IM DMT- Experienced - remembering what I once has.

[LordKrishna]

I wrote this in the ketamine thread in the PD forum. (yeah somehow it drifts in and out of DPT/ketamine and twinkles of DMT every now and then).

I was original going to show how bad ass I am and boast about IVing DMT and blah blah blah. but that would serve no-one any good. so I reached down and honestly thought about the last year and where I have come from and where I'm at now. I'm not happy today, haven't been in awhile. It is due to me.. I don't know, maybe forgetting? not believing in the fairy tail magic I once did? maybe my attitude to be the biggest baddest junkie is what started to corrode my soul, I don't know when it was, but at some point I changed. I became hard, plastic, cold, bitter, scared very scared.

But I wrote this none the less, thinking back on my memories of IMing DMT. I don't know how much magic is left in me, but it once was like this. I feel torn as I wrote this. I felt as if I am not good enough anymore for something so special and pure as what the message I received was, the conclusions I made the events which took/TAKE place. principles over personality? even if the principles are my own as well as the personality? I don't know, I sometimes have glimpses, but not like what I once had. Before I went to treatment someone on here commented to me, that I was once a guy he respected who had a wonderful message but turned into a junkie loser of dis-honest and harmful information. damn, who have I become, is there anyway to go back?

enough of my TDS bullshit, here is the report.

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a nice 15min come up to settle in and get comfortable. It starts with a body feeling, that wonderful CLEAN PURE tryptamine physical euphoria, your eyes star to dilate and and you find a grin reaching ear to ear forming. You then start to notice the surrounding becoming more and more vibrant, rainbow colors seem to outline everything. You head begins to drift into a mode of un-thought, just relax and experience as kaleidescope visions of geometric patterns emerge out of the landscape. You begin to think to your self, is this true? am I truly experiencing something so divine? the experience is now somewhere around 15min and you KNOW that it is real, that everything is connected by the energy which created it and that energy is what those who have experience this state attribute towards LOVE. Its the power which connects you to your parents, to your friends, to nature, to nurture, then you realize it goes even deeper then connections on a physical plane, it goes deep into the ocean of thought, where the waters are still in the abyss all the way up to your hectic life which is the turbulent surface. now it is about 25min alter and you are starting to drift back down, but the feeling is still there, the intuition gained from the accumulation of everything you just realized, at first you might think, was that the dissolution of the ego? NO, couldn't be. It was true ego realized. You now know that in time of adversity, time of trouble, when you find obstacles in your life that everything is OK, it there for you to enjoy the entire ride of this turbulent sea, the abyss is still there, calm and un-changing. Now set your sails, its time to return.....

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WTF has happen to me...

 

[swilow]

WTF has happen to me...

You may have temproarily lost your oars, but no doubt you'll find em again. From my perspective, you seem more lucid and with it.

damn, who have I become, is there anyway to go back

Nope, forwards is the only option. Onwards and upwards as they say! Don't feel bad about anything, theres just not enough time. You have another chance (and guess what??-you'll keep getting chances if you love yourself ) to make your life whatever you want starting from whichever now you choose. Maybe in a week, maybe a minute, maybe ten years but you'll find the moment of now and then journey with it into the sunset like a proud cowboy

You'll be okay.

 

[swilow]

You now know that in time of adversity, time of trouble, when you find obstacles in your life that everything is OK, it there for you to enjoy the entire ride of this turbulent sea, the abyss is still there, calm and un-changing. Now set your sails, its time to return.....

Re-read that bit, its powerful man.

 

[Delsyd]

Swillow said it better than i ever could have.

go on and be whatever it is you want to be.