If you really knew me, would you still be my friend?

[SececaRD]

Do you ever ask yourslef this question, or do you ever think of this.


Sometimes I feel like im living a lie, and if people really knew the real me they wouldnt want anything to do with me.

Whats yoru feelings on this??

 

[Whipped Dream]

Let's just say for the sake of argument that you stopped living a lie...and you started living a completely transparent life. No secrets, no pretenses, no more acting. And as a result, most or possibly all of your friends/acquaintances decided they no longer wanted you in their lives anymore.


Would that be bad? Why or why not?

 

[ocean]

I would rather be liked for the person I AM rather than a person I am not.
If someone can't accept you for who you are then they aren't really worth your energy imo.
Being friends with ppl who don't really know you, isn't a real friendship.

 

[death&decay]

Thing is there are some very good people out there who would not understand drug abuse... There are people who are great people but cant seem to look past drugs... I would think that most people, if they knew about my addiction, would likely either lose trust me, not want to be associated with me, or would look at me differently.

 

[BrahamCracker]

I would rather belied for the person I AM rather than a person I am not.
If someone can't accept you for who you are then they aren't really worth your energy imo.
Being friends with ppl who don't really know you, isn't a real friendship.

this made me realize how many friends i actually have ... 1

 

[panic in paradise]

^
yeah, i feel like i would of said something like that.



but its a great thing to think, and do.

idk, be yourself, be good to yourself, and the rest will follow if you dont resist eventually.

 

[purple_cloud]

Well, I am the real me, and I act like it, which is why I don't really have any friends. I was just diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, so now I have some idea as to WHY no one really likes me/I have no long term friends/can't manage to get into a relationship/ETC.

Honestly, I wish I was living a lie at this point. It would be awful, but people would want to be around me at least. *sigh*

 

[ocean]

^ The person you are here on BL is someone I would like to be friends with irl. So if you are real on here, then I think its just about getting out and meeting folks??
Give yourself some credit, you are a beautiful, compassionate, genuine girl.
I'd be proud to call you my friend.

 

[Sweet P]

I make it a point to be open (sometimes blatantly open) about myself.

What's the point of lying? True friends will accept the real me. The rest can fuck off.

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

oh man, i love this concept. I think it is virginia woolf who always brings it up in her writing. and definitely godard in his movies. not this specific question, but ideas that apply.

just like you will only ever see the light reflected off of objects processed in your CNS; you will only ever see representations of people. you can never know what the person you love is thinking. who they truly are. all you get is images. expressions. you will never truly know a thought beyond your own. so fucking sad. in a way. in another it is a huge part of life, trying to come as close a possible to this unachievable understanding or connection.

godard tries to illustrate this by comparing human interaction to how the surface of a moment or person can be captured by photography. when looking at a photograph of another person, most people feel they know the gist of what the subject was thinking in that moment, but only the subject truly knows. you do not get anything more than the input of you 5 senses when communicating with another person. hardly more than when watching them on film.



if people knew certain aspects of me that i keep hidden, but did not have a true understanding of the whole me, they might hate me. i imagine this would be the same for a lot of people. or at least i hope. i also think if people truly knew the whole me, then we would be infuckinglove. or at least i hope.



aww, purplecloud. if people are not jumping at the chance to be your friend, it is probably not because of too much understanding.

 

[ocean]

^Your post reminds me of THIS SONG!! - which is a great song.

 

[Asclepius]

^ I know Godard said that but doesnt everyone realise that anyway? And even the subject of the photo doesnt know because their subjective reality is tampered by the fact that others are witnessing them, are actually injecting their perceived 'reality' with their presence and causing it to change. Things are in constant flux, nothing is static.
We are all a million different people to ourselves and each person we meet but we construct our own identity to give us security and boundaries because otherwise we'd go insane and couldnt process what is goin on at any given moment.
It is sad to think of being so alone but this is why we place our ego below that which will help us live a healthier life, less stranded in the lonleyness because the lonleyness comes from being stuck in an ego state that is non permeable to helpful influence that we can use the ego to create a more tolerable reality. So in essence all this stuff is illusion. Thats why art and film is so poignont, like a photo, it captures the essence of the ego state by manipulation of reality; this in itself is not reality though. It touches us but it isnt life, their is no continuity only within a certain, purposefully constructed, timeframe as to capture the will and ego purpose of the creator of the work. A person.

(I am sorry Hydro, not being derogatory because we all learn from different sources, Godard means alot to you...I'm just saying that who really knows themselves, let alone anyone else? Every moment were trying to process shit and constantly changing on the fixed axes of 'Me')

Saccred: Have felt like this often but try not to take it too seriously because its just a normal, sane keepin in check of your ego with social reality. Not being arrogant, it does bother me too sometimes but life is too damn short to let it take over one's quality of living IMO.
We all have parts of ourselves we are ashamed of but its ok, its normal.
No one on this earth is perfect. Thats why we are drawn to each other, part for what we see and part for what we dont see, but deep down we all feel the same essential things. We're just all playing an outward part. Everyone has to respect that cause we all do it, if they dont its usually because they are frightened of what appears unfamiliar, they are threatened by the way you act because they are afraid of the role you are playing. Love yourself, change the role if it benifits you, dont if it doesnt. Always try to be on good terms with yourself.

We create ourselves and the self we create, we take responsibility for(hopefully) and then we alter it according to our enviroment to adapt but still holding on to the basic values that we have learned are important to our survival and our identity(hopefully).

 

[TINK]

I am so transparent. People either hate me or like me. There is really no middle ground. I don't make nicey nice for society's sake... I stay true to myself.

So, if they don't like the real you then who gives a damn.

 

[hydroazuanacaine]

Asclepius, you sure your point is contradictory to the concept i was talking about? or are you saying it is true but too simple to matter?

doesnt everyone realise that anyway?

no. no one fully grasps the idea and all of its implications. if you do, write it down; you'll be famous-er than fuck. prize winning stuff. we'll study you in decades to come.

And even the subject of the photo doesnt know because their subjective reality is tampered by the fact that others are witnessing them, are actually injecting their perceived 'reality' with their presence and causing it to change.

What? not getting into all the intricacies and possibilities of memory, the subject knows what they were thinking. does not mean they know some ultimate truth, just what they were thinking and feeling in the moment the photograph captured.


i'm a little tipsy at the moment, but you seem to be talking about some universal reality that all can obtain some sort of subjective knowledge about. i was not, or at least not directly. again, i do not think what we are saying creates any problematic overlaps. maybe i'll re-read this tomorrow and realize otherwise.




edit:

but deep down we all feel the same essential things.

^you sure? haha, just kidding. or not really. but yeah, this is another idea that is really cool to explore.

 

[Asclepius]

^lmao Ya, I have no desire to be famous. Although the money would come in handy at the moment! I was just making a point, apologies for offending you.

I agree with Godard's statement but its just that, a statement, I dont deify anyone, although I respect his opinion, it is just that.

Your point isnt too simple, was just considering the OP's issue at the time mainly.

Am a little tipsy too so, will leave any potential problematic overlaps for the time being because I wish to busy myself with some mood altering music now.
Enjoy your bevy Miss!

 

[mgmt&mdma]

Well, I am the real me, and I act like it, which is why I don't really have any friends. I was just diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, so now I have some idea as to WHY no one really likes me/I have no long term friends/can't manage to get into a relationship/ETC.

Honestly, I wish I was living a lie at this point. It would be awful, but people would want to be around me at least. *sigh*

^^ EXACTLY my life right here

Purple cloud- im glad you posted this, it lets me know that im not the only one who thinks like this haha

 

[Use2Be]

I think you can be honest about who you are without sharing the drug use aspect of your life with everyone. I keep certain people, particularly friends I met through work and family, on a need to know basis to avoid negative reprecussions. But that does not mean that the me they know isn't real.

I am sure that some of them would distance themselves from me if they knew, and I would miss them, but I think that is more a reflection of their character than mine.

sometimes I feel like I am leading a double life, but I liken it to sharing the details of my sex life. I don't tell everyone I know about that, so it's not so different about keeping the details of my drug use secret.

 

[malakaix]

Do you ever ask yourslef this question, or do you ever think of this.

Sometimes I feel like im living a lie, and if people really knew the real me they wouldnt want anything to do with me.

Whats yoru feelings on this??

Yeah this was me for a good portion of my teenage years leading into my early 20's. Around my 21st birthday all those lies which had helped to create this alter-ego of myself collapsed in on me and i experienced a complete emotional breakdown of my identity.

I didn't know such pain existed, raw primal pain right from the heart tearing me apart.

After this, i made the decision to just be 'me'.. knowing if i were to continue lying to myself i would eventually break-down again. I realized my happiness is more important then anything else, and that happiness comes from "within" not from friends, money or fame. Once i was able to truly accept this.. everything that i worried about seemed so insignificant.. i realized i could be happy with friends and without friends because i was happy with who i was.

As you get older, you care less.. and you understand you create your own happiness, not others.. and once you know this, you take back control of your life.

 

[purple_cloud]

^ The person you are here on BL is someone I would like to be friends with irl. So if you are real on here, then I think its just about getting out and meeting folks??
Give yourself some credit, you are a beautiful, compassionate, genuine girl.
I'd be proud to call you my friend.

Thank you it really means a lot to hear that. I think part of the reason is I've been surrounded by higher education by quite a while now, and in those environments (particularly graduate programs) you are supposed to "be" a certain way, very fake and proper, and I had a hard time doing that...so I think the fact that I wasn't fake contributed to professors and other students not liking me very much.

aww, purplecloud. if people are not jumping at the chance to be your friend, it is probably not because of too much understanding.

I think I just expected people to want to stay my friend...sometimes social hierarchy matters more, I guess. No one wants to sacrifice their own image to be friends with someone who it's "cool" to not like. (And, I mean adults at this point, I'm 23 and don't really have friends younger than me).

Purple cloud- im glad you posted this, it lets me know that im not the only one who thinks like this haha

It feels good to know I'm not alone I wish other people didn't feel like this though, especially here on BL. I feel like here on BL I'm not really "different" than I am in real life, I just reveal a lot more and am a lot more honest, since it's a judgment free zone. Really though, this website, and some people on it, are what has been keeping me sane through such a odd, and ever changing time in my real life.

 

[RollinOnACoaster]

Don't outright stop living a lie. Slowly strip it away, perhaps one person at a time, see what is safe and what isn't safe to reveal. When it comes to your friends, you can't be too careful.