I'm in deep shit

[Deleted member 170540]

I was first trying to write all of my life story here, but that would have been too long, so I have to write a shorter story...

I'm a 28-year-old guy, and I've been unemployed almost all of my life. Fortunately, I just got a new job as a research assistant in the department of physics in my university. We're researching things related to the paper-producing industry.

The problem is, I've been unemployed for six years and I've almost completely lost the ability to follow a regular daily schedule. Because I didn't have money to live on my own, Ive had to live with my alcoholic father for 4 years. For the last 1 year I've had an alcohol problem myself, and I now feel I need at least 6 beers every day... Once or twice a week I get really drunk, drinking 20-25 beers in a single day.

I've also lost the routine of going to shower, brushing my teeth, etc... I haven't gone to dentist for years. Fortunately I'm not yet in as bad a condition as my dad, who hasn't taken a shower for 4 months and hasn't had a hair cut for a year.

I just got a new apartment so I don't have to live with my dad, and I'm a bit relieved by that...

I also have Aspergers syndrome, like I've seen many other BL'ers have... I'd like to hear, do others with AS have problems with daily schedule too?

I really feel like shit and look like shit with dark rings around my eyes most of the time, I'd like to get in better condition. How can I get to the condition to go to work every day in June? Of course I have to be able to take a shower every day if I have a job...

I'm not addicted to any drugs other than alcohol and tobacco, but I've experimented with various drugs.

This post certainly didn't include everything that is relevant, I try to tell more in my answers...

 

[somedud]

Exercise man! It sounds to me like your just having motivation problems/being lazy. Working out will help with this!

Do you have many friends? Maybe chatting with them/starting up a routine with them of some sort, wheater it be working out or just chilling, should help get you in the groove.

Think of it this way, your on flat ice now and are sliding eveywhere, you need to dig it and start up your own groove and follow it, but the hardest part is starting. Once you start that "groove" youll have more traction so digging will be easier. Strange analogy but the Moral being, starting off is the hard part. Get my drift?

 

[Bojangles69]

Hey man I've been unemployeed for the last 4 years and although I try to keep myself busy with sidejobs I also have not held a regular 40 hour a week job down in a long time.

It does definitely make you lazy as fuck after a while and its really the opiates that caused it. I wound up quitting my job caused I just honestly hated it, and although I've applied to maybe 20-30 places afterwards I've never gotten calls back.

I will tell you the secret though to this.
BABY STEPS.

What I'm doing and it helps a lot as now I'm completing an internship so I can finally graduate college and I go in 2 days a week. My schedule is still largely fucked up most days of the week as I'm an extreme insomniac (have serious issues getting to bed before 3am) and I'm also a hypersomniac which makes it so much worse. I can sleep 10-12 hours a day and it takes me 2-3 hours after I wake up just to get moving.

I haven't been like this all my life though at one point I was very ambitious and motivated.

But what I would suggest if possible with your job is do not go straight to working 5 days a week. Maybe you can tell them you have aspergers and it takes you some time to adjust to new things? (even if its made up). Or maybe tell them you have a second job that you work 3 days a week and plan on quitting over the next few months?

What I'd really try to do is stick to 2-3 days a week at first. Do that for a few months. Maybe 2 would be good to aim for. Focus on going to bed, waking up, and controlling your drinking the days before you work. If you want to let loose a bit on the weekends go for it. But working 2 days a week so far as been great in getting me back into the swing of things.
Work is not something you should dred unless your job really just sucks. And the job you have sounds pretty cool. It will keep you energetic and active and you'll notice your energy slowly starts to go up over a few weeks. Some days you'll come home and want to do more work at home (chores who knows). Other days you might just be exhausted and then go to bed early so you can wake up early the following day.

But the baby steps concept has been working great for me lately. Its making me realize that I CAN slide into some sort of normal routine and the more weeks that pass by the MORE I want to get involved in doing MORE things and getting myself healthy. The only thing that worries me though is the drinking. Same as what worries me in my case is the opiates. When/if you have a stressful day at work, you may come home and find yourself drinking more than you usually do. Then the following day you wake up with a terrible hangover, go back to bed, and get fired for a no call no show. Thats why I suggest taking it slow. You need to ease both your body and mind into this new type of stress so it can slowly adjust and the stress won't effect you as much. Almost like the idea of tapering off alcohol, taper INto a job.

G/luck and let us know how it goes. I think you will find if you can stick to a routine you will notice your mental and physical health improving all around the boards. Even if its hard as first I just can't explain how good its felt to have gotten back into work even just a couple days a week. I just feel much healthier and optimistic about my life in general. Take care - Bo

 

[bennyZA]

I've been exactly where you are, so, first thing I did was start a hobby that was constructive, not video games or watching movies or porn or whatever. After that I was able to go back to school part time, and that gave me a routine. I started looking forward to being clean and neat every day. After that, I started feeling better. I you may be just straight up unipolar depressed.

 

[Ego Death]

I would also suggest you go to the dentist ASAP. I didn't go to the dentist for a few years and it was not fun. Don't be embarrassed dentists see it all the time and are really only concerned with getting your mouth healthy again. But if you haven't gone in years and haven't been flossing and brushing regularly you will be in that chair for hours listening to a drill. Don't put it off, the longer you wait the worse it can get. If you let it go too long you will develop some level of gum disease and will require periodontal procedures, which I haven't gone through, but my dentist says can be very painful. I just went and got it over with and now I'm back to going every six months and feel a lot better. You can do it!

 

[Deleted member 170540]

When I had a job last time, it ended with me getting psychotic and I got fired because I was acting strangely at work and couldn't handle my responsibilities... I've been on antipsychotics ever since, and I probably have to use them for the rest of my life. The doctors don't seem to understand how great difficulties I'm gonna have when I try to work again.

I really feel lazy as fuck and I don't seem to have a grip on anything... I'm not doing anything constructive, I just watch tv, play video games like Fallout New Vegas(not only kids play games), and drink alcohol... It's going to be difficult for me to wake up early every morning and work for 8 hours a day. My job begins in June, like I said.

EDIT: Yes I'm going to dentist soon...

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Have you considered forming a positive daily routine?

I would try to list things that are things you have to do, and things that are enjoying to do.

For example, you need to... eat breakfast, shower, brush your teeth, and possibly exercise right before lunch time.

I would start off by waking up, having something easy to eat like some yogurt, and some grapes or a banana, with a glass of milk and water. Just enough food so that you gain some energy from doing this (as opposed to being slightly sedated from eating a lot). Then you can brush your teeth, and then jump in the shower. This way, by the time you get out of the shower, you should feel a bit more alert and awake.

Then you can go for a walk outside when your stomach feels up for this, or you can go to the gym if you'd like.

After you do this, you can have a larger meal (lunch, or if you're still in the morning a larger breakfast) - and afterwards you can reward yourself for doing all of these things - I'm not sure what's rewarding to you, but being able to listen to some music and talk to people, or to browse the internet, read, etc. - can be very rewarding for me.

Try to limit how much time you allow yourself to be rewarded so it's a special time - and it's a positive reinforcer so you feel happy enough with this routine to continue doing it.

After a short reward time (1 hour is a nice window IMO), examine what you'll have to do the rest of the day, and go for it.

 

[MyWayIsTheHighWay]

Exercise man! It sounds to me like your just having motivation problems/being lazy. Working out will help with this!

I couldn't agree more, but it is a rough situation to be in. If your not motivated then you dont want to work out, and if you don't work out then you will remain unmotivated.

My suggestion for dealing with this is to set up a specific time to work out, everyday would be ideal, but you could start with every other day or just week days or something to ease you in to the process.

The most important thing is to maintain the routine, at least in my opinion. It doesn't matter how hard you work out or how long you work out as long as you set a minimum time, say 20 min of physical activity a day. Try to do this at the same time everyday to get into the habit.

After a while you should notice that you have more energy and generally feel better. It should also boost your confidence and give you more motivation to continue working out/digging yourself out of the whole you're in.

You will feel much better after you complete your first workout session, or at least after your first week.

The more time that passes with you doing at least 20 min of walking a day the better you will feel. I try to keep up with working out, but I wont lie. I do get most of my exercise pushing my luck.

Good Luck, feel better.

 

[Deleted member 170540]

Some years ago I was still able to do push-ups and other excercise, but now I've gained 20kg more weight(antipsychotics increase appetite and beer contains a lot of calories) and I'm not able to lift my own weight anymore.

I'm an eccentric loner and before I started posting to BL I had no social activity except chatting with other alcoholics in bars. I think BL has helped me a lot in getting a grip again... I had almost forgotten how to behave correctly when meeting people.

 

[CoffeeDrinker]

sounds like you got a lot going for you. Just embrance your life and don't think too much about drugs or identify yourself too harshly as an alcoholic. take care of your body and your job situations and everything should sort itself out unless you have some severe issues that need therapy. In which case get therapy.
I find it's better and more accurate to identify more with what you know you're not, rather than what you think you are, and just be happy you have achieved an uncommon feat by getting such a good job that requires smarts to fill.
I understand aspergers can make someone kinda socially awkward, how else does that affect you?

 

[Asclepius]

Polymath, its great that you are actively seeking out help with your social skills and trying to look after yourself. It is so easy to let ourselves get lost in low energy activities like tv, comp games etc they can be such a distraction and escape(I know). Do try and keep a little excercise going though-you dont have to become a demented gym bunny, just do it to keep your mind alert.
Perhaps start taking short walks at first and build it up gradually.(try and enjoy being out in nature first, going too heavy with excercise can be offputting and lead you back to square one!). Getting fit should also help with the drinking a little, hopefully.
It sounds like your Dad is a big influence on you too, it must be hard not having support from him.

Ive seen how anti-psych's can put the weight on but focus on getting/keeping fit(especially for mental health reasons), rather than losing weight per say. Keep yourself well my friend. Remember most people are wrapped up in themselves and wont notice your flaws as much as you think they do and use your eccentricity to your advantage- there are far too many boring people in the world anyway!
Best of luck to you in your new job, break a leg!
...and let us know how you are getting on.

 

[Deleted member 170540]

First time I seeked therapy was when I was 16 years old and I had so bad social anxiety that I was unable to go to public places like grocery stores alone... Most other kids I met who had AS didn't seem to have that bad a problem. I had always been the most bullied kid in my school and that had probably caused my social anxiety. I was put on SSRIs at that time(12 years ago) and I still use them.

At that age I also got obsessively interested in drugs and I even tried to read university pharmacology texts to know more about drugs, even though I was still in high school.

I don't have a phobia of public places anymore, but like I said, I have sometimes gotten psychotic and I'm quite apathetic and lazy most of the time. I also have quite bad insomnia and if don't take my risperidone, I immediately start staying awake at night and sleeping in daytime.

I'm actually not really fat yet, I weigh 90kg and I'm 180cm tall.

Today I have a sober day, because I don't have any money for alcohol right now... I'm not having any WDs, because I'm not physically dependent on alcohol yet.

 

[Mariposa]

Have you considered forming a positive daily routine?

I would try to list things that are things you have to do, and things that are enjoying to do.

For example, you need to... eat breakfast, shower, brush your teeth, and possibly exercise right before lunch time.

I would start off by waking up, having something easy to eat like some yogurt, and some grapes or a banana, with a glass of milk and water. Just enough food so that you gain some energy from doing this (as opposed to being slightly sedated from eating a lot). Then you can brush your teeth, and then jump in the shower. This way, by the time you get out of the shower, you should feel a bit more alert and awake.

Then you can go for a walk outside when your stomach feels up for this, or you can go to the gym if you'd like.

After you do this, you can have a larger meal (lunch, or if you're still in the morning a larger breakfast) - and afterwards you can reward yourself for doing all of these things - I'm not sure what's rewarding to you, but being able to listen to some music and talk to people, or to browse the internet, read, etc. - can be very rewarding for me.

Try to limit how much time you allow yourself to be rewarded so it's a special time - and it's a positive reinforcer so you feel happy enough with this routine to continue doing it.

After a short reward time (1 hour is a nice window IMO), examine what you'll have to do the rest of the day, and go for it.

This.

Polymath, I don't have the same condition, but going out for a walk ALWAYS makes me feel better. It makes me more vigilant and makes me feel more alive.

Music and talking to friends is cool too.

I don't know of anyone who's had drama from chilling out on a walk (unless one counts stairs) . Exercise is a good thing. Walking is great exercise. I recommend it.

 

[slimvictor]

Have you considered forming a positive daily routine?

I would try to list things that are things you have to do, and things that are enjoying to do.

For example, you need to... eat breakfast, shower, brush your teeth, and possibly exercise right before lunch time.

I would start off by waking up, having something easy to eat like some yogurt, and some grapes or a banana, with a glass of milk and water. Just enough food so that you gain some energy from doing this (as opposed to being slightly sedated from eating a lot). Then you can brush your teeth, and then jump in the shower. This way, by the time you get out of the shower, you should feel a bit more alert and awake.

Then you can go for a walk outside when your stomach feels up for this, or you can go to the gym if you'd like.

After you do this, you can have a larger meal (lunch, or if you're still in the morning a larger breakfast) - and afterwards you can reward yourself for doing all of these things - I'm not sure what's rewarding to you, but being able to listen to some music and talk to people, or to browse the internet, read, etc. - can be very rewarding for me.

Try to limit how much time you allow yourself to be rewarded so it's a special time - and it's a positive reinforcer so you feel happy enough with this routine to continue doing it.

After a short reward time (1 hour is a nice window IMO), examine what you'll have to do the rest of the day, and go for it.

Can't get any better advice that this.

It doesn't matter if you can't lift your weight.
Walking, jogging, bicycling, swimming, lifting weights, yoga, or anything else will help you get more energy, lose weight, gain muscle, sleep better, improve your mental focus, gain purpose, and generally feel better every day.

Might need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps at first, but you will soon feel better and better.

 

[godlovesugly]

sounds like me. im a 25 year old female. i still live with my mom and stepdad. i havent worked in about...uh...4 years? i dont even remember its been so long...

i have major addiction problems. but i also suffer from mental illness - major depression, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, PTSD. i am in the process of applying for social security disability because i cant even do the simple, normal things people can do everyday. such as showering, going to work, even getting out of bed sometimes...

are you going to a psychiatrist at all? do you go to therapy?

my advice would just be, take small steps everyday. and build from there.

 

[Deleted member 170540]

sounds like me. im a 25 year old female. i still live with my mom and stepdad. i havent worked in about...uh...4 years? i dont even remember its been so long...

i have major addiction problems. but i also suffer from mental illness - major depression, anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, PTSD. i am in the process of applying for social security disability because i cant even do the simple, normal things people can do everyday. such as showering, going to work, even getting out of bed sometimes...

are you going to a psychiatrist at all? do you go to therapy?

my advice would just be, take small steps everyday. and build from there.

Yes I'm seeing a psychiatrist once a month, but I'm getting the impression that my problems aren't really taken seriously. Back when I was a minor, the doctors were still really conserned about me because they saw I was at risk of becoming an outcast of society who will never have a job and pay taxes...

If I tried to permanently live on social security, I'd be really poor for the rest of my life, especially because I have to start paying back my student loans in a couple of years.

It's not really impossible for me to get moving if I just have a motivation. Just yesterday I walked about 10 kilometers around town searching trash cans for empty soda bottles and beer cans so I could take them to recycling and get a few coins in exchange... I sometimes do that when I don't have enough money for cigarettes.

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I think I'll try to start doing some exercise every day...

 

[panic in paradise]

SSI is an exhausting haul -
hehe
yeah, thats something that if you do not need, youll soon realize as a lot more work to keep up with then is worth...


just, keep your bounce.
to hops and leaps; to falls and bounds.!

 

[Budisti]

Hey I read a post from you and if i remember correctly you are from Finland; as I am
My daily rythm is fucked aswell so i see what u mean, it will be hard at first to get used to a new rythm but im sure youll get used to it if you just hang in there.
And btw since our countries paper economy is in the gutter you should maybe try to steer/study on hemp wich could be a great new resource of making paper instead of cutting down our beautiful forests. If i remember correctly you can get 4.1 times more paper per acre of hemp then from trees (and 2-3 harvests a year as for trees once in 30years or something).
GL in your work man!

 

[RobbyG]

Routine routine routine.

 

[MrRoot]

Try to start talking to yourself in front of mirror each morning and get through a list what you should do each day. That helped me when I had to start studying after a year of sickness vacation and a surgery. It might sound weird but it works atleast for me

Try getting the most encouraging tone that you can and remember to add today or tomorrow and other very simple timeframes for what you are doing.

Jari Sarasvuo uses the same technique