DesertHarp
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 25, 2022
- Messages
- 380
I've started a few threads already. I'm starting this one to introduce myself, which I didn't do before.
I take hydrocodone for back pain. I get 60 tablets each month. (What I get is called Vicodin - hydrocodone and acetaminophen - 10/325.) That's my only supply. It's prescribed legally. Much of the time, my back pain isn't a big issue. Often, the real reason I keep taking these pills is to feel better mentally. I suffer from depression. I've been to shrinks about it and tried all kinds of psych meds. Nothing they prescibe does much. I function okay.
It seems like my life revolves around these pills. Basically, I take one every twelve hours. I'm obsessed with these pills. I count the hours until I can take another one. Sometimes, when the depression is bad, I don't wait the twelve hours. If I run out of pills before the month is up, I pay a price. If I go 36 hours without a pill, I start to have withdrawal. For me that is "restless leg syndrome." I would call it akathisia because it is round the clock. It's torture, so I mostly space out my pills to last the whole month.
At times, I think of suicide to escape the depression. I feel like these tablets are the best thing I have going for me. Yesterday, I took two tablets at the same time because I was having a miserable time with severe depression. That 20 mg of hydrocodone was like getting a glass of water in the desert. It helped a lot.
I wonder if anyone else here finds that using an opioid relieves depression. I don't discuss this with any doctor. I figure that would be the fastest way to lose this prescription that I value so much.
I always have to fight the temptation to use up my tablets ahead of schedule because I don't want to face withdrawal.
I'm trying to find a way to feel better without using up my tablets too soon. I'm thinking of trying edible cannabis. I don't find alcohol helpful, so I'm not much of a drinker.
I take hydrocodone for back pain. I get 60 tablets each month. (What I get is called Vicodin - hydrocodone and acetaminophen - 10/325.) That's my only supply. It's prescribed legally. Much of the time, my back pain isn't a big issue. Often, the real reason I keep taking these pills is to feel better mentally. I suffer from depression. I've been to shrinks about it and tried all kinds of psych meds. Nothing they prescibe does much. I function okay.
It seems like my life revolves around these pills. Basically, I take one every twelve hours. I'm obsessed with these pills. I count the hours until I can take another one. Sometimes, when the depression is bad, I don't wait the twelve hours. If I run out of pills before the month is up, I pay a price. If I go 36 hours without a pill, I start to have withdrawal. For me that is "restless leg syndrome." I would call it akathisia because it is round the clock. It's torture, so I mostly space out my pills to last the whole month.
At times, I think of suicide to escape the depression. I feel like these tablets are the best thing I have going for me. Yesterday, I took two tablets at the same time because I was having a miserable time with severe depression. That 20 mg of hydrocodone was like getting a glass of water in the desert. It helped a lot.
I wonder if anyone else here finds that using an opioid relieves depression. I don't discuss this with any doctor. I figure that would be the fastest way to lose this prescription that I value so much.
I always have to fight the temptation to use up my tablets ahead of schedule because I don't want to face withdrawal.
I'm trying to find a way to feel better without using up my tablets too soon. I'm thinking of trying edible cannabis. I don't find alcohol helpful, so I'm not much of a drinker.