This is really more of a "Drug Culture" situation. I am not a moderator anymore, so I suppose pointing these things out just makes me kind of a dick. I'm going to ponder that during mediation tonight. You wanted to hear about the time I shot too much Cocaine? Okie dokie.
So, I was probably 17-18. I was already pretty familiar with drugs. I had been using Opioids since 14ish, heavily by 16ish and injecting began around that time. I had used Cocaine on several occasions intranasally. I was always pretty underwhelmed by it. I had left the experiences feeling like popping 60mg Amphetamine (Adderall) was way better and way cheaper. I had also never smoked Cocaine (Crack) and actually wouldn't for the first time until I was ~22.
I had only actually used Cocaine 3-4 times max up to that point if you can believe it. We would typically go next door to Lawrence, MA to buy Heroin from Dominicans. They sold Heroin and they sold Crack. I was way too classy (genuine feeling at the time if you can believe it) to touch Crack at that point, so the only Cocaine I ever used was like, from the Dishwasher at work, or some party or whatever. My point is, I don't think it was great shit.
Anyway, in the course of my Heroin acquisitions, I eventually wound up crossing paths with a couple of dedicated Speed-Ballers; the kind that always have to have both. I ended up nodding out at their house, woke up and the busses were done for the night, so I had to stay there. They ended up asking me if I wanted to do a shot of Cocaine. What is crazy to me at this advanced age, is that the thought hadn't crossed my mind. I knew they did Cocaine. I knew I didn't really like Cocaine. I just had never seriously considered injecting it.
I told them about how I was experienced with Cocaine, how I had done a lot of it, it barely affected me, blah, blah, blah.
I don't know how much Cocaine they put in that shot. I don't know how pure it was. I just know, that up to that point in my life, I had never truly experienced the drug. I was sitting cross-legged on the carpet. I remember the delay of several seconds. I was used to Heroin, which would give that rush after 1-2 seconds tops. I remember feeling like, huh? Nothing? It was probably 5-7 seconds.
I knew instantly.
I said to these two other kids, "I could wrestle a fucking bear right now" before everything went kind of white and this all-encompassing whine of incredible tinnitus drowned out all other sound. So, it was just clear/white/nothing and an incredible, high-pitched whine. I felt my heart pounding like fucking crazy, but there was no anxiety, I just felt numb for a few moments. I'm not sure, but I assume this went on for 10-15 seconds. As the whine slowly dissipated, my vision returned. As soon as that started, I realized how high I was and how amazing it felt.
I then spent the next ~15 minutes sitting there so high I couldn't move or really do anything. I wasn't paralyzed, just that feeling where you're so high that you can't actually decide to do anything because there are so many thoughts. It felt great. As soon as I was un-high enough to function, I began inquiring about the next injection of Cocaine.
We would go on injecting Cocaine all night. It was fucked up because we specifically were unable to get Heroin. This led to an absolutely brutal comedown combined with the beginnings of Heroin withdrawal. I remember how disgusted I felt about myself. It was such a harsh feeling. I remember thinking about how much money I just spent on an experience that had me sitting cross-legged on the floor, unable to move or speak, all night.
For the record, I basically didn't do Cocaine at all after that. I would go on to use it literally 3-4 more times total. I would smoke Crack a total of a dozen times including single hits and shit. It just wasn't my thing. I also was totally aware of how you could go over a precipice and not be able to go back. I had the realization that if I tried it a few more times, I could likely be consumed by it, as the thought of doing it again was already strong in the back of my mind despite my logical mind being disgusted by the experience. All of these together were frightening thoughts.
When I did Heroin I might actually end up doing things; going to the beach, a movie, playing music, hell, even just watching a good movie. I obviously have no judgement, but that kind of experience just sucked to me.