I'm only an occasional user, but I can't stop thinking about drugs

[Addyman]

I'm only an occasional drug user, to be honest.

Yet, I find Medicine, Pharmacology, Psychopharmacology, and Psychology/Psychiatry the most interesting subjects in the world (not use-wise)

I often fantasize about just owning hundreds of filled pill bottles, just because having that many would be a sight to see

I can imagine having a shelf with every pill's dosage, IR and XR, along with powdered forms of the IR and XR

I can imagine having the following:

• a shitload of various drugs (edit: OverDone)

Just because I can walk into that room everyday, and feel... something...

I have no idea what the feeling is I have just being in the presence of drugs... can someone help me out here?
WHY do I love being in the presence of such substances, even though I only occasionally take them?

EDIT: I am a megalomaniac, I also love power (but I'm non-abusive with power, I just love the feeling of having it)

 

[aveoturbo]

You like the idea of "holy shit this is a lot of drugs and potential?"
Or you like the idea of the power they could have over you?

I think this is a shared fantasy by many, recreational and hardcore users.

 

[RobotRipping]

it sounds like you are just obsessing. Most drug users do this - wouldn't it be great to have some old school opium tinctures from the 1900s.
My best guess as to why you are like this is that you are deeply passionate about something, drugs. You don't have to be deeply passionate about using them but they are interesting, how different molecules fit into different parts of the brain for subjective effects. How can that not be interesting? If you aren't out of school yet go for Chemistry.

It may also be the case that there is a 'hole' in your personality and you crave to fill that hole with the fantasizing of drugs. Find out what's really going on, are you lacking something that you think is essential to yourself? If so, drugs may be filling that void (even if you aren't using them)

 

[Addyman]

it sounds like you are just obsessing. Most drug users do this - wouldn't it be great to have some old school opium tinctures from the 1900s.
My best guess as to why you are like this is that you are deeply passionate about something, drugs. You don't have to be deeply passionate about using them but they are interesting, how different molecules fit into different parts of the brain for subjective effects. How can that not be interesting? If you aren't out of school yet go for Chemistry.

It may also be the case that there is a 'hole' in your personality and you crave to fill that hole with the fantasizing of drugs. Find out what's really going on, are you lacking something that you think is essential to yourself? If so, drugs may be filling that void (even if you aren't using them)

Eh, I have anxiety and ADHD

Though, when I take some klonopin (and a bit of adderall) at therapeutic doses

I possess unstoppable ambition and mental sharpness (o gawd yes)

Of course, I fit 4/9 of the traits a typical narcissist PD would have (I think I'm the perfect human, but I'm not arrogant like a narcissist)
You need 5 to qualify for the diagnosis, but I also don't fit the stereotype or the "negative impact" that NPD has on their own lives

So... idk what the hell I am...

 

[zombiesarepeaceful]

delete

 

[Addyman]

I fantasize about similar things. I never throw out prescriptions I get, even if they're otherwise useless meds like antibiotics. I have a bag full of shit that I filled and never took, just for the sake of having it around. Most of it's not even recreational substances, but a bunch of junk. Why do I keep it? For the sake of having it. Drugs are something I crave the knowledge of and immerse myself in. Being adhd, I hyperfocus on things I'm interested in...one of those things being drugs. I enjoy pharmacology and shit. It's something most of the general public doesn't know a damn thing about.

Well put

I wish people weren't so brainwashed about them

I try to have a conversation about the similarities between Cocaine and Methylphenidate... suddenly I look like a drug addict

I can't even talk about dopamine because I know I'll end up going into detail about some DRI and then "OMG he knows what Amphetamines do! Better stereotype him"

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I have studied the pharmacological actions of many different drugs, and so while I think a lot about it, I still have interests and passions aside from merely thinking about and/or using drugs.

It's normal for people to be curious about drugs and their effects, and some people are going to be more curious than others. However, if you've seen enough people who have had a part of their lives or possibly all of it ruined by their drug addiction, suddenly having a life surrounded by/fueled by drugs doesn't really seem all that ideal anymore.

I think that you have to find a balance, so you allow occasional drug use to be one of the rewards of moving forward in life, instead of letting it bring you down quickly.

 

[suessmayr]

I think that you have to find a balance, so you allow occasional drug use to be one of the rewards of moving forward in life, instead of letting it bring you down quickly.

I agree with this. You're glamorising drugs in a way that I don't think is really justifiable. Don't get me wrong - I can relate totally. I stock up on shit that I have no intention of using - benzos and opiates primarily. But I don't think that this is helpful behaviour and I don't think that my life is any better for having discovered drugs.

Drugs present an almost philosophic problem to inquisitive people: most ethical theories focus to some degree on pleasure; drugs appear to simply trump everything else in terms of pleasure; so it seems reasonable to at least consider what role they ought to play in life. But I think that this is the point at which so many of us go wrong - it's not about the inherent rightness or wrongness of drug-taking. It's about what is and is not possible under the current laws. I just don't think that many people can be genuine drug users and in the fullest sense happy.

 

[Renz Envy]

. I just don't think that many people can be genuine drug users and in the fullest sense happy.

With current laws and ethical situations the way they exhibit themselves, it is unlikely for the vast majority of people to recognize you as a good person knowing about even intermittent drug use. Unfortunately this general social stigma keeps most drug users at bay and is a great misfortune as it does not make one feel happy about oneself.

 

[motiv311]

How old are you man addymann?

You sound like I did when I was around 16-18 years old... maybe older. I had an OBSESSION with drugs. It started out innocent enough, I just liked the feeling of that perfect cocktail. Made everything feel alright. Once I started abusing the adderall/klonopin -- it got amplified about ten fold. I almost ruined everything about myself- I was in high school, getting perfect grades, super hot girlfriend, greatest friends in the world and parties to be at.... by the end of high school I think most girls would describe me as "moderately creepy"

By the time I started to hate drugs, it was too late. I was hooked and embarrased. Instead of just using adderall, weed, klonopin.. etc. etc. I started using meth, heroin, pharmaceuticals, cocaine. etc. etc.

Now im 25, its taken me about 3-4 years to chill out a bit. I sometimes run into youngsters who go on talking about drugs liek I used to do... and I think to myself "damn, this is how naiive and immature I must've seemed like to everyone" I just warn them that their fairytale doesn't have a happy ending.. and they go on talking about "living in the now" " no regrets" "carefree lifestyle" but thats not what life is all about... Life is about challenges, and growing as a person. When your on drugs you're not forming true and lasting memories or skills. Its a downward spiral.

 

[Ixchellian]

Of course, I fit 4/9 of the traits a typical narcissist PD would have (I think I'm the perfect human, but I'm not arrogant like a narcissist)
You need 5 to qualify for the diagnosis, but I also don't fit the stereotype or the "negative impact" that NPD has on their own lives

So... idk what the hell I am...

Worry not about what you might be, just be who you are instead.

 

[Addyman]

How old are you man addymann?

You sound like I did when I was around 16-18 years old... maybe older. I had an OBSESSION with drugs. It started out innocent enough, I just liked the feeling of that perfect cocktail. Made everything feel alright. Once I started abusing the adderall/klonopin -- it got amplified about ten fold. I almost ruined everything about myself- I was in high school, getting perfect grades, super hot girlfriend, greatest friends in the world and parties to be at.... by the end of high school I think most girls would describe me as "moderately creepy"

By the time I started to hate drugs, it was too late. I was hooked and embarrased. Instead of just using adderall, weed, klonopin.. etc. etc. I started using meth, heroin, pharmaceuticals, cocaine. etc. etc.

Now im 25, its taken me about 3-4 years to chill out a bit. I sometimes run into youngsters who go on talking about drugs liek I used to do... and I think to myself "damn, this is how naiive and immature I must've seemed like to everyone" I just warn them that their fairytale doesn't have a happy ending.. and they go on talking about "living in the now" " no regrets" "carefree lifestyle" but thats not what life is all about... Life is about challenges, and growing as a person. When your on drugs you're not forming true and lasting memories or skills. Its a downward spiral.

I'm a Junior in High School

I've been using since Freshman year

I resist getting "fucked up" and such on my pills
I only take them for anti-anxiety (for a legit, diagnosed anxiety disorder, but my mom refused to get my benzo prescription filled... so I got my own benzos lol)

and I take my Adderall prescription for ADHD on school days (I don't count it as a "drug" day unless I take over my prescribed amount of Adderall)



If my uncle hadn't done every drug ever (and his favorites were Heroin and/or Cocaine)
And had a worn out body, schizophrenia, and such
Maybe I'd be on the path to destruction

 

[motiv311]

well i didn't plan on using heroin, meth, or cocaine either.

I didn't get "fucked up" ... really ever. I've never been into being FUBAR'd at all or anything , but that didn't stop anything

im diagnosed ADHD, anxiety-depression , etc. etc. as well. Those things really make no difference. In the end you're obsessing plain and simple

 

[Addyman]

Lol
I have had "high" days

I just don't anymore