Im lost.

[ovenbakedskittles]

Hey... so this thread is just to share what i have been thinking about recently... i dont know where it goes, or if it even goes anywhere... but i just needed to express some stuff... im not going to provide much detail...

I think im at the lowest point in my life rite now. Emotionally im somewhat ok but theres moments where i feel like lifes not worth living anymore... im not saying im suicidal... its just how i feel sometimes...

I have hurt someone that is really close to me and it has drastically changed my life... there are times when i have hope that things will return to the way they were again but there are also times when i have no hope that they will.. those are the times that i dont want to live anymore... ive done too many things... possibly unforgivable...

sometimes i feel like im just a selfish piece of trash who doesnt have the ability to feel empathy or compassion for other human beings... even ones that are close to me... it makes me feel that i shouldnt even be living right now... like i dont deserve to live...

Dont get me wrong... there are times when i am able to forget my problems and worries and are still able to enjoy life... at times... there are times when i am able to have a laugh... there are times when i am considerate towards people... but i feel like i dont experience those moments as much as the average person should...

i have major financial troubles which look like theyre only gonna get worse... but im about to start my second job soon so maybe things will start looking up...

i like to think that there is a god... i think if there is a god or some higher entity then it just wants us to do good for ourselves and become the best version of ourselves... i fail at that ... with every freakin chance i get, i decide to give into my selfish desires instead; the things that end up hurting the people that i love...

anyways

i need to sleep now... i will most likely post more threads like this unless this is against the rules or something...

thanks

 

[T. Calderone]

I have a certain person in my life who gets upset with me, feeling I don't care about their problems. I don't mean to hurt her and find I'm second guessing myself too often. You didn't really say what happened that led up to this situation. But can you try to make amends with this person?

(Moving to The Dark Side)

 

[ovenbakedskittles]

I have a certain person in my life who gets upset with me, feeling I don't care about their problems. I don't mean to hurt her and find I'm second guessing myself too often. You didn't really say what happened that led up to this situation. But can you try to make amends with this person?

im not sure if thats possible... I hope that one day they actually do forgive me for the things ive done but the chances seem very small... but maybe its just something that needs time... but the thing that hurts me is that even if they do forgive me we will most likely still not have that same bond and connection that we once had... i can only hope.

 

[BetIKnowMore]

ovenbakedskittles...........First off I know just how you feel! There are more of us than you think. I just had a fight with my gf about it last night. I still have alot of hate, shame, embarrassment, whatever bc of the things I've done. Its hard to feel worthy after the shit we do, right!? Guess what though, there are people out there who will accept and love you for you, AS EVERYONE SHOULD! But we know the world is fucked up. I was in a suicide phase last time I started feeling helpless or hopeless so I kept trying to OD on a bunch of different shit (H<, coke, mollie, ALOT of benzos) anyways, I promise you its not worth it!!! Life does get better! Not usually ehrn we want it to but when we NEED it to...haha its fucked up like that.....its KARMA. I went to treatment in florida now Im the happiest fucking dude on the planet! I live in paradize with my girlfriend. We still smoke and drink a little when its ok too but living a good fuckinng life! Might think about giving it a shot? Let me know , Id be happy to help! Good luck either way!

 

[ovenbakedskittles]

ovenbakedskittles...........First off I know just how you feel! There are more of us than you think. I just had a fight with my gf about it last night. I still have alot of hate, shame, embarrassment, whatever bc of the things I've done. Its hard to feel worthy after the shit we do, right!? Guess what though, there are people out there who will accept and love you for you, AS EVERYONE SHOULD! But we know the world is fucked up. I was in a suicide phase last time I started feeling helpless or hopeless so I kept trying to OD on a bunch of different shit (H<, coke, mollie, ALOT of benzos) anyways, I promise you its not worth it!!! Life does get better! Not usually ehrn we want it to but when we NEED it to...haha its fucked up like that.....its KARMA. I went to treatment in florida now Im the happiest fucking dude on the planet! I live in paradize with my girlfriend. We still smoke and drink a little when its ok too but living a good fuckinng life! Might think about giving it a shot? Let me know , Id be happy to help! Good luck either way!

Thanks i really appreciate it... i hope i get to where youre at some day... to be honest i kinda do feel like if my life continues like this i will end up a drug addict or something... but reading all these different posts about how horrible that life is kinda helps me stick to my goal of not indulging in those substances and potentially becoming dependant on them... your post gave me hope... thank you.