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TDS I Wish I'd Never Been Born

Bob Loblaw

Bob Loblaw

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Joined
Mar 1, 2008
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For the past 3 or 4 years I have felt this way. I wish no one in my family had known me; I wish I had never felt anything; I wish I had never met anyone. I would rather have never existed. I wish this more than anything. I know this is impossible, so I don't dwell on it. Instead, I hope I never wake up when I go to sleep, or get killed some other way. I hate my life, and I truly don't think it will get better. People always disappoint me. I can't be happy on my own. I need chemicals or people. And neither of those is healthy.


Have any of you felt this way? How did you overcome it?

Because if I didn't have my family, I doubt I'd be here today. It is so tempting to take a kitchen knife & slice it from my wrist to my elbow. I never want to feel anything again. I hate my life. I have so much trouble forming & maintaining any kind of relationship. I am never happy unless I am with people or have chemicals in my brain. I feel like there's just something wrong with me.
 
i so wish i had never been born cause i would feel guilty to kill myself for what that would cause my loved ones idk if you can ever get fully over it but you just have to try to enjoy the little things and keep your head up
 
I felt this way for a very very long time as well. I got through it with time, patience, and a lot of therapy and work on myself. As cheesy as it sounds, my cat helped me a lot as well. Just knowing that she needed me around stopped me many times from ending it all.

Hang on tight, Bob. Things can and DO get better. <3
 
Bob, I'm sure a lot of us on here can relate to that feeling. I've had it for as long as I can remember and never quite overcame it. I have my good days and my bad days.

spork said:
As cheesy as it sounds, my cat helped me a lot as well. Just knowing that she needed me around stopped me many times from ending it all.
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^ I agree. I've had cats for a while and even on my bad days I know I have her relying on me. She has a better life than me, even if I can't feed myself, she will never go hungry. And she's always there for me no matter how bad I feel.
 
I just don't know. I cut the hell out of my wrist just now because I'm not sure how to deal with what just happened IRL. I haven't done that in years, but I did it really well this time.



I don't know why I posted this thread. I'm sorry. I just don't know who else to turn to....
 
M8, you have to understand that life does and WILL improve, it will always offer you a positive chance at some point. You clearly have a shitload of time on your side. So no daft talk lad, just push on and go with it. Before you know it you could easy look back on this period in your life and think - Holy shit I'm so pumped I carried on. Value your life and understand that you can and will see better days. :) The fact you have a good family is excellent, it's a massive plus, some folk don't even have that. :\
 
Bob Loblaw said:
I just don't know. I cut the hell out of my wrist just now because I'm not sure how to deal with what just happened IRL. I haven't done that in years, but I did it really well this time.



I don't know why I posted this thread. I'm sorry. I just don't know who else to turn to....
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I have no rapport with you, I have only recently joined. But I am damn pleased you made this thread. Why ? Because it shows you care and I want you to feel better.

Get shit off your chest, it always helps.
 
Don't beat yourself up for needing to reach out to someone. Everyone has to at some point. We can't all be expected to just deal with what life throws at us and not crack under pressure.

I'm sorry to hear that you are self harming again, but it's like any other addiction. You relapsed but that doesn't mean that you have to keep doing it.
 
Hello, I could not ignore this thread. If you are the age is states on your profile then it makes sense to me and I was the same.

I couldn't really feel anything and only booze and alcohol gave me any incentive to go out and confidence-false as it may be, I don;t know what drugs you do and I don't know therefore how they may effect your flat ,joyless mood. Sounds like clinical depression to me.
I put myself in some very unsafe situations physically,sexually and mentally with the booze and drink...to feel something some kind of excitement. I also have the cigarette burns on my arms from a moment like you have just gone through..war wounds.

My family helped I refused meds and I got into University and my life change marginally for the better.

It will get better-I got happy in my mid 30s and have stayed that way since-amazing man and a cat (theme here) and a new house all happened at once, I have lapses of feeling flat every now and again I won't lie to you, I also still indulge in too much booze and some recreational drugs, Feeling straight is a great feeling I do total abstinence for a few months now and again and you get high on feeling 'normal;


So clean up yer wrist and bandage it, Put yourself out of harm now go be with friends and or family and talk to people here-family and friends,,,you have nothing left to loose and everything to gain whether it comes slowly or in one big bang like me...oh and the booze really will make things alot worse..if you can't stop like me when you start.

I personally would say you should go and see a psyche to see about some short term SSRI meds but I don't; know the full story-your DOC etc and you,,, But you will always have voice here and should never apologies<3 for reaching out for some help,,

Please take care of yourself-or find someone to do that for you for a while,

People are healthy in my opinion contrary to your belief that
People always disappoint me. I can't be happy on my own. I need chemicals or people. And neither of those is healthy.
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Surround yourself with better people-sounds simplistic but get rid of the hangers on the on. or the ones with ulterior motives. Give people 3 chances only to screw up and do something on yer own that you enjoy reading for instance.#This is how it works for me...I rarely expect anything from anyone..No ones owes us anything, But if they let you down a=often enough just cut them and move ,,,down the road to better things and experiences hopefully some of em drug free,,,x

Sounds so simplified and your probably right but it can be....
 
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stop letting modern society pressure you into believing that your a piece of shit unless you have a wife

you're young, keep making mistakes, you'll learn from them and more than likely grow from them and eventually look back and laugh at yourself

if i'm breaking rules here, sorry but I can't help but give this advice:

<snip> be sure to thread lightly and understand and respect your limits

you're a 'kid' you're not supposed to know what you want out of life and you probably won't until you're into your 30s

and finally, go talk to a mental health professional or join a support group, cheesy so what, it'll be at very least some what effective, it can't make things worse

stop pressuring yourself, be you, embrace you
you'll never find love if you don't love you

I give a shit
 
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Yeah man, we do care on here, even though many of us hardly know one another from a tree.
 
come on, man. the selection of the new batman actor is bad, but not that bad. ;) :p
ping me, motherfucker. <3 i'm worried.
 
i used to feel the exact same way all the time. The reason why is that i hated myself and what i had done. I overcame it by loving who i am and accepting my actions and their consequences and letting go of the past (still a work in progress of course). I did this through therapy and therapeutic drug use. I am what I am and i'm cool with that. Sometimes i have ups and downs but so does everyone. I also have learned to identify who i am and developed my identity through spirituality but you can take whatever path you want.

Mindfulness therapy helped me, as well as being medicated for ADD and getting my goals and life together. I see you post in the how high are you thread and you seem happy, so what's the deal? Confront your demons if you have them, you can get to the roots of them and deconstruct them and change how you feel about yourself and your existence and be proud to live life and have such a special chance to experience anything. That may sound corny or whatever but it's true.

I hope you can work through this and if nothing else, i like reading your posts so i wish you existed rather than not. If anything your posts cheer me up in that thread. And i find your username funny, that's gotta count for something at least.

if you haven't you should see the comedy bang bang sketch where reggie watts wishes he was never born.
 
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I really appreciate it, you guise.

These replies mean more to me than you will ever know <3.




^I seem happy in that thread because that's the only time I am happy :\.




If I gave up on everyone who disappointed me 3 times then I would have literally no one in my life, except maybe my grandparents.


It's so tempting to do something "stupid" tonight, but I'm not going to. It's just tempting.

I'll be all right


:(
 
stupid is the new black, but fuck what's fashionable. fuck it in both ears.


<3
 
Bob Loblaw said:
I just don't know. I cut the hell out of my wrist just now because I'm not sure how to deal with what just happened IRL. I haven't done that in years, but I did it really well this time.



I don't know why I posted this thread. I'm sorry. I just don't know who else to turn to....
Click to expand...


I swear this resonates with me, for MANY reasons.

Partly cause I felt like that a few days ago, partly because I used to feel that way very, frequently when I was younger. My arms are still scarred, although I havn't cut myself in years but I went through a long period of slicing and dicing, so much so, that I resemble a patchwork quilt.
Luckily, the 'episodes' of feeling lost and identitylessness aren't as frequent now. It does get better but it does require alot of support and it seems that that is exactly what your doing on here, reaching out for it.


Firstly, there is nothing wrong with you, apart from the fact that you think, there is something wrong with you.
You may have addiction problems, your esteem may be low, you may be insecure.

So fucking what! ;)

No need for 'sorres' hun...If, you didn't doubt yourself and life, from time to time you would be a deluded nutcase.

However, being stuck in blaming yourself for flaws that are only human - IS a problem. That is somethoing you can work your way out of, with support.

I really hope you start to give yourself a break, take some time to take time, to take it easy, get to know who you are - when you are not berating yourself for being 'wrong'.

You can do it, you can come out of this, make it easier for yourself -that's at least what you deserve. Have some heart and understanding for yourself, its the only thing you need to want to do hun. :)

<3
 
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