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I was on day 5 opoid free, and on the 5th day I took suboxone can I stop all now?HELP

Maddness99

Maddness99

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 9, 2016
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25
Location
Suburbs, IL
I just want to say today is day 7 and I took 4 mgs of sub....trying to taper by 50% a day...now knowing I went 5 full days with just Lyrica, should I just quit the suboxone? I do not want to make this more horrible that it already has been. I was taking 40,000 MCGs sublingually of fentayl or an anolog for about 10 months. My thyroid is now fucked up. My husband tells me I am a different person. I have spent 20k and took a personal loan to fund my habits. Sad thing is I am doing this on my own - no one knows. I am looking for some support and hopefully answers here.

I must have a super high tolerance by now after all I have read. I am pretty sure my "dealer" is cutting fent with U-477 - Additionally, the suboxone doctor is giving me 16mgs a day - NO WAY right? I tried to not take the suboxone, I was feeling so down on Saturday with no energy. So, I took the sub, and now I wish I hadn't. My addict brain keeps telling me to take more that it is not enough. I have now slept naturally in 2 weeks. I really want to buy more, but that is what was ruining my life, the money I have been spending. Sadly, I'd like to be on opiates forever - they feel great and I understand sub is an opiod but i hate how it feels. Any words of advice. I am needing some help? Please?
 
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Hey hang in there I know it's a tough journey. I fought quote the battle with opiates, I also wish I could be on them all the time. Just to get that euphoric feeling, to me there was nothing like it. I would be careful with 16mgs sub, that's a high dose. What are you trying to do? The subs can help you if wanted to do a taper, I know you said you wished you hadn't taken it so its all up to you. I realize the struggle, it sucks being caught in that web. Have you tried waiting until wd's and just trying a little sub just to subside them? Maybe it's too high a dose and that's why you are uncomfortable with it. Do you have any kind of support system? Is there anyone you trust to go to for help? This is a good place to be as there are so many people on here that can help and assist you and they have been where you currently are. I wish you the best as you navigate through this endeavor and remember that you can defeat this and change your life for the better, you have that power and ability, it just has to be used. It took me years to get off opiates and I still have cravings so I know how hard it is. Good luck to you and any help you need just ask.
 
I have, it did not help in the slightest. I do have about 30 75mgs of Lyrica left, including my sub script. I do not want to be on sub. DogLover, do you think I could cold turkey of the sub or should I taper? You understand - I said that out-loud to my husband about wanting to be on opiates - he seemed grossed out. Everyone in my family would be there for me, however, I keep it a secret bc you know the old addict mind, what about controlling it in the future...right? I feel angry. Can you relate?
 
What effect does the Lyrica have? I have heard it is very helpful. If you don't take anything (subs/Lyrica) how bad are your wd's? In my opinion I would taper down on the Suboxone of the wd's are really bad. And taper all the way down to the tiniest amount possible. There will most likely be some discomfort after you are finished with the Suboxone. When I took it I didn't go into wd's until five days after my last dose, it lasted for four days and that was it. Also some people use Tianeptine to help them through opiate wd's as well, is that something you are familiar with? It's good your husband will be there to help you and I know it's impossible to try to explain the pain and hell of addiction to someone who had never been through it. So you have a couple of paths you can take here, which one do you think will be the most successful?
 
lyrica makes you feel dizzy - I have done it recreational in the past and it makes you feel drunk and confused in high amount - also SLEEPY. My WDs only got as bad as sneezing, giant pupils and the insomnia - which i still have not slept. I really do not want to end up dead, but after the amount of fentayl I took - I am also prescribed 4mgs of kpins daily, plus ambien - neither help bc i used both for so long. I took 4mgs of Suboxone today - every time I see my pupils very dilated I feel compelled to take opiates to "fix them". I know this is strange. My husband and I had a huge fight last night bc he does NOT understand me at all. I am the rock always - I just feel like i am happy and function better on opiates. I know ppl will think i am crazy but i just want to get my fake fentayl - if it was real - I think i would be dead, and move on in life. Since fent is stronger thanks suboxone, it just blast the sub out of the receptors and the fent takes over. I know I am just waiting for this relapse - I am planning it already. I love the back and forth game. What is Tianeptine? THe sucessful path with never be me - I will always go back and forth....but previously I had never experienced and WDs...the fent is a different ballgame and it is so much cheaper than pills. anyway, thanks doglover. I know this message is not good.
 
I think you need to figure out what you want first, as it doesn't sound like you want sobriety. If you truly don't want sobriety then you are just adding another level of complexity in your life with the back and forth. Are you considering sobriety for other people, because of that is the case, seldom is that successful and it ultimately leads to resentments.

If are interested in getting sober you first need to address the underlying issues motivating you to use. Get those under control and quitting the substance is the easy part. It will take time and hard work, I recommend waiting to do this until you are absolute and authentically ready.
 
Moment of darkness, and you are correct. I do not want to be sober, but I am ruining my life... I understand what you've written above. I am on my 8th day of sobriety, I cannot sleep, but I have money. I guess money is my motivator to quit...and that is about it....I have spent upwards of 30k this year on fent. Is that not good enough motivation? I could be wrong.
 
Sounds like you could really benefit from a well managed opioid replacement therapy program. Subs or methadone. I know that seems silly and obvious, but your sub doctor seems detached.

I've been sober for 18 days. It sucks. But it doesn't. Know what I mean? I'm coming off 14 years of hardcore abuse and I told myself I was quitting for my son and my family but really, had that been the case, I would've failed. I'm quitting because I'm sick of the lies and deceit and financial burden to myself.

My advice? Get stable on subs or methadone until you're ready to quit for yourself.
 
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