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If Only

E-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 1999
Messages
4,525
Location
PA, USA
Sometimes, I still think about you.

I think about what could have been.
I think about what was, and what wasn't.
Sometimes, I think I don't really know at all
What I ever wanted.
I just know that you were one of the many things
I wanted, but couldn't have,
Then could have had, but didn't take.
Now every time I think about you,
I wonder if I did the right thing...
By chancing something great
For a moment of memory
That was just a taste, for both of us,
Of something so sweet.

I think about how I said i was sorry so many times,
And how the words were echos of a voice you've grown to push out of your memory
Because sorry doesn't mean anything when you've broken someone's heart.
I wish I could have let you see a glimpse of my feelings,
Even though they were somewhat twisted between fantasy and reality
And even though I ended up hurting you.

I wonder if I could have loved you,
Or maybe I did, even, if its possible to love someone you barely know.
But I thought I did know you, inside and out
And felt closer to you at one point in my life than i have to almost anyone.
I thought I could somehow bypass the girl you loved,
And make you love ME
But it never quite happened that way.
I listened to her talk about you in a way that made me sad for you,
But all i could think was that you deserved someone as pretty as she was
And no matter what she said that night,
You'd go home to her
And everything I said just faded into the shoreline.
It probably wasn't the first midsummer night that some girl stared into your chocolate eyes
And told you how great you were
Because, well, you were great
And everyone knew it.

I can't decide whether or not I regret the one night that changed our friendship.
Part of me wishes I had never found my way into your arms that night.
Maybe I could have saved us all a lot of heartache.
Maybe I wouldn't have been just one more girl who hurt you.
But another part of me is thankful that I got to have that one night,
To have for one night, something I had always wondered about.
I know it was the wrong time.
I know everything about it was wrong,
Except the way you looked at me and told me i was beautiful.
That was sincere and honest and meaningful
And if for nothing else, I knew then that your heart must be as beautiful as the rest of you.
But i also know it wasn't mine to take, or to break.
And my heart was somewhere else too.
I was too caught up in would-have-been's and what-if's.

There's a lot that left unsaid of everything.
It wasn't really worth saying anymore.
It would have fallen on deaf ears, i'm sure.
But sometimes, I still wonder what it would have been like
To wake up next to you everyday
Somewhere far from here
And get to be the girl in your poems for once.
The girl in the coffee shop, maybe.

But here we are. Strangers again.
You've gone your way, and I've gone mine.
I'm happy, and i don't know how you are these days.
But, I think of you
When little things remind me.
I always think of writing,
But what do you say to someone who's stopped listening?
I guess you don't.
So i dont.
I just think...
And hope that you're ok...
And that you're happy.
And that i hope you find someone to love you
The way i could've-would've-should've
If only...
 
well, sometimes, "things don't go as planned." what can i say. sorry is just a word. and like many other things in one's life, it usually comes too late to matter.
 
wow..very nice..i love how each stanza speaks to me in a different way, as if part of a different work, yet all the same piece..

at different points, i feel different things and am reminded of different people from my past..its like the things u feel towards one guy are things that individually describe my feelings towards several different people..

nice work :)
 
there are a few boys id love to post this too, its too damn similar bar a few things said. The "what might have beens" are too common in my neck of the woods... Why did i not take the opportunity?

I spose its easiest to just live thinking everything happens for a reason...

Thanks for putting it all into words.
 
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Originally posted by Taliana
I spose its easiest to just live thinking everything happens for a reason...
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yeah... me too.


I think we all somehow learned to agree on that one.
Especially when there is no one around then, to answer the questions we need to know.
It's alot easier to say that there was a reason, even though it's unknown to us, then to rack our brains day in and day out, trying to find out, what it was that WE did wrong, when in fact, it wasn't us to begin with.
*shrugs*
 
yeah, but maybe sometimes... it was both parties' fault.
maybe more so one person's than the other,
But i also think there is at least a partial cause for every effect.
 
"I wonder if I could have loved you"

I did. I loved him. I really loved him.
It just took me many years to realize it fully.

Please archive this.
 
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