Im being dumb. How should I take my drugs. Suboxon. *sigh*

[xxsicknessxx]

im 27 7months sober 9 years of abuse of all drugs mainly opiets. I had gastric bypass was 455 pound now im 210 im 6"3. I take suboxon because of the pain relief and the bonus of helping me stay clean.

So I get one 8mg pill and 1 half 8mg pill a day for a total of 12mg a day.
I started snorting months ago and do 2mg at a time. I always get a drip often times my nose is plugged for most the day or half way clogged so I don't know how much of the drug gets to my nasal cavaties.
What I do know is even though after taking 2mg I feel a peak if leaves quickly and I find my self wanting more. I do feel ok. I can take 2mg and last the day however I will almost always finish my 1 and a half pills by night time and anxiously await for the next days pills.
Now yeseterday I had to go to the hosptil and knowing I could not snort in there I decided to take the entire 8mg at once and save only a half. I found that I got no peak though I felt a sense of well being for much longer then with 2mg. I didn't crave smoking or energery drinks as much. I lasted untill night when I snorted 2mg more and then right after word wanted more though I saved 2mg for the am becaswue I don't get my pills till the afternoon. I have someone I trust hold them for me so I don't over take them.

Why am I confused? Well. I have only taken 8mg normaly once in the last 3months. that was yesterday. Even though I think I liked it better... I for some reason snorted 4mg already today I have one entire pill but im scared to take it whole. I worry that I might swallow it or crave more after or feel bad or eat food and get full and want more or any number of stupid things. I want to do 2mg at a time so I can do it all night long. I guess I don't like the idea of not having at least 2mg to snort in case I feel the need.

I feel like im being very stupid here. I mean... I should take it normal. I think snorting it is bad for my mind my soberity and Its just a old habit. I don't even think it gets into me as much as I think or that I feel as good.

So I should take the 8mg whole. I should. Will I? I already want to do 2mg more... its only 3pm I redose every 2 hours.... if I take the 8mg I have to wait till tom. in the afternoon for more. I guess im afrad to feel bad in the mean time.

I don't understand why I have this fear? Any thoughts? Please be nice. Im only 7months sober after 9years of abuse. I know I prob sound dumb to you but this if a very real and serious problem for me. I have other issues from drug abuse including paranoia and border line OCD that effects me. When I break a pill in half I almost freak out trying to choose which side I should keep and which I should save for the next day. These things sound silly but these are real problems im trying very hard to get over in my return to real life. I do good, im a nice guy, im normal looking, I work, I want a normal life I feel snorting is holding me back I just ... don't get why its so hard to get over or how I can maybe do this slowly. I don't even know what I expect you to say if anything. Just... I don't know where to turn I can't tell anyone I do this. I have friends but ... I am at a very stressful point in my life and im trying so hard to hold it together and get past this, I just spent 2days in the hospital with a erratic heart. I never have panic attacks but I guess the stress is getting to me. Im about to move, im starting a new job and if I could get my suboxon under control I know I could do everything else... its my skeleton in the closet. any help? advise. thank you

 

[xxsicknessxx]

I guess im looking for a push. Like has anyone else had this issue? Of snorting it then trying to get back to taking it like normal? I am scared to take less then 8mg under the tongue because I think I won't feel it and I will waste the pill. Is this addict thinking? Dam my brain.
Why can't I just take the 8mg and forget it and wait for my next dose. I don't get why its such a big deal to me this is becoming a problem. A wall in my path so being sober. Any thoughts? Can I consider my self sober and snort? Is this just sticking to old drug addict habits or is it ok if I like to snort? I can't do it forever can I......

 

[cj]

Man it sounds like your doing ok. Hows your life are you geting accomplished what you want to accomplish? It almost sounds like you need to talk to your doc about a dose increase. But on the other hand I find that less is more with sub I have tapered down to about 2mg a day and I feel it alot more now than when I was on 16mg a day. I mean for real sub has such a long half life that your receptors are probaby filled all the time so I would wager that your just chasing a high that isnt gonna be there. I feel your pain to me sub maintenance is like most of the downsides of full agonist addiction with none of the upside.

 

[effie]

Hi xxsicknessxx,

From a BDD perspective, I don't really know what advice we can offer you. As you say, sublingual is obviously more effective for providing sustained effects throughout the day and reducing your need to redose, and being able to switch to sublingual would clearly help you to feel more in control.. it is your psychological difficulties with taking it in that way that you are asking for help with, and that isn't really something we cover in BDD.

I think this post would do much better in TDS but I see you already have a similar thead there, so I think it is best if you just carry on with that thread - you were getting some good advice, and that forum is much better equipped to help you with your current problems than BDD is.

I don't like to close a thread where someone is asking for help but your thread in TDS really is the best place to get support and advice with this issue. I hope you don't see this as me not wanting to help, rather as encouraging you to seek help in the best possible place

Feel free to shoot me a pm if you have any queries and I'll keep an eye out for your posts in TDS