TDS Ideation & Crisis Support

[Dom12]

Hello,
I'm 34m with a host of medical issues that are no longer resolvable and I have lost my resolve. I also have mental issues that are a death sentence in and of itself. I'm too tired to just manage, and I don't think that I was ever able to really manage.

I'm going to take my life in the very near future and thsi is something that's been brewing for years now. I'm only asking of you guys, what would be the best way for me to go.

I have Sodium Nitrite and I can get Fentanyl pills (Fentora). I can get Benzos and all the rest to accomondate each method.

What I don't want is to be left with irreversible damage, damage that would be too much for this decomposing body and mind. I'm asking you what would be the most lethal way for one to go while minimizing suffering during and after. I can manage the pain. I have had pain my entire life.. but if I can just spend my last minutes without pain it would be preferred.

I'm opioid naive. Completely. I also have genetics mutations in the genes that are responsible to metabolize opiods.

Please, I'm only asking for some little guidance. To know that i'm making the right decision between what's available. I appreciate any type of response and help. Bless you all.

 

[golego55]

I also have mental issues that are a death sentence in and of itself. I'm too tired to just manage, and I don't think that I was ever able to really manage.

Can you tell us more about those mental issues?
[I hate that you're having to go through this, but there are a lot of knowledgeable people here who just want to help.]

 

[LucidSDreamr]

I need to get to the point where I stop caring about the pain this will cause my wife because I swear to fucking god I’m not using that as an excuse to not end this shit. I legit don’t want her to feel that pain. So I suffer in pain everyday for decades to spare her.

I’ve begged her to leave me. Begged her to give me permission to euthanize myself…begged her to have compassion and let me die because she’s being selfish like a dogs owner that won’t euthanize the dog if it’s suffering just because they love the dog. I’ve done everything short of cheat on her or hit her to make her leave…all so that I can do this.

Man this isn’t fair to ME. At a certain point I’m going to choose myself over her and end this.

All on the back burner is opiates which fills the place of a temporary stop gap measure to let me keep living and providing but it’s miserable.

I chose the method already too. Jump in front of the train. 100% success rate. I thought of using fentanyl but the success rate isn’t as good…I could just wake up with brain damage an hour later

 

[deficiT]

Man this isn’t fair to ME. At a certain point I’m going to choose myself over her and end this.

I know the feeling man, I'm sorry you're struggling. Keep your head up

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

I chose the method already too. Jump in front of the train. 100% success rate. I thought of using fentanyl but the success rate isn’t as good…I could just wake up with brain damage an hour later

This is a bad idea imho. Do you know that every train driver experiences several such cases in their career? And do know how many of them need trauma support for that?
It's a flashy and definite way to die - and punish others with it as well.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

This is a bad idea imho. Do you know that every train driver experiences several such cases in their career? And do know how many of them need trauma support for that?
It's a flashy and definite way to die - and punish others with it as well.

High caliber gun maybe but success rate isn’t as high.

But some hotel maid will find me.

Someone will be traumatized at the end of the day because our barbaric theocracy refuses to allow own euthanasia. We don’t even own our own lives in America. We are meant to be capitalism slaves, corpses for the healthcare system tk bill off of, or pawns for Christians to enforce their religion on. We don’t get a say in our own lives so we have to traumatize society with this

 

[Mushoku_Sensei]

High caliber gun maybe but success rate isn’t as high.

But some hotel maid will find me.

Someone will be traumatized at the end of the day because our barbaric theocracy refuses to allow own euthanasia. We don’t even own our own lives in America. We are meant to be capitalism slaves, corpses for the healthcare system tk bill off of, or pawns for Christians to enforce their religion on. We don’t get a say in our own lives so we have to traumatize society with this

I thought there's something like death pills available to the US or is that just fake news?
I get your resentment for having to live for others sake only. I really do. Just the train thing is really no good imo.
Also may I ask what's the pain you wrote about? Physical pain? I know you have that, but not the extent... Or is it more?

 

[4DQSAR]

There are some dubious characters offering somthing that is, apparently, commonly available anyway. Not a medicine but a common chemical.

The problem is that the claims made do not appear to match up to clinical presentations.

It seems neither quick nor painless.

But no method is going to spare others.

My mother rarely made any sense but she did point out that whatever was happening now be it good or bad, she remained curious as to what will happen next. If nothing else, I've found it useful.

I can't speak for the US but in the UK, the BNF doesn't even use the word 'pain' as an indication for the use of strong opioids. It's 'unacceptable human suffering'. I was quite surprised to note that it suggests a maximum dose of 400mg/day of oxycodone but notes some patients may require more.

BTW hydromorphone has terrible oral bioavailability. 24% or so. I would never suggest pins, but other parenteral route will get close to 100%. Just if your pain is the issue, this is a hack. Yep, you will end up with a raging habit, but what is the best outcome for you?