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I'm going to try and do this.. I think

Slinky Madinky

Slinky Madinky

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Joined
Feb 1, 2013
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38
So I love altering my head and am hedonistic. Not one glass it has to be a bottle! And then I had tramadol but that has dried up. So then I was cwe from tablets that contained codienne - as well as tramadol and vodka. What a lovely buzz those days would be. I felt happy and bright, classless and free:) - it have stopped more because I can no longer obtain the codienne tablets ( New Zealand is pretty strict with this OTC medicine.) - and let's face it. I have responsibilities - being the best I can be. To be honest if anything opiates gave me limitless patience and I feel rudderless with out it. I have had health anxiety in the past but I don't think that has anything to do with me wanting to get out of it. I have had this tendency for years! My doctor has prescribed benzos and anti depressants. I have. Taken the benzos - it's more that I want to*take something*
 
Soorry - I was interrupted - umm - so here is my plan. Im going to try and give the OTC medicines a break. Like for a while. I am curious as to why benzos are so addictive. I am going to try and take them on a 'need to basis' - i have been given them for around 3 years off and on. Fingers crossed - so far i have not found them addictive. I am hesitant to start the anti deppressants. (shurgs) I dont know why - makes me feel sedated and even. Which can be good...it beats the panic. But on the flip side i loose my creativity - zest for ife and libido. I yawn and gain weight. I just want to have a 3 month break and then take it from there. I hope when i wake up in the morning I will be ok - as in, i know as soon as i open my eyes what kind of day it is. ANd yes i probably self medicate but i also like to catch a buzz too. Just putting that out there. Day three = no opiates of any kind. sigh. Wish me luck :-)
 
Sounds like a good idea, codeine can be pretty addictive and for many people (myself included) it's the stepping stone to harder opiates.

As for the benzos, you really don't want to find out why they are so addictive. Benzos are 'everything is ok' in a pill for me at their base level, and when you start trying to come off them many people suddenly find that 24/7 everything very much isn't ok and they are anxious, jittery and worried all the time (without even mentioning the physical side of things).

I do wish you luck, and I think it's commendable that you want to try and get on with your life without anti-depressants. I strongly believe that for most people anti-depressants are no solution and should only be administered in cases whereby they may be a danger to themselves or the depression is becoming unbearable and they need relief. They way they are handed out to people these days I feel that in most cases it's just a cheap/profitable way of fobbing people off who then have to deal with the stress of coming off an anti-depressant as well as their underlying issues at some later date when they want to get themselves straight normally. For many people they remove the highs of life as well as the lows, and for most people I don't think that's what they really want.

Report back with how you are doing if you can, it's always nice to hear how people who have started a thread are progressing.:)
 
Ok - 8 days. Swapping opiates for vodka. I know which is worse for you... But I couldn't go on the way I was. Feeling ok. Just counting down to 3 months opiate free... That's my first goal. Just trying to be focused and busy myself. I was in the kitchen the other day and felt suffocated slightly and sad like I was missing someone. Fingers crossed it doesn't sweep me away. I can resist anything but temptation!
 
Thanks cat in the hat. You've got it in a nutshell. I loathe the lows - but living a sedated life is not attractive either. Thnks for your words of encouragement:)
 
Today I thought i had some more. I ran in hope. But it didnt materialise . Good thing really - day 10 :-)
 
THECATINTHEHAT said:
Sounds like a good idea, codeine can be pretty addictive and for many people (myself included) it's the stepping stone to harder opiates.

As for the benzos, you really don't want to find out why they are so addictive. Benzos are 'everything is ok' in a pill for me at their base level, and when you start trying to come off them many people suddenly find that 24/7 everything very much isn't ok and they are anxious, jittery and worried all the time (without even mentioning the physical side of things).

I do wish you luck, and I think it's commendable that you want to try and get on with your life without anti-depressants. I strongly believe that for most people anti-depressants are no solution and should only be administered in cases whereby they may be a danger to themselves or the depression is becoming unbearable and they need relief. They way they are handed out to people these days I feel that in most cases it's just a cheap/profitable way of fobbing people off who then have to deal with the stress of coming off an anti-depressant as well as their underlying issues at some later date when they want to get themselves straight normally. For many people they remove the highs of life as well as the lows, and for most people I don't think that's what they really want.

Report back with how you are doing if you can, it's always nice to hear how people who have started a thread are progressing.:)
Click to expand...

Ace post. I echo it. I stupidly went on antidepressants (even though I'm aware of the issues n the way pharmaceuticals make money out of them. But I was in the grip of addiction n of that mindset - "I just want to take something that alters my emotions n stops the intenseness of them." I think that doctors are often unprofessional by giving out antidepressants to addictive n should be aware of addict-mindset.

Two years coming this October I am still on them, tried coming off them n the mood swings, not to mention the hortid electrical feelings through my head, were dreadful. So I feel that you're making the right decision by not going on them, honestly I do ( however, that's just my personal opinion n should not go before a medical one).

Wishing all the very best in your recovery. Please keep posting n letting us know how you're getting on.

Evey
 
If your substituting vodka for opioids your probably Fu¢k€D by now. Temptation will always be there so if you cant resist it now, wait until day 90 comes around and your receptors are all clean. Thats when it counts. Quiting is easy, staying off is the real hard part. Im not praying bad juju on you or anything. Im just saying that i have been down that road time and time again. Its like walking down a street with a hole. You might fall in a few times but hopefully you can finish your walk in peace and not get all damn muddy from falling down.
 
So did or did you not start with an anti depressant allready?
They are no miracle pill (the fist weeks can be pretty dissapointing compared to the instant effect a benzo gives you) and it can take years to find one that fits you right.
They all have their benefits just like they have side effects that vary in intensity.

So you are quiting benzo's, how? Cold turkey? Taper?
In both cases its dangerous and can be life threatening, you should see a doctor!!
The fact you are now drinking wodka kind of breaks my heart, i know the destructive part of alcoholism, and if you are really compensating for the benzo's and are drinking through withdrawl loosing controle is a serious danger.
Benzo withdrawl + alcoholism is very dangerous.
And if in fact, you are also taking an antidepressant (wich one??) not only the effects of the medicine will be badly influenced because of the alcohol, that only adds to the danger.
Withdrawl + alcoholism + antiddepressants = no joke my friend.

I can only hope you dehydrate and eat much foods because you are harming yourself if this is taking place right now.
And kicking the alcohol later on is a bitch too, don't take it lightly.

I urge you to seek professional help with all this, so you can quit the benzo's safely, will not drink, and get observed wheter the antidepressants do their job or not.

Have a safe trip my friend and much strenght to you <3



And about the antidepressants: some suck for shure (in my case prozac, wellbutrin) but ive found my lifesaver, venlafaxine.
Sure, some side effects bother me from time to time, but they are a walk in the park on a sunny day compared to the suicidal depression, panick attacks and the loniness and addiction that came along with it.
Choose wisely, and perhaps you could write down the + and - of on or off the medicine.
 
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Thanks for your words - I am so...touched that people take time out of their day to sit and write to me. I woke up this morning and thought 'oh - I am nerouvs. WHy am i nervous?' And my brain jumped to the part that always makes me its slave. Health anxiety. So I started googling about colon cancer - why do i do this?!?!? This lead me to another benzo. They are so easy to take. Im trying to be totally honest here and not - like i have with all people in my life - gloss over the truth. So i am sitting here nursing a vodka and trying not to Google. Health anxiety - its the reason I drink and the reason i was given benzos and the reason the doctors give me venlfaxine? I am yet to take it. If i can struggle through a few tough days instead of months of numb sedating then thats the toss up I guess. Um - i know vodka is bad,over if i didnt have responsbilities in the morning I would have it with my coffee. Its a government given sedative. It causes untold health problems and its a taxable drug. Its so avaliable though. And Like i said - i can resist anything but temptation. I took a benzo the other night because we were awoken by an earth quake (It happens a fair bit here in NZ). But then i couldnt get back to sleep. Its like i couldnt accept that a night of not sleeping isnt the end of the world so i popped two benzos instead. I have a question to -123recpetor key - what do you mean If your substituting vodka for opioids your probably Fu¢k€D by now. Temptation will always be there so if you cant resist it now, wait until day 90 comes around and your receptors are all clean. - What i am after is a medication vacation. That means by three months time I can have a stint at cwe and hopefully some tramadol. Will alcohol effect my three month medication vacation? WIll it alter my buzz after three months because i have been drinking vodka? Its hard to try and stay straight. At five at night i pour myself a big glass of vodka and its like i can breathe again. To recap - I havent started the anti depressants. I think imight. BUt i dont want to. Im not gobbling the benzos like candy but can see it heading that way. I was aiming for a three month medication vacation to feel the full effects of codiene and tramadol like I used to. The mind is a monkey. I cant control it but i can try and stun it.
 
Sorry i am the confused one...i was under the umpression you were trying to kick it and quit entirely. In three months you should be back to normal and would most likely get high again if you choose. I was just under the impression that all those pills were stressing you out. Im going through a vacation too. A miserable one at that. Mt goals are dufferent than your thoygh because im not planning on coning back. And now im going to get off this soap bix and vapirize some blue dream dank. I dont cinsider the plant as interference with my vacation from opioids and benzodiazapines.
 
@ slinky madinky

If you choose to follw this path of course its your right and all, but if you want to break free of the cycle that makes you this anxious and chase highs, getting sober completely could be a real eye opener :)

Im high on life right now, and the rush i get is from waking up sober and feel like the new day is a gift, it feels wonderfull.
You can do that too!

I wish you all the best.

PS. do you practise any kind of sports?

Endorfins feel pretty good too, and its healthy :D
 
Dont worry 123 RK - my post has been very confusing! I never mentioned that it was a 3 month medication vacation. You see Im used to glossing over things and not being open. That said - most people will tell you I am extremely open - just not with myself! I wish you luck on your journey. I understand that destination sober- land can be really miserable. One day at a time and all that. I plod ahead with my head down. There are probably countless studies on people like us who dream of an altered state. Its like a holiday in our head. Anyway - a benzo a day makes me sleep all day and get nothing done. Good luck:)
 
NJrem- Venlafxne is the one that the doctor has given to me. I am glad it worked for you. i tend to go to the doctors, say how I am feeling then they give me all types of benzos (depending on the doctor it can be lorezapam or clonozepam or diazepam - all have that same sedating numb effect.) Follwed by a three month script of anti depressants - that i dont take! I did two years ago for a while and it def helped (prozac) but then i piled the weight on so vanity put an end to that. As for the vodka ... its just a transition phase. Once i am over my medication vacation I intend to slow down. I got given 3 large bottles of vodka, midori and scotch. The timing couldnt be better/worse.
 
@NJirem - sports....um. Well i do aqua areobics twice a week. Other than that nada. I hate walking as my head goes round in circles. I tried no drinking for a record 2 weeks and what a bore that was! Thanks for your words:-)
 
jogging is a perfect mindfullness practise for me. 4 steps breathing in, 4 steps breathing out. Take it slow from the start and speed up if you feel comfortable. After 15 minutes or so the only thing i notice are my breathing on the rithym of my footsteps, once the chills start running down my spine i always start to smile and feel great.

The wodka can be a transition phase right now, no doubt, but after a while your body will protest when you try to taper or quit, thats the physical addiction wich can break you even though you dont want to when you rationalise it.
If you actually follow through on drinking wodka dayly for the next three months, that could be enough to make you an alcoholic.
That mean you could get sick after 8 to 24 hours after your last drink.
That can include tremor, flu like symptoms, sweating, insomnia, derealisation up to tachyardia and seizures.
Once you reach that point, the only sollution will be to drink or to stop drinking under supervision of a medical team.

I dont want you to reach that point because then you will go through a very hard time.
Id flush the wodka if i were you...


We have an emotional and a rational spirit, wich should be in balance so you achieve a wise spirit.
Ik think right now you are on the rational side (its just temporary, ill quit after 3 months) but when you are there the emotional spirit takes over (is hate being sober, i cant stand this boredom).

Find out if you are really acting wise right now.
 
Four weeks and my 'medication vacation' is going ok. I'm counting down the days til three months. I reckon my tolerance will be low by then:)
 
.....And i made it to the day after the last post. i could do four weeks and then bang - back on the opiate train. With a few days break in between. 1 month is pretty good going. I dont think i could do that again.
 
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