I'ld like to hear from anyone who uses an opioid to fight depression.

[Man67]

How doss it work long term ? Like, after 10 or 20 years of using ? Dosage, physical problems, side effects ?

I'm taking 10mg Oxycodone in the morning for the last year and half. It gives me about 3 hours free of suic. thoughts and TRD.
The rest of the day I mostly spend in bed, depressed and miserable again. No side effects.

 

[DesertHarp]

Be careful with amitriptyline. It's extremely toxic medication with serious side effects. I'm taking 150 mg of Amitriptyline for the last 9-10 years and it doesn't help my TRD at all. It works a bit as a sleeping aid & pain killer and that's all.

The only reason I'm still taking it is because it's almost impossible to tapper it down. These are my Psychiatrist's words. If you have nothing to lose then try it and stay at the low dose (up to 50mg) if possible. All the best.

I take amitriptyline, and I agree it is not easy to get off of. A psychiatrist gave me the following good advice for tapering down. He said to reduce the dosage by just 5 mg a month. That is definitely the way to go to get off the stuff. Even tapering that gradually is not without some issues, but they're not a big deal. When I got down to 35 mg, I started having some stomach queaziness, but very tolerable. After a few months, I went back on it because I just function better on it.

I now take 50 mg every evening. It helps me a lot. I still get episodes of depression. Taking higher doses never yielded much benefit. It just dried out my mouth a lot more and made me way worse constipated.

I really question your doctor's judgement. 150 mg is quite a lot. To take that high a dose when it's not helping is possibly harming your body for nothing. Watch out for constipation. It can lead to diverticulitis, as you get older. Two years ago, diverticulitis had me in the hospital awfully sick. Amitriptyline can set you up for glaucoma and difficulty emptying your bladder. The main worry is that it can stress out your heart.

 

[Man67]

I'm using laxatives twice a week due to chronic constipation. Not only from Amitriptyline but also due to poor diet. I literally live on chocolate and potato chips. I know how to cook but don't have energy to do it.

According to my Dr. I would feel much worse if I tapper down or discontinue Amitriptyline. There's only one way to find out and I am afraid to do it.

I'm glad that you feel benefits from only 50mg. Try to stay on it as long as you can. I was on that dose for years until my chronic insomnia came back. That's the only reason why I increased the dosage.

All the best.

 

[DesertHarp]

I'm using laxatives twice a week due to chronic constipation. Not only from Amitriptyline but also due to poor diet. I literally live on chocolate and potato chips. I know how to cook but don't have energy to do it.

According to my Dr. I would feel much worse if I tapper down or discontinue Amitriptyline. There's only one way to find out and I am afraid to do it.

I'm glad that you feel benefits from only 50mg. Try to stay on it as long as you can. I was on that dose for years until my chronic insomnia came back. That's the only reason why I increased the dosage.

All the best.

Amitriptyline is very effective in helping a person fall asleep faster. It has done that for me. I understand staying on it, even just for that reason.

If you're taking laxatives twice a week most weeks, then I would suggest you taking a lower dose of laxative daily. Perhaps you've been told that, if you poop good every 3 days, that's sufficient. I'm a nurse, and that's what they used to tell us. We would only give a laxative, if a patient went 3 days without pooping a good poop. Following that protocol, I used to end up giving enemas and manually removing hardened stool. It's obsolete advice.

I believe chronic constipation led to my diverticulitis. I decided to do whatever it took to make myself poop a good amount every single day. It has changed my life for the better. That is the way our bodies are supposed to work. I use polyethylene glycol powder, sold as MiraLAX and as generic brands - all exactly the same. It is an osmotic laxative, rather than a stimulant. Osmotics are the best. They hold water in the stool, just as dietary fiber does . . . only they are more reliable. Stimulants, like senna, irritate the lining of your colon. Not the best thing to do. Stool softeners, like Colace, will make stool less hard, but they are inadequate. They produce stool with a putty-like consistency. Not what you're shooting for.

Being a powder, you can easily experiment and learn how much you need. I take it first thing in the morning mixed with hot chocolate or hot tea. I now poop normal every day, even though I take hydrocodone twice daily.

If I wasn't able to afford polyethylene glycol, I would use milk of magnesia - also an osmotic agent, but real cheap to buy. If you're only having a good poop every 3 days, you need to revise your program because you are harming your colon by allowing too much pressure to keep building up. You can get away with that for years. Then, one day, you discover your colon is damaged, when you're in the emergency room with the intense pain of diverticulitis.

 

[Man67]

Amitriptyline is very effective in helping a person fall asleep faster. It has done that for me. I understand staying on it, even just for that reason.

If you're taking laxatives twice a week most weeks, then I would suggest you taking a lower dose of laxative daily. Perhaps you've been told that, if you poop good every 3 days, that's sufficient. I'm a nurse, and that's what they used to tell us. We would only give a laxative, if a patient went 3 days without pooping a good poop. Following that protocol, I used to end up giving enemas and manually removing hardened stool. It's obsolete advice.

I believe chronic constipation led to my diverticulitis. I decided to do whatever it took to make myself poop a good amount every single day. It has changed my life for the better. That is the way our bodies are supposed to work. I use polyethylene glycol powder, sold as MiraLAX and as generic brands - all exactly the same. It is an osmotic laxative, rather than a stimulant. Osmotics are the best. They hold water in the stool, just as dietary fiber does . . . only they are more reliable. Stimulants, like senna, irritate the lining of your colon. Not the best thing to do. Stool softeners, like Colace, will make stool less hard, but they are inadequate. They produce stool with a putty-like consistency. Not what you're shooting for.

Being a powder, you can easily experiment and learn how much you need. I take it first thing in the morning mixed with hot chocolate or hot tea. I now poop normal every day, even though I take hydrocodone twice daily.

If I wasn't able to afford polyethylene glycol, I would use milk of magnesia - also an osmotic agent, but real cheap to buy. If you're only having a good poop every 3 days, you need to revise your program because you are harming your colon by allowing too much pressure to keep building up. You can get away with that for years. Then, one day, you discover your colon is damaged, when you're in the emergency room with the intense pain of diverticulitis.

Thanks for the advice, I'll try that. I usually take Dulcolax suppositories because they work almost immediately (20-45 minutes). I also have Movicol sachets which I take the day before (4-5 satchets).

If I understood correctly, I should take maybe 2 satchets every day in order not to get constipated?

 

[DesertHarp]

Thanks for the advice, I'll try that. I usually take Dulcolax suppositories because they work almost immediately (20-45 minutes). I also have Movicol sachets which I take the day before (4-5 satchets).

If I understood correctly, I should take maybe 2 satchets every day in order not to get constipated?

Yes. That's the idea. Movicol sachets are polyethylene glycol, along with some electrolytes. One of the electrolytes it has is potassium, which tastes awful. That's why I prefer the plain polyethylene glycol, with nothing added.

Dulcolax suppositories contain bisocodyl, which acts by irritating the lining of the rectum. The irritation brings on muscle contractions that move the stool downward.

If you take the powder often enough, it might give you normal daily bowel movements, without the need for the Dulcolax. That would be a better regimen. It replicates what fiber does, only much more reliably.

Definitely try taking 1 to 2 sachets daily, and see where you're at. Your goal is to go every day, preferably in the morning. Play with the dosage. 1 and 1/2 sachet might turn out to be the right amount. Your second goal is to never pass hard stool. If stool is hard, it means you need a higher daily dose of oral, osmotic laxative (like polyethylene glycol - also called PEG.)

Everyone, including doctors, makes this way more complicated than it needs to be. Forget slugging down massive amounts of water. People believe all that water flushes out the colon. It does not. It will definitely flush out your bladder. That does nothing to help constipation. Drink enough fluid to keep your urine light yellow in color. That's all the fluid you need. People talk about taking prunes, fruit, salad. That stuff is all good, but don't depend on any of it.

 

[Man67]

Yes. That's the idea. Movicol sachets are polyethylene glycol, along with some electrolytes. One of the electrolytes it has is potassium, which tastes awful. That's why I prefer the plain polyethylene glycol, with nothing added.

Dulcolax suppositories contain bisocodyl, which acts by irritating the lining of the rectum. The irritation brings on muscle contractions that move the stool downward.

If you take the powder often enough, it might give you normal daily bowel movements, without the need for the Dulcolax. That would be a better regimen. It replicates what fiber does, only much more reliably.

Definitely try taking 1 to 2 sachets daily, and see where you're at. Your goal is to go every day, preferably in the morning. Play with the dosage. 1 and 1/2 sachet might turn out to be the right amount. Your second goal is to never pass hard stool. If stool is hard, it means you need a higher daily dose of oral, osmotic laxative (like polyethylene glycol - also called PEG.)

Everyone, including doctors, makes this way more complicated than it needs to be. Forget slugging down massive amounts of water. People believe all that water flushes out the colon. It does not. It will definitely flush out your bladder. That does nothing to help constipation. Drink enough fluid to keep your urine light yellow in color. That's all the fluid you need. People talk about taking prunes, fruit, salad. That stuff is all good, but don't depend on any of it.

Thanks a lot mate. Great advice.

 

[DesertHarp]

This thread, which I started, is getting kinda old. But I'm back here because I'm having a hard time, and it falls under the heading of this thread.

I'm having an episode of depression. It has gotten bad. Since I just got a refill on my Vicodin, I can afford to take some extra doses, without worrying that I'll deplete my supply too soon and experience withdrawal. So I just took 3 tablets, whereas I normally would take one.

It's helping a little bit. I'm posting here in hopes of this being read by anyone who's been where I'm at - dealing with depression and absolutely desperate for relief.

I've done all the legitimate things one is supposed to do to address chronically recurring depression. I always manage to recover. Still, there's always another episode waiting down the road. Being in the midst of an episode can get brutal. I've never consumed an overdose, but I'm tempted to eat a few more tablets. I'm not looking for anyone to endorse that. I'm asking if anyone understands. There's got to be others here who know exactly what I'm going through. Some have posted above. I could use some more well wishes.

 

[chippermonk]

This thread, which I started, is getting kinda old. But I'm back here because I'm having a hard time, and it falls under the heading of this thread.

I'm having an episode of depression. It has gotten bad. Since I just got a refill on my Vicodin, I can afford to take some extra doses, without worrying that I'll deplete my supply too soon and experience withdrawal. So I just took 3 tablets, whereas I normally would take one.

It's helping a little bit. I'm posting here in hopes of this being read by anyone who's been where I'm at - dealing with depression and absolutely desperate for relief.

I've done all the legitimate things one is supposed to do to address chronically recurring depression. I always manage to recover. Still, there's always another episode waiting down the road. Being in the midst of an episode can get brutal. I've never consumed an overdose, but I'm tempted to eat a few more tablets. I'm not looking for anyone to endorse that. I'm asking if anyone understands. There's got to be others here who know exactly what I'm going through. Some have posted above. I could use some more well wishes.

I get it. I take the Vicodin at much lower dose ( 2.5 mg) but I have no tolerance , no prescription, and small supply, so it I have to conserve more than I'd like. I felt compelled to take some for a depressed mood a couple days ago and as always it helped.
Good luck

 

[gingertabby]

Aye mate, i been in heroin recovery with methadone, and all the physical discomfort is gone, but now i have severe depressive episodes, like crying n shit, for which i need 10mgs of methadone, or 20 if it gets real bad, so i guess i am now just using it for depression logged in today after a year, and it happens to be my "anniversary party" i think i havent posted anything until now.

 

[DesertHarp]

I get it. I take the Vicodin at much lower dose ( 2.5 mg) but I have no tolerance , no prescription, and small supply, so it I have to conserve more than I'd like. I felt compelled to take some for a depressed mood a couple days ago and as always it helped.
Good luck

Thank you for this post. I believe you understand. I'm grateful for any understanding.

 

[Man67]

This thread, which I started, is getting kinda old. But I'm back here because I'm having a hard time, and it falls under the heading of this thread.

I'm having an episode of depression. It has gotten bad. Since I just got a refill on my Vicodin, I can afford to take some extra doses, without worrying that I'll deplete my supply too soon and experience withdrawal. So I just took 3 tablets, whereas I normally would take one.

It's helping a little bit. I'm posting here in hopes of this being read by anyone who's been where I'm at - dealing with depression and absolutely desperate for relief.

I've done all the legitimate things one is supposed to do to address chronically recurring depression. I always manage to recover. Still, there's always another episode waiting down the road. Being in the midst of an episode can get brutal. I've never consumed an overdose, but I'm tempted to eat a few more tablets. I'm not looking for anyone to endorse that. I'm asking if anyone understands. There's got to be others here who know exactly what I'm going through. Some have posted above. I could use some more well wishes.

I wish I could help but I have exactly the same problem. Apparently IV Ketamine is working for TRD but it's a way too expensive. One session is around $2000 and you need it every week. Here in Australia Medicare doesn't cover it.

There's also a ketamine nasal spray (Spravato) which cost around $800 per week. Check with your Dr. to find out are you eligible and how much you have to pay? Until then small amount of oxycodone (10mg) is your lifeline and will keep you depression free for around 3-4 hours. I'm talking from experience and have a legal prescription. Good luck mate and don't give up!

 

[DesertHarp]

Aye mate, i been in heroin recovery with methadone, and all the physical discomfort is gone, but now i have severe depressive episodes, like crying n shit, for which i need 10mgs of methadone, or 20 if it gets real bad, so i guess i am now just using it for depression logged in today after a year, and it happens to be my "anniversary party" i think i havent posted anything until now.

Congratulations on your anniversary. That's interesting that the methadone is somewhat helpful for depression. I've heard of methadone being used for pain in cancer patients. I hope you will continue progressing in your recovery. Perhaps the depression is a result of stopping the heroin, and maybe it will subside, as you get further along in recovery. Or maybe not. I suspect that being vulnerable to depression may be a factor in getting into heroin use in the first place. I'm sorry you get such severe episodes. I think finding supportive friendship is very important. That's not easy. Everyone thinks they know about depression because everyone has tasted it. Having it on a chronically recurring basis is a whole other bag of beans, which most people do not understand, and you cannot explain it to them.

 

[BananasAndBlow]

I've started a few threads already. I'm starting this one to introduce myself, which I didn't do before.

I take hydrocodone for back pain. I get 60 tablets each month. (What I get is called Vicodin - hydrocodone and acetaminophen - 10/325.) That's my only supply. It's prescribed legally. Much of the time, my back pain isn't a big issue. Often, the real reason I keep taking these pills is to feel better mentally. I suffer from depression. I've been to shrinks about it and tried all kinds of psych meds. Nothing they prescibe does much. I function okay.

It seems like my life revolves around these pills. Basically, I take one every twelve hours. I'm obsessed with these pills. I count the hours until I can take another one. Sometimes, when the depression is bad, I don't wait the twelve hours. If I run out of pills before the month is up, I pay a price. If I go 36 hours without a pill, I start to have withdrawal. For me that is "restless leg syndrome." I would call it akathisia because it is round the clock. It's torture, so I mostly space out my pills to last the whole month.
At times, I think of suicide to escape the depression. I feel like these tablets are the best thing I have going for me. Yesterday, I took two tablets at the same time because I was having a miserable time with severe depression. That 20 mg of hydrocodone was like getting a glass of water in the desert. It helped a lot.

I wonder if anyone else here finds that using an opioid relieves depression. I don't discuss this with any doctor. I figure that would be the fastest way to lose this prescription that I value so much.

I always have to fight the temptation to use up my tablets ahead of schedule because I don't want to face withdrawal.

I'm trying to find a way to feel better without using up my tablets too soon. I'm thinking of trying edible cannabis. I don't find alcohol helpful, so I'm not much of a drinker.

Hi I saw this post and I had to reply because it's all in the vein of what I'm thinking about and going through. But yes I've used oxycontin, then heroin, then fentanyl to fight ptsd and depression. I have ptsd from being sexually assaulted repeatedly as a young child and being used to make cp. That all happened when I was 8 and 9 but I was a weird kid to begin with and was diagnosed as depressed at the age of 4 and add at the age of 8. When I found oxy at the age of 16 it was like I found what I had always been looking for, it made me feel safe, and dealt with my depression and anxiety. It treated my ptsd better than anything and allowed me to almost perfectly compartmentalize that part of my life. I've always been a high functioning addict and held great jobs, paid all my bills, took care of myself, got a college degree etc.

When I met my wife and she came to a concert my band was playing, we danced at the headliners show after ours and right after our first kiss I told her I was a heroin addict and she took me for who I was. When we got more serious I told her I wanted to quit and I tried, and boy did I fail. That's when I just started to be more discrete about my use, she was one of a select few who knew that I used so I figured it never hurt me yet and would be fine. Of course she found out and was upset and started to act like nothing we experienced together was worth anything because I was on heroin when it happened. That broke my heart bc it all meant so much to me still. I went on suboxone and found out 2 weeks in that she was pregnant. The pure joy I felt at being a father kept me in the suboxone for 2 years until my ptsd crept back into my life and the suboxone just didn't work anymore. So I got high for two more years and she knew but everything was okay so she didn't say anything. When the pandemic hit I was working in event production so I was one of the first laid off and the last called back to work. I was making good money on furlough and UI but then my goto plug got some stuff that was cut with benzos at a time in my life when I had almost no tolerance for them. I blacked out and did some not cool things and made a fool of myself in front of my family. They found out for the first time about my use after it had gone on for nearly 20 years. There were threats made of havingg my son taken away from me. I went I to rehab for 90 days cold turkey off fentanyl and methadone (would make the story longer explaining my methadone use at the time) and withdrawal was brutal but my insurance didn't really cover detox that would have cost me $800 per day. I was sober for those 90 days and gave it my all, my son and I are so close and I really am a great father to him. Im there for everything and always put him before myself.
After almost 6 total months of complete sobriety and therapy that frustrated me almost as much as aspects of AA did I relapsed again as my ptsd and nightmares that come with it and the over sharing I felt like I was doing all came to a vicious close. This time I didn't sneak or lie and told my wife everything I was doing as that was the aspect of my problem that bothered her the most. Things got much better and were going smoothly. Then two month ago my plug got a batch and it had xylazine in it something I always avoid and he had never had stuff with it in it before. If you don't know xylazine is a powerful tranquilizer they use as part of the cocktail to put down dogs or sedate larger mammals. I turned off while at a store and caught a case. Now I'm on paper in a diversion program as it's my first real offense besides some minor stuff (as I said I'm extremely high functioning and it pissed many group leads and members of AA/NA because my use was not very problematic and I was an anomaly among my peers there) and I'm in MAT IOP and regularly tested. All my charges will be dropped if I don't violate, if I do I will be indicted and likely become a felon. I've been in a methadone program for two months and I hate it.
My wife recently asked me if I'd still use if it were legal and I instantly said yes and she frowned and said "that's disappointing". OK, maybe but let's all be honest... when I'm using my wife and kid, my parents and family, my coworkers etc, all of them like me more. If it were legal it would be cheaper, I would know exactly what I was getting so it wouldn't be dangerous and I wouldn't have to associate with drug dealers. Why wouldn't I use? It's worked better than any of the awful drugs I've been prescribed with so much less in the way of side effects. The only thing getting me through (besides my wife and son) is that in 8 months I can use again and feel okay. If I'm not having a nightmare about my ptsd I'm having a dream where I am almost using or trying to use etc. I'm not chasing a high I just want to feel safe and okay. When I was sober for nearly 6 months I complained to my sponsor that I didn't feel good like the other guys, I felt awful. He said that was because for someone who used as much and as often as I did it would be years before I felt anything close to normal. That's part of what pushed me over to relapse. Why would I sacrifice years as a middle aged person to feel half as okay as I did as an addict? It makes no sense. I don't OD, I'm as safe as I can be. Everyone likes me more when I do opiates. I'm on opiates right now but I'm not addicted to methadone I am a heroin addict. It's done more for me immediately than years working with psychiatrists, meds, and med combinations has. I recently decided I will no longer feel shame for doing something that works great for me and makes life better for me and the people who care about me. It's only outside interference that makes it problematic. It's a better antidepressant than any of the dozens of others that have mangled my brain over the years. When I'm using it's the only drug I use, weed and alcohol don't interest me at all anymore and I've gotten over stimulants and psychedelics over the years to. Sorry if this isn't exactly what you were asking for but this post brought it out of me. I know I'm addicted but if it weren't for dumb laws and taboos it wouldn't be an issue at all. I used to think about the only way out too but I don't feel as bad once I decided I wasn't ashamed of who I am and it is just part of who I am. Don't give up and let it make you feel weak or less than. Cheers. Feel free to dm (pm?) me.

 

[DesertHarp]

Hi I saw this post and I had to reply because it's all in the vein of what I'm thinking about and going through. But yes I've used oxycontin, then heroin, then fentanyl to fight ptsd and depression. I have ptsd from being sexually assaulted repeatedly as a young child and being used to make cp. That all happened when I was 8 and 9 but I was a weird kid to begin with and was diagnosed as depressed at the age of 4 and add at the age of 8. When I found oxy at the age of 16 it was like I found what I had always been looking for, it made me feel safe, and dealt with my depression and anxiety. It treated my ptsd better than anything and allowed me to almost perfectly compartmentalize that part of my life. I've always been a high functioning addict and held great jobs, paid all my bills, took care of myself, got a college degree etc.

When I met my wife and she came to a concert my band was playing, we danced at the headliners show after ours and right after our first kiss I told her I was a heroin addict and she took me for who I was. When we got more serious I told her I wanted to quit and I tried, and boy did I fail. That's when I just started to be more discrete about my use, she was one of a select few who knew that I used so I figured it never hurt me yet and would be fine. Of course she found out and was upset and started to act like nothing we experienced together was worth anything because I was on heroin when it happened. That broke my heart bc it all meant so much to me still. I went on suboxone and found out 2 weeks in that she was pregnant. The pure joy I felt at being a father kept me in the suboxone for 2 years until my ptsd crept back into my life and the suboxone just didn't work anymore. So I got high for two more years and she knew but everything was okay so she didn't say anything. When the pandemic hit I was working in event production so I was one of the first laid off and the last called back to work. I was making good money on furlough and UI but then my goto plug got some stuff that was cut with benzos at a time in my life when I had almost no tolerance for them. I blacked out and did some not cool things and made a fool of myself in front of my family. They found out for the first time about my use after it had gone on for nearly 20 years. There were threats made of havingg my son taken away from me. I went I to rehab for 90 days cold turkey off fentanyl and methadone (would make the story longer explaining my methadone use at the time) and withdrawal was brutal but my insurance didn't really cover detox that would have cost me $800 per day. I was sober for those 90 days and gave it my all, my son and I are so close and I really am a great father to him. Im there for everything and always put him before myself.
After almost 6 total months of complete sobriety and therapy that frustrated me almost as much as aspects of AA did I relapsed again as my ptsd and nightmares that come with it and the over sharing I felt like I was doing all came to a vicious close. This time I didn't sneak or lie and told my wife everything I was doing as that was the aspect of my problem that bothered her the most. Things got much better and were going smoothly. Then two month ago my plug got a batch and it had xylazine in it something I always avoid and he had never had stuff with it in it before. If you don't know xylazine is a powerful tranquilizer they use as part of the cocktail to put down dogs or sedate larger mammals. I turned off while at a store and caught a case. Now I'm on paper in a diversion program as it's my first real offense besides some minor stuff (as I said I'm extremely high functioning and it pissed many group leads and members of AA/NA because my use was not very problematic and I was an anomaly among my peers there) and I'm in MAT IOP and regularly tested. All my charges will be dropped if I don't violate, if I do I will be indicted and likely become a felon. I've been in a methadone program for two months and I hate it.
My wife recently asked me if I'd still use if it were legal and I instantly said yes and she frowned and said "that's disappointing". OK, maybe but let's all be honest... when I'm using my wife and kid, my parents and family, my coworkers etc, all of them like me more. If it were legal it would be cheaper, I would know exactly what I was getting so it wouldn't be dangerous and I wouldn't have to associate with drug dealers. Why wouldn't I use? It's worked better than any of the awful drugs I've been prescribed with so much less in the way of side effects. The only thing getting me through (besides my wife and son) is that in 8 months I can use again and feel okay. If I'm not having a nightmare about my ptsd I'm having a dream where I am almost using or trying to use etc. I'm not chasing a high I just want to feel safe and okay. When I was sober for nearly 6 months I complained to my sponsor that I didn't feel good like the other guys, I felt awful. He said that was because for someone who used as much and as often as I did it would be years before I felt anything close to normal. That's part of what pushed me over to relapse. Why would I sacrifice years as a middle aged person to feel half as okay as I did as an addict? It makes no sense. I don't OD, I'm as safe as I can be. Everyone likes me more when I do opiates. I'm on opiates right now but I'm not addicted to methadone I am a heroin addict. It's done more for me immediately than years working with psychiatrists, meds, and med combinations has. I recently decided I will no longer feel shame for doing something that works great for me and makes life better for me and the people who care about me. It's only outside interference that makes it problematic. It's a better antidepressant than any of the dozens of others that have mangled my brain over the years. When I'm using it's the only drug I use, weed and alcohol don't interest me at all anymore and I've gotten over stimulants and psychedelics over the years to. Sorry if this isn't exactly what you were asking for but this post brought it out of me. I know I'm addicted but if it weren't for dumb laws and taboos it wouldn't be an issue at all. I used to think about the only way out too but I don't feel as bad once I decided I wasn't ashamed of who I am and it is just part of who I am. Don't give up and let it make you feel weak or less than. Cheers. Feel free to dm (pm?) me.

Thank you for sharing your story. It certainly resonates with me.

You might be interested in the biography of William Stewart Halsted M.D. - the father of American surgery. He helped found Johns Hopkins Hospital, a premier medical center in the U.S. He was addicted to morphine his entire life. After repeated failed attempts to quit, he decided to simply "maintain." He did that and continued an absolutely stunning career. We are all indebted to him for how he modernized surgery.

His morphine use did affect his physical abilities, such that he had to delegate parts of his surgeries to young residents with quicker, more nimble fingers. Still, he presided as chief surgeon and revolutionized both the training of surgeons and the practice of surgery. I'm willing to believe that - for him - maintaining may have been a rational decision. I suspect he could not have had the career he did have, if he had not been able to dose himself according to a regular schedule.

HAT stands for Heroin-assisted Treatment, whereby addicts are assisted to "maintain" on heroin. They get medical heroin, which they self-administer under supervision, using provided sterile injection equipment. Research has found this works very well for some highly motivated addicts, willing to use within the constraints of the program. From what I read, this has become a legal treatment in some countries. Hopefully, it may someday be available world-wide. That won't be anytime soon in the U.S. That's for sure.

 

[smackatackpunpunpun]

I did use opiates for a time for depression(started when I was 16 years old directly after a 105 fever.) And ADHD/dissociative symptoms that have been with me my entire life and they work well, better than anything for depression that I have found except for a strong mushroom trip. But it’s also a slippery slope because of their inherent nature.
I also can tell when I’m abusing them and when I’m medicating with them now.
What I’ve noticed with opiates is that they are fantastic for stress, if you lack sleep or have low energy they give you energy and make it so you don’t feel it and can function normally, they also make things like presentations a breeze.
I noticed I was able to function better with them and that’s what really hooked me is the addiction to people pleasing, ultimately.

So I basically took kratom, but it never quite scratched the itch fully and I was still depressed, then I went to Vicodin whenever I could get it and then oxycodone. Heroin because of the price, I’d say the first 6 months of heroin usage was medicinal but became addicted. Got into fent which was purely addiction and hell, now I’m hoping to hop off of everything because it’s not worth it at all. So my usage now is completely functioning based. I hate them but if I don’t take something weak, like tia or kratom, I’m not able to function at an acceptable level for society. The people pleasing is my weakness and wanting to succeed. I’ve never lost a job due to them and I’ve never nodded because of them.
I’ve also noticed opiates have antipsychotic effects, not that I struggle with that but when I was being treated by a psychiatrist I took an antipsychotic and quit it cold turkey because of the side effects and went insane temporarily.

Now I don’t need them in the same manner and I enjoy little pleasures like tea and herbs.
Hoping to be sober soon, this month I think and I will see where I land.

 

[BananasAndBlow]

I mean the dosage gets a bit out of control but the side effects are minimal and the physical issues are neglegent. The only annoying long term elements are costs and a reliable and quality supply. Any legal issues that may arise. And planning for travel is more difficult.

 

[DesertHarp]

I did use opiates for a time for depression(started when I was 16 years old directly after a 105 fever.) And ADHD/dissociative symptoms that have been with me my entire life and they work well, better than anything for depression that I have found except for a strong mushroom trip. But it’s also a slippery slope because of their inherent nature.
I also can tell when I’m abusing them and when I’m medicating with them now.
What I’ve noticed with opiates is that they are fantastic for stress, if you lack sleep or have low energy they give you energy and make it so you don’t feel it and can function normally, they also make things like presentations a breeze.
I noticed I was able to function better with them and that’s what really hooked me is the addiction to people pleasing, ultimately.

So I basically took kratom, but it never quite scratched the itch fully and I was still depressed, then I went to Vicodin whenever I could get it and then oxycodone. Heroin because of the price, I’d say the first 6 months of heroin usage was medicinal but became addicted. Got into fent which was purely addiction and hell, now I’m hoping to hop off of everything because it’s not worth it at all. So my usage now is completely functioning based. I hate them but if I don’t take something weak, like tia or kratom, I’m not able to function at an acceptable level for society. The people pleasing is my weakness and wanting to succeed. I’ve never lost a job due to them and I’ve never nodded because of them.
I’ve also noticed opiates have antipsychotic effects, not that I struggle with that but when I was being treated by a psychiatrist I took an antipsychotic and quit it cold turkey because of the side effects and went insane temporarily.

Now I don’t need them in the same manner and I enjoy little pleasures like tea and herbs.
Hoping to be sober soon, this month I think and I will see where I land.

I truly wish you success in escaping addiction to opiates. Psychiatrists will throw everything in the pharmacy at you, including antipsychotic drugs. They do this because they don't really know which drug might help you. So they have you try this, that and the other thing. I went through that myself. Most psych meds did me zero good. One antidepressant - amitriptyline - did help, so I stay on it. But I still get very depressed at times.

Taking Vicodin (hydrocodone with Tylenol) helps me, physically and mentally. Of course, it doesn't help as well as it did when I first started taking it, but I don't escalate my use because my only supply is what is prescribed for me. So I take the same amount pretty much every day. I look forward to each dose. Once you get into obtaining opiates from drug dealers, the sky becomes the limit, as long as you have money to spend on it. You found all that out yourself.

Psychiatry is still a very young field. I've gone to psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists. I never found any of that to be much help. I really don't think they know what they're doing half the time. Still, if I was trying to get off the level of drug use that you got up to, I would want medical help to ease the withdrawal. It sounds like you find opiates too helpful to completely give up. I can sympathize with that.

If you Google "opiates for treatment of depression", you'll see some articles about studies where depressed patients were given oxycodone for depression. The studies concluded that it works for some people. I doubt you'll find any doctor willing to prescribe opiates for depression. So that leaves you on your own, self-medicating. It sounds like you are somewhat disciplined in your use, since you're able to stay employed. If you can avoid getting carried away, maybe you'll maintain and keep functioning as you need to.

 

[Man67]

Let's say hypothetically that one has no energy and mental strength to cope anymore. And that legal supply of meds ends in 2 weeks. One never bought illegal substances and doesn't know anyone who could help him. Going to Dr. or Psychiatrist is a waste of time. What one's options are, if any?

 

[Explorer46]

Let's say hypothetically that one has no energy and mental strength to cope anymore. And that legal supply of meds ends in 2 weeks. One never bought illegal substances and doesn't know anyone who could help him. Going to Dr. or Psychiatrist is a waste of time. What one's options are, if any?

So, you have the substance now, you know it works for you, and you just need to obtain somehow it for these 2 weeks ? Or you need it from now on, there will be no legal legal supply after 2 weeks end ?