kleinerkiffer
Bluelight Crew
I'm sorry for my bad english as it isn't my native language and for the somewhat long post. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading it 
I don't know where to start, my life is just totally fucked. I suffer from irritable bowel syndrome for 7 years I think, that's a little less than 1/3 of my whole life as I'm 19 at the moment. I can't think of a day where going outside wasn't a struggle and I could just enjoy being out with my friends. In the last half year the problems got way better and I felt like 60% normal, but a few month ago shit hit the fan.
The day after I stopped smoking I was at my girlfriends house and I experienced my first of many following real panic attacks ( I think the nicotine withdrawal triggered it). I started to feel light headed, started to shake uncontrollably, I got diarrhea and I felt like dying. I went home asap, drank some cold water and just tried to relax in my bed whilst watching survival man and I managed to sleep it off after like an hour of shaking and feeling terrible. I knew the feelings from some drug experiences gone wrong month/years before this incident so I knew I wasn't going to die.
That's when the panic attacks started in addition to the IBS. Leaving the house was harder than ever, but I still had to go to school and I even somehow managed to pass all my final exams better than I imagined.
When the school stopped I stayed at home most of the time and started to withdraw from my social life. Whenever I met with my gf we stayed at my place most of the time. But one day, maybe two moth ago, I had a major panic attack while we watched a film at my place. Mind you at this time she knew nothing about my problems, so the next day I told her about the panic attacks. She is very understanding and lovely but I feel like shit because since then we just stay at my place all the time and do nothing other than having sex and watching films/series. I don't understand how she didn't break up with me yet because of this.
Things settled down a bit and a moth ago I was on vacation with my school mates and both the panic attacks and the IBS never really caused a problem the whole week until the day we flew back. I started to feel really nauseous as we got to the airport. I had to puke and I got diarrhea while we were waiting for our plane to come. After purging my bowels out I lied down on the ground of the airport hall and was shaking uncontrollably and feeling like shit. I somehow managed to survive the flight, but I felt like I was on the edge of collapsing all the time. Finally arriving at home I made myself a soup, as I didn't eat the whole day and went to bed.
The next day I felt like shit, I was shaking all the time,I felt devitalized and on the edge of collapsing, in addition I felt really nauseous. So I went to a doctor and got some MCP. Those pills helped me not to puke while eating. The symptoms got better the next few days, but then the problems eventually got worse. My stomach felt like I had drunk acid, as it felt like it was on fire. In addition panic attacks hit me. I somehow managed to relax myself and sleep it off.
The next morning I went to a doctor who gave me some homeopathic medicine. I felt better for the next few days and I could even leave the house to got to a lake with my gf. But another panic attack and symptoms of my IBS hit me while we were walking around the lake, so we drove home.
All the symptoms came back and I felt worse than ever. I could hardly sleep at night as my stomach felt like it was digesting itself and I got panic attacks randomly all the time. My doctor prescribed me proton pump inhibitors that helped a lot. But after taking them for a week I felt dizzy all the time. Sometimes I even couldn't get out of the bed because it was that bad, so I stopped taking them. Since then it's like a rollercoaster. Sometimes I feel good, but most of the time I feel nauseous and dizzy, on the edge of collapsing and I get random panic attacks. The worst thing is, that I no longer can tell the difference between the symptoms of the illness and panic attacks. I'm crying a lot, which I didn't do for a few years, because I feel so terrible and I don't know what to do.
I have to move out of my parents house in less than a month for a job I got 3 1/2 hours from here and I really don't know how to manage this. I don't know anyone in that city and I only can afford to visit my gf and parents maybe once a month.
Admitting myself to the psych ward is not really an option because I would loose my job, which is really important for my future. It's too late to go to a psychologist because of the long waiting time for an appointment I suppose.
I have an appointment for a homeopathic therapy two days before moving, because the doctor is on holiday atm.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just tired of feeling terrible and depressed all the time.
I feel a bit better now after getting this off my chest
Any comments and ideas are appreciated.
Much
to everyone who is going through a rough time too.
I don't know where to start, my life is just totally fucked. I suffer from irritable bowel syndrome for 7 years I think, that's a little less than 1/3 of my whole life as I'm 19 at the moment. I can't think of a day where going outside wasn't a struggle and I could just enjoy being out with my friends. In the last half year the problems got way better and I felt like 60% normal, but a few month ago shit hit the fan.
The day after I stopped smoking I was at my girlfriends house and I experienced my first of many following real panic attacks ( I think the nicotine withdrawal triggered it). I started to feel light headed, started to shake uncontrollably, I got diarrhea and I felt like dying. I went home asap, drank some cold water and just tried to relax in my bed whilst watching survival man and I managed to sleep it off after like an hour of shaking and feeling terrible. I knew the feelings from some drug experiences gone wrong month/years before this incident so I knew I wasn't going to die.
That's when the panic attacks started in addition to the IBS. Leaving the house was harder than ever, but I still had to go to school and I even somehow managed to pass all my final exams better than I imagined.
When the school stopped I stayed at home most of the time and started to withdraw from my social life. Whenever I met with my gf we stayed at my place most of the time. But one day, maybe two moth ago, I had a major panic attack while we watched a film at my place. Mind you at this time she knew nothing about my problems, so the next day I told her about the panic attacks. She is very understanding and lovely but I feel like shit because since then we just stay at my place all the time and do nothing other than having sex and watching films/series. I don't understand how she didn't break up with me yet because of this.
Things settled down a bit and a moth ago I was on vacation with my school mates and both the panic attacks and the IBS never really caused a problem the whole week until the day we flew back. I started to feel really nauseous as we got to the airport. I had to puke and I got diarrhea while we were waiting for our plane to come. After purging my bowels out I lied down on the ground of the airport hall and was shaking uncontrollably and feeling like shit. I somehow managed to survive the flight, but I felt like I was on the edge of collapsing all the time. Finally arriving at home I made myself a soup, as I didn't eat the whole day and went to bed.
The next day I felt like shit, I was shaking all the time,I felt devitalized and on the edge of collapsing, in addition I felt really nauseous. So I went to a doctor and got some MCP. Those pills helped me not to puke while eating. The symptoms got better the next few days, but then the problems eventually got worse. My stomach felt like I had drunk acid, as it felt like it was on fire. In addition panic attacks hit me. I somehow managed to relax myself and sleep it off.
The next morning I went to a doctor who gave me some homeopathic medicine. I felt better for the next few days and I could even leave the house to got to a lake with my gf. But another panic attack and symptoms of my IBS hit me while we were walking around the lake, so we drove home.
All the symptoms came back and I felt worse than ever. I could hardly sleep at night as my stomach felt like it was digesting itself and I got panic attacks randomly all the time. My doctor prescribed me proton pump inhibitors that helped a lot. But after taking them for a week I felt dizzy all the time. Sometimes I even couldn't get out of the bed because it was that bad, so I stopped taking them. Since then it's like a rollercoaster. Sometimes I feel good, but most of the time I feel nauseous and dizzy, on the edge of collapsing and I get random panic attacks. The worst thing is, that I no longer can tell the difference between the symptoms of the illness and panic attacks. I'm crying a lot, which I didn't do for a few years, because I feel so terrible and I don't know what to do.
I have to move out of my parents house in less than a month for a job I got 3 1/2 hours from here and I really don't know how to manage this. I don't know anyone in that city and I only can afford to visit my gf and parents maybe once a month.
Admitting myself to the psych ward is not really an option because I would loose my job, which is really important for my future. It's too late to go to a psychologist because of the long waiting time for an appointment I suppose.
I have an appointment for a homeopathic therapy two days before moving, because the doctor is on holiday atm.
I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just tired of feeling terrible and depressed all the time.
I feel a bit better now after getting this off my chest
Any comments and ideas are appreciated.
Much
to everyone who is going through a rough time too.
