I have had the biggest fight with my mother today, and unfortunately it has been over how much of a bitch my older sister is.
My sister is married to an abusive and very controlling man, which has led her to being very rude and harsh with her family as she lacks so much control with her life. She suffers from a typical case of sibling rivalry, as she sees me not making the stupid mistakes that she has/is. My sister and i have no relationship at all due to the competitiveness as i can't stand the games she plays, and how nasty she tends to be. Her and her husband have caused a lot of upset for me over the years. I have always put up and put up, but that was my mistake. I let too much go on and now that i try to stand my ground no one wants a bar of it.
My mother herself has also been cut off from my sister a few years ago, and badly bad mouthed to friends and family. I was expected to make things better, to pass on messages for each of them to each other and if i ever dared to say i didn't want to do it anymore my mother would go nuts at me. Which i hate - i hate fighting with anyone.
Now that i am the one in the firing line with my sister, i guess my mum is relieved it's not her being targeted anymore. Mum also fears my sister not letting her see her granddaughter as my sister has a 2 year old girl. She has used the child as a way of getting what she wants from our parents, and because they know what my sister is like, they all obey.
A lot of games are getting played in my family too. My mother constantly brings my sister up to me and talks really highly of her to me all the time, no matter how much i have asked her not too. My sister at the last family gathering completely ignored me and in fact bitched about me to other relatives while i was there. I have been very hurt about this, but i am expected to 'get over it' and move on. While i am all for getting over things and moving on, i can't without closure. But mum says "you know how your sister is, she is weaker than you.... she can't apologize and face up to her actions." but that's not ok to me, because then my mother will constantly talk about her and her daughter and rub it all in my face.
Well it all came to a head today because mum started talking about my sister as usual, so i told her i don't appreciate it - she told me that i need to stop it, and i asked mum why doesn't she ever tell my sister to stop what she does? Why am i always expected to get over shit. And like i said, usually i do - but too much has gone on for me to just keep getting over it with my sister. My mum had the nerve to tell me she 'believes things when she see's them' so therefore she wont tell my sister to stop what she is doing. Even though she has done it to my mother a few years ago, but managed to stop when the baby was born because of all the help she needs from mum now.
I know we are all adults and it shouldn't be up to the parents to stop the fight now days, but it is different rules for me than it is with my sister. There have been times when i have told my sister to go fuck herself, so she would freak out thinking i was going to run to mum and tell her what she said to me (as if i would) so she'd call mum crying and going hysterical and get mum so worked up that she'd call me and blast me... it's like wtf??? I wasn't the one starting shit! Ugh... this is never ending. And so incredibly childish.
My mum and i have agreed to have nothing to do with each other. I am really hurt, but also very over the bullshit. I need a few days to pass already so i will feel better about everything... hopefully. Good luck to them all and their stupid bullshit. And they better think again if they think they can weasel back into my life once i have had my first child. No doubt they will and i will be expected to act like nothing is wrong, like usual.
My sister is married to an abusive and very controlling man, which has led her to being very rude and harsh with her family as she lacks so much control with her life. She suffers from a typical case of sibling rivalry, as she sees me not making the stupid mistakes that she has/is. My sister and i have no relationship at all due to the competitiveness as i can't stand the games she plays, and how nasty she tends to be. Her and her husband have caused a lot of upset for me over the years. I have always put up and put up, but that was my mistake. I let too much go on and now that i try to stand my ground no one wants a bar of it.
My mother herself has also been cut off from my sister a few years ago, and badly bad mouthed to friends and family. I was expected to make things better, to pass on messages for each of them to each other and if i ever dared to say i didn't want to do it anymore my mother would go nuts at me. Which i hate - i hate fighting with anyone.
Now that i am the one in the firing line with my sister, i guess my mum is relieved it's not her being targeted anymore. Mum also fears my sister not letting her see her granddaughter as my sister has a 2 year old girl. She has used the child as a way of getting what she wants from our parents, and because they know what my sister is like, they all obey.
A lot of games are getting played in my family too. My mother constantly brings my sister up to me and talks really highly of her to me all the time, no matter how much i have asked her not too. My sister at the last family gathering completely ignored me and in fact bitched about me to other relatives while i was there. I have been very hurt about this, but i am expected to 'get over it' and move on. While i am all for getting over things and moving on, i can't without closure. But mum says "you know how your sister is, she is weaker than you.... she can't apologize and face up to her actions." but that's not ok to me, because then my mother will constantly talk about her and her daughter and rub it all in my face.
Well it all came to a head today because mum started talking about my sister as usual, so i told her i don't appreciate it - she told me that i need to stop it, and i asked mum why doesn't she ever tell my sister to stop what she does? Why am i always expected to get over shit. And like i said, usually i do - but too much has gone on for me to just keep getting over it with my sister. My mum had the nerve to tell me she 'believes things when she see's them' so therefore she wont tell my sister to stop what she is doing. Even though she has done it to my mother a few years ago, but managed to stop when the baby was born because of all the help she needs from mum now.
I know we are all adults and it shouldn't be up to the parents to stop the fight now days, but it is different rules for me than it is with my sister. There have been times when i have told my sister to go fuck herself, so she would freak out thinking i was going to run to mum and tell her what she said to me (as if i would) so she'd call mum crying and going hysterical and get mum so worked up that she'd call me and blast me... it's like wtf??? I wasn't the one starting shit! Ugh... this is never ending. And so incredibly childish.
My mum and i have agreed to have nothing to do with each other. I am really hurt, but also very over the bullshit. I need a few days to pass already so i will feel better about everything... hopefully. Good luck to them all and their stupid bullshit. And they better think again if they think they can weasel back into my life once i have had my first child. No doubt they will and i will be expected to act like nothing is wrong, like usual.
