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im not the same

E

e92

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 20, 2011
Messages
229
march 22nd 2012 was the last time i've used opiates after being addicted for 9 months. i've hit some deep lows in those 9 months and i hurt everyone around me. it was the worst and most miserable experience of my life. i was blowing oxys pretty much every single day, and occasionally opana and heroin.

anyway im still pretty young, i just turned 19. now im like shy. i feel shy and awkward and have no self esteem and i've never been like that. i have confidence but no self esteem. i feel brain dead and i feel like i have no personality. im always thinking about my life even when im out partying. the last time i was actually "happy" was when i was doped out. since i quit opiates i dont think i've ever truly been happy and in a good mood. my life feels empty and i feel like im nothing.
 
Hey there, I'm 20. Now I don't think I can really comment as I have never dealt with opiates.

However I had a similar problem with the whole brain dead issues after a MDPV dependancy when a family member was diagnosed with cancer. My theory is that at our age it is quite normal for us to feel this way. Your personality must break down to nothing in order to rebuild into a more adapted and evolved persona. I feel this happened to me and now I am a better person for it. the opiates could have just been you'r escaping mechanism to the harsh lessons learned as you reach adulthood.

It could all just be part of growing up :) we never stop maturing.

Then again i could be very wrong, like I said I know very little about opiates and there could be other reason for it that I simply can't emphasise with :) perhaps someone else can shine a light on the situation.

Just try and relax and try not to think to much. just have fun with friends. it worked for me :)

good luck and I hope I helped a little
 
Opiates does that to you, they fuck up your ability to feel pleasure out of anything but your drug... But It will pass, it seriously will.

May I ask how long you've been clean?

Also you are still very young, and part of those symptoms might really be a part of growing up, but It really sounds like a basic Pws... Just stick to being sober, and try to do something healthy. Eat good and exercise, eventually you'll feel better. I know it sounds like a HUGE cliché but it's the truth.
 
i'm 23 and for 10 years have been on some kind of opiate/opioid drug and they times i've had a couple months clean i've been very introverted now i'm like that even with the pain killers
 
I felt the same way. I used to do a shit load of roxies. The day I quit was May 9, and I was a shell of my former self. Turned to drinking, and have never loved life more. I still dream about using Oxy sometimes, but I know it's not an option, and I get cravings time and time again. I'm 21 btw
 
I don't know if this will get through to you or not, but take my advice and quit your opiates now!! I can speak from experience-- I was shooting h in the 60's (yes, I'm old enough to be your grandfather). I've done all kinds of dope over the years, and yes, it's a no win situation. Think about this for a moment: ok, I can get high for the next week, the next month, the next year, but when will it stop? It doesn't until either you hit bottom, die, or go to jail. Suck it up--you are not immortal--man up and quit the endless cycle of having to get your dope, and everything else that goes along with it. I don't want to have to say I told you so ten years from now. I know I'm preaching, but that's exactly what I meant to do....
 
rightlaws said:
I don't know if this will get through to you or not, but take my advice and quit your opiates now!! I can speak from experience-- I was shooting h in the 60's (yes, I'm old enough to be your grandfather). I've done all kinds of dope over the years, and yes, it's a no win situation. Think about this for a moment: ok, I can get high for the next week, the next month, the next year, but when will it stop? It doesn't until either you hit bottom, die, or go to jail. Suck it up--you are not immortal--man up and quit the endless cycle of having to get your dope, and everything else that goes along with it. I don't want to have to say I told you so ten years from now. I know I'm preaching, but that's exactly what I meant to do....
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how did you miss the first sentence of my thread that says "march 22nd 2012 was the last time i've used opiates after being addicted for 9 months."
 
ilovecrystal said:
Hey there, I'm 20. Now I don't think I can really comment as I have never dealt with opiates.

However I had a similar problem with the whole brain dead issues after a MDPV dependancy when a family member was diagnosed with cancer. My theory is that at our age it is quite normal for us to feel this way. Your personality must break down to nothing in order to rebuild into a more adapted and evolved persona. I feel this happened to me and now I am a better person for it. the opiates could have just been you'r escaping mechanism to the harsh lessons learned as you reach adulthood.

It could all just be part of growing up :) we never stop maturing.

Then again i could be very wrong, like I said I know very little about opiates and there could be other reason for it that I simply can't emphasise with :) perhaps someone else can shine a light on the situation.

Just try and relax and try not to think to much. just have fun with friends. it worked for me :)

good luck and I hope I helped a little
Click to expand...

That's really good advice man.

Yeah e92 while I used to experiment with opiates my main drugs were weed and synthetic cannabinoids and I'm going through the same shit, I need to relearn how to live life without the drugs, but it does get better with time. And I know I sound like a lame-o talking about weed that way, I'm not a rehab-bot I just had a psychotic episode and have a tendency to go way overboard with weed and it just does bad things to me, as much as I love it.

My best advice is to ignore your shy instincts when you can. That will help teach your brain that there's no need to feel that way.

But I know that advice is kind of shit when you just plain don't find anything interesting. But you need to pretend that shit IS interesting.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense, ilovecrystal gave you some good advice though, this is part of growing up without drugs, they stunt our emotional development.
 
Wow, it's still early days - don't fret! You've only been clean for a few weeks, and recovery takes time. Stay positive, as things will get better as long as you don't relapse.

Allow yourself time, and you will recover. It can be a slow process, be patient. It took time to do the damage, and it will take time to repair. Ensure that your diet is good, and exercise daily! Trust me, this will help a lot.

Well done on getting clean. You're young, and have your whole life ahead of you :)
 
e92 said:
march 22nd 2012 was the last time i've used opiates after being addicted for 9 months. i've hit some deep lows in those 9 months and i hurt everyone around me. it was the worst and most miserable experience of my life. i was blowing oxys pretty much every single day, and occasionally opana and heroin.

anyway im still pretty young, i just turned 19. now im like shy. i feel shy and awkward and have no self esteem and i've never been like that. i have confidence but no self esteem. i feel brain dead and i feel like i have no personality. im always thinking about my life even when im out partying. the last time i was actually "happy" was when i was doped out. since i quit opiates i dont think i've ever truly been happy and in a good mood. my life feels empty and i feel like im nothing.
Click to expand...

Welcome to the club sweetheart. I'm an anarchist , I despise how the western world functions and have to live in this hell everyday, and I used to smash 400mgs of morphine in a day just so I could deal with it. My plan is to move back up where I used to live in the mountains away from urban life because that's the last time I remember being happy.
 
e92 said:
how did you miss the first sentence of my thread that says "march 22nd 2012 was the last time i've used opiates after being addicted for 9 months."
Click to expand...
yeah, I did miss that, sorry. You're on the right road, stick with it...
 
As the other posters said, it takes time. What do you do in your free time? My advice is to get out of your comfort zone and motivate yourself to do something out of the house every day. Go on a hike, bike ride, walk, gym, swim, etc. Get plenty of physical exercise and make sure you are eating right and getting enough vitamins. The nutrition and exercise play a big role in sobriety and will speed up the time that it will take to feel normal again. Force yourself to have meaningful conversations with family members and start a journal. Practice meditation and yoga. If you are willing to work at it (and you have done a tremendous job so far!) you can achieve happiness just by focusing and believing that you will find peace. Good luck, I'll be thinking about your progress and please keep us updated!
 
Hey man,
First of all congrats on making it this far. I've been on heroin for nearly six years and opiates roughly nine. I'm 26 now and have half a year clean. These days are so hard as you are going through the PAWS - with opies the lethargy and introversion was real difficult for me to handle.
I have almost gone back and picked up due to my inability to function socially and my general "dull" existence.
All I can say is that it does get better, but personally I took a lot of time becoming a full time junkbox, it has been coming slowly. Hang In there and stay strong
 
thanks for all the positive words guys i read all of your posts. but wow, i didnt realize i'm still going through PAWS after 3 and a half months. will it ever go away?
 
For most people, the desire essentially never goes away, it just lessens and lessens over time. For me, it took a change of life style to minimize it. I finally had to move away from old friends, and start a new job. I needed to change my focus from drugs onto other things (like a new gf.) It's hard to stay clean, it's really hard.

A big help that you might consider is NA if it's available to you. They'd be able to provide the support that could get you through this. Being off since March is huge, so don't waste this opportunity now to go back and start using again only to repeat the cycle over again.

I've never known anyone that's been able to use (non-prescribed) opiates for any extended length of time without consequences as in either jail, wd's, or just failing to live life normally. Things will get better and better as each day passes. It will, it really will. The opiate demon can be beaten.
 
stick with it, it is alot easier just to say fucvk it and use again but your life wilkl continue to spiral downward toward complete oblivion. if normal and happiness are what you seek then you are on the right path.
 
e92 said:
thanks for all the positive words guys i read all of your posts. but wow, i didnt realize i'm still going through PAWS after 3 and a half months. will it ever go away?
Click to expand...

Yes, things will improve as a lot of others have been telling you. It sounds like you are off to a great start and I think the key factor is to not let the seeming slow progress of it get you down. Just take some solace in the fact you're doing better than you were before right now, and as time passes you'll start to feel better and can start to enjoy the regular pleasures of life.

A lot of people around here have been down the same path and it's a tough one for sure. Just remember, you're doing a good thing for you and the people you care about.

That's something to be proud of for sure. Much love, and hope you start feeling better asap.
 
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