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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

if anyone is reading right now please help me

What's going on with your life at the moment that is causing you such pain? Maybe opening up and telling us what is going on will make things more tolerable right now. I should be around a little while, you can PM me if you like<3
 
I used to think that nobody cared for me too. But after I told people about some of the things I was going through not only did I feel better, but I realized there are people out there who do care and will do anything to help you. If you feel like talking about anything, just send me a pm and talk to me about stuff. It doesnt seem like it will help right now, but trust me, it will.
 
no i've never done it before. i finally stopped for now at least. 29 cuts on my left arm. i honestly don't know what happened to cause it. i was arguing with my girlfriend about something but my memory is completely blacked out now. i know she was being uncaring and sarcastic towards me. the worst is i know when she gets off work she's gonna try to say that she didn't do anything. we're probably going to break up. then the one friend i actually have in this world is going to be lost to me.

i literally don't have ANY friends. i have family members but they aren't understanding about these kinds of things.
 
I know what this is like, I used to cut myself too, over a period of about 8 years solid and sporadically thereafter.

Obviously your feeling alot of pain, hurt and anger that you cannot handle...it is a really lonely place to be in :( I dont know what your going through literally but do know what it is like to feel that way. Just remember your not alone on here, there are alot who are going through the same thing and there is nothing 'wrong' with you, your just trying to deal with stuff/emotions that are overwhelming and frightening.

Please feel free to PM me if you want, I know how hard it is, I used to be out with friends at bars and run into the bathroom to cut because I felt like such a fuking loser and unneccesary to their company, also on my own I would have an urge to hurt myself-I hated myself so I know how horrible it feels.

There is also a Thread dealing with this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O05JyTF208
...just Click on the Link above an you can read about people going through similar problems as yourself. It helps to know your not alone in this. <3
 
Maybe you'll be able to work things out with her, perception is not always accurate when feeling very upset.

I know it's a hard place to be in when you don't have anybody to talk to or hang out with, I've had several periods like that. It takes some effort to push and make yourself get out there and meet people, but it can be done. I've had success meeting people online...two of my best friends I met on Craigslist. Or there are other ways like taking a class or joining some sort of group activity where you have to interact with people and there is a common interest.
 
vacathizzle said:
no i've never done it before. i finally stopped for now at least. 29 cuts on my left arm. i honestly don't know what happened to cause it. i was arguing with my girlfriend about something but my memory is completely blacked out now. i know she was being uncaring and sarcastic towards me. the worst is i know when she gets off work she's gonna try to say that she didn't do anything. we're probably going to break up. then the one friend i actually have in this world is going to be lost to me.

i literally don't have ANY friends. i have family members but they aren't understanding about these kinds of things.
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That is tough to deal with, your girlfriend sounds like she needs to seriously cop-on and start treating you with a bit of Respect...nevertheless, you are seriously upset/angered and need to gather and process your feelings right now.

You need to name how your Feeling and leave trying to figure out the repercussions and situation for a while anyway.
Think of yourself and not her for the time being, sure your afraid but you have to focus on you, you are more important than anything else that is going on right now-Dont forget that! <3
You are not to blame for what has happened, you probably feel immensley out of control because your not sure what the argument is about.
If you can gat a glass of water, get some sugar into you and something to eat if you can before you start trying to tackle your thoughts, this will help you have a clearer mind to gather yourself and face what you need to.
 
hey vacathizzle,

don't feel like your a bad person for doing what you did, i'm a cutter, and it's been about 9 months since my last cut.
how i look at it is that cutting is an addiction to me.. where i did it because it made me feel good. everyone in my family would be bitching at me about my drug addiction, and i'd be in the bathroom cutting myself. i had to go to the hospital onetime because i cut myself a little to deep.
i can't say i know what your feeling like right now. but i can say that i can relate to a lot of what your going through man.
like i said, dont feel like your bad for doing what you did bro.
when people found out about me cutting myself, the last thing i wanted to hear was to go see a theripist or some shit like that. so don't feel overwhelmed about that kind of shit..(it was overwhelming me man).

it sounds like theres a lot of drama going on in your private life, you gotta understand for yourself that your not what people say you are.
i understand about the friend thing.. hell thats why i started doing drugs, and cutin myself. i'm not really a big people person, and that "fear" would keep me from ever finding friends.
I'm sober now, and I've met tons of friends in recovery. people that i can call what ever time of the day it is, and if im going through troublesome shit, i can call and talk to them, and they listen! they arn't like my parents/girlfriends who just wanna talk to me and not listen to what i have to say.

have you ever thought about giving a 12 step program a shot?

I admitted that I'm powerless over drugs, alcohol, and the knife.

I don't wanna get into the whole higher power thing with you. but when I got off drugs, and the knife for a while, and started to meet people in the program. i've yet to think about wanting to cut.

anyways bro, sorry if i sounded like i was preaching.
hang in there man, PM me if you ever want to talk, I'll shoot you my # over PM if you ever wanna call.
<3
 
thanks for the advice guys, and the youtube video. that little fucking kitten is seriously the only thing that calmed me down haha. i love kittens.

and the thing is, normally everything is GREAT in our relationship. like seriously amazing. we're both opiate addicts and we only fight when our addictions are getting the best of us. but i know tonight's gonna be hell, cause she's gonna want to talk about this and i can't remember any of it. so shes going to use that to try and back up her side of the argument. maybe getting some food in me will help.

i've been to 12 step meetings for my opiate addiction before, but they kinda just pissed me off. maybe i just didn't find any good ones. my problem with the meetings is that everyone that was going to them in my area were alcoholics 20+ years my senior, who were judgmental towards me for using drugs. but don't worry you're not sounding preachy. i really appreciate all of you guys. keeping my fingers moving on the keyboard may be the only thing keeping them from grabbing the razor blade.
 
We all have our own way of dealing with things, whether it be drugs, sex, cutting, asphyxiation, etc... Life is a bitch and when it is done fucking you in the ass, it cums on your back and slaps a sheet on it and throws you out the window. This being said, you just have to know your limits and tell yourself "this too shall pass". Self discovery is a journey and is well worth it, but patience and control are required. You can do it. Don't ever give up. The one person you can rely on is yourself. You have to believe it though. I have learned from past experimentation that if you push yourself to believe something, almost anything, it WILL happen.
 
vacathizzle said:
thanks for the advice guys, and the youtube video. that little fucking kitten is seriously the only thing that calmed me down haha. i love kittens.

and the thing is, normally everything is GREAT in our relationship. like seriously amazing. we're both opiate addicts and we only fight when our addictions are getting the best of us. but i know tonight's gonna be hell, cause she's gonna want to talk about this and i can't remember any of it. so shes going to use that to try and back up her side of the argument. maybe getting some food in me will help.

i've been to 12 step meetings for my opiate addiction before, but they kinda just pissed me off. maybe i just didn't find any good ones. my problem with the meetings is that everyone that was going to them in my area were alcoholics 20+ years my senior, who were judgmental towards me for using drugs. but don't worry you're not sounding preachy. i really appreciate all of you guys. keeping my fingers moving on the keyboard may be the only thing keeping them from grabbing the razor blade.
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^ thats good :) i always go on BL when i wanna cut myself, for some reason posting/learning about drugs/life tends to calm me down. anyways i love ur avatar <3
 
vacathizzle said:
thanks for the advice guys, and the youtube video. that little fucking kitten is seriously the only thing that calmed me down haha. i love kittens.
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Glad that helped, was meant to be a link to the 'Self Harm Thread' :o:o:o...*embarassed giggle* funny how coincidences(My klutziness) work out better sometimes!
Glad your holdin up a bit ok anyway Hun!;)<3

but i know tonight's gonna be hell, cause she's gonna want to talk about this and i can't remember any of it. so shes going to use that to try and back up her side of the argument. maybe getting some food in me will help.
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I know the 'Food' thing sounds superficial but it will give you some energy and relax you a little(bio-chemically).
Winning the argument isnt important(to/as a woman,we dont all think like Charlie Sheen;)), all she needs/wants to know is your intention-be honest with her; if you dont remember you dont, be humble and if she doesn't respect that then tell her you will deal with the issue tomorrow/day/week after if she wishes to meet and resolve things maturely(that is if you arent living together).

Stand your ground with what you demand/need until tomorrow comes, if she doesnt respect that, let her deal with it, not you. You probably are living together so just mentally seperate yourself from the Emotional Drama.

Try and enjoy the power/freedom of not getting roped into her stuff...keep your own feelings in mind and listen to them rather than her(random giving out) and just keep her at peace by admitting you may have made a mistake but you dont remember(ad Infinitum).

If she is pissed, she's pissed thats her problem to deal with until you both have some Clarity of mind to be able to discuss/solve it rationally. Keep some emotional space for yourself, unwind from the drama(Drama is addicting and renders you powerless) and try to gather your strategies as you see fit when/with a clearer head. :)
 
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Hey vacathizzle,

Here's the TDS self-harm support thread Asclepius intended to post

(though the kitten was perfect - who couldn't be happier after seeing that cuteness <3)

I wish I had some magic words for you. The nature of my own problems is very different. I think staying busy, perhaps by blogging/journaling or getting some physical exercise to get your natural endorphins going would be two good ideas.

I do know of a good fellowship in the Bay Area. The 12-step route was not for me but it works for many, and if you'd like, I'll give you their info.

I hope you feel better soon.
 
vacathizzle - If you need someone to talk to PM me and we can talk. I have both a history of opiate addiction and self harm.

I am also completely alone. No friends and broke up with my bf of 7 years back in september. PM me and we can talk, I mean talk like on phone if you need to. Sometimes typing words just isn't enough when rmotions overwhelm you.

<3
 
hi thar again,,, was thinking about this and feel i should say -- that if things dont go well later when she gets back, we will be here for that too if needed <3 but, listen to her closely, and listen to yourself also...

try to learn and grow from this, i promise -heh- there is a way my man... you seem like a <3 hearty <3 person , do please stick around a bit.
 
It seems like someone up there is finally looking out for me...

first the accidental kitten, and now my girlfriend has to go out to dinner/bowling with her mom for her birthday, and her mom is making her wear a witch hat. <3 irony
 
ugly but i didn't do any real damage. it might leave some nasty looking scars but i can cover it up for now, and it'll go away soon enough.
 
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