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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

im loosing my mind

thanks. i mean i am only 20, and i have a long time ahead of me, so i wont be naive and think "well this is it, im cured" and even if for some reason i see that im using everyday again - like weed every day etc - and i still dont go back to rehab, i know that it will get bad enough and ill finally realize again that "hey i cant do this any more" and once ive proven it to myself that i cant handle it again, then im done. and even though my bf thinks that, he at least knows the same thing i do. but who knows how the future will go. from the stories iv head in NA etc, people always tend to go back out at least once.

but im the type of person who is trial and error. at least i know what ill do if that happens.
 
Yeh it sounds like you're already devising to go back.
I'll tell you what though every single time I have went back it has NEVER gotten easier. And I'll be honest in saying the few times I was able to somewhat control it, were actually the worst as things progress for much longer and happen so much slower (aka life going into the shitter).

Its REALLY REALLY REALLY important that you find a purpose or something in life you can wake up for everyday that you genuinely love to do, otherwise its inevitable at some point go back to drugs. Drugs love us unconditionally, they make our moods better, all a while destroying our lives. They are very deceptive. Life is not deceptive like that. Its very clearly laid out. Find something you love to do, and do it.
Most people DO go back at some point but please just try and put that lifestyle behind you. I'd give an arm and a leg to be 20 again... well no I wouldn't lol cause I was in prison. But when I got out at 22 I thought I was above the world once again and there went my sobriety.

Its never really easy, this thing called life. With or w/out drugs. Just that when you're on drugs you're never really living to begin, your spirit is dead, and you're just waiting to die. Please just somehow make it work for yourself. I love uppers too, especially speed, but I haven't touched that shit in 12 years and never plan on it.
It obliterates your brain like nothing I've ever taken in my life, and I'm still paying the consequences all these years later.
 
well i know im never gonna go back to speed. i mean i know i can do it on and off and have no problem, its still great but i never wanna get in the vicious circle again - feel exhausted so take some speed..feel exhausted because you take speed. and im prob never gonna do coke again. i dont really care for dope so i could do that with no problem..but i prob wont. no point other then to get fucked up. and cid and e, ive abused those before and they are just two drugs you dont abuse. plus cid just makes you feel like shit physically and mentally because you know your not doing the shit you need to do and regret doing the cid before you did you stuff. plus staying up all night while tripping and then having shit to do is badddd. and weed. i <3 weed but i know that if smoked all the time you get a cloud around you that just pretty much sucks.

i mean i know what everyone says. but i have to see for myself. if im wrong i'll admit it and move on. but if everyone else is wrong then i win. i know i know stupid stupid. but like i said if someone had told me back when i started smoking everyday that i would end up an IV user..i wouldnt have believed them and had to find out the hard way.
 
Dex, congrats on putting in hard work and turning your life around. For someone so young, it shows a lot of maturity and dedication. No one else was going to do it for you and Im glad you realized that and put in work!

I know sometimes it can be hard, especially remember the past and reliving certain experiences, but like you said, you're SUPER young and have SO MUCH life ahead of you to live. As time goes on, you will adjust to sober living and your desires to relive the past will fade in time.

Remember, time is the healer of all things. You seemed to have survived the hardest part and you're on the way up - I am so glad to read that!
 
thanks :]

at least i'll know all the warning signs if i do go back. i'll know when/if i cant handle it. like i said its not like i really have a desire to get super fucked up any more. and if i do then ill stop. i know where that leads.
 
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