Hey, I'm new. You don't have to be overly nice or welcome me or anything unless you're interested in talking to me or getting to know me. I mean, you can, like, that's super rad and a cool, nice thing to do, just saying you don't have to, lol, just to make me feel validated or whatever. I probably just sounded rude or condescending, which was not my intention... sorry I'm reaaaaally socially awkward (my bf says I'm what they call a social pariah and I say all the wrong things and I'm embarrassing and unintentionally make myself look like an ass), and have a medical anxiety thing so yeah... I feel like the longer I rant the worse I'm looking so I'm gonna stop lol.
I'm super nervous around other users and talking to them. The reason is, a lot of users I've meet and see on a regular basis... it's weird but they seem like they have a weird superiority complex. I'm not generalizing anyone, it's just the majority of those I've come in contact with so far. Because I've only been using a year, if I can't hit or have any kind of question, or something happened after I shot up physically or a feeling, and I make a worried statement, someone always has to pitch in and I get four different definitive reasons from four people who have "been doing this so long, I know the answer better than anyone else", regardless of what I say about my body and my experiences before that refute their answer. So, I guess I'm here to find people who aren't narcissistic dicks, who for some reason feel the need to win at being the best drug addict lol.
For example, I shot all my veins out. Well almost all of them. Most of them are collapsed and just hard cords under the skin, or blew out. Most of the ones I can find are too small that even if they don't blow out the moment I puncture them, they will the moment I try to plunge. So a lot of the time I'll need help hitting. After whatever person it is goes on about how they can hit anyone, a lot of times they'll go for a collapsed vein. I'll try to argue that it won't work, but, they've been doing it for years and trust them. What happens next is either they won't get any blood, then go on about how my veins must be to small or roll a lot because there's no reason they shouldn't have been able to hit that, or get a tiny trickle of blood (which sometimes happens even when it's collapsed) and argue with me that it's perfectly in until I whine in pain from them missing. Then I'm a drama queen because "it was in, it shouldn't have hurt". A lot of people I know just argue with me about my body and my experiences, so I can never figure out any answer to my problem, or any solution, because instead of working with me to try and figure a solution out, everyone just knows best and I'm just fucked up.
So in conclusion, I'm here because I want a community that I can ask a question to, and will listen to the facts based on my experiences and body to answer them. And to find friends that don't judge me. The other users I know, they want to use with me and just get stuff off of me or rob me or what have you. Or help me out with a rinse when I'm sick, then walk in the next day after I just shared a 40 between three people and yell at me for not saving them some in case they came back because "I'm the only on who cares to look out for you". But online, it's just people who are in the same or similar life as me, who just like me or want to talk to me, not use me. And I need that.
So all that shit out of the way, I'm a chick, but I feel like a dude sometimes. Not trying to be a special snowflake so I won't get into it beyond that. I play guitar and love punk music, and want to sing in a punk band. I have a boyfriend that makes my life a fuckton complicated, loves me but kind of uses the fuck out of me, and has a lot of mental disorders from just himself, the military, and genetics, so can kind of be really nasty, but doesn't mean to. But without drugs and the mental shit, he's a great guy and attractive as fuck too. I have an anxiety disorder, that kind of makes me a basket case. Idk if I'm allowed to talk about my drug of choice, but I guess I'll find out if I get in trouble; I've been using heroin for a year, and mixing and shooting it with crack for half of that time.I try to quit a lot, but the bf doesn't, so even if I get through my first week, the moment I come back home it's over. I play video games; I love the Zelda and Pokemon franchises, I indulge in a month of World of Warcraft once in awhile, and pretty much any other fantasy RPG is good with me, like Skyrim or Kingdoms of Amalur. I'm really good at graphic design, and I have an unestablished company called 4K Design, complete with business cards and shit. I also love to write, draw extremely amateur anime, and watch Netflix. I'm also a cliche goth chick who loves black makeup and leather bracelets with spikes.
If there was any introduction post that completely captured who a person was, it's this one. I'm ranty and annoying, and talk about shit that no one cares about and give way too much information. Like the first three paragraphs were so fucking unnecessary. But, fuck it, like I said, now you're prepared for how annoying I am, and can't blame me if you choose to subject yourself to me lol.
I'm super nervous around other users and talking to them. The reason is, a lot of users I've meet and see on a regular basis... it's weird but they seem like they have a weird superiority complex. I'm not generalizing anyone, it's just the majority of those I've come in contact with so far. Because I've only been using a year, if I can't hit or have any kind of question, or something happened after I shot up physically or a feeling, and I make a worried statement, someone always has to pitch in and I get four different definitive reasons from four people who have "been doing this so long, I know the answer better than anyone else", regardless of what I say about my body and my experiences before that refute their answer. So, I guess I'm here to find people who aren't narcissistic dicks, who for some reason feel the need to win at being the best drug addict lol.
For example, I shot all my veins out. Well almost all of them. Most of them are collapsed and just hard cords under the skin, or blew out. Most of the ones I can find are too small that even if they don't blow out the moment I puncture them, they will the moment I try to plunge. So a lot of the time I'll need help hitting. After whatever person it is goes on about how they can hit anyone, a lot of times they'll go for a collapsed vein. I'll try to argue that it won't work, but, they've been doing it for years and trust them. What happens next is either they won't get any blood, then go on about how my veins must be to small or roll a lot because there's no reason they shouldn't have been able to hit that, or get a tiny trickle of blood (which sometimes happens even when it's collapsed) and argue with me that it's perfectly in until I whine in pain from them missing. Then I'm a drama queen because "it was in, it shouldn't have hurt". A lot of people I know just argue with me about my body and my experiences, so I can never figure out any answer to my problem, or any solution, because instead of working with me to try and figure a solution out, everyone just knows best and I'm just fucked up.
So in conclusion, I'm here because I want a community that I can ask a question to, and will listen to the facts based on my experiences and body to answer them. And to find friends that don't judge me. The other users I know, they want to use with me and just get stuff off of me or rob me or what have you. Or help me out with a rinse when I'm sick, then walk in the next day after I just shared a 40 between three people and yell at me for not saving them some in case they came back because "I'm the only on who cares to look out for you". But online, it's just people who are in the same or similar life as me, who just like me or want to talk to me, not use me. And I need that.
So all that shit out of the way, I'm a chick, but I feel like a dude sometimes. Not trying to be a special snowflake so I won't get into it beyond that. I play guitar and love punk music, and want to sing in a punk band. I have a boyfriend that makes my life a fuckton complicated, loves me but kind of uses the fuck out of me, and has a lot of mental disorders from just himself, the military, and genetics, so can kind of be really nasty, but doesn't mean to. But without drugs and the mental shit, he's a great guy and attractive as fuck too. I have an anxiety disorder, that kind of makes me a basket case. Idk if I'm allowed to talk about my drug of choice, but I guess I'll find out if I get in trouble; I've been using heroin for a year, and mixing and shooting it with crack for half of that time.I try to quit a lot, but the bf doesn't, so even if I get through my first week, the moment I come back home it's over. I play video games; I love the Zelda and Pokemon franchises, I indulge in a month of World of Warcraft once in awhile, and pretty much any other fantasy RPG is good with me, like Skyrim or Kingdoms of Amalur. I'm really good at graphic design, and I have an unestablished company called 4K Design, complete with business cards and shit. I also love to write, draw extremely amateur anime, and watch Netflix. I'm also a cliche goth chick who loves black makeup and leather bracelets with spikes.
If there was any introduction post that completely captured who a person was, it's this one. I'm ranty and annoying, and talk about shit that no one cares about and give way too much information. Like the first three paragraphs were so fucking unnecessary. But, fuck it, like I said, now you're prepared for how annoying I am, and can't blame me if you choose to subject yourself to me lol.
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