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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Im i just being paranoid

D

Dont know what to

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 16, 2015
Messages
2
My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 10 years for the past few months i have been noticing a change in him. He will call me an his voice will sound real slurred an slow an i know he is messed up. He keeps lying to me about where he is at an its always with the same person an he sells herion. I know he is the one who got my boufriend addicted to herion i just cant keep him away from him. I have confronted him about before an he went off on me saying i was calling him a herion addict to our 2 boys. I wasnt too happy about it but i let it go. Just yesterday i caught him lying to me again an when he came home his pupils were itty bitty tiny small an was falling asleep i want to find the herion an confront him but dont kbow how to do it. Am i just being paranoid or should i let his family know his aunt dister an several cousins know that he is on it an they keep asking me about it an i dont know what to say to them i dont know what to do. How can i confront him an get him away from the guy he is always around? Can someone offer me some advice on how to do this the right way? I dont want to leave him cause we have 2 children together an i love him to death! I just want him to getbsome help without tripping out on me
 
Honestly, I don't think anyone here can give you a better answer than yourself. You should probably go see a guidance counselor or something of that nature.

The reason is because none of us know him, you or your entire situation as well as you do. But I do have to ask; why are you with someone who is going to blow up when you're just trying to help him? No offense, but from the sounds of it he doesn't seem like a good father figure to your two young boys. Why can't he just man up and quit for you and your kids? If he is on heroin and it sounds like he is addicted to it, then even if you take out the dealer he may simply find a replacement.

From the information given, you should seek help from those family members of his that you described. They care enough to ask, so hopefully they care enough to help. I don't think you should deal with this alone, especially because you have two kids. But be warned that if he is absolutely resistant, then there's nothing you can do. It would be up to him to make the change. Then you have to decide whether this is worth dealing with or not.

Again, seek help from a guidance/drug/family counselor or social services. And also from his family, or even your own if you're comfortable with telling them about this problem. I hope you get this sorted out.

One last thing: if you're afraid of him blowing up, then confront him without the kids being there so that he might feel less defensive. Leave them with relatives for the night or whatever, but only do this if you are sure that your own safety will not be in any danger.
 
This may not be very helpful for you because I myself am addicted (yet if you read my thread you will realize why I'm writing this) to prescribed oxycodone and am now having to go off of them. Many relate heroin to oxycodone or OxyContin saying it has alot of the same effects on people. That I don't know since I've never used heroine not have I ever purchased my meds. My thread is on a forum called the dark side for many reasons but one is due to being a battered woman. To shorten "my story" a bit I had NO idea that my husband before he was in prison for beating me (yet I still took him back) was a heroin addict. The last time he beat me badly and almost killed me was on Thanksgiving of last year. He screamed at me "Don't you get it? I HATE BEING SOBER?!?" I was confused (since he did often steal my meds) by his comment and thought he was referring to that and also that he smoked pot nearly everyday and said he was quitting everything "for me" and he was SO nice for quite a while. After he went to prison I had scary people showing up at my door demanding money and also items saying he owed them because he never payed them for his heroin. A few times when I did confront him about his odd behavior and pinpoint pupils he would become enraged. I'm not saying that the same would hold true for you but rather that it CAN get scary quick when either the person you're with either runs out of it or goes to prison for it and you then have people coming to you for "paybacks" or even if you just merely confront him and he just becomes enraged. Again, not knowing his usual behavior or anything else I'm just placing my opinion especially since you have children. Alls I'm saying is that I was clueless (at least you're not so that could possibly save you) and when my husband ran out I went through 8 hours of hell. Especially when I then asked what exactly he was using which he never said but rather it made him then just "snap". He put me in a small room in my upstairs and came up 3 times asking which way I'd like to die. He shoved his own meds down my throat (again my situation is different since my husband has PTSD and is literally deemed as psychotic), held a knife to my heart and choked me. I then finally almost made it out in which he then grabbed me by my hair and smashed my head onto my kitchen table until I passed out. The next I knew his mouth was on mine and he claimed I should be thankful since he knows how to kill someone due to his military training and bring them back to life. Finally I was able to get a phone and call 911 and thank god they traced the # to my address. Upon him going to prison and then my finding out he was a heavy user for years I then thought well maybe now he will change since he's on parole and has been clean for 6 months. That hasn't been the case yet I can't find any easy way out for numerous reasons. Again I am NOT implying that your boyfriend will get this way but I then noted that nearly every time he beat me he appeared sober. Yours doesn't sound abusive YET but why risk anything at all (even if it's just that he goes to prison for any reason) and then people come after you especially as I said with children in the house. I apologize if you find my response as offensive and you may very well feel like "no, none of that will ever happen to me" yet all in the same an addict can easily going from someone you think you know and love so much to a complete stranger in a split second. I also want to add that someone (a female) who was once my very best friend began using drugs and then began asking for mine. I said I couldn't give mine away and wouldn't and guess what? Years and years of a friendship got destroyed because I said no. She began flipping out on me (even telling me she hoped I would get beaten again by my husband) and it was all over feening for a pain med. I knew her for 15 years and have now not spoken to her per her choice for now over 6 months. I'm just telling you worst case scenarios and I pray that none happen to you. Lots of love<3
 
No wait, I just reread your thread...he's already went off on you. Don't risk it, PLEASE:(. And PLEASE read what I wrote. I don't even have to know you or your full situation at all to tell you that this could very well turn HORRIBLE! Think of YOUR life but especially your kids. What if he goes off on them??? Many of my health conditions now can be blamed on my husband especially my spinal cord ones. IF you feel you MUST stay (and having kids together is not a reason and if he loves you as much as you love him then he would have just stopped hanging out with his "friend" who is NOT his "friend" if he got him hooked but within saying that no one can force someone to use something they don't want to). I kept staying due to "love" yet this last time I was adamant about NEVER taking him back but again as most do he "found God in prison" and changed and would never ever use again or lay a hand on me...all lies and I think he still even uses but knows that it doesn't take that long for heroin to leave his system).....if you feel you MUST stay then my biggest suggestion would be to hold an "intervention" where you have MANY people with you (his family and maybe some of his sober friends as well but much more then just yourself) to protect you because each time he's confronted? He most likely will flip out or maybe something worse. I know I'm repeating myself but think of "my story" and think of your kids and yourself....PLEASE<3<3
 
Dont know what to said:
How can someone confront a person about this without have him blow up
Click to expand...
Agreed. And if you read my story below? That's what could happen and without even knowing this person I am hoping so very much that she takes your advise and mine.
 
Or you could pay some hard-ass rednecks to have a serious talk with that dealer guy. The baseball bat kind of talk that makes him realize he's destroying families for profit. This only works if your SO has no other source easily available, but it surely gets the message through.
Don's get me wrong, I'm a pacifist by heart, but there are exceptions to every rule.

The other possibility is to wait until he sold every item of worth you both own and hits rock bottom. Junkies tend to be quite compliant during this phase, but it's a pitiable view - especially for the kids.
 
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