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TDS Ideation & Crisis Support

I need to get to the point where I stop caring about the pain this will cause my wife because I swear to fucking god I’m not using that as an excuse to not end this shit. I legit don’t want her to feel that pain. So I suffer in pain everyday for decades to spare her.

I’ve begged her to leave me. Begged her to give me permission to euthanize myself…begged her to have compassion and let me die because she’s being selfish like a dogs owner that won’t euthanize the dog if it’s suffering just because they love the dog. I’ve done everything short of cheat on her or hit her to make her leave…all so that I can do this.

Man this isn’t fair to ME. At a certain point I’m going to choose myself over her and end this.

All on the back burner is opiates which fills the place of a temporary stop gap measure to let me keep living and providing but it’s miserable.

I chose the method already too. Jump in front of the train. 100% success rate. I thought of using fentanyl but the success rate isn’t as good…I could just wake up with brain damage an hour later
 
LucidSDreamr said:
I chose the method already too. Jump in front of the train. 100% success rate. I thought of using fentanyl but the success rate isn’t as good…I could just wake up with brain damage an hour later
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This is a bad idea imho. Do you know that every train driver experiences several such cases in their career? And do know how many of them need trauma support for that?
It's a flashy and definite way to die - and punish others with it as well.
 
Mushoku_Sensei said:
This is a bad idea imho. Do you know that every train driver experiences several such cases in their career? And do know how many of them need trauma support for that?
It's a flashy and definite way to die - and punish others with it as well.
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High caliber gun maybe but success rate isn’t as high.

But some hotel maid will find me.

Someone will be traumatized at the end of the day because our barbaric theocracy refuses to allow own euthanasia. We don’t even own our own lives in America. We are meant to be capitalism slaves, corpses for the healthcare system tk bill off of, or pawns for Christians to enforce their religion on. We don’t get a say in our own lives so we have to traumatize society with this
 
LucidSDreamr said:
High caliber gun maybe but success rate isn’t as high.

But some hotel maid will find me.

Someone will be traumatized at the end of the day because our barbaric theocracy refuses to allow own euthanasia. We don’t even own our own lives in America. We are meant to be capitalism slaves, corpses for the healthcare system tk bill off of, or pawns for Christians to enforce their religion on. We don’t get a say in our own lives so we have to traumatize society with this
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I thought there's something like death pills available to the US 🤔 or is that just fake news?
I get your resentment for having to live for others sake only. I really do. Just the train thing is really no good imo.
Also may I ask what's the pain you wrote about? Physical pain? I know you have that, but not the extent... Or is it more?
 
There are some dubious characters offering somthing that is, apparently, commonly available anyway. Not a medicine but a common chemical.

The problem is that the claims made do not appear to match up to clinical presentations.

It seems neither quick nor painless.

But no method is going to spare others.

My mother rarely made any sense but she did point out that whatever was happening now be it good or bad, she remained curious as to what will happen next. If nothing else, I've found it useful.

I can't speak for the US but in the UK, the BNF doesn't even use the word 'pain' as an indication for the use of strong opioids. It's 'unacceptable human suffering'. I was quite surprised to note that it suggests a maximum dose of 400mg/day of oxycodone but notes some patients may require more.

BTW hydromorphone has terrible oral bioavailability. 24% or so. I would never suggest pins, but other parenteral route will get close to 100%. Just if your pain is the issue, this is a hack. Yep, you will end up with a raging habit, but what is the best outcome for you?
 
Mushoku_Sensei said:
I thought there's something like death pills available to the US 🤔 or is that just fake news?
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It’s only available on Oregon and California and you have to be 6 months from death and I’ve known three people dying of terminal cancer that were denied it all the way to the end.

They don’t actually give it to anybody and definitely not for chronic pain which is a worse disease than cancer.
 
LucidSDreamr said:
It’s only available on Oregon and California and you have to be 6 months from death and I’ve known three people dying of terminal cancer that were denied it all the way to the end.
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I see. Pretty useless then...
LucidSDreamr said:
They don’t actually give it to anybody and definitely not for chronic pain which is a worse disease than cancer.
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Though I don't agree with the worse in general cause cancer has a million faces...
And I still hope you can find SOMETHING to give you relief before you die...
 
Guys please do not end your life. I have had suicidal ideations since the age of about 10. And a few attempts. The last attempt wasn’t long ago and I was hospitalized because of it. We need to keep pushing. If not for us atleast for the ones around us. Talk to friends, family , a therapist , people on this board. I’ve come to the realization that I will probably live with suicidal thoughts for the rest of my life (off and on) but I chose not to act on them and I will take life one day at a time . Please guys remember Life is worth living !! Please do not give up !
 
Interstitial cystitis is literally hell and medical care in the UK is piss poor (no pun intended).

Coming out of a bad flare, can’t do it anymore, it’s been nearly three years. All that’s been tried is amitriptyline, cimetidine, overactive bladder meds, and bladder instils. Not even a cystoscopy to see if there are any hunners ulcers to treat.

Diagnosed by the urologist then after the course of instils didn’t work the urologist discharged me because he said it’s probably endometriosis and I need to see gynae instead. (Is it bollocks, I think he just couldn’t be fucked treating me, and woman in pelvic pain = must be endometriosis!!)

Tried all the diet and supplement self help shit. So now the GP wants to try me on four months of continuous birth control before referring to gynae. Which will take ages. Then they’ll probably either immediately discharge me and say it’s a urology issue or put me on a year+ waiting list for a laparoscopy I probably don’t need.

And in the meantime my life is just fucking ruined. Plus can’t drink alcohol or have caffeine. Was considering pelvic floor physiotherapy but all the physios I’ve found are far away and milk you dry costs wise, can’t afford it.

Literally cats get this illness and if it’s not treatable they euthanise the cat. No such compassion for humans apparently.
 
ahint said:
Literally cats get this illness and if it’s not treatable they euthanise the cat. No such compassion for humans apparently.
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I have never understood this hypocrisy. People fully accept "putting an animal out of its misery" but when you suggest the same kindness for a person, they are horrified.

I think any sober sane adult has the right to end their own life.

That said, I've been suicidal in the past and very nearly died a couple of times. With time I've always been grateful that I survived.

Certainly not a decision to be made carelessly or in haste.
 
jasperkent said:
I have never understood this hypocrisy. People fully accept "putting an animal out of its misery" but when you suggest the same kindness for a person, they are horrified.

I think any sober sane adult has the right to end their own life.

That said, I've been suicidal in the past and very nearly died a couple of times. With time I've always been grateful that I survived.

Certainly not a decision to be made carelessly or in haste.
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You would at least think medical care would go more quickly/more options tried when they euthanise cats with this.

Not making this decision carelessly or with haste, but forcing somebody to live like this is abject cruelty, and I do intend to show myself that mercy when the time comes. Just not sure on the threshold for that decision (e.g. still this bad in 6 months? gynae are useless? etc) or timeline.
 
jasperkent said:
Same.
It's the main reason I own a handgun.

I'd rather use barbiturates (I've ODed on them before, so I'm familiar), but here in the USA it's much easier to access firearms & ammo than good, reliable drugs. Or affordable health care, for that matter.
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I’m sorry it’s gotten to that “really possibly actually someday” point for you too; and that you have to consider such violent means, and I hope that whatever shit you have going on just gets easier to manage or easier in general. I appreciate you responding to my messages here with compassion.

And man, if only good quality healthcare existed and was an actual human right. I would love to live in that world.
 
ahint said:
I’m sorry it’s gotten to that “really possibly actually someday” point for you too; and that you have to consider such violent means, and I hope that whatever shit you have going on just gets easier to manage or easier in general. I appreciate you responding to my messages here with compassion.
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To be clear, I'm doing OK right now.

Yeah, I'm 66 with various aches & pains and I work my ass off to subsist just above the poverty line, BUT as I've stated several times elsewhere: I am consistently happier now than I've ever been in my life. It's all good.

I'm just saying that if things do get unbearable I have an exit plan.


"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions & billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
-- Mark Twain
 
jasperkent said:
To be clear, I'm doing OK right now.

Yeah, I'm 66 with various aches & pains and I work my ass off to subsist just above the poverty line, BUT as I've stated several times elsewhere: I am consistently happier now than I've ever been in my life. It's all good.

I'm just saying that if things do get unbearable I have an exit plan.


"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions & billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
-- Mark Twain
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Ah, I misinterpreted - really glad things are OK for you atm! And it makes sense to have an exit plan.
 
jasperkent said:
"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions & billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
-- Mark Twain
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Not trying to be sarcastic but this really called for replying with one of my favorite quotes:
"People are often taking death too lightly and think: 'Who cares, death comes to everyone after all. It's natural, so it's going to be alright.' That's a nice theory - until you die." ( taken from "Life in relation to death" by Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche )
No offense 😜
 
Mushoku_Sensei said:
Just to think twice before ending it..
And no, I don't think you'd do that carelessly.
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Absolutely not.
I have been suicidal in the past (depression + alcoholism) and I've always been grateful that I didn't go through with it. I was relieved to be alive even before my mental health issues were resolved.
I'll always remember that.
 
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