If u could, an opinion would be great

[Mystiq]

How to start well, im no drug addict. Im not withdrawing off of any former drug addiction. I don't have cancer, or rheumatoid arthritis, or kids, or bills. What I do have is a real issue. A debilitating issue, as its become. I have lost the desire to talk, to be among people, anyone, my family even, whom I love but have the hardest time showing them that. To get specific I've been taking Prozac and Seroqel as a sleep aid daily for about 3 weeks now because 3 weeks ago I took a life threatening amount of vikadin that put me into a state hospital and had me under continuous watch by doctors and psych professionals. Since then I've moved back into the household of my youth, where I was extremely happy and healthy, hoping to re-discover that health. But this is all not what I want anyone who's reading to know, I need to know what is wrong with me, because something gravely is.

Aside from the anxiety, depression, dissociation I would say, I go and do the things as if nothing is wrong. Just earlier this evening I went to an mma gym in pursuit of muy thai training and just an overall workout and release of tension and stress. I worked HARD. I mean from when I arrived to when it was time to leave. So hard that I missed out on the other people there. I hardly know how to describe what im experiencing but it is "off" "disconnected" "withdrawn" "going through the motions of life without feeling present" "in a dream wanting to wake up" "lacking awareness" "lacking consciousness".

I feel like a dead man walking around. My brother plays xbox in the mornings and I just sit behind him and stare. I spent practically 2 yrs in isolation up until now so i'm thinking its just my mind readjusting, but I feel mentally damaged by it. The medication hasn't helped at all, the physical exercise has hardly given me any relief. I wake up in the mornings and pretend to be asleep while my mom makes her coffee and my brother get ready for school. I don't know what happened. If it was a reaction to a drug experience, I've taken lsd and rly felt dissociated from it, like not being able to come back to reality, remaining in the state of mind of the trip. A couple yrs ago I took an amount of Tylenol pm that rly should have killed me for the fuck of it and absolutely tripped balls. The night was a complete black out, the next morning I had to piss every 2 minutes to get all of the shit out of my liver. So I worry I did some kind of damage there.

I know this is "all over the place" im sorry. Im just looking for someone's perspective other than my own about my life. I can go on and on about symptoms of broken eye contact, a broken tone of voice, rumination, dwelling in negativity, agoraphobia and on it goes. I feel cursed by god, I mock god sometimes for all of this. How am I to believe in god with all of this going on. I am angry with god, I say things like "I hate You" and "You're a fucking asshole" completely enraged from all of the stress and inability to be at peace. I have relationship problems to put it oh so lightly. Can't hold a single one. Maybe I have a brain tumor and should get a cat scan. I don't even know why im still saying anything here. Fuck it

 

[caseface99]

Did this start before or after the prozac and seroquel came into the picture?

Just wondering, it may not be the cause, but it could be.

 

[Mysterie]

u sound pretty depressed

theres better ways to treat depression than prozac, for most people that is.

i dont think seroquel at sleep-aid doses would be adding to feelings of emptiness, although daily exercise, sunshine and healthy diet would negate the need for a sleep-aid probably...

have you explored everything there is to boost mood / self confidence, this old thread has some good ideas i think

im dissing anti-depressants because i dont think they are very effective except for helping suicidal people be able to leave the house to go to therapy, and they made me feel more dead inside than usual when i tried some of them

theres useful tools like kanna / kava to boost mood and reduce anxiety, what things made you happy when you were young? it could be useful to find a sports team to join / maybe taking up swimming in the evenings or finding a part time job to give you purpose in life

do you use any drugs recreationally? do you smoke weed?

i used to feel like you and was taking any substance i could get my hands on to alter my perception to escape my reality, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and i think maturity is a big factor in seeing the light, im guessing you are around 20 yrs old, feelings of hopelessness are not vry uncommon for people of that age, things can start picking up faster than you think if you start making an effort

 

[Mystiq]

Thank u guys for the feedback. These feelings were the reason i began on any medication, i use to scold the idea of. But with all the hopelessness, Mystery ya i am exactly 20 good call. And im in pretty good shape, like i said im taking up mma in hope to compete, but its rough with these relationship issues. A job is the nxt thing im aching to muster up the strength to consistently hold. My mother wants me to remain on the Prozac another week, thinking im 1 of those 4 week success stories. Idk though, personally, i'd rather be taking small doses of psilocybin to treat all of this....
Thank u again