I'm breaking up with you RCs. It's over. It's not you, it's me.

[Dedbeet]

I finally got some sleep and I feel somewhat better now than I did 48 hours ago, although I'm still in a lot of pain and am getting weird symptoms like my limbs going numb and feeling like the circulation is being cut off at random. :/ Also, mentally I'm burnt to a toast like I've never felt. The best way I can think to describe it is that I'm kind of "not all there" anymore, but hopefully in time this will go away. Who knows with RCs though.

I know that feeling too, fwiw... even like 3-4 days after the end of a MDPV binge it's like my voice sounds kind of at a distance when I talk and there's a disconnected, burned out feeling. I think it will all go back to normal, just a matter of brain chemistry being thrown off for a while.

P.S. watch out for the substance abuse treatment, IME it's overhyped and more to make society feel better about a drug addict, than helping a drug addict stay away from drugs. They don't really "treat" anything and you will still have your own decision (& nothing but) between you and the substances when it's over.

If you just hang in there awhile, they're currently at work scheduling/banning MDPV and mephedrone in the U.S. anyway and availability is bound to plunge by itself.

 

[roller4ever]

I know that feeling too, fwiw... even like 3-4 days after the end of a MDPV binge it's like my voice sounds kind of at a distance when I talk and there's a disconnected, burned out feeling. I think it will all go back to normal, just a matter of brain chemistry being thrown off for a while.

P.S. watch out for the substance abuse treatment, IME it's overhyped and more to make society feel better about a drug addict, than helping a drug addict stay away from drugs. They don't really "treat" anything and you will still have your own decision (& nothing but) between you and the substances when it's over.

If you just hang in there awhile, they're currently at work scheduling/banning MDPV and mephedrone in the U.S. anyway and availability is bound to plunge by itself.

I failed.

I hate myself for it. If you look a few posts above you'll see that I said I had 600mg of Mephedrone coming and 1 gram of 2-CE coming, and that the true test would be to see if I could get rid of them without a second thought. Well, I got it today and I couldn't do it. The one guy was right, the guy who said that eventually the cravings will come back. A few days ago I started feeling pretty much back to normal, and I started craving getting high all the time again, despite the reminder of the pain and infection that has just started to fade. I had every intention of dumping it, but instead tonight I found myself with a needle in my arm, shooting up into my still sore and healing veins. I got rid of all of my needles, but I got one from somewhere because I just had to have it. I crave getting high, but now I crave the needle too. It's all that Mephedrone's fault. I was clean for 1 week and then it showed up. I thought I would be able to handle dumping it myself but I just couldn't do it.

To whoever reads this thread, don't take my experience lightly. Heed the warnings. The message still stands. RC's are very addictive and still very dangerous. You can see how dangerous it can be when it gets into the hands of somebody like myself.They command that you treat them with caution. A little caution and respect goes a long way. Just because they're legal doesn't mean that they're not addictive or dangerous, especially when nobody knows what the long term effects are from continued use.

I just happen to have a problem and I just don't learn, which is extremely apparent now. I thought that I could just stop, but apparently I can't. What makes it worse is that I know it's not a physical addiction, it's a psychological one. It's all in my head. I can beat it if I want, I just have to find a way to get over the cravings and fiending.

So here I sit, high off my ass. Again. NOW I'm an idiot. I know. I'm ashamed. I wasn't going to say anything but I'm sure there are plenty of people here that have backslid after they vowed to get clean. That's the only reason why I'm sharing what happened. I know I'm going to hate myself for sharing this later, as I'm making a total asshole out of myself but right now I don't care. I'm sure I'm among people who understand and have been there.
Also, sharing my backslide reinforces my warning that just because RCs are legal doesn't mean that they're not addictive.


Not that it matters to people on the internet what I do, as I'm sure everyone here has there own problems. I just needed to vent.

If it matters, for what it's worth I took the proper precautions to ensure that what happened last time wouldn't happen again this time. I'm blazed again, but this time I'm thinking clearly and I'm not compulsively redosing or any of that nonsense and I'm still on heavy antibiotics so I don't have to worry about the infection, as at this point it's almost completely healed. My arms are still just sore and a little swollen and my veins are still hard, but that's just probably scar tissue. By the way, that last incident must have gave me a hell of a tolerance because the effects aren't lasting that long. I've never tried Mephedrone, but I must have a tolerance from the Methylone. Funny enough, I'm getting some of the same effects that I do with MDPV which is strange. I'm getting the loss of muscle coordination/paralasys that I do with MDPV and I never get that with Methylone. So far, I don't like Mephedrone. It feels weak. It pales in comparison to my Methylone, or it may just be that tolerance that I'm not getting the full effect. I didn't IV it all. Some I IVed just to get my fix and the rest I took oral.

Honestly, the only way I think I'll ever get away from this is if it's banned as it's clear that I have a problem. But even then, at this point I'd probably go to illegal means to get it. So, I'm hoping they don't ban RCs. There are plenty of people that deserve and are able to enjoy them responsibly, I'm just not one of them.

I'm sad and I hate myself for it, but I as the saying goes "If you fall get back up again". I realize that this isn't the end of the world. I just have to start over. I have 1 gram of 2-CE coming and that's the last of it so now that I know I can't handle it to get rid of stuff myself, maybe I can get somebody to get rid of it for me before I have a chance to get a hold of it. Then I just have to keep myself from buying more. I already need to sell my television to pay for what I used already and haven't paid for. Next I'm going to have to sell my 360.

I think I'm going to take a walk. I need to clear my head.

 

[RobotRipping]

^- no reason to hate yourself or beat yourself up. Addiction isn't as simple as making a decision to stop. It's not like you're starting again from scratch, you've made progress.

As for that gram of 2c-e, you can send it to me. Despite your compulsions, drugs will always be around and tempting. If you can't get rid of the 2c-e, try to use it to help yourself rather than to escape, a gram can last a very long time if you use it wisely.

There's some reason you want to use drugs, figure out what it is and see if there is a way you can resolve some of the ideas that bring you to using drugs compulsively. In any case, it's not fun to quit drugs, it's boring and terrible, but you can't experience those amazing highs without some pretty big lows.

Keep working at it, you'll eventually get back to baseline and you'll have some fun memories of when things were a lot more fucked up.

 

[RedBaron]

Roller, sorry to hear that you couldn't stick to your plan. I'd probably do the same thing haha.

*Watch those veins though! Maybe try an unused vein, or just go orally/nasally for a little until the damage is gone. If your veins aren't fully healed, you could do some pretty nasty damage to your arm if you collapse veins, and you're at higher risk when you shoot into a hardened, healing vein.

 

[Mr-Tambourine-Man]

Wanting to want sobriety is the most miserable place on earth but recovery is awesome when you can find your way there, or be dragged kicking and screaming (as was the case with me). I'm touched by your story. The obsession goes away in time, but time is relative in the world of an addict. Never stop trying. Edison said I've never failed, I've only succesfully found 9,999 ways that do not work.

 

[vortex30]

I just want to say that I feel for your situation and totally understand the relapse, but you can't beat yourself up over it! I was quite addicted to Mephedrone, I used it for 1.25 years, at least once a week for almost all of that time. I would binge and stay up anywhere from 24-72+ hours, my longest binge being 98 hours on MDPV and Mephedrone. New Years 2010 I was supposed to be DONE! Just like you in your first and second post I was very optimistic, I was 3 weeks in and feeling great! And then I slipped...And binged for 2 days. I was a bit disappointed but honestly, it still felt amazing regardless. It took me until May 13th, 2010 to officially be done with Mephedrone. I'm at the stage where some friends actually brought up the fact that they are ordering bath salts from the US and I told them to never talk to me about Mephedrone again...The sad thing is I got all of these people into it and was selling it in the first place...

So anyways, woohoo, 2 more months and I've got a year. But wait, late November I decided I wanted to try smoking MDPV...This was the biggest set back of my life. 2 seperate binges, poor chasing technique which led to plenty of combusted MDPV and a very, very upset body (lung, heart, kidneys), and a disappointed mind. I felt so terribly stupid. I dropped 3 of my uni courses because I was in no state to complete the end of term work and exams. I only took two courses this semester and honestly, 4 months later, it still feels like I'm recovering. My joints are cracky/arthritec feeling (which came on after the second binge), tired all the time, etc.

But now I'm pretty much 4 months clean of MDPV and all RCs, the time actually flew by, I don't even THINK about the fact that I'm 'off' Meph or MDPV anymore, there's simply NO desire now (and I'm sure you will get to this point too). I wish I could say on May 13th, 2011 that I was a year off RCs, that was the plan, but I can't, I fucked up. We all do, and I just want you to know that I for one am not disappointed at all or anything like that, I'm actually proud that you were honest about relapsing, that takes guts (even on the internet), I know I've covered up the fact even on this forum, where I've only actually met 1 person IRL. You weren't quite ready, but I know that soon you will be fed up with it all, and probably, like me, scared SHITLESS for what possible damage you've done to yourself in the long-term. Unfortunately it was only that fear which eventually led to me stopping completely now...I hope that somehow this helps you man! Good luck!

PS - Mephedrone DOES have a shorter duration and is less potent than Methylone. It is also nothing special to IV. Snort fat lines of the stuff to feel like a boss. 250-300mg oral + 100-150mg nasal on the come up was my sweet spot when I had brutal tolerance. I was getting it very, very cheap (pre-UK ban, solid connections in the UK), so this made things even worse, it was hard for me to justify quitting based on just how little it cost!

 

[BananasAndOranges]

Holy fucking shit this almost made me cry. I really hope you stop and get clean. It is probably staph it happens when you shoot dirty chems......be careful man christ this is upsettting as fuck to look at

 

[mgmt&mdma]

im too high to read the entire post, but i read the title and saw that pictures and just wanna say

HELL YEA IM PROUD OF YOU.

 

[AlkaloidsEye]

Much respect for starting the process. It can take a few or more tries to get things mostly settled, but you are aware and working at it. That is great news. We all end up hitting a wall or 10 dealing with addictive behavioral patterns, so just keep paying attention and when you are ready it will become much easier.

take care and keep us updated if you would please

 

[comatoserct]

my heart goes out for you, brother
addiction is quite a battle, but it's definitely possible

 

[PaulyPointz]

hey man, I've been having a real problem iving PV salt like Infinity and Meph. It's getting really bad, to the point I was an hour late to work yesterday because I kept stopping on the way to shoot meph in gas station's restrooms, than I'd rush and fiend and stop at another place, and on and on. By the time I got to work my hand had a bump on it from a miss and I was saucer eyed. Not a good look. Thinking of going to rehab before I do something stupid while high. I do shots of I'd say 30% pure bathsalt that send me into a straight psychosis for the duration of the high.

 

[Dedbeet]

hey man, I've been having a real problem iving PV salt like Infinity and Meph. It's getting really bad, to the point I was an hour late to work yesterday because I kept stopping on the way to shoot meph in gas station's restrooms, than I'd rush and fiend and stop at another place, and on and on. By the time I got to work my hand had a bump on it from a miss and I was saucer eyed. Not a good look. Thinking of going to rehab before I do something stupid while high. I do shots of I'd say 30% pure bathsalt that send me into a straight psychosis for the duration of the high.

That's frickin' trouble, man, not being able to lay off long enough to get to work.

Rehab might help, but also meph is soon to be schedule-1'd/banned in the U.S., which will decrease availability & jack up the risks of buying it through the mail... then again, if unable to lay off long enough to get to work, what's illegality gonna do?

 

[PaulyPointz]

I truly think that if I couldn't get pv and meph at the headshop, I'd have the impulse control not to order it. Something about having the craving and money and being able to cop at a moment's notice. Buying a 250mg jar of Infinity and squirting 100 units of water directly into it, throwing in a q-tip cotton, pulling up 50 Units out of the resultant mush, poking in my bruised old faithful vein, registering the blossoming rose, and slowly pushing in the amber liquid. The taste feels my mouth and the PV PANIC sets in and I gotta I gotta I gotta RUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!Back to the headshop for one more jar!

 

[Dedbeet]

I truly think that if I couldn't get pv and meph at the headshop, I'd have the impulse control not to order it.

Ditto with me/MDPV -- if it's banned/scheduled in the U.S., I think I would never order it again. Have only put up with the moreishness, bingeyness and relatively limited euphoria because it's cheap, pure and legal.

The taste feels my mouth and the PV PANIC sets in and I gotta I gotta I gotta RUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!Back to the headshop for one more jar!

LOL... that's MDPV for ya, in a nutshell. "Oh shit, I got PV anxiety and jitters... think I'll use the excess energy to take another hit" .

 

[Javida]

Invested

Many people have posted and talked to you about your topic. I am sure there are many, like me, who were lurking around.

Whether we replied or lurked, we are invested in you and your story/struggle now. There are people here who do care. And I am most sure that here (BL) of all places, you are not being judged.

With all that being said, please let us know how you are doing, both with your struggle and in general.

 

[ronthedon]

i think its unrealistic to get off drugs if ur the kinda person who does drugs cuz its ur life u just need to stop doing the nasty fucken drugs that are RCs fuck all that shit if you wanna feel good and have pure euphoria start putten some dope or OC in ur arm or up ur nose its half as bad as that dirt and is 1000000x better high......or go blow a dutch ur doing drugs that SUCK and will kill you in that amount....hope ur mind goes back to normal ive had some serious LSD trips where it took at least a week to get back to where i should be mentally sorry bout bieng frank but use ur head bro