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If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

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What is the big deal about suicide? We will all die. That is a fact. If I choose the time and place and method, that is my choice.

I have suffered from severe depression and bipolar disorder since I was 16 years old. I'm 56 now.

40 years of pretty much unrelenting suffering is enough. I know how I'm going out, I'm just not sure when.
 
I'm half tripping, half on a speed come down with combat stress reaction wearing my uniform in front of a computer alone in a vacant house, and trying to knock the other drugs away with anti psychotics and benzo's.

just remember, if your thinking of sucide for a reason thats of the moment, someone is probably going though something equally shitty, and taking it with a cupful of "why so srs?"
 
OldeTurtle said:
What is the big deal about suicide? We will all die. That is a fact. If I choose the time and place and method, that is my choice.

I have suffered from severe depression and bipolar disorder since I was 16 years old. I'm 56 now.

40 years of pretty much unrelenting suffering is enough. I know how I'm going out, I'm just not sure when.
Click to expand...

My thought process is very similar: Why continue suffering when we're eventually going to die anyway? I guess the only thing that stops me killing myself is the thought that maybe things will get better. My life has been full of pain, but there has also been some fleeting moments of happiness that seem to be enough to keep me going.
 
Very helpful and positve thread, I like. I do remember though when i had the suicidal thoughts that the crisis line didnt really care so much about my situation because i wasnt attempting suicide i just had the thoughts. The guy on the phone literally didnt talk at all and when i finally said something he would say im sorry but i have someone on the line who really needs help. Whatever, i figure theres people out there who actually have ideas on how they would commit suicide, all i had was the thoughts from my brain telling me to end the pain. Im so thankful that I am scared of pain so it would be impossible for me to ever attempt suicide unless i really felt like nothing would ever help me again. I guess the end result was that i looked back on life and how much I enjoy it and that the thing ruining it was constant depression. I quote from someone else "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" i dont think i will ever commit suicide. and If i have the thoughts again, fuck it ill deal with it. life will always be a struggle you have your good times and bad times maybe more bad times, but noone knows what life will be after this so why risk it?
 
I'm in one of my self-destructive moods again (just for a change!).

I'm feeling totally reckless and impulsive. Right now I could cross a busy street without even looking for traffic, pick up a dirty needle and stick it in my arm, take a massive amount of pills, have unprotected sex with a total stranger, drink vodka and drive at 100km/h in a 50km/h zone, and anything else that could possibly harm me.
 
Sweet P said:
I'm in one of my self-destructive moods again (just for a change!).

I'm feeling totally reckless and impulsive. Right now I could cross a busy street without even looking for traffic, pick up a dirty needle and stick it in my arm, take a massive amount of pills, have unprotected sex with a total stranger, drink vodka and drive at 100km/h in a 50km/h zone, and anything else that could possibly harm me.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry you fucking feel so down SweetP, Welcome to my life every fucking day.
Shit could be A LOT fucking worse for us. You know that you are not the only person that has a bad day.
Go Zorbing or something I hear thats big over in ur part of the woods :p
 
I often drive(ride rather, on my 999) 270 in 60 zones...thats not suicidal, just excitement.

Life is a series of calculated risks. Unless you do it with the express intent of being killed, its not suicidal, just risky.
 
I feel very suicidal again and for no reason. It's just one of those "ups and downs" related with my illness and I KNOW that, but I can't stop hoping for the end. This depression is awful. I can't go to class, I just can't make myself, so I am falling way behind. I can't get out of bed, I can't eat, I can't enjoy things I normally would...just classic depression. I just want it to be over. I have tried numerous times before, but I think the next time will really work and I am worried for my saftey, but at the same time I want to be reckless with my life because I am over it. I am thinking about checking back into the mental hospital for a short time till my mood goes back up, but I can't afford to do this every single time I feel suicidal because I would miss too much school. I don't really know what to do.
 
gloeek-
You know it is a part of your ups and downs and awareness of this is so important when you are feeling like that......
There may be times that you can FORCE yourself (I know it is hard) to get up and do the things you need to do.....
The up times will come again......just try to stay strong in the meantime.
If you ever feel like you are going to hurt yourself- seek medical attention asap.
<3 Hope you feel better soon
 
I am always aware that it is a mood swing, but it doesn't make it any less depressing, unfortunatley. I still feel hopeless because I am on all these medications and these bad moods keep coming up and lasting longer than my good moods. Good moods last 3-7 days max and bad moods are the rest of my life. It has always been this way and doesn't look like it's changing ever.
 
Is there a chance of changing your medications up a little?

And I know that awareness doesn't change the situation- but it does give a little bit of hope that you do know things will get better.
I'd talk to your Dr. and see what they say about finding a better balance.
 
I see my Dr tomorrow, so we will see what we can change, but if I go up on my Prozac or change to another SSRI it will take at least 2 weeks to even start working and I don't know what else she can do for depression then to go up on an SSRI or change it...I usually try to sleep through my depressed periods with really high doses of thorazine, but now that I am in school I can't do that because I can't miss class.
 
thank you for posting the suicide help post up. ive been lying to myself for so long. after reading the post i cant stop crying.. i think its time to seek help from a professional. again i thank you chicpoena for posting it up. you may have saved my life.<3
 
This will be my last night on earth ... i tried to not give up, but i have no way of getting out of this situation. is it ok to not leave a note??
 
i dont believe i should let my family know the reasons for my not wanting to live anymore. i would not want them to go through that kind of guilt
 
to be honest with u i dont know. i have no urge to live anymore, im tired
 
why is it that this time of the year gets worst
people say it has to do with the holidays.. but why, shouldnt this be a happy time??
 
^ I know holidays can make me feel very lonely, for a number of reasons. They can also make me pessimistic about my society for others. So I get you on that.

What are the reasons you don't want your family to know? Drug-related stuff? Are you close to your family? I know confusion and the thread of never figuring it out is really, really scary. But at least give it a few days to think about? You deserve at least that much, even if you don't realize it. Nothing at all good comes out of a suicide, but there's potential for good things to happen in the remainder of a life. Hang on man :) <3
 
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