During this trip, the crazy girlfriend made me very aware of my sexuality. I'm young and in pretty good shape. I somehow came out of the trip thinking I was becoming androgynous. I've identified that as a lack of sex drive and feeling jaded when it comes to relationships.
CURRENTLY:
Anytime I think of myself in any kind of social aspect, I see myself trying to be kind, caring, sensitive, gentle, honest, and...what the hell...I'm a woman. Not just having the characteristics I identify as female, but I am a girl in my mind's eye. I mean, I'm a pretty girl, but still...I'm a girl lol.
I don't understand how she made you aware of your sexuality. Its impossible to address this with any degree of help because you just jumped from your meeting her to you thinking you're a girl.
Also, about the characteristics you wrote, those are merely the ones you choose to acknowledge in yourself. I can pick almost anyone man or woman who shares those characteristics. I myself am caring, sensitive, gentle, honest, passive, etc.
But I can also be aggressive, stubborn, cold and insensitive. If I were to identify my sexuality by my dominant features however, I'd likely be closer to a female than anything. Yet the fact exists that when I look down, I see a penis, thus I'm not a female. I also don't put makeup on, or enjoy shopping, nor do I have any temptation to do so.
If you identify yourself as a female, then do you do girly things? Get your hair done? Pluck your brows? Shave your legs? Even a tranny who identifies themself as female tends to share or engage in many female behavoirs.
What I don't get is how you look in the mirror and see a female. That is fundamentally and biologically incorrect. I just need to hear more compelling evidence as to why you see a female. Especially when you're looking in a mirror and have no breasts, no hip to waist ratio like a female, no vagina, and no urge to be with men.
There seems to be a massive piece of this puzzle that is missing. Did you feel uncomfortable in your years of percieving yourself as a man? Were you molested at a younger age?
I literally do not understand WHY you made that transition. Because your caring and honest? No, theres something much more fundamental that should exist that is anchored to that identity. Do you not get along with men? Were you made fun of by men in your childhood for acting like a girl?
I'm not dismissing the drugs as the cause because I find it odd how many transvestites share drug use as a common pasttime. We have no real clue what drugs do to the brain regardless of what we think we know. For w/e reason in the world, I'm going with the opposite explanation of Ocean.
I don't think drugs removed the psychological apprehension to view yourself as a female. I think drugs opened your mind to the point where you have no fundamental identity anymore. And why would you need LSD to take away those inhibitions? Why not the first time you got drunk?
Something just doesn't add up here. There is something more fundamental anchoring female to your identity. Even most transexuals will say they never made a good man or woman when they were young or what have you. I honestly think you are just confused, and should stay away from all psychelics for 6 months. Maybe its too late, but if you plan on persuing being female as a lifestyle, at some point you will most def wanna stop the drugs.