TDS Im a Homeless Junkie Who Is So Desperate and Miserable :(

$ublimaze

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 17, 2011
Messages
91
I've been meaning to reach out here for a while now. Im 25 years old and I have been doing opiates for 5 years. They have completely ruined my life and my sense of self. I started the normal way. A couple percs a day to take the mundane away. Then I escalated to oxies, diladud,, IV heroin, and finally deathadone. Ive been on methadone for 2.5 years now and I am a total zombiie because of it. I feel no pleasure. Nothing makes me happy except for sex.. I watch movies and play games and its about as fun as chewing cardboard. I was clean from heroin and just on deathadone for a long time, but for the last 6 months ive been using again, and its costed me a fortune. I have no self control and spend my last means of survival on drugs. I had about 2k saved up for first and last and spent it like a complete fucking idiot. I don't know how I could do that. Now I am homeless. Like literally homeless. I have a beautiful girlfriend and she has a place but she also has a kid and we've tried living together before, but we but heads and its not fair to her son. Her home is still my sanctuary when the child is at his dads every other week.

I need off methadone immediately. I cant do this anymore. Everyday feels like hell. Pointless hell. Id rather suffer withdrawals and know that everyday I was getting better. I'll walk through fire to get off this shit. I am on 30mg and I want to detox but I have nowhere to detox... They have these detox places but they r mostly for crackheads and they make u sit through 6 AA meetings a day which is like impossible for me when in WD's. I tried it before in heroin wd and they are simply not equipped to deal with methadone wd.

I want to work but I feel so depressed and beat down I am afraid id get fired. I had a good thing going with work before in a kitchen, while on methadone, and it was the best thing for me, but that job had a pre determined expiry date.
I need help. I have all the will to quit RIGHT NOW. Like today I would go to detox cold turkey off 30mg of methadone. Fuck how hard it is.


Please help me with any adviice and exeprience that u can share.


Thank you
 
Let me just commend you on being ready to get off all opiates completely. You are making the right decision. Whatever you do, don't give up. As long as you keep reporting back to us here at BL - whether you are doing well or not - you will always get encouragement and support. Hopefully that will help a lot.

Have you thought about trying bupe treatment instead? That's just my first suggestion.

My second suggestion is to maybe stay on methadone for awhile longer. Get a job and get a place. Then when you can get some time off you can detox. I'm not sure if you can do that because you'll spend all your money on H or whatever.

My other suggestion is to just do the damn thing and get it over with. Go to the detox spot and sit through the 6 AA meetings a day. You may find out it really helped, Idk. You said you are able to deal with the methadone withdrawal, well than, part of that includes the setting for your detox.

I haven't been in your shoes exactly, but I know the feeling. Stay up.
 
Hey man I'm sorry to hear what your going through, and I can totally relate

In relation to a place to detox, in an na group this guy who was homeless with no means to get into any rehab/detox walked into a hospital with a mental disabilities wing (even though he had no mental problems) and explained how he was so depressed, was ready to kill himself etc... Mind you your gonna be with some unsavory people, but if you sell it well enough it'll atleast buy you a few days with a bed and food and probably some comfort meds to help you out.

What state are you in? I'm in nj and there's resources here for those who are homeless/unemployed with no insurance or anything and you can receive state aid for a detox. It's something you should look into. If you have access to the Internet then there are resources you can utilize to get better

I wish you the best of luck man
 
Is it possible for you to wean yourself down. 10% reduction per week could be doable, though you'll feel it. Otherwise, suboxone could really help, though it's very expensive and you'd probably have to deal with a clinic such as the one you mentioned.

Hang in there man. We're with you. You can do it.
 
Im in Toronto Canada actually. Thank god im not on the streets in the states. That would be even worse! I actually did the claim im crazy thing before. It worked for a whole week and they let me detox from heroin. I was going to try to get them to let me stay a whole month. Fuck them they should let me do it so I can be a productive member of society.

and theseeker I cant reduce anymore man. I go down 1mg once in a while. BUt like Im in constant wd anyway and i fucking hate it. thats whats worse than anything. WD that never ends. suboxone isnt covered and how is replacing one opiate for another going to help?
 
I know you want to embark on your path to recovery immediately. If you are like I am, and like many other addicts I've known, you want instant results. It comes along w/ being compulsive. But I'd strongly suggest working w/ the clinic to taper off the methadone. Unless I missed something, you said they only force you into 6 mtngs a day if they provide you a detox. They should taper you as part of their program if you tell them what is up. I can't imagine them denying you that, but I've never been on MMT. However, I do know this: if you thought doing 6 meetings a day was hard during heroin w/d, you are in for a real nasty one w/ the methadone w/ds. It is hands down the worst kick you can undertake - all the horror and pain of a solid H w/d, but three times as long. I mean, that kick is absolute hell on anyone.

Please explore any way you can taper off the 'done w/ your clinic. You don't want to cold turkey methadone. If you do, it is highly likely you will fail and lose the resolve and will you consider to be such an asset right now.
 
And if you did go the sub route, it will be a difficult transfer. I don't mean to be pessimistic and sway you completely away from this path, but the long half-life of methadone means you need to wait something like three days before you can take the bupe. Most people go back on heroin during the interim.

Reducing 1mg may be uncomfortable for you, maybe even painful, but it will be nothing compared to jumping off a 30mg a day MMT. I really am sorry if it sounds like I am trying to frighten you, b/c that is not my intention really, but you should be prepared for the hardest most maddening kick of your life. I'd do my hardest H kick twice over rather than a methadone w/d tbph. Again, I hope you can work something out w/ your clinic, even if that means a non-idealistic taper.

Good luck, whichever way you go.
 
i agree with MoE. you should really talk with the director/doctor at your clinic and express your want to detox once and for all from methadone properly. the rate of relapse from "jumping" or discontinuing methadone too quickly is very, very high. with all you been through and are going through this is the last place you need to be going to. if you can stop doing heroin in conjunction with your MMT you really could have a strong chance for tapering of the methadone as 30mg is not a huge dose. i know it is tough but that self control and deep down desire to leave this behind you needs to trump that part of addiction that is pulling at you. a true cross roads.

i would try and loose the heroin and if you can do this stick to your 30mg dose for 1-2 weeks, depending on how much dope you have been currently using. after this period doing a .5-.9mg reduction every day until you reach 15mg, then stop the reduction and hold at this amount for 1 week. then start the .5-.9mg reduction again till you reach 7.5mg again hold for a week at this point. start reducing again and get down to that 2ish-mg area then gently take little steps to barely anything.... .. then try to discontinue. have you talked with the clinic at all about trying to do such a thing, if so what were their thoughts??

if you do jump off cold from 30mg you are looking at least a 1 month physical withdrawal if not grater and we all know how PAWS can be. it sounds like your heart is in a great place to end this affliction and start to rebuild.. that is brilliant! it is also wonderful that you have someone that you love dearly to help motivate your decisions and help with perceiving your end goal.

there is some really good advice in the above posts.. i wish you the best of luck and the strength to reach your destination of being opiate free!! you can make it!
 
I wish you strength and luck. Anything else I could say has been said by the others.

Although personally a friend of mine kicked a serious H AND Crack habit, it can defo be done especially once you are sick to fuck of it all.
So I think you are gonna look back in a few years and think damn, how did that happen ?

Go and nail this shit. :) You'll bounce back !
 
I can't offer personal advice to do with methadone w/d but just as a comparison, at the naltrexone clinic I'm enrolled in, they do rapid detox of every opiate except methadone. I understand you want to get off this shit as soon as possible, but in your case it is probably best to move slowly and certainly with the involvement of your doctor / clinic.
Wishing you the best.
buffalo
 
I know how you feel man ive been in your shoes. i used to take about 160 mg a day and got sick of it so i decided to go on suboxone a few years ago. im still on the shit if that tells you anything but at 2 mg a day and started at 20 mg. I got myself down to .5 mg every two days and tried to quit but after 7 days it kept getting rougher so i said fuck it and just upped my dose to a comfortable level and thus where i remain. It is also hell to kick but it is nothing like methadone; nothing is.
 
I've been meaning to reach out here for a while now. Im 25 years old and I have been doing opiates for 5 years. They have completely ruined my life and my sense of self. I started the normal way. A couple percs a day to take the mundane away. Then I escalated to oxies, diladud,, IV heroin, and finally deathadone. Ive been on methadone for 2.5 years now and I am a total zombiie because of it. I feel no pleasure. Nothing makes me happy except for sex.. I watch movies and play games and its about as fun as chewing cardboard. I was clean from heroin and just on deathadone for a long time, but for the last 6 months ive been using again, and its costed me a fortune. I have no self control and spend my last means of survival on drugs. I had about 2k saved up for first and last and spent it like a complete fucking idiot. I don't know how I could do that. Now I am homeless. Like literally homeless. I have a beautiful girlfriend and she has a place but she also has a kid and we've tried living together before, but we but heads and its not fair to her son. Her home is still my sanctuary when the child is at his dads every other week.

I need off methadone immediately. I cant do this anymore. Everyday feels like hell. Pointless hell. Id rather suffer withdrawals and know that everyday I was getting better. I'll walk through fire to get off this shit. I am on 30mg and I want to detox but I have nowhere to detox... They have these detox places but they r mostly for crackheads and they make u sit through 6 AA meetings a day which is like impossible for me when in WD's. I tried it before in heroin wd and they are simply not equipped to deal with methadone wd.

I want to work but I feel so depressed and beat down I am afraid id get fired. I had a good thing going with work before in a kitchen, while on methadone, and it was the best thing for me, but that job had a pre determined expiry date.
I need help. I have all the will to quit RIGHT NOW. Like today I would go to detox cold turkey off 30mg of methadone. Fuck how hard it is.


Please help me with any adviice and exeprience that u can share.


Thank you

fucking awesome that you want to make a change

you've got to convince yourself that you are still young, and have a future worth fighting for.
25yo's , even if it takes a year or 2 to pretty much be back to before opiates, you still have a great opportunity to get back into society.

Have to swear off ALL drugs and stick with it. When you get off methadone, you can NOT 'chip' with an oxy here or vicodin there and expect it to not go down the drain.

I suggest a labor job to start with, even if you are over-qualified. Good way to fight through depression and physically recharge the body.

good luck dude
 
ThAnk you everyone! Actually it feels realy good to hear all of your advice! I found a friend of mine who is really solid and wants to get a place with me. He doesnt do drugs and hes basically an athletic makes music smart guy. So i am pretty happy about that. My girlfriend is letting me stay with her and her kid. We take care of eachother neway. Im going to take ur guys advice and taper down gradually. I had this friend alecia do that and she wasnt even that sick. Im not sure why i havnt lowered it more before. mostly cuz i wanted to get high. Fucking methadone makes me fel like a zombie. Worst shit ever should b illegal to prescribe for addiction. I have so many bad habits too. I smoke too much. I eat too much sugar. I dont exercise enough. I play too many games etand now i am just worried ill never be able to change thag on methadone and holy fuck how much do i have to suffer? I know my situation isnt fun to any human but im alzo greatful im not in the slave trade or something really nasty like that. Although i guess drugs r kinda like that. Anyway im taking my wellbutrin again and thats always good. I forget to take it for weeks at a time. . Thx for bei g inspiring peoe. U remind me not everyone is a judgemental piece of!@ ...work



From my cellphone
 
there you go!! sounds like you have some great things on the up swing for you.. that is terrific news! this friend sounds like he could be an amazing support for you and a "clean" living environment this with your special lady friend is really positive. totally talk with your clinic about doing the slow taper and holding at certain increments. if you are committed and patient with the process you have such a strong chance of walking away from methadone once and for all!

keep at it and keep positive you can and will do this!!
 
$ublimaze it's great to hear that things are turning around for you. I know the feeling hopelessness when you are forced to live on the streets.

I know you've sorted out a living arrangement, but for future reference here's a list of services available to Canadian residents in need of housing:

NSFW:
Canada:

Ontario:

Shelters:

-Canada and Bermuda Territorial Headquarters
2 Overlea Blvd, Toronto, ON M4H 1P4
416 425-2111

-Catholic Immigration Services
Provides temporary accommodations, food, clothing, information, counseling, orientation workshops, and translation services.
Contact: (613) 789-4338
www.cic.ca

-Crisis and Housing Supports Program:
The purpose of this program is to establish contact with ex-offenders at various stages of re-integration, or those in conflict with the law, as well as any members of the community who find themselves in a crisis situation or who are interested in correcting thinking and behaviours that put them at risk. The program will assist them to address financial, housing, treatment, and employment needs; and to provide advocacy and support in crisis situations through referral and follow-up with social services, shelters, landlords, employment and training programs, and treatment resources. This program also provides in-reach to the Ottawa Mental Health Court, including assessments and referrals, anger and addiction programming, and case-management services.
Eligibility: men and women who are experiencing a crisis (mental health, housing, finances, employment, addictions, etc)
Hours of Operation: 8:30am - 4:30pm (evening appointments available)
Location: 550 Old St. Patrick Street, Ottawa, Ontario
Contact: Rob Noyes, Reintegration, Mental Health and Addiction Worker (613) 789-7418 x.305, or Kelly Cardinal, Reintegration, Mental Health and Addiction Worker (613) 789-7418 x. 238

-Shepard's of Good Hope
Provides shelter, food, addiction recovery programs, and supportive housing.
Contact: (613) 789-8210
www.shepherdsofgoodhope.com

-Carlington Community and Health Services
Provides a walk-in clinic, employment guidance; youth programs; newcomers support and nutrition and cooking together.
Contact: (613) 722-4000

-Housing Help
309 Cooper St, Suite 502, Ottawa, ON, K2P 0G5
Phone: 613-563-4532

-Burnaby Task Force on Homelessness
Comprised of people from a variety of government bodies, social service agencies, faith communities and policing departments as well as concerned private citizens, the Task Force strives to ensure that the needs of Burnaby people who are homeless are met and to end homelessness.
www.burnabyhomelesstaskforce.org

-The Calgary Committee to End Homelessness
Working for all people facing homelessness in Calgary will have access to affordable, safe and appropriate housing as well as the resources and supports necessary to sustain it, by the year 2018.
www.endinghomelessness.ca

-Raising the Roof
A national charity which works to develop national and local strategies to prevent and end homelessness.
www.raisingtheroof.org

-Shared Learnings
Tools, resources and information sharing for frontline staff, managers and volunteers working to address the problem of homelessness in their communities. Use this site to find out about initiatives in cities, towns and rural areas across Canada. Link to others working within the homelessness sector, share your experiences and learn from theirs.
www.sharedlearnings.org

-Toronto Disaster Relief Committee
This coalition of social service agencies is trying to combat homelessness in a unique way: they want homelessness declared a national disaster.
www.tdrc.net

-Housing Again
This national site is designed to raise awareness of housing and homelessness issues and to put affordable housing back on the political agenda.
http://housingagain.web.ca

-Canadian Red Cross
The Red Cross provides street relief services to protect the health and well-being of the homeless population or those at risk of becoming homeless.
www.redcross.ca/community.html

-The Alliance to End Homelessness Ottawa
A coalition of community stakeholders in Ottawa committed to working collaboratively to end homelessness by gaining and promoting a better understanding of homelessness and advocating for strategies to end it.
www.endhomelessnessottawa.ca


-No Place Like Home Vancouver
Documents a complaint to the UN by the PIVOT Legal Society, Carnegie Community Action Project, and the Impact of the Olympics on Community Coalition (IOCC) about the housing conditions of Vancouver's poorest residents.
www.noplacelikehomevancouver.org

-Street Health
Works to improve the health and well being of homeless and underhoused individuals in southeast Toronto by addressing the social determinants of health through programs, services, education and advocacy.
www.streethealth.ca

-The Social Planning and Research Council of BC (SPARC BC)
A non-partisan, charitable organization operating in BC since 1966. SPARC BC focuses on social justice issues and works together with communities on issues such as income security, accessibility, community development education and community social planning. The organization offers Research and Consulting services to a variety of clients including community organizations and all levels of governments. They often partners on research projects with other not-for-profit organizations.
www.sparc.bc.ca

-Homeless Nation
Website by and for homeless people in Canada. Homeless Nation's outreach workers across Canada work in a variety of ways in collaboration with the homeless community. They work in shelters, day-centres, squats, at protests, community events, on the street and online. They are dedicated to ensuring that digital tools for media, learning and communication are made available for homeless Canadians.
www.homelessnation.org


Saskatchewan


- Waterston Centre 24-hour line is (306)569-6088
1845 Osler Street

Waterston House is located at:
1865 Osler Street
-Gemma House
Provides a safe, stable residential setting for female youth.
Contact: Tel: (306) 586-5388


Yukon:

-Dawson City Women's Shelter
Provides confidential shelter, support, and advocacy to women and children in crisis on a twenty-four hour basis. The home also provides emergency shelter to transient women and their children, and acts as an emergency foster home for the Dept. of Health and Social Services. Outreach services include home visits, Youth Centre activities, and a weekly childcare drop-in program.
Contact: (867) 993-5086

-Kaushee's Place Yukon Women's Transition Home
Offers support, shelter and advocacy to women and their children who have experienced abuse. Women and children can stay for up to 30 days, free of charge.
Contact (867) 633-7720

Nunavut:

-Oqota Emergency Shelter
provides emergency shelter for up to 14 people a night.
Contact (867) 979-0053

Women's Shelters:

-Quimaavik Women's Shelter
provides shelter for victims of domestic violence throughout the baffin region.
Contact: (867) 979-4566

-Kataujaq Society Safe Shelter
provides emergency shelter for women and their children who are escaping domestic violence.
Contact: (867) 645-2214

-Community Wellness Centre Crisis Shelter
provides emergency shelter for women and children touched by domestic violence.
Contact: (867) 983-2133


Nova Scotia :

-Universal Shelter Association
Provides short-term emergency shelter for victims of family violence. They target minority groups.
Contact: 902-454-5459


Newfoundland and Labrador

Shelters:
-Choices for Youth
58 Lemarchant Rd 2nd Flr, St. John's NL, A1C 2G8
Phone: 709-754-3047

-St. John's Native Friendship Centre
716 Water Street, St. John's, NL, A1E 1C1
Telephone: (709) 726-5902
Shelter: (709) 726-5970
-Stella Burry Community Services
142 Military Road, St. John's, NL, A1C 2E6
Telephone: (709) 738-7805

-The Salvation Army Newfoundland East Divisional Headquarters
21 Adams Ave, St. John’s NL A1C 4Z1
P 709-579-2022 ext.2023

-Tommy Sexton Center
Emergency, transitional and supported housing for people living with HIV/AIDS
47 Janeway Place, St John’s, NL.
New Brunswick:

Housing Assistance:
-Aboriginal Directions
33 Hanover Street, Saint John, New Brunswick, E2L 3G1
Tel.: (506) 633-0449

-Upper Dawson Community Centre
743 Assass St., Bathurst, New Brunswick
Fax: (506) 547-7488, E2A 3J4
Tel.: (506) 548-2439

-Housing Alternatives
LaTour Terrace, 61 Union Street, Suite 400, Box 6246, Station A, Saint John, New Brunswick, E2L 4R7.
Tel.: (506) 632-9393

Food/Clothing Banks:

-Mapleton Food Bank and Teaching Kitchen
1111 Mountain Road, Moncton, New Brunswick Fax: (506) 857-3170, E1C 2S9.
Tel.: (506) 858-8257

-Lakewood Headstart Association
P.O. Box 634 Rothesay Avenue, Saint John, New Brunswick, E2L 4A5.
Tel.: (506) 696-6164

-Chipman Community Care
P.O. Box 266, Chipman, New Brunswick, E0V 1V0.
Tel.: (506) 339-6168

Manitoba:

-Brandon Homeless
Located in Brandon City Hall at
410 9th Street, Brandon, Manitoba, R7A 6A2
http://www.brandonhomelessness.ca/

-Siloam Mission
Is a faith-based agency that serves 300-400 poor and homeless at no cost or preconditions through its: meal program, food bank, clothing bank, counselling, agency referrals, chiropractic treatments, literacy classes, income tax preparations, optional spiritual services etc.
Contact: 204-956-4344
www.siloammission.com

Edmonton:

-Hope Mission
Currently operates a men's emergency shelter (Herb Jamieson Centre), a residence for at-risk women with or without children (Women's Centre), a youth outreach centre (R.W. Tegler Youth Sports Centre), an activity and hot meal program to low income area elementary schools (Kids In Action), and a summer camp for underprivileged youth and children (Brightwood Ranch).
Contact: (780) 422-2018
www.hopemission.com

-Women's Shelters
WIN House - Edmonton Women's Shelter is a shelter for women with or without children who have experienced abuse from their partners. They supply food, shelter (up to 3 weeks), clothing, support groups, crisis counselling, and information on family violence.
Contact: (780) 471-6709
www.winhouse.org

Alberta:

Homeless Shelters:
-Calgary Homeless Foundation
Using a partnership model, provides capital funding for housing projects and is committed to providing the vehicle for community consultation on homelessness issues and community collaboration on solutions. In 2002-2003, the Foundation facilitated $12.7 million in funding to provide an additional 185 living spaces for homeless people in Calgary.
Contact: (403) 262-2921
www.calgaryhomeless.com

-Calgary Shelters
Avenue 15 - Boys & Girls Club provides a short-term alternative to life on the streets with counselling services available.
Contact: (403) 276-9981
www.calgaryboysandgirlsclub.ca

-Calgary Drop-In & Rehab Centre
Provides day and night shelter,food, recreation, counselling, computer access, job placement, and referrals to other support services. Contact: (403) 263-5707
www.cdics.com

-Mustard Seed Street Ministry
Offers shelter, food, educational health and religious services.
Contact: (403) 269-1319
www.theseed.ca

-Inn From the Cold Society
Provides families and others with shelter and education.
Contact: (403) 263-8384
www.innfromthecold.org

Women's Shelters:

-Awo Taan Native Women's Shelter
Provides shelter for women and their children who have experienced domestic violence. The shelter also provides advocacy, counselling, outreach, information, and support services.
Contact: (403) 531-1970

Counseling Services for homeless or low income:
-Street Level Consulting
A counseling and consulting agency serving the poor and homeless community.
Contact (403) 390-7970
www.streetlevelconsulting.ca
 
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