I was addicted to pure MDMA for five month and am considering doing it again

[molly897]

It's been a little over a year since I last dosed and went to the hospital (eating over a gram a night, couple nights a week), and my husband and I moved up state to get away from the drug scene. We've done really good and only smoke weed, despite my own temptations on wanting to do a roxi..we've come across some pure MDMA again. I said I'd never touch the shit again and I really don't actually want to but I would LOVE to feel that amazing sensation again. The only reason I don't want to are morals really. I was addicted to this and coke and I feel if I do MDMA again I fucked up. But then the devil on my shoulder says "It's been a year, just do it once", and I would just do it once, to be completely honest.

Does anyone have any advice? What would you do in my situation?

 

[Keaton]

If you feel like you're going to regret it after the fact then maybe you shouldn't roll. If you feel like you'll be able to do it and keep it under control then do it. It's really up to you. Sometimes with drugs its a matter of short term pleasure, and long term guilt, IMO this happens to be that type of situation.

 

[DirtyMexican]

It's been a little over a year since I last dosed and went to the hospital (eating over a gram a night, couple nights a week), and my husband and I moved up state to get away from the drug scene. We've done really good and only smoke weed, despite my own temptations on wanting to do a roxi..we've come across some pure MDMA again. I said I'd never touch the shit again and I really don't actually want to but I would LOVE to feel that amazing sensation again. The only reason I don't want to are morals really. I was addicted to this and coke and I feel if I do MDMA again I fucked up. But then the devil on my shoulder says "It's been a year, just do it once", and I would just do it once, to be completely honest.

Does anyone have any advice? What would you do in my situation?

What is your gut feeling tell you?

 

[trancerage]

mdma is not addictive, physically at least, yeah it can be hard as fuck to stay away from it if you are surrounded by the wrong enviroment... Im very very worry about getting caught into some addiction, any addiction, mdma had me hooked for a long time, I still do it quite often, like once a month... all in all, mdma is a drug that it can be controlled, now when you start fucking with coke, thats another issue, I started taking coke some time ago, like a year or something, and the first 2 weeks after a coke session (weekend) its pretty damn hard no to think on it... the thought of snorting that shit up is just too strong... luckyly I still can handle it, and my consume goes at much as once or 2 times a month, but before used to be like once every 2 to 3 months, it kind of scares the shit out of me, Ive seen so many ppl fucked thier life for coke, yet still do it...

I say, mdma, its fine, as long as you can control it, coke, that is a fucked up drug...

 

[MarkoPolo]

i really dont want to sound like Reagan or Thatcher, but its as simple as just saying no. just light up a spliff and have a few drinks with your husband. thats what i would do in your case. dont even go near mdma. i know its good and all, but really, just dont go near it. just forget about it.

 

[ChronicHD]

The addicted side of you is coming out. If MDMA caused you serious problems, then 1 year really is not a very big milestone at all. The side of you that craves the roll is saying "1 year is so long, treat yourself! Just this once!" but then where do you stop? I'd say if you have a year away from it so far don't mess it up. Maybe like 5 years down the road you can treat yourself once, but I'd say stick with your gut for now.

The only reason you posted on this board is because you're hoping someone will congratulate you on your (relative) sobriety and encourage you to dose. I know you don't want to hear it, but it probably wouldn't be the best thing for you to do. Hope this helped.

 

[First Bad Comedown]

Molly, darling, listen to these people.
There is a lot of good advice here.

Allow me to contribute:

Research shows a trend of a 1-2 year recovery from 'clinical symptoms'. I have read multiple studies that follow former users, and the 'heavy users' tend to claim anxiety/depression follows this timeline. This recovery timeline requires abstinence from MDMA and other serotonergic agents, something you have not practiced.

Other studies show that even after 2.5 years, these 'heavy users' still do not exhibit a typical endocrine response to MDMA, or a host of other serotonin agonists. This is among the most convincing evidence for MDMA 'toxicity'.

Human studies have yet to be extended to longer periods of time, but animal studies suggest that recovery of 5-HT receptor sites occurs LONG into the future. Even after the end of a 2 year depression, these users are likely experiencing undetectable 5-HT recovery for many years.

I always discourage the use of SSRIs, but in your case I would recommend it before you try MDMA. SSRIs are a much milder, long-term substitution for 'rolling'. I do believe they can be dangerous on their own, but MDMA would be far riskier, in your case. MDMA can cause the same amount of damage to you in ONE night that SSRIs take months to accomplish.

Actually, St. John's Wort is probably safer than both.
It has far fewer side-effects, but is believed to be AS effective as SSRIs in combating severe depression. It only modestly impacts serotonin, but its effect upon dopamine in the prefrontal cortex is more important.

You see, Molly, the loss of serotonin axons in the forebrain may be responsible for a loss of dopamine activity. Serotonin is the great modulator of other neurotransmitter systems. This may be the cause of anhedonia.

At 7 months into recovery, I could get pure MDMA if I wanted to, but I am not even tempted.
Do you remember feeling that way recently?

Right now, you just want to feel the way you used to. That is understandable, especially to me.
But shoving more serotonin into your brain right now would not make you 'roll' like you used to.
This is backed up by research and anecdotal reports.

Most likely, taking MDMA right now would simply make you feel closer to 'normal'.
For a few hours, you would be able to pretend. That is it - NOT rolling.

Then the comedown would be horrible.
You would feel like you have set yourself back.
Think I'm lying?

Look up posts by somedud.
He rolled after discontinuing SSRIs around the 8 month point.
Now his anxiety is gone, but he feels like his recovery process is in jeopardy!
I have tried to assure him it will just take more time, but he really wishes he hadn't broken his abstinence. Look him up, if you want confirmation.

I personally know a 20 year old woman that has abused LSD during her recovery from MDMA binging two years ago. After more than a year since the LSD, she is still experiencing tracers/visuals. She is also struggling with depression, especially around PMS (which involves a loss of serotonin in the brain).

Please do NOT use MDMA.
The serotonin network is NOT very resilient, which is why you got fucked up in the first place.
Any serotonin agent, such as LSD, piperazines, mescaline, or mushrooms....these would be a BIG mistake for you, right now. MDMA is likely more toxic than most of these, in fact few other chemicals are known to cause the serotonin toxicity that MDMA can achieve...

Research and anecdotal reports back this up - I would know.

If your husband was hoping to roll again, tell him he simply has to wait.
My wife has already accepted this fact.
If you need someone to convince him, send him my way.

I do have a few suggestions for alternatives...
Opiates are probably the safest high that allows a euphoric experience for you.
That doesn't mean their safety is unconditional.

In a high dose, some opiates will stop you from breathing.
Understanding which opiates cause this at what dose, is very important.
Even with long-term use, they do not cause organ damage.
Unless you consider dopamine down-regulation in the brain...

You see, opiates have their own receptor sub-type within the dopamine network.
They will make you feel better, without setting you back in your 5-HT recovery.
However, using more than a few days in row can result in severe withdrawal. Beyond this, you might as well consider heroin...

All drugs have consequences after continued use - you know this.
But popping some tramadol or hydrocodone would be a much wiser choice for you, and him.

Other dopamine stimulants, such as METH or adderall, would also be safer than MDMA for a single use.

Does smoking METH sound crazy to you?
It should!

Then, MDMA should sound even crazier.
Don't forget MDMA is also an amphetamine - one that targets the vulnerable 5-HT network. Meth may be much more addictive, but at least it targets the resilient dopamine network. You managed to become addicted to MDMA, a serotonin agent. I am only recommending METH instead to illustrate the risk you are already considering!

Also, former users of MDMA have been shown to be at increased risk of strokes!
This is due to the fact that serotonin has such a profound effect upon blood distribution in the brain. By forcing so much serotonin into your brain right now, you are putting yourself at risk for the 'worst case scenario'.

If you refuse to hear our collective advice and avoid further suffering, you should consider taking a pre-load of Piracetam. A large attack dose, 4 hours before, should not only allow you to experience the old euphoria, but it should also greatly reduce the come-down during the days that follow.

Molly, that voice that is tempting you right now - THAT is a sign of recovery.
You said yourself: "I already said I wouldn't touch that shit again."

The fact that you are even capable of being tempted right now, when you weren't before, is amazing. You have come a LONG way, haven't you?

Consider this a sign of hope.
One not to be fucked with.
Be proud of yourself. We are.

If you ever do MDMA again, you need to earn it by abstaining for a LOT more than one year. You already knew this, but you wanted confirmation.

I hope you both make the right choice.
Take care of yourself.

 

[Bearlove]

DONT DO IT !

A year isnt really that long and if you redosed the chances of you slipping back into abuse are high. You have been clean a year (brilliant news) so why spoil that and feel guilty/run the risk of starting it all again for a few hours high.

 

[trancerage]

Molly, darling, listen to these people.
There is a lot of good advice here.

Allow me to contribute:

Research shows a trend of a 1-2 year recovery from 'clinical symptoms'. I have read multiple studies that follow former users, and the 'heavy users' tend to claim anxiety/depression follows this timeline. This recovery timeline requires abstinence from MDMA and other serotonergic agents, something you have not practiced.

Other studies show that even after 2.5 years, these 'heavy users' still do not exhibit a typical endocrine response to MDMA, or a host of other serotonin agonists. This is among the most convincing evidence for MDMA 'toxicity'.

Human studies have yet to be extended to longer periods of time, but animal studies suggest that recovery of 5-HT receptor sites occurs LONG into the future. Even after the end of a 2 year depression, these users are likely experiencing undetectable 5-HT recovery for many years.

I always discourage the use of SSRIs, but in your case I would recommend it before you try MDMA. SSRIs are a much milder, long-term substitution for 'rolling'. I do believe they can be dangerous on their own, but MDMA would be far riskier, in your case. MDMA can cause the same amount of damage to you in ONE night that SSRIs take months to accomplish.

Actually, St. John's Wort is probably safer than both.
It has far fewer side-effects, but is believed to be AS effective as SSRIs in combating severe depression. It only modestly impacts serotonin, but its effect upon dopamine in the prefrontal cortex is more important.

You see, Molly, the loss of serotonin axons in the forebrain may be responsible for a loss of dopamine activity. Serotonin is the great modulator of other neurotransmitter systems. This may be the cause of anhedonia.

At 7 months into recovery, I could get pure MDMA if I wanted to, but I am not even tempted.
Do you remember feeling that way recently?

Right now, you just want to feel the way you used to. That is understandable, especially to me.
But shoving more serotonin into your brain right now would not make you 'roll' like you used to.
This is backed up by research and anecdotal reports.

Most likely, taking MDMA right now would simply make you feel closer to 'normal'.
For a few hours, you would be able to pretend. That is it - NOT rolling.

Then the comedown would be horrible.
You would feel like you have set yourself back.
Think I'm lying?

Look up posts by somedud.
He rolled after discontinuing SSRIs around the 8 month point.
Now his anxiety is gone, but he feels like his recovery process is in jeopardy!
I have tried to assure him it will just take more time, but he really wishes he hadn't broken his abstinence. Look him up, if you want confirmation.

I personally know a 20 year old woman that has abused LSD during her recovery from MDMA binging two years ago. After more than a year since the LSD, she is still experiencing tracers/visuals. She is also struggling with depression, especially around PMS (which involves a loss of serotonin in the brain).

Please do NOT use MDMA.
The serotonin network is NOT very resilient, which is why you got fucked up in the first place.
Any serotonin agent, such as LSD, piperazines, mescaline, or mushrooms....these would be a BIG mistake for you, right now. MDMA is likely more toxic than most of these, in fact few other chemicals are known to cause the serotonin toxicity that MDMA can achieve...

Research and anecdotal reports back this up - I would know.

If your husband was hoping to roll again, tell him he simply has to wait.
My wife has already accepted this fact.
If you need someone to convince him, send him my way.

I do have a few suggestions for alternatives...
Opiates are probably the safest high that allows a euphoric experience for you.
That doesn't mean their safety is unconditional.

In a high dose, some opiates will stop you from breathing.
Understanding which opiates cause this at what dose, is very important.
Even with long-term use, they do not cause organ damage.
Unless you consider dopamine down-regulation in the brain...

You see, opiates have their own receptor sub-type within the dopamine network.
They will make you feel better, without setting you back in your 5-HT recovery.
However, using more than a few days in row can result in severe withdrawal. Beyond this, you might as well consider heroin...

All drugs have consequences after continued use - you know this.
But popping some tramadol or hydrocodone would be a much wiser choice for you, and him.

Other dopamine stimulants, such as METH or adderall, would also be safer than MDMA for a single use.

Does smoking METH sound crazy to you?
It should!

Then, MDMA should sound even crazier.
Don't forget MDMA is also an amphetamine - one that targets the vulnerable 5-HT network. Meth may be much more addictive, but at least it targets the resilient dopamine network. You managed to become addicted to MDMA, a serotonin agent. I am only recommending METH instead to illustrate the risk you are already considering!

Also, former users of MDMA have been shown to be at increased risk of strokes!
This is due to the fact that serotonin has such a profound effect upon blood distribution in the brain. By forcing so much serotonin into your brain right now, you are putting yourself at risk for the 'worst case scenario'.

If you refuse to hear our collective advice and avoid further suffering, you should consider taking a pre-load of Piracetam. A large attack dose, 4 hours before, should not only allow you to experience the old euphoria, but it should also greatly reduce the come-down during the days that follow.

Molly, that voice that is tempting you right now - THAT is a sign of recovery.
You said yourself: "I already said I wouldn't touch that shit again."

The fact that you are even capable of being tempted right now, when you weren't before, is amazing. You have come a LONG way, haven't you?

Consider this a sign of hope.
One not to be fucked with.
Be proud of yourself. We are.

If you ever do MDMA again, you need to earn it by abstaining for a LOT more than one year. You already knew this, but you wanted confirmation.

I hope you both make the right choice.
Take care of yourself.

you sound very educated my friend, and certanly are much more than me, but dont know what kind of ppl you have meet, but we are certanly not talking about the same drug.

You make it soundl like MDMA is kind of the most toxic drug outhere.

I cannot get in a argument about scientifc stuff with you, cleary, but suggesting to take METH (dont care in what scenario or what way you have used it, IT IS JUST PLAIN FUCKING STUPID) Meth is a drug that will fuck your life over so badly that is not even fucking funny, you are giving the advice to a guy who was "addicted" to MDMA (how the fuck can you get addicted to a thing that has no effect on you after the 4 or 5 day) He cleeary said that his fears are more ethical than anything, and you are suggesting him to take METH!!! WTF man... Its pretty clear you have your own assumptions on MDMA, and you are crusading against it, I do not support the abuse of mdma, but I've known plenty of ppl who abused the shit out of it (including my self), and the last thing the worry about now is about mdma, its the dopanime drugs the one fucking lifes up, such as Coke, crack and METH, Not MDMA.

I will rather take a hit on my brain, and be fine after a month, 2, 3 o 4, than give my self away to Meth (it may only take 1 time for some ppl the get hooked on it, may be for some not, but you dont know what kind of ppl you are suggesting this, and it sounds very much as the one who will get hooked) if the guy was addicted to MDMA (he thinks) how do you think he will react with a drug that has a much powerful dopamine release, it kind of feels like rolling and you can binge the fuck out of it and still get high?

Seriusly, you are waaay off on this...

 

[molly897]

ty for the replies everyone. i decided against it mentally but who knows what's actually gonna happen. everyone that asked about my gut, it's definitely saying no.

i'm on SSRIs, anti psychotic and benzo so i don't really apply to alot of that first bad comedown. i know SSRIs block the effects of MDMA but the one i'm on isn't an actual SSRI it's a DNRI Wellbutrin and i also take seroquel and about 6-10mg of klonopin a day. not justifying using again at all by that though and whoever said the addictiveness side is coming out is completely right. and first bad comedown you are right, i would just feel normal for a little bit like i always did when i took it, but i didn't have bad comedowns lol. that's why it was so addicting. the purer it is the less of a comedown you get i slept like a baby and for hours everytime

but to answer another one of your questions no i have considered doing meth in the past, i don't think doing any drug sounds scary. will i do it? no. but i'm not scared of what could happen to me after i take any drug. that's just be not caring if i die though.

i know why i'm fucked up from MDMA and i know it completely depleted my serotonin, i've taken st johns wort but it makes me throw up. the cocaine depleted my dopamine and i have bad reactions on SSRIs which is why i tried wellbutrin. also because i smoked a pack of ciggs a day and immediately stopped after i got on the medication.

i'm also not looking for anyone to congratulate me and to do it again just once cause it's not like i've been completely sober a year, it's more so what would you do in my situation.. not looking for gratification at all

but yes i do know MDMA is also an amphetamine. like i said i did the shit three times a week for five months i know exactly what fucked me up and what's in it and what it does and how it affects you and i am aware of the 1-4 year recovery process. sorry if i'm coming off bitchy to anyone but i'm educated already on this lol. i don't wanna feel how i felt when i was addicted to it mentally i just meant i would love to feel that sensation again. just have a fun night kind of thing. but it's not worth it really to ruin all the time that has passed just to deplete my brain again

 

[tass4243]

Other dopamine stimulants, such as METH or adderall, would also be safer than MDMA for a single use.

Does smoking METH sound crazy to you?
It should!

Then, MDMA should sound even crazier.

I am only recommending METH instead to illustrate the risk you are already considering!

Pretty sure he was trying to show a point. Also after the abuse, meth would be safer for you one time then molly doing MDMA. Are you going to do meth? "No." Well since this is only one time, the meth is safer in molly's current state, so the answer is no to both.

If you mentally said no, then you've said no. Don't think the future will be unpredictable, you've made your choice, no. Stick with it

And to answer your question, I wouldn't do it. You run the risk of addiction, plus you will feel guilty after the fact. Every time I've sworn I was done with drugs but got high, I felt guilty, or so high I forgot my swear Its hard, but you can do it.

 

[molly897]

i was also addicted to adderall and would never ever ever consider doing that instead of MDMA. that fucked me up more than coke or MDMA. doing a strictly amphetamine drug in replace of a drug that only contains some amphetamine is not wise imo. especially for someone like me who already has extreme anxiety and i think meth would make me go straight into cardiac arrest. i also think this now of coke.

 

[tass4243]

Ah see now I can relate, yeah I abused the shit out of adderal. Was that before or after your MDMA deal?

 

[trancerage]

ty for the replies everyone. i decided against it mentally but who knows what's actually gonna happen. everyone that asked about my gut, it's definitely saying no.

i'm on SSRIs, anti psychotic and benzo so i don't really apply to alot of that first bad comedown. i know SSRIs block the effects of MDMA but the one i'm on isn't an actual SSRI it's a DNRI Wellbutrin and i also take seroquel and about 6-10mg of klonopin a day. not justifying using again at all by that though and whoever said the addictiveness side is coming out is completely right. and first bad comedown you are right, i would just feel normal for a little bit like i always did when i took it, but i didn't have bad comedowns lol. that's why it was so addicting. the purer it is the less of a comedown you get i slept like a baby and for hours everytime

but to answer another one of your questions no i have considered doing meth in the past, i don't think doing any drug sounds scary. will i do it? no. but i'm not scared of what could happen to me after i take any drug. that's just be not caring if i die though.

i know why i'm fucked up from MDMA and i know it completely depleted my serotonin, i've taken st johns wort but it makes me throw up. the cocaine depleted my dopamine and i have bad reactions on SSRIs which is why i tried wellbutrin. also because i smoked a pack of ciggs a day and immediately stopped after i got on the medication.

i'm also not looking for anyone to congratulate me and to do it again just once cause it's not like i've been completely sober a year, it's more so what would you do in my situation.. not looking for gratification at all

but yes i do know MDMA is also an amphetamine. like i said i did the shit three times a week for five months i know exactly what fucked me up and what's in it and what it does and how it affects you and i am aware of the 1-4 year recovery process. sorry if i'm coming off bitchy to anyone but i'm educated already on this lol. i don't wanna feel how i felt when i was addicted to it mentally i just meant i would love to feel that sensation again. just have a fun night kind of thing. but it's not worth it really to ruin all the time that has passed just to deplete my brain again

I dont think any of the ppl who lifes were taken away from meth were afraid of what could happened to them or even thought they would end up like that... Take care man, watch your self, If you are doing fine without drugs, do not go back...

By the way, do some brazilian jiu jitsu and life will be much sweeter (thats just my thing lol )

 

[trancerage]

molly897, glad you make that choice and I seriusly hope you stick to it... stay the fuck away from meth.

 

[molly897]

tass that was after. and probably contributed to the after affects. after i stopped doing MDMA, the last time i did it i stayed up for 3 days on adderall with MDMA still in my system. that entire day i went to the hospital i could not breathe and even hits of weed gave me anxiety. i've never been the same since, and it was only one binge on adderall the day after a roll. i got diagnosed bi polar and anxiety/panic disorder but i always thought/knew it was cause i was fucking with molly and coke. but now i actually know i'm bipolar in my opinion drugs just inflamed it cause i've been acting a certain way forever

but yeah after the hospital a month later i was prescribed adderall and was just fucking with that (and coke still sometimes) but i was needing/taking like 80mgs+ a day. i would just snort it all day long while my husband was at class, like a line on the hour. and this was only a month in between my MDMA abuse. so i think all three fucked me up. i dunno


haha trance thanks and nice mebbe i will.. and i dunno i disagree, i'm well aware of the death and health risks before i do any drug. i don't think meth/heroin users REALLY think they're just going to use it once, just my opinion. they're too hard of drugs. you either wanna experiment with em or not fuck with em at all

 

[tass4243]

Yeah I'm sure it did contribute. Yeah, my tolerance with addies got to bout 200mg before I stopped, not worth it.

I disagree that they are "Too" hard of drugs. I bet you they didn't wake up one day and decide to smoke meth, adding to the fact most likely the thoughts in their head went "well Ill try it just once, I guess", I did. I believe you can get addicted to anything anyhow, its just some people are more susceptible to addiction. I never imagined that I would ever touch meth, I always thought it was dirty. When I did decide to try it, I said only once. I hated all drugs other then psychedelics for my first two years, but things change. Now I didn't end up an addict, but I'm sure it went down like that for quite a few people. But considering those two drugs worse compared to any other drug is BS.

But I suppose open to experimentation or not period is valid, if thats what you ment.

 

[vancbc]

Molly, darling, listen to these people.
There is a lot of good advice here.

Allow me to contribute:

Research shows a trend of a 1-2 year recovery from 'clinical symptoms'. I have read multiple studies that follow former users, and the 'heavy users' tend to claim anxiety/depression follows this timeline. This recovery timeline requires abstinence from MDMA and other serotonergic agents, something you have not practiced.

Other studies show that even after 2.5 years, these 'heavy users' still do not exhibit a typical endocrine response to MDMA, or a host of other serotonin agonists. This is among the most convincing evidence for MDMA 'toxicity'.

Human studies have yet to be extended to longer periods of time, but animal studies suggest that recovery of 5-HT receptor sites occurs LONG into the future. Even after the end of a 2 year depression, these users are likely experiencing undetectable 5-HT recovery for many years.

I always discourage the use of SSRIs, but in your case I would recommend it before you try MDMA. SSRIs are a much milder, long-term substitution for 'rolling'. I do believe they can be dangerous on their own, but MDMA would be far riskier, in your case. MDMA can cause the same amount of damage to you in ONE night that SSRIs take months to accomplish.

Actually, St. John's Wort is probably safer than both.
It has far fewer side-effects, but is believed to be AS effective as SSRIs in combating severe depression. It only modestly impacts serotonin, but its effect upon dopamine in the prefrontal cortex is more important.

You see, Molly, the loss of serotonin axons in the forebrain may be responsible for a loss of dopamine activity. Serotonin is the great modulator of other neurotransmitter systems. This may be the cause of anhedonia.

At 7 months into recovery, I could get pure MDMA if I wanted to, but I am not even tempted.
Do you remember feeling that way recently?

Right now, you just want to feel the way you used to. That is understandable, especially to me.
But shoving more serotonin into your brain right now would not make you 'roll' like you used to.
This is backed up by research and anecdotal reports.

Most likely, taking MDMA right now would simply make you feel closer to 'normal'.
For a few hours, you would be able to pretend. That is it - NOT rolling.

Then the comedown would be horrible.
You would feel like you have set yourself back.
Think I'm lying?

Look up posts by somedud.
He rolled after discontinuing SSRIs around the 8 month point.
Now his anxiety is gone, but he feels like his recovery process is in jeopardy!
I have tried to assure him it will just take more time, but he really wishes he hadn't broken his abstinence. Look him up, if you want confirmation.

I personally know a 20 year old woman that has abused LSD during her recovery from MDMA binging two years ago. After more than a year since the LSD, she is still experiencing tracers/visuals. She is also struggling with depression, especially around PMS (which involves a loss of serotonin in the brain).

Please do NOT use MDMA.
The serotonin network is NOT very resilient, which is why you got fucked up in the first place.
Any serotonin agent, such as LSD, piperazines, mescaline, or mushrooms....these would be a BIG mistake for you, right now. MDMA is likely more toxic than most of these, in fact few other chemicals are known to cause the serotonin toxicity that MDMA can achieve...

Research and anecdotal reports back this up - I would know.

If your husband was hoping to roll again, tell him he simply has to wait.
My wife has already accepted this fact.
If you need someone to convince him, send him my way.

I do have a few suggestions for alternatives...
Opiates are probably the safest high that allows a euphoric experience for you.
That doesn't mean their safety is unconditional.

In a high dose, some opiates will stop you from breathing.
Understanding which opiates cause this at what dose, is very important.
Even with long-term use, they do not cause organ damage.
Unless you consider dopamine down-regulation in the brain...

You see, opiates have their own receptor sub-type within the dopamine network.
They will make you feel better, without setting you back in your 5-HT recovery.
However, using more than a few days in row can result in severe withdrawal. Beyond this, you might as well consider heroin...

All drugs have consequences after continued use - you know this.
But popping some tramadol or hydrocodone would be a much wiser choice for you, and him.

Other dopamine stimulants, such as METH or adderall, would also be safer than MDMA for a single use.

Does smoking METH sound crazy to you?
It should!

Then, MDMA should sound even crazier.
Don't forget MDMA is also an amphetamine - one that targets the vulnerable 5-HT network. Meth may be much more addictive, but at least it targets the resilient dopamine network. You managed to become addicted to MDMA, a serotonin agent. I am only recommending METH instead to illustrate the risk you are already considering!

Also, former users of MDMA have been shown to be at increased risk of strokes!
This is due to the fact that serotonin has such a profound effect upon blood distribution in the brain. By forcing so much serotonin into your brain right now, you are putting yourself at risk for the 'worst case scenario'.

If you refuse to hear our collective advice and avoid further suffering, you should consider taking a pre-load of Piracetam. A large attack dose, 4 hours before, should not only allow you to experience the old euphoria, but it should also greatly reduce the come-down during the days that follow.

Molly, that voice that is tempting you right now - THAT is a sign of recovery.
You said yourself: "I already said I wouldn't touch that shit again."

The fact that you are even capable of being tempted right now, when you weren't before, is amazing. You have come a LONG way, haven't you?

Consider this a sign of hope.
One not to be fucked with.
Be proud of yourself. We are.

If you ever do MDMA again, you need to earn it by abstaining for a LOT more than one year. You already knew this, but you wanted confirmation.

I hope you both make the right choice.
Take care of yourself.

Interesting reading. Do you know what the research considered "heavy usage"? I'm curious for my own MDMA recovery trajectory - now 7.5 months without using after about a decade of regular use.

 

[First Bad Comedown]

In research, heavy use is normally considered 200-400 pills.
Some users manage to go far beyond this, but it is rare.

There are exceptions like me - I've only taken 30 tabs lifetime.
It was rolling two weekends in a row and two days in a row that fucked me up.

Regardless of usage, the majority of former users recover from anxiety/depression within 2 years.
This requires abstinence, of course.
There are a small number that take up to 4 years, but this is more common with stimulant abusers (cocaine, meth). It is very rare to see clinical problems after four years, but it has happened among the heaviest poly users.

Even after depression/anxiety recede, it is known that former users continue to exhibit a reduced endocrine response to MDMA and other serotonin agents for LONG into the future. This is a strong argument for neurotoxicity. The original pathways can be worked around, but not replaced. Make sense?

It is also believed that re-innervation of the 5-HT network continues to happen for many years down the line, even after clinical recovery.

Stay clean and exercise daily.
Exercise increases brain BDNF levels, which directly affects plasticity of 5-HT neurons.
Nothing will make as big of a difference as exercise!

Read through my other posts and you will find a lot of information on the recovery process.
Let me know if you come up with any questions.

 

[trancerage]

In research, heavy use is normally considered 200-400 pills.
Some users manage to go far beyond this, but it is rare.

There are exceptions like me - I've only taken 30 tabs lifetime.
It was rolling two weekends in a row and two days in a row that fucked me up.

Regardless of usage, the majority of former users recover from anxiety/depression within 2 years.
This requires abstinence, of course.
There are a small number that take up to 4 years, but this is more common with stimulant abusers (cocaine, meth). It is very rare to see clinical problems after four years, but it has happened among the heaviest poly users.

Even after depression/anxiety recede, it is known that former users continue to exhibit a reduced endocrine response to MDMA and other serotonin agents for LONG into the future. This is a strong argument for neurotoxicity. The original pathways can be worked around, but not replaced. Make sense?

It is also believed that re-innervation of the 5-HT network continues to happen for many years down the line, even after clinical recovery.

Stay clean and exercise daily.
Exercise increases brain BDNF levels, which directly affects plasticity of 5-HT neurons.
Nothing will make as big of a difference as exercise!

Read through my other posts and you will find a lot of information on the recovery process.
Let me know if you come up with any questions.

so basically, you are saying that any user whos has gotten a honeymoon longer than 2 years is fucked up? lets assume 10 tabs a month, for 24 for months is 240? where are you getting your facts from? I know 10 tabs a month is not something that is too much for most new users, and most new users go into honeymoon for perios of 6 months, 1 year hell even 2, then start decreasing the use, but 200 - 400 is something that is not rare in youung ppl... yet I hardly see ppl whos as fuck up as you describe...

For every study you may conclude, theres is probably another going in the other way man.

Not that I dont think mdma can fuck you up if you abuse it, Im pretty sure it can, but the cases of ppl getting fucke up after 30 tabs is EXTREMELY rare... and the cases of the ppl getting away with strong use is probably way higher than what you think, or your studies show. Do you know how many ppl should be going to neorologist if the case you are presenting is the norm????