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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Im done with you.

M

McDoogle

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 4, 2010
Messages
21
Ive had a wakeup call.

I am twenty one, just turned recently.

When i was 18,19.. I had gotton into drinking whisky, and a lot of it.. Never had any problems with it, until recently I have been getting into trouble. Been to jail two times because of it, and still yet, I drink.

I went 1 year, from 20-21 without touching whisky once because I know I can get out of hand when on it, and my god do I love the warmth, the burn, from drinking whisky, it is ungodly, I love it.

Yesterday I took a walk through the woods, watched the deer, and than made my way to walk to the local liquor store, I bought a fifth of Ancient Age kentucky straight whisky. I went from a great buzz, I figured ( im 5'11 about 160 ) since I had aten like three Whopper Jrs about an hour earlier, I could drink a bit heavier without getting to drunk... boy was I wrong. I started around 4pm and went from being a happy go lucky,I mowed the lawn, edged the sidewalks, and trimmed some trees within a few hours.. and I continued drinking. I started playing some online games, until I was kicked out of my group because they said I was too drunk and not playing good enough, so that seemed to me like a sign.. time to go to bed. So I went to bed, or so I thought...

I guess my sister brought my mother home, and were going to leave my niece here for the night to be babysat, well.. I guess I came out of the room drunk and she decided to not leave my niece here, good thing. All I know is when I woke up there was a few blood droplets on the floor, scattering from the kitchen to the half-bath, and on the bathroom door.

I was told by my mother this morning I had thrown a small dish plate at her and it struck her near her olyptical bone, undernear the eye.

I have never done anything like this in my life, I dont know what happened. I cant even remember it. I am so ashamed. She's not even here to live, shes only watching my fathers house while he is in jail. She has sent me to jail two times previously for drinking to much, and I have no idea why I havent been sent this time, possibly because the last time I assaulted two police officers and If i get in trouble again I will face two years in prison.

I really wish she would have, because I am so unhappy with myself. I told her while she is in this home, I will never touch another drink. Period. And I WILL stand by it. I assaulted my own blood under the influence of the drink, and I hadent a clue. I woke up like WTF. I went to bed, and now the house is a mess, and theres blood on the floor. It couldent have been any stranger.

I almost want to run away. This is obscene, I went upstairs into my sisters old room where she is staying, and I told her while she is here, I will never touch another drop of alcohol, and I am so sorry, but that will never be enough. She will never forget that, and neither will I. I am sorry Alcohol, but you are no longer my friend. Goodbye.
 
@MCDoogle Thats scary! QUIT QUIT QUIT!!! It will only get worse, this will ruin your (and everyones life who's close to you) life. I wont go too much into it ,but my Partner has destroyed so much of his Family's trust-the damage snowballs until you finish with Alcohol. Hes been in and out of Prison, Psychiatric Hospitals, General Hospitals and lost his only Daughter who was put up for Adoption without his consent(and who is now dating an Alcoholic and has a turbulent troubling relationship with him ).
He is now in his late Forties, (started drinking at Twelve but became fully Addicted at Eighteen) and now that he is getting better slowly but he is faced with all the Physical and Mental damage he has done to himself by Abusing Alcohol and Meds all these years and has to face all the Damage and hurt he's caused to his Family- cant begin to Explain how difficult it is for him, Ive seen him OD, and Seriously break down, Relapse and struggle because of the guilt he carries and its basically down to Alcoholism.
He had gone through some Trauma as a kid relating to his brother who had was an Addict and died/commited Suicide in jail. He fought with him before he killed himself and never got a chance to make up with him before he died . My partner soon after went to the same Prison and was cruelly taunted by Guards and some Inmates about his Brother who killed himself(Guards put him in the same cell where his Brother died on purpose, and made constand jokes about putting him on suicide watch etc etc:X). Also, (just a good few years before being incarcerated-a teacher at his school bullied and taunted him cruelly for years.) All these injustices he drank on. But it took him over 28years to recover from this because the Alcohol stunted his Emotional growth and he became bitter and used these things as an excuse to abuse himself and drink for 28yrs instead of dealing with his pain and getting on with a healthy life to spite those f@?K*!! What a waste!:(
I dont say this lightly to scaremonger you or anyone else but, although i try to be an open minded person in most respects, I have seen first-hand the results from this kinda situation ;where people black out from drink and act violently or abusively when it's completely outta character for them - this is a Major warning sign as you already know and said yourself. I cant stress enough how this will escalate unless you receive help. Dont ever underestimate what its done/is doing/will do to you, it will suck everything good from your life and punish you in the process.
Take Care of yourself, and dont dwell on what happened but dont forget it either and PLEASE look for professional help/Therapy/groups etc.<3
 
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It sounds like you are making a very smart decision. There are lots of great people here that can listen and support you along the way, so keep us posted on how you are doing :)
 
Yea, thanks for the post Asclepius, I know how it may seem but It was never enough when I ended up hurting myself from abuse of alcohol, but when It comes to hurting others that is the bottom line for me. I've gotton into fight, gotton stiches, gaven stiches, lost money phones, crashed cars, but as I said.. Rock Bottom.

I guess you gatta go through the dark to see the light, Im glad I walked that route, and Im walking in the right direction now hopefully.
 
^ Like I said before MAC, dont want to seem like i'm forcing my opinion on you, or just coming over all Apocalyptic, but I have no doubt in my own mind that things will get worse for you, if, you dont intervene in your own life and get some outside help(especially as your in your early twenties and by law an Adult). Whatever about the cycles of drunk>crazy>jail>drunk>crazy>jail when your a Teen/Early Twenties; the Empathy of Relations, Friends and Society toward you as you get older will Wane and Diminish, until you are completely Alone(or stuck only with people supporting you in your destructive cycles)- this is the reality and I would hate for that to happen to you. A.A. would be a fruitious, first port-of-call, along with a trip to your G.P. to check your Physical and Mental Condition. Dont know how you feel about this suggestion but I really hope you take care of yourself. When it comes to any '-ism's', what seems like 'Rock bottom' now can sometimes be quickly forgotten and your straight back to where your started again, so having some disciplinary group to keep you real and therefore help keep you in the better direction can be invaluable to keep your head above water. Wish you the best, and really hope you do whats right for yourself! Keep posting!;)<3
 
I'm always amazed that of all the drugs they could legalize they chose alcohol! I always think that people who go on and on about how much they love alcohol have never tried opiates.

But I'm being a hypocrite, I drank way too much for most of my twenties, I don't regret it because I learned from it but I can't have more than a drink at a time these days. It didn't take much will power because I just got literally sick of waking up shaking with a panic attack and a headache and feeling like I'm about to throw up....

I deliberately went to opiates because even when dependent on them they were much nicer to my system.

I fully support your decision to quit and hope you stick to it, it's even harder at your age because so much of your social life at that age often revolves around alcohol. Hell alcohol is everywhere and I just don't get the appeal anymore, I used to love it but I just think of that as lack of experience.

I hope you stick to your decision, I think it's better to smoke weed if you have to take something.

I will credit alcohol for giving me a sex life when I didn't have one in my early twenties, outside of that I think it's just a crappy drug.
 
dude your story sounds sooo much like mine!! I dont feel comfortable enough to tell mine yet! I have been gettting alot of help and would love to have a convo with you at some point!
 
You can tell yourself you are done with alcohol, but you will drink again. I guarantee it. You need help from outside of yourself.
 
man he doesn't need to hear that AA propaganda. he's not powerless. he's already made the decision to not drink around his family and whenever he thinks about what he has done, that will influence him not to drink.

same reason i have stayed away from opiates. i've put my family through so much in the past that i feel like i'm just draining away all their energy when i'm feeling so shitty around them. i feel like its time for me to start taking care of my family and its been pretty fuckin easy to stay away from dope just thinkin about that.
 
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