I have been jobless for quite a while, so when I had the opportunity to sold my most precious thing I did it. To show to my family that I had a job, I bought a red BMW M Sport, which left me with only a thousand dollars or so. I was "inside" the family again, at least for a week; I regained sympathetic relationships with my mom, both my grandmothers, and specially my dad; he was so happy, proud of me, so nice with me, that I can't forget it; he was my best friend again.
But, as all lies, it was found out that something strange was going with me because I wasn't going to work, I didn't pay the rent or helped with the electricity or phone tax, and my grandmother found out some strange papers about me.
Now, thanks for your time, but all the first paragraph has been a deception of my mind in a vivid/lucid night terror which lasted about 3 or 4 hours. I woke up in a desperate state, thinking what to do; I kept thinking about it more than a hour, deeply thinking about the situation, which it wasn't too clear for me, specially, how the hell I bought the car.
It felt almost like an "after seizure", which it totally could have been, when you are awakening from it, and are unable to put things in order. My mind wandered from "what did I sell that worth a BMW?", "isn't my dad and grandmother dead?", to finally "did all this really happened?"
I don't know what is happening with me; one thing are the classic horrible withdrawals I'm experienced with, and another is this. I feel like going mental, like something is not working properly in my head, specially when I sleep, always when I sleep.
What I am going through is madness. I have been 2 or 3 days without benzos, but yesterday just had 225mg of Pregabalin (Lyrica) which at least should keep me "sane", preventing seizures, for at least a night. I also have been off Venlafaxine(Effexor) for 24 hours, which I replaced it for a day with a small dose of Sertraline(Zoloft) as it says in the swapping antidepressant treatment I usually follows. I never had any problem, in fact, I felt so well the times I needed to switch to Sertraline because I ran out of Venlafaxine, that I thought of saying to my doctor to change it.
So, I don't know the why nor the what happened really. I don't feel depressive right now, I feel anxious and still a little scared because all the dream situation was so impregnated in my mind. What should I do? the Neurologist I have been only found out I had mixed Neuropathy. The Psychiatrist, that I have Major Depressive Disorder. That's it; but I feel I'm going mental.
But, as all lies, it was found out that something strange was going with me because I wasn't going to work, I didn't pay the rent or helped with the electricity or phone tax, and my grandmother found out some strange papers about me.
Now, thanks for your time, but all the first paragraph has been a deception of my mind in a vivid/lucid night terror which lasted about 3 or 4 hours. I woke up in a desperate state, thinking what to do; I kept thinking about it more than a hour, deeply thinking about the situation, which it wasn't too clear for me, specially, how the hell I bought the car.
It felt almost like an "after seizure", which it totally could have been, when you are awakening from it, and are unable to put things in order. My mind wandered from "what did I sell that worth a BMW?", "isn't my dad and grandmother dead?", to finally "did all this really happened?"
I don't know what is happening with me; one thing are the classic horrible withdrawals I'm experienced with, and another is this. I feel like going mental, like something is not working properly in my head, specially when I sleep, always when I sleep.
What I am going through is madness. I have been 2 or 3 days without benzos, but yesterday just had 225mg of Pregabalin (Lyrica) which at least should keep me "sane", preventing seizures, for at least a night. I also have been off Venlafaxine(Effexor) for 24 hours, which I replaced it for a day with a small dose of Sertraline(Zoloft) as it says in the swapping antidepressant treatment I usually follows. I never had any problem, in fact, I felt so well the times I needed to switch to Sertraline because I ran out of Venlafaxine, that I thought of saying to my doctor to change it.
So, I don't know the why nor the what happened really. I don't feel depressive right now, I feel anxious and still a little scared because all the dream situation was so impregnated in my mind. What should I do? the Neurologist I have been only found out I had mixed Neuropathy. The Psychiatrist, that I have Major Depressive Disorder. That's it; but I feel I'm going mental.
