I don’t want to come off as a downer or pessimist but this does not sound sustainable and sounds a little TOO SIMILAR to the early stages of my heroin addiction.
My story , to try and keep it short , started with Vicodin as well. the prescription was my mother’s however which actually kept me in check from taking too many because i didn’t want to get caught using drugs (i was 13). i noticed an increase in mood and empathy. i loved the world , the people in it and generally felt like the world and people in it loved me back. i took the pills as the bottle said “1 every 6 hours.” i kept the regimen strong for a few months and nobody was any keener to my forming habit — that is until i began smoking marijuana on top of the pills and going on runs. i could run faster and longer and my runner’s high was unmatched. it seemed obvious to continue my usage because if i didn’t like you said , i’d be just uncomfortable (RLS) and kind of grumpy —
It sounds like you’re about to be at this next part of the story and i URGE you to find something in life worth living for so you don’t end up with anything like my shit life. your may be battling depression but it sounds like you’re also battling early stage addiction here. STOP IT WHILE YOU CAN.
— i started to wonder what would happen if i took two or three. so i did and i loved the effects even more. if i just took one i did the feel much anymore. so two or three became regular then daily. i started researching the pills i was ingesting and came to learn of “bioavailability” and “route of administration.” not too long after i was off to the races. snorting pills left and right , liver pain on the regular which i was taking more and more pills to combat. i maxed out at 10-15 pills a day and the stashes were going faster and faster. eventually i did get caught but that’s not why i’m telling this story so i’ll spare you the details. i was buying them illegally and decided to switch to something stronger with what i assumed based on class of drug alone would be the same effects. ergo the heroin. Long story short i’m on the brink of homelessness nowadays a regular IV methamphetamine user , occasional IV fentanyl user and daily IV suboxone user when the money just isn’t there. i don’t have much going for me besides my next paycheck. i would say i want to get clean but i just can’t image a life without the drugs anymore. YOU DON’T WANT TO END UP LIKE ME. this is not a scare tactic , not a lecture and not me pointing the finger. i simply read this and it sounded way too much like myself for me to not bump this thread. stay safe please and find a passion (maybe take up running ? minus the drugs of course) — or just someone to fuck. welcome to bluelight dude.
That would be "dudette," as I'm a human of the XX variety and content to stay that way. My boyfriend died 3 years ago. He exaggerated his pain, so the VA would increase his supply of Vicodin. He did that because he wanted to offer me his surplus supply. At first I told him that was a bad idea. As the surplus grew bigger in his medication drawer, I eventually thought I might as well partake of it, since it was just sitting there. He was very sick and needed a lot of care, despite not having much pain. I have chronic, moderate back pain, mainly when I do anything physically taxing. (I'm fine sitting in my recliner or just walking around.) I needed those pills to be able to get through a typical day of lifting him from bed to chair to wheel chair to toilet to shower chair, etc. Me doing all that meant he didn't have to go into a nursing home. He didn't want that, and neither did I.
While he was alive, I was taking Vicodin 3 or 4 times a day. Once in a while, 5. After he passed away, I had to make do with my own supply, which allows only 2 tablets per day. I made that transition back in 2020. I've asked my healthcare provider to up me another 30 tablets per month. She has declined to do that. (It's rather obvious that I'm not in all that much pain. So I feel lucky to get what I get.)
That's how I got deeper involved with hydrocodone. My tolerance, of course, has increased to where one tablet really doesn't do anything like it used to do. But I like the subtle effect I still manage to get.
I'm sorry for what you've gone thru and what you still go thru. What you've shared is probably the tip of the iceberg, in terms of the hardships that your addiction has caused in your life. I think that getting exposed at such an early age has something to do with how badly entangled you became in those opioid tentacles. My use started after the age of 50. Not that you can't become an addict at any age. I am physically addicted. Doctors don't seem to believe me, when I explain that I get serious withdrawal symptoms, after just 36 hours without a dose. But I sure do. Consistent daily use has made me dependent. I realize that I am also psychologically addicted. I am constantly looking forward to my next dose. I love how much more comfy my bed feels just 20 minutes after swallowing a tablet. Then the feeling just continues improving for a good two or three hours. Then it fades.
I appreciate the moral of your story. In my case, I'm not looking to score more opioid on the street. I wouldn't even know where to go, but I'm sure I could track down a source, if I really wanted to. One night someone walking by where I live asked me if I wanted to buy some hydrocodone. That seemed like quite a coincidence. I didn't know this person. I think the devil helps users and dealers find each other. Of course, I turned down the offer. I'm just too afraid. There's too much contamination out there. I'm sorry you are living with that danger hanging over your head.
My boyfriend of many years passing away did leave quite a void in my life. You hit the nail on the head when you advised finding something worth living for. I am retired and spend most of my time alone, which I believe is making me depressed. I live in a good size city where there's plenty of stuff going on. I need to get out and find things to get involved in.
When we met, my guy was way too involved with alcohol. He went in and out of homelessness. Actually, he was addicted to the bar rooms. (He only drank in bars.) After having become divorced, being at this and that bar seemed to be what he needed to make his life feel livable. Otherwise, he just felt too lonely. But, when he developed very serious health problems, he decided to stop. I think having me helped him also. He went on to live over 20 years completely sober. I was glad I had stuck with him over all the drinking years, though we had become semi-separated. There has been a time when it really looked like he was going to be found dead in the street. His kids had kind of given up on him. The Salvation Army had a lot to do with saving his life. I mention his story because, at his worst, no one thought that he would change or that he could change. Even I got to where I wouldn't be around him when he was drinking. It may not be too late for you. But, yes, you need something to look forward to. Lately I find myself lamenting that "I have nothing to look forward to." However, on days when I'm not depressed, I still have a glimmer of hope that I might be able to change that. Today was one of those days. I just need to not be depressed long enough to find something I can participate in that gets me out of my shell. Then I won't keep spiraling down so bad. These tailspins have been increasingly miserable.
so it was self medicating. I was selling it on streets to have enough for myself. Now I'm good, clean from them for a long time but my 20's were tragedy, lost best times of my life to this shit.
