heroin, as already mentioned should not really be considered. It will just make things harder to deal with.
 
cj - Do they understand that their policy on cannabis is either going to cause you to fuck yourself with rc benzos or get discharged from treatment? And they don't seem to give a shit about this? Like, fuck man :X

cj said:
It's really not a money thing honestly. If I keep smoking they will kick me out the clinic anyway. I've been on exactly 2 years which statistics show is the time to quit. I also want to leave the state which will be easier without methadone over my head. Hopefully I won't end up back on heroine but I don't want to lie to myself. Besides the clinic isn't going anywhere. I just am so tired of the bullshit they put me through as a client. Like fuck them
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Regarding the two year mark, given what I know about your situation, getting off now would risk stuff that taking your time to taper more fully would not. Many people seem very successful coming off between year two and three, but this doesn't mean there aren't a lot of caveats to this. And anyways, taper for a year (which is about how long it would probably take to get off your current dose, although it may take two to do it more comfortably) would put you around that same marker.

I mean, the clinic environment really can suck, but there are things you can do to deal with it. I know I keep mentioning this, and frankly I forget how you feel about them, but you sure sound like someone who could really benefit from a bit of NMDAr antagonist/dissociative use (assuming you can tolerate the stuff).

About not being on methadone making it easier to move out of state, which this is certainly true generally speaking, I imagine it would be even harder to be actively using heroin and find success starting over in a new city (after all, a significant part of the desire to moves is about being in a better place more conducive to working on continuing to move on from heroin use itself). Given your interests, I don't think moving out of state and being on methadone will cause any problems, it'll just be another something to take care of before you move.

And from our conversations, you'll almost certainly be moving to a city where methadone is readily accessible and completely covered under public health insurance (which you'd probably be able to get free of cost). So moving and setting up dosing at a new clinic will be a bit of a pain (transferring clinics can be a real bitch; some of them are more inefficient and disorganized than others), but it won't really be a significant obstacle.

And what about weaning yourself off methadone (either tapering and/or using some combination of tramadol, codeine and buprenorphine to comfortably detox) and then getting on kratom. I mean it's no full agonist and it doesn't really do it for me, but who knows maybe you'll enjoy it more than you think. Frankly, I don't think this is a very good idea given other options (like continuing a longer proper taper, one that allows you to keep working on shit in life unconnected to the clinic).

Erikmen said:
I've been though Methadone tapering from 170 mg until 5 mg. It can take sometime but It's totally doable, it gets harder after you quit. You'll feel rewarded after some time, so much freedom. It's tough but you can do this. Think of things you would like to do in life, anything that you enjoy. Exercise, eat well, all the basics.

Heroin, as already mentioned should not really be considered. It will just make things harder to deal with.
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In a way, I enjoy a lot of the end of my taper. In the end I enjoyed 20mg more than 90mg. As I began reducing the dose, I basically started to feel better with each drop. Not right away maybe, particularly if I noticed the drop itself, but once I stabilized each time I felt better, more normal, more me. I definitely enjoyed 60mg more than 80mg, 40mg more than 60mg, and I think I was the most pleased with the effects of the medication between 20-30 mg. After that I was too excited to really appreciate any of methadone's then somewhat subtler effects as the jump off point approached.
 
They fully understand there cannabis policy ducks but it came down from the state so it's out of there control I guess. I quit weed for like 4 months but then I realized how miserable I was without it. Now that I've started back I have zero desire to stop. The clinic changed there weed policy too. It used to be you had to fail 6 tests in a row in order to get in real trouble. Now If You Fail 2 in a row they start fucking with you. If you don't have significant improvement in 3 months they start an administrative taper. They basically changed the rules of the game mid stream. I know a proper taper would take a long time but I doubt I have a long time. Once they see I'm tapering there gonna start looking for reasons to kick me out instead of reasons for me too stay. I've seen it happen to others.

They are just a shit clinic. They sent out a memo saying they want 70 percent of clients to have 1 year clean time. 70 percent to have a job even if disabled. And 70 percent to be cash pay customers. I don't think I was supposed to see the memo but my counselor is an idiot.

Anyway I failed my second drug test for weed on friday. So I probably have 3 months to taper on my own accord. After that it will be a rapid taper so they can get rid of me. The state requires I wait 30 days between getting kicked out and getting on a new clinic. I have a fent connect that could bridge that gap but only if I can get my dose reasonable so I can feel the shit.

All that and I'm going through family trauma with my grandmother dying of cancer. I knew I was digging myself a hole I just didn't realize I would have to pay the price so soon

I'm not in financial position to leabe the state either. Basically I need a year but I only have 3 months. That's not even mentioning my benzo dependence.
 
I took the first step. Dropped from 170 to 160mg. You can only drop by 10mg when your over 100 for some dumb reason. I dont expect any withdrawal though.
 
That's great. You could at this point take 10 mg at a time. Later at a certain point you'll probably have to decrease 5 mg at a time. It will depend on how you are feeling every time you decrease. From my experience and as it was mentioned by TPD (if I understood it well) you should/ could take more time in order to do it more comfortably. As long as you move on accordingly, you should not be experiencing withdrawals at all. And, yes you will probably fell better with lower doses as you adjust. At some point in the future you'll be feeling just as good with 20 mg if you take your time and don't try to do this taper too quickly. I remembered feeling good about myself and much lighter. Good luck!
 
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Yeah I skipped dosing yesterday so I would be uncomfortable this morning. I figured that was the best way to start. So I actually have a little tiny glow right now. Even with the skipped dose I wonder how many days before half lives from the previous doses are gone and I'm actually at 160. That's why I figured a week would be a good amount of time at first. It'll let me know how I actually feel at that dose instead of getting residual half lives interwocen in there. Pharmacology isn't my strong suit so if someone can decipher what I'm talking about and gI've sn answer I will be thanful.

Overall I think I am going to use this thread to chart my progress. I was going to do it in blogs but you don't see many comprehensive tapers from as high a dose as I am posted on BL. We usually just hear about the last 20 MG and the aftermath.

The only thing that worries me is because of my current standing at the clinic related to failing UA's for pot I can't increase my dose. So I have to be careful not to go too fast or I could really fuck myself. I can however go down 10mg a day if I want. A part of me wants to just rush ahead to 120 because from what I've read I don't think there will be any intolerable withdrawal before then.

I want to make sure I have enough time at the end when they are forcing me down for failed UA's. I have 3 months before that happens. If I go 10mg a week then 5mg a week after that I can be at 75mg by then if all goes the way I want it with my body. I'm gonna try and get some kratom in the coming weeks to flatten out any rough spots as I'm gonna have to go faster then I want too more than likely
 
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Skipping days may make the taper go fast, but that may become uncomfortable at some point (then again it may not for quite some time, until you get to a much lower dosage). I'd at the very least take full advantage of the 90 days thing. Your whole clinic situation is so incredibly frustrating though.

Any there any other clinics in your area? If there are, I'd highly suggest talking to another manager or two (especially if they are run another company). I mean, who knows, but it's worth a shot. Some clinic managers (and these are after all the folks who have some of the most influence and, when it's not the clinic doctor's call, the ones who have the final say there) come in all flavors. Some are much, much better than others.

Ideally you'd be able to find another clinic that would be okay with letting you taper even though you test dirty for cannabis, but then again, ideally you wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. I doubt there would be that same month long wait time if you were to switch clinics before actually getting discharged.

As you've heard, at least tapering at high doses is pretty uneventful for most people. I didn't go as high as you, but it took me quite a while before I noticed anything from my 10-5mg drops, certainly not before I hit around 40-30mg.
 
There is only 1 other clinic in town not run by New Beginings that I know about. I am going to give them a call but it's significantly less convienant distance wise. I'm not going to let them kick me out as that ties my hands totally for a month. I'll quit before it comes to that.
What frustrates me is that they changed the rules in the middle of the game. I had c a good thing going where I would fail 4 drug tests cut back for a month and pass the 6th. That way I could smoke 2 out of 3 months. Now if I smoke once I fail for a month which triggers a contract. I've also put on a lot of weight do I can't get clean fast at all anymore. So yeah it is incredibly frustrating if it wasn't I would stay on methadone a while longer.

I guess my plan as it stands today is taper as low as possible then jump to kratom. If that doesn't keep the cravings away and I relapse due to physical discimport then I'll get on sub and taper way down with it. Yeah that doesn't make sense to me either but I got a little time to figure it out. It just suc km so living in the deep south. There really is a nasty attitude toward people with addiction here. I fear it will only get worse if they cut 3 billion dollars from medicare like the new budget proposes.

I'm trying to keep it positive but I am mad as hell about this whole situation. I feel like I am being executed for smoking weed. Because at the end of the day I know I'll die if I get back on heroin and methadone is the only thung that has worked for me.
 
Drew ive known you for some time and I know you can do it! Funny story how we met, and I am really glad we got the chance to hang out a lot. Im really glad to have you in my support group, yeah we are seperated now afew states away and yet that never stopped us.
I respect your decision to get off the done, to be honest with you man that shits no good, ive seen personally what it does to your mind and body because i was on the done myself.
I got off of it by checking myself into brookwood hospital, it was one of the toughest things ive done because i was on it for so long. I mad a poor choice in which recovery center I went into afterwords because there was dope there and I went right back to using dope again.
I eventually lost everything again, and ended up over 2,000 miles away from home in a pot legal state hooked on heroin and meth. I soon realised that where ever i went, i would take myself with me, so state after state, job after job i kept blowing my paycheck on dope and alcohol, monday morning coming around and i felt guilt,shame and remorseful about the shit i did over the weekend.

I liked you a lot better when you were on suboxobe, i mean i liked you and always liked you regardless. You seemed more chiller then? Its good to get off all of the shit, to be frank. I know you can do it! Ive got a lot of faith in you, and ive always looked up to you as a brother.
Do me a favor and dont go back to h, we know to many of our friends that thought they could handle the shit again,and look where they are at. Hell ive been to 2 funerals within the last 30 days because of overdoses.

Baby steps ,you dont have to be a super hero over night!

<3
 
yeah, cj, I have to chime in here. Please do not go back to heroin. I know things are tough right now but they will only get tougher with putting yourself back in harms way.
 
cj said:
There is only 1 other clinic in town not run by New Beginings that I know about. I am going to give them a call but it's significantly less convienant distance wise. I'm not going to let them kick me out as that ties my hands totally for a month. I'll quit before it comes to that.
What frustrates me is that they changed the rules in the middle of the game. I had c a good thing going where I would fail 4 drug tests cut back for a month and pass the 6th. That way I could smoke 2 out of 3 months. Now if I smoke once I fail for a month which triggers a contract. I've also put on a lot of weight do I can't get clean fast at all anymore. So yeah it is incredibly frustrating if it wasn't I would stay on methadone a while longer.

I guess my plan as it stands today is taper as low as possible then jump to kratom. If that doesn't keep the cravings away and I relapse due to physical discimport then I'll get on sub and taper way down with it. Yeah that doesn't make sense to me either but I got a little time to figure it out. It just suc km so living in the deep south. There really is a nasty attitude toward people with addiction here. I fear it will only get worse if they cut 3 billion dollars from medicare like the new budget proposes.

I'm trying to keep it positive but I am mad as hell about this whole situation. I feel like I am being executed for smoking weed. Because at the end of the day I know I'll die if I get back on heroin and methadone is the only thung that has worked for me.
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I think this is a good plan. If you can get it, tramadol works pretty well at managing methadone withdrawal. It's still kinda new, but there is actually a tramadol specific protocol for it. And I know you can get gabapentin (hopefully this is still the case) and I imagine you'll be able to get clonidine.

D's said:
Drew ive known you for some time and I know you can do it! Funny story how we met, and I am really glad we got the chance to hang out a lot. Im really glad to have you in my support group, yeah we are seperated now afew states away and yet that never stopped us.
I respect your decision to get off the done, to be honest with you man that shits no good, ive seen personally what it does to your mind and body because i was on the done myself.
I got off of it by checking myself into brookwood hospital, it was one of the toughest things ive done because i was on it for so long. I mad a poor choice in which recovery center I went into afterwords because there was dope there and I went right back to using dope again.
I eventually lost everything again, and ended up over 2,000 miles away from home in a pot legal state hooked on heroin and meth. I soon realised that where ever i went, i would take myself with me, so state after state, job after job i kept blowing my paycheck on dope and alcohol, monday morning coming around and i felt guilt,shame and remorseful about the shit i did over the weekend.

I liked you a lot better when you were on suboxobe, i mean i liked you and always liked you regardless. You seemed more chiller then? Its good to get off all of the shit, to be frank. I know you can do it! Ive got a lot of faith in you, and ive always looked up to you as a brother.
Do me a favor and dont go back to h, we know to many of our friends that thought they could handle the shit again,and look where they are at. Hell ive been to 2 funerals within the last 30 days because of overdoses.

Baby steps ,you dont have to be a super hero over night!

<3
Click to expand...

Nice post.
 
I get gabspentin every month so thats covered. I usually binge it out within a weak though gotta stop that. I really think things are going to he better mentally now that I've decided to keep smoking. The indecision was making me miserable. No one's going to write me tramadol bro. I'll be lucky to get the normal non narcotic stuff for withdrawal. I'm gonna put my capital at the doctor to push for lyrica. I feel like clonidine, lyrica, a muscle relaxer, benzo, and pot is the best I'm gonna do. But that's all a couple monthscaway. I think I'll be OK until I get down too 100mg. Though I go feel kinda shitty tonight. It's n I t unbearable but it's a wakeup call for how hard it's gonna be.

Ds I've been round long enough to understand the thing with geographical cures but I really have used my time on maintenance to improve my mental health. The thing about when I was on sub was that b I could smoke everyday. I realize now thats the difference I like myself better when I can smoke weed. I am chiller. Methadone has put a lot of bullshit stress into my life. Man I feel sorry that you went to Brookwood that place is a hell hole compared to UAB. Plus rehabs aren't equipped to deal with long term maintenance withdrawal. I learned that lesson when I kicked suboxone at a rehab.

Overall all I can do is give myself the best chance for success I can. After that the chops will fall where they fall. Even though if all things where equal I'd stay on methadone. Im b picking weed over methadone. I don't know if that's wise but I am going to try it.

Then I get to deal with my escalating benzo dependence c when this is done. I took 7mg of Xanax the other day and didn't get high lol. I've dug myself a ducking hole that's for sure
 
You're already working to dig yourself out cj :) I dig this new attitude of yours I have been detecting recently <3
 
Isnt this kind of like an out the pan into the fire kinda thing? I mean I'm guessing you got on methadone to get off heroin and now your getting on heroin to get off methadone. My question is where are you going to find the heroin? There is no more heroin. Heroin gone the way of the dodo. U mean your switching to fentanyl?
 
I gave up on the methadone nazis a few years ago. For me, it kinda sucked, it felt really chemical for lack of a better description. I went cold turkey though, and played sheet karate for a few days in my bed and Jacuzzi. I wish you the best, maybe you could just go to something like percs, of course they have those all screwed up too. It's gettin tough out there.
 
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