i'll be alone forever

[mrflowers00]

i love sex but i hate relationships and i don't want kids i don't have any true (i'd die for you) friends and it's a lonely life but i find it better than putting up with other peoples shit the only people i love and really care about are my dad and grandpa and once they die i plan on killing myself with a drug overdose.

 

[xstayfadedx]

If you don't want a real relationship and only sex of course you will be alone. You will have sex and move on but still feel empty inside. Maybe you should work on that and find the reason you can't settle down. Also with the friend thing...you still can make friends without dealing with their "bullshit". Just find the right people and you will be able to make those friends who you could "die for". If you don't try though you will never have success and please don't say you'll kill yourself when those two die... You won't be alone forever but you need to open up more and you need to attempt to associate yourself with others.

 

[wooger]

I agree with a lot you have to say, we leave the world alone for sure, and it's probably very difficult to find someone who will stand by you for life.

I doubt that means it is impossible though, but if you truly don't want a long term partner with all the emotional aspects why worry about it? You say your lonely and it sounds as if you haven't really met anyone who you truly click with, maybe you will meet someone who you love and who loves you in return.

I guess what I am trying to say is if you end your life it will become impossible to meet someone you really love and who loves you back, and if you don't want a long term relationship, it really is not an issue worth ending your life over.

Maybe it's worth examining the reasons you hate relationships, maybe counselling could help with this? There's lots of options out there to help you tho..

but really, please try addressing things, you will likely find many reasons to live .

 

[Dave]

If you don't want relationships, then why would you kill yourself once your father and grandfather die?

You do want relationships, but I think that you perhaps have very high expectations as to what that entails. You say that you don't have any "I would die for you" friends; I would reply that no friend would ever ask that of another. Ever.

Why is your shit easier/more important to handle than other peoples'? Why would friendship entail handling shit?

 

[easy as]

How can I help? You do have people who are looking out. Perhaps not friends yet, but give us a try. Feel free to email me. I've been there.

 

[mrflowers00]

the only reason i'm alive is because i don't want to put my dad and grandpa through that

 

[Tchort]

I used to feel the exact same way; I still have the carbon monoxide detector I bought to find out roughly how long it would take for me commit suicide with exhaust fumes (kept it as a kind of morbid reminder of where my head used to be years ago). Made similar promises; that I'd wait until 3 particular older relatives passed before doing so. Then decided I'd give addiction treatment a chance and put forth the effort to change my life and if it didn't work out by the time I was 25 I'd just go back to IV heroin and commit suicide once the money ran out. Not much changed for awhile at first; once the 'stabilization period' on Methadone maintanence wore off (i.e. when you get a little high off of your daily dose when you first start the program as you go up in dose) it felt like nothing changed. Time went on, but attempts at going back to school, figuring out employment issues (working many different jobs in different industries trying to find a good fit) and finding creative outlets and hobbies eventually led to meeting people who I did click with, relationships that didn't involve drugs, lasting friendships (not the type I'd die for, but the type that I have drained my savings account for so one wouldn't get kicked out of their apartment, and another that I took lots of time off work for to be there for a personal tragedy of theirs, etc and friends who have stuck by me through opioid withdrawal, taken time off work to see me in the hospital after a bad car accident, traveled hours just to hang out for awhile, etc. not so dramatic, but the point stands). I know you didn't mention opioid addiction, but I add it to round out what I did to cope with feeling mysanthropic, completely isolated and invisible, etc.

There are a lot of people with issues regarding the seperation of sex and emotions; compulsive anonymous sex, sex addiction, whatever you want to call it comes in all varieties. But as Dave wrote, it sounds like you're expectations are unreasonably high- your post reads as though you want someone to 1) have a deep emotional, creative, spiritual, etc connection with you 2) put in all of the effort to build a bond with you and 3) be willing to die for you. It just isn't the way humans socialize.

It really would be worth exploring why you have these feelings about relationships, how your sex life and views on sexuality interact with them, looked into deeply. You only live once. Why throw away the opportunity to feel legitimate, actual joy shared with another person? Or to make love to someone who adores you? Having kids and marriage etc is all irrelevant really when the issue is with social connections and how sexuality relates to it. How could someone consider marriage or having kids if they don't want to live long enough to do either of those things?

I guess the only thing I can add to this thread is that I'm grateful for putting in the minimal effort I did that got the snowball growing away from feeling the way you are describing. You don't have to feel this way- and suicide isn't the answer. Life can be unbearably cruel and intolerable. But the possibility that it doesn't have to be that way all the time is worth trying to find- for yourself and the people you will find who can care about and love you.

 

[easy as]

I KNow people love you. Don't give up.

Tchort- cheers.

Head up and please try anything and everything else. Xo

 

[Southern Devil]

See a counselor for sex addiction. If you can love a woman for a woman, and not just an object, your mental health will return to normal if you discipline yourself. I have a family had member who had this and couldnt figure out why the women would always leave. Always failure and heartache for you too. Check online resources for sex addiction and counseling. Then you can love a women and love having sex with her too.

Best of luck. Keep your head up, hon. :D

ps. Sensual sex with someone you love is a whole new world. Strive for that.

 

[herbavore]

I don't think mrflowers said anything about sex addiction in his post. He just said he likes sex and doesn't want relationships. I don't see any problem in that. We all have the responsibility to define how sex fits into our own paradigm. I know two divorced people that have been having a very kind and fulfilling part time sexual relationship as friends for over twenty years now. They are happy with it and no one is hurt by it.

What is more troubling to me is what other people have responded to as well; and that is the assumption that no one is worth friendship or relationship outside of your father and grandfather. I have found that true acceptance of other people is directly proportional to self-acceptance. If you can accept yourself with all your faults, weaknesses and failures you begin to see your strengths and successes as well. This same expanded view can then encompass others in your life.

 

[panic in paradise]

my .o2

what is the difference between isolation, and solitude.?



i promise you can find someone who doesnt want a relationship, kids etc.
there are lots of girls who would think that this sounds ideal, but being depressed and choosing isolation is not going to get that for you



it seems you have a deep sense of empathy in you, compassion for others, seeing as you have such strong feelings for your family. maybe all you want is the sex because you fear abandonment, and the loss of love...?


where are your grandmother and mom in your heart? sounds like you need to accept some feminine compassion. we all have it with in us, guys, and the girls have that masculine side too find balance here in yourself, in your life internally, and allow that balance to then come externally.






everyones name has the same meaning, i and you

what is more valuable, i to yourself or yourself to i?

we are of no value with out each others understanding.