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I'm a normal person, I swear!

MeddieFrac

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 29, 2010
Messages
192
Location
North Carolina! In the mountains!
Sometimes I get so sad and lonely that I can't stand it. The tension in my neck builds up till I want to scream out! Only I don't scream out. Violence is not in my nature. In fact, I've never even been in a fight. No, I don't scream. Actually, I don't even cry to release the tension. When the tension builds and I feel as though my mind is cut off from the rest of the world, I would much rather just lie down and not think about anything. Just let my mind fade out.

Only my mind doesn't fade out. It's constantly active. My brain is always thinking. At times it can be really annoying. And when I'm not thinking, I'm feeling. A lot of the time I feel normal, but frequently I feel extraordinarily happy. For instance, earlier today I was walking with a girl back to the dorms, and she commented on the way I was bouncing while I was walking. I was in such a great mood that I was bouncing along like a regular goof ball. And normally a comment like that would bother me, but not today. Today I accepted it as a compliment and continued a casual conversation with her, however awkward.

Because I always feel a degree of awkwardness when I am around people. I am such a weirdo. I really want to see inside other people's minds, because I want to know if everyone else feels as awkward and irritable as I do. Everyone seems happy and normal, but something deep inside tells me it’s all an act. Everyone is just as weird as me! I swear, sometimes I think I must be crazy.

Yes, there are times when I'm so happy I want to yell at the top of my lungs in joy. But naturally I don't yell out. It's not really in my nature. I really don't like to express my emotions all that much. Mostly because you never know how people will react to you. And also because you can never tell what your emotions betray about yourself; a smart person can really learn alot about you if they observe your emotions. They can learn too much. In fact I don't like people knowing all that much about me. And if they do know anything about me, I prefer it address my weaknesses as a human being. So as we won't have a relationship based on some false pretense. Because anyone can put on a false image, but if you show your weaknesses then rest assured it is not a false front.

Even if I could impress a false idiom of myself upon another person, it wouldn't last long. I'm a terrible liar. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Or at least I feel that my heart is on my sleeve. But in fact, I am rather cold and emotionless. But don't get me wrong! I am emotional. I am a normal person! Just the other day, I went out to eat with five other people. And I wasn't a bit awkward! Imagine that, me sitting and eating with five normal people. I tried not to shift my eyes around too much, or too look enthusiastic. But I also didn't want to seem disinterested. It was a precarious balance, but in the end I played the perfect part, I swear!
 
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Heh, thanks for the warm welcome!

Ye, quite belated, but I wasn't exactly sure how to introduce myself without it being real boring and whatnot, but the other day I had a stroke of genius while waiting hours for my guy to find some pills and I think this is the best description of me as a person!

You like Red Hot Chili Peppers? That is what your name reminds me of.
 
Well that paragraph looks as though it could have been written by me, about me. Welcome to Bluelight and thanks for reassuring me that I am indeed normal :D
 
sounds like endorphines kicken around up and down to me .
Normal...lol,for many anyway...

Often times my endorphins are quite unbalanced, but as of now they are sky high (just slammed 120mg of oxycontin after about a week break :), I'm feeling pretty damn good :D.)

Yes I was listening to the song when I signed up.........but it has so many meanings :)

Yeah, Red Hot Chili Peppers are one of my favorite bands. I mean, they are quite good musicians, it just blows my mind that every single one of their albums is pure genius; most bands have like one or two good albums, but RHCP just keeps coming out with great album after great album. They are just great!

BTW, have you heard Eric Satie? Just curious.

Well that paragraph looks as though it could have been written by me, about me. Welcome to Bluelight and thanks for reassuring me that I am indeed normal :D

Which paragraph? It makes me happy that you can relate with how I feel :). Even though I tell myself that I am normal, I probably am a bit strange ;).
 
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