cj
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2008
- Messages
- 9,822
Well it all started last weekend my parents decided to split up in a very dramatic way that nearly cost my mom her job because he is a selfish egotistical prick. But I love him go figure. So I ate 30 gabapentin n a thread detailed in OD if you feel like gawking. Anyway after that I started eating mass amounts of rc benzos and was blacked out for a few days. Thankfully nothing other than pissed off parents and some broken dishes happened. However it allowed my parents to focus there anger back on me instead of each other. See when I was clean and doing well the dynamics in öur family started to change since I wasn't being a selfish fuck up anymore.
Once those family roles changed back to the old ways they "talked" and there relationship is perfect again 8(. So I've decided to leave. I talked to a methadone clinic in Portland Oregon today and it looks like I can free or heavily discounted methadone within a month of living there. It'll be 12 dollars a day the first month but I can hustle that up. But anyway I feel like this is the first real decision I've made that I am really happy about. I love big cities and i know it's going to be the adventure of a life time. I am also hopeful by not involving my mom in this I am taking the first step towards breaking or codependency. She is going to cry, scream, call me names but in the end I am going to prove to everyone that I can survive on my own or die trying.
I figure worst case I end up strung out up there and sucking dick for dope money. Shrugs that doesn't even sound that bad honestly. Maybe that's the sexual abuse talking.
Far as stepping down as mod. I did it because I have been getting high and it undermines the legitimacy of this forum if a mod is using so openly. I want to publicly thank the mod team and Herbavore for being very kind to me. They do a lot of hard work behind the scenes than no one on the normal board sees. So be nice to them. We left on excellent terms though which means a lot to me.
Anyway that's what's been up with me lately. Oh and if anyone from Portland sees this and doesn't mind I have so many questions to ask.
Once those family roles changed back to the old ways they "talked" and there relationship is perfect again 8(. So I've decided to leave. I talked to a methadone clinic in Portland Oregon today and it looks like I can free or heavily discounted methadone within a month of living there. It'll be 12 dollars a day the first month but I can hustle that up. But anyway I feel like this is the first real decision I've made that I am really happy about. I love big cities and i know it's going to be the adventure of a life time. I am also hopeful by not involving my mom in this I am taking the first step towards breaking or codependency. She is going to cry, scream, call me names but in the end I am going to prove to everyone that I can survive on my own or die trying.
I figure worst case I end up strung out up there and sucking dick for dope money. Shrugs that doesn't even sound that bad honestly. Maybe that's the sexual abuse talking.
Far as stepping down as mod. I did it because I have been getting high and it undermines the legitimacy of this forum if a mod is using so openly. I want to publicly thank the mod team and Herbavore for being very kind to me. They do a lot of hard work behind the scenes than no one on the normal board sees. So be nice to them. We left on excellent terms though which means a lot to me.
Anyway that's what's been up with me lately. Oh and if anyone from Portland sees this and doesn't mind I have so many questions to ask.