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I'm putting this in health and recovery -- short story and question about socializing.

N

notsmokeymcpot42088

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Joined
Apr 5, 2025
Messages
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Okay this almost went in the sex and relationships category but that is really not so much of a concern -- I do okay when I am around ppl thinking about it --- but I am not around ppl and haven't been for years.

Alright story short -- Was in college had a gf and friend group always had. Got bad into benzos and not great into opiated, along with pot which was illegal AF at the time. Start wih the GF; she got caught doing a home invasion and would not show me her paperwork and when I pieced it together she was cheating on me so she had to go. Got a little worse prolly -- my father passed. At this time the police leaned in on me harder than ever and my so called friends turned out to be snitching, gossiping, bad people.

For my own sake I was forced to take a tactical retreat and get a place out in the middle of nowhere to detox and drop off the radar -- now it is 8 years later and I am still working on myself but I am not totally locked down by habits anymore; however I do not hang out with or want to go back to hanging out with the people I did.

I am in my mid 30s and I am wondering how does one put themselves in social positions? Suggestions? The goal is to make friends and meet a woman but also just to break the monotony. Not a club guy (Id be the creepy old guy now anyways) not much of a bar guy.

Thank you for reading
 
Honestly, just go out in public. Go to stores, the library, coffee shops, talk to random people about stupid shit. Eventually you'll meet someone you click with. Just be patient. I wouldn't worry about hanging out with the same kind of people. You're not the same person you were back then. You've lived and learned. You know what to look out for now. I will say that it's difficult to let people into your world when you've isolated for a long period of time. It's hard to trust again. But you have to give it a shot, go for it if you want things to change. At first, just get used to being around people, don't focus so much on looking for a woman. Those things always seem to happen when you're not looking anyway.
 
aye just being around ppl is the goal for now --

I live about 30 minutes from the nearest town. (Which has no library lol) Coffee shop I'm the type to buy my coffee and leave. Its not that kind of coffee shop either doing anything else would be strange.

Haha Walmart is about the maximum ppl interaction I have and it usually isn't great. I get what you are saying thought and I thank you for the advice and the time.

Trust is hard --- no more benefit of the doubt for ppl, now its you start at 0 and earn respect points lol
 
It’s rough not having resources to meet people. Have you thought about relocating?
 
Have thought about relocating --- but than I wouldn't have resources. Really it is more 'to where' 11 states are being sued for toxic tap water (I guess I have a 0 ppm reverse osmosis dealy already just hook it up).

Relocating is probably the move alright. Be tough though I have 40 acres with a river through it and a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom I can get by on 20k a yr ish. (Including all other costs) our own well. Propane and electricity are like my only two bills.

The housing market appears to suck right now and the heat looks pretty rough. It was like 75 here today. (kind of idea place for global warming; not really as the great lakes but I'd rather die by flood of water than lack of it)

Than there is this double edged sword -- my Dr is here and he is not a friend (of this idea at least) when I asked him about moving and what would be done he just replied "Well don't move too far" *Hinting towards nah I won't do crap referral wise, or perhaps I read too much into that)

On that side of the sword as well LEO has been up my arse since I was 14 --- well haven't seen em in a few yrs honestly. Maybe they finally got that is why I moved out here to not to dope and drop of the radar.

I am not so bad off 'resource' wise if you mean like financially. Lol I passed the drivers test (Embarassing had a permit at 16 but one particular time behind the wheel on mushrooms had me scared off cars foor a good long time *dont worry noone hurt no accident, just literally could not maneuver out of a parking lot at like 3 am on one of the busiest streets for like 45 minutes before just jumping the curb and going home) --- but Yea in 3 months I will be able to drive and I have a rav 4 (crackd windshield that will need to be replaced)

I do not have gainful employment however as with no car and no place to work in a half hour (In a car) it would just be real tough to pull off. I do have some money in the bank and some physical gold but I'm not trying to make that public knowledge around these parts!! Thanks to our pedophile in chief I just lost medicaid and food card. (Dick) so I gotta call an audible of some kind here.

So move is a damn good suggestion but I think the criteria may be impossible :
Marijuana legal
Access to good water
Fairly Safe
Cheap to live (taxes houses and expenses)
Decent hospital/doctors

Anyone has any locations that meet all of those criteria or at least most (They are prioritized) toss me a word. That was my original plan as well but over the last 2 yrs have not been able to locate a 'greener pasture' and I am liking this place more and more as I fix and clean it lol.
 
Most people would love a living situation as you have. As you say even paradise has its drawbacks. The question is how to find good people to socialize with? I’m not religious but I go to church with my wife and we have friends there. Perhaps consider a gathering place such as church, it’s a shame there isn’t a library nearby.
 
rentedbythehour said:
At first, just get used to being around people, don't focus so much on looking for a woman.
Click to expand...
This!
Nothing worse than those people who are set on finding something to bang, be it that night or in a week. The whole focus is wrong when you first meet and then you fail to see the person as who they are.
 
docpavor said:
This!
Nothing worse than those people who are set on finding something to bang, be it that night or in a week. The whole focus is wrong when you first meet and then you fail to see the person as who they are.
Click to expand...
It was stated in the OP that was not my aim but I appreciate the fervor
 
notsmokeymcpot42088 said:
Okay this almost went in the sex and relationships category but that is really not so much of a concern -- I do okay when I am around ppl thinking about it --- but I am not around ppl and haven't been for years.

Alright story short -- Was in college had a gf and friend group always had. Got bad into benzos and not great into opiated, along with pot which was illegal AF at the time. Start wih the GF; she got caught doing a home invasion and would not show me her paperwork and when I pieced it together she was cheating on me so she had to go. Got a little worse prolly -- my father passed. At this time the police leaned in on me harder than ever and my so called friends turned out to be snitching, gossiping, bad people.

For my own sake I was forced to take a tactical retreat and get a place out in the middle of nowhere to detox and drop off the radar -- now it is 8 years later and I am still working on myself but I am not totally locked down by habits anymore; however I do not hang out with or want to go back to hanging out with the people I did.

I am in my mid 30s and I am wondering how does one put themselves in social positions? Suggestions? The goal is to make friends and meet a woman but also just to break the monotony. Not a club guy (Id be the creepy old guy now anyways) not much of a bar guy.

Thank you for reading
Click to expand...

I am (or was) not a sociable person, but I always had friends who were important to me. However, I have always been interested in what other people think, not necessarily about me, but more in general. I have always had a very developed opinion of myself, but I wasn't really aware of it—I can see, though, that I have always acted in a way that has led to my current situation. I am very grateful to someone (God?) for that.

I would advise you to start with your family. That's the easiest (or hardest) place to start. Once you realize what your position is in your family (it can be anything), it won't seem so difficult to connect with others (friends, people to talk to, strangers...). You'll gain experience. Then you'll also become more interested in what strangers think about certain things (that interest you). It's actually quite exciting... I hope you're that kind of person. I think you are, otherwise you wouldn't have laid your worries out here for the whole world to see.

But be content with small things. Then you'll have pleasant surprises in store... I'm sure of it.

When you're talking to people, listen carefully and don't be a know-it-all. Try to understand what others are trying to tell you. Ask questions if you need to. People will notice that you're interested in them and will reward you for it.
 
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Can't do family -- they are straight objectively not good people. (mssg me if you want but I sware the reason is sound). My position in the family is on the lowest pedestal ever lol. Nah I still have my mother so I guess my position is care taker to her largely.

I have always found people interesting in general - that's why I was majoring in psych and just kinda kept taking classes instead of graduating (7 yrs - my pa (RIP) was a prof so I had free tuition when he passed that went away and we moved)

Being content with small things is definitely the way to be -- the fact that this is my problem is in a way saying "I don't have any real problems" (which isn't quite true) --- kind of like what's that phrase "Bored is not a problem it is a luxury"

Church may be a decent idea actually -- there are people there who are suppose to be kind. Other than that I am only talking to the same 4 cashiers mostly and I have good relationships with all 4 of em so that is something I guess?

PS -- I'm much more of a 'know it all'/ballbuster' on here cuz you guys be my primary community. (For better or worse)
 
I still think you should check your position in the family. It can't be right that the family is isolating you—unless he's doing it himself or helping them.

It's a well-known fact: before you drive on public roads, you have to prove your driving skills on a (familiar) test track...
 
aokorn said:
It can't be right that the family is isolating you—unless he's doing it himself or helping them
Click to expand...
It's very well can be right. There are a ton in dysfunctional families out there who want nothing to do with other members of the family. I personally haven't talked to my sister in 8 or 9 years. That's a mutual decision btw. When OP described the situation, why he isolated in the first place, I can very well see family writing him off, disowning him, what have you. And on the other hand sometimes it's the family members that are the toxic element. Staying away is self preservation. I definitely think that's the best option if that's the case.
notsmokeymcpot42088 said:
Have thought about relocating --- but than I wouldn't have resources. Really it is more 'to where' 11 states are being sued for toxic tap water (I guess I have a 0 ppm reverse osmosis dealy already just hook it up).

Relocating is probably the move alright. Be tough though I have 40 acres with a river through it and a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom I can get by on 20k a yr ish. (Including all other costs) our own well. Propane and electricity are like my only two bills.

The housing market appears to suck right now and the heat looks pretty rough. It was like 75 here today. (kind of idea place for global warming; not really as the great lakes but I'd rather die by flood of water than lack of it)

Than there is this double edged sword -- my Dr is here and he is not a friend (of this idea at least) when I asked him about moving and what would be done he just replied "Well don't move too far" *Hinting towards nah I won't do crap referral wise, or perhaps I read too much into that)

On that side of the sword as well LEO has been up my arse since I was 14 --- well haven't seen em in a few yrs honestly. Maybe they finally got that is why I moved out here to not to dope and drop of the radar.

I am not so bad off 'resource' wise if you mean like financially. Lol I passed the drivers test (Embarassing had a permit at 16 but one particular time behind the wheel on mushrooms had me scared off cars foor a good long time *dont worry noone hurt no accident, just literally could not maneuver out of a parking lot at like 3 am on one of the busiest streets for like 45 minutes before just jumping the curb and going home) --- but Yea in 3 months I will be able to drive and I have a rav 4 (crackd windshield that will need to be replaced)

I do not have gainful employment however as with no car and no place to work in a half hour (In a car) it would just be real tough to pull off. I do have some money in the bank and some physical gold but I'm not trying to make that public knowledge around these parts!! Thanks to our pedophile in chief I just lost medicaid and food card. (Dick) so I gotta call an audible of some kind here.

So move is a damn good suggestion but I think the criteria may be impossible :
Marijuana legal
Access to good water
Fairly Safe
Cheap to live (taxes houses and expenses)
Decent hospital/doctors

Anyone has any locations that meet all of those criteria or at least most (They are prioritized) toss me a word. That was my original plan as well but over the last 2 yrs have not been able to locate a 'greener pasture' and I am liking this place more and more as I fix and clean it lol.
Click to expand...
Not sure about everything on your list, but Maine or Vermont meet most of them. And Vermont is the best state for social services. They have a state subsidy in addition to the federal program. You'd have to weather the winter though it's really not bad once you get used to it.
 
aokorn well aware how the driving test works -- first thing I need to do is replace that windshield so I have a legal vehicle to take the test in. You are aware there is a written part before said driving test ... at any rate

Thank you rentedbythehour for pointing out that family dysfunction is very real. Truly appreciated. Maine and Vermont are pretty good choices and not out of the top five --- I do not think I can make it on 25k a year in Maine or Vermont but social services and subsidies are all things to be factored in. The weather in Maine or Vermont can't be any worse than here - we are on par with Siberia (Longitute I wanna say wise - *as far north lol*)

since aokcorn decided to not message me (as requested if going down the family path - fine public it is) -- A couple years ago I found out my cousin is a pedophile and the family is all either sending him money or quietly supporting him (He is in prison now, I'd like him to not see fresh air honestly). As usual their are layers to the S.A onion and really kind of fuck you for making me air this out. Yes I chose to isolate my mother and myself from them. Or we did. The pedo shite was just icing on a large cake of reasons to stay the hell away from these people. As you can imagine it is great having my last name in a small area!!

So there ya go there; they also robbed us blind during the move but that was almost an expected tax--- lol the hypocrisy too when I got busted oh I was a dog. Haven't seen my dads side (other side) of the family since the day of his funeral... I don't give too much a shite but you should not force issues you were asked not to and provided an outlet if you so felt the need.
 
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