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I want you to look in the future and see if you see this.....

dance2tranz- i can't believe the similarities! when i went to sleep i had the exact same thing! i thought i would stop breathing cuz my body would forget how. then i would concentrate too much on my breathing and i almost would forget how to breath. at that point there was no way i could sleep cuz i was too scared. or if i did fall asleep by chance i would get that same falling feeling. there was a couple times when i was sleeping soundly and literally jumped out of my bed waving my hands frantically in the air. sounds weird, i know.....
and i related everything to my e use. if i had a headache, it was because of e. the headache wouldn't go away either because i was concentrating sooo much on it. so here i am with a headache for a week- then i assume i have a tumour or something! i know how ridiculous this all sounds, but thats how your mind works when you're paranoid. for a month straight i had "something" wrong with me. lets see.....lung cancer, an ulcer, a heart defect......or at least i convinced myself i did. and it was all because of e- or so i thought.
and you know what- now that i'm taking anti-depressants all my "illnesses" have gone away. i actually feel normal again. and i can't tell you how happy i am. living with severe anxiety, depression and paranoia is absolute torture. i wanted to die.
and yes, i realize this won't happen to everyone who uses. but from what i've read on the board a lot of people seem to be using heavily- and i'm warning you: this could quite possibly happen to you too. i NEVER thought anything bad could come from e. when this happened i lost control of my thoughts......i had to leave my job because i couldn't deal with it anymore. luckily i have good friends who stuck by me.
 
oh wow i didn't expect to get such constructive arguments to my post, which is totally great and i appreciate you guys taking some time and replying to my messege.
All of you are basicly expressing one main argument, is that Xtc use in moderation reduces if not eliminates risk of getting anixiety, depression, etc.
I cannot argue with that,almost everything is bad for us in large amounts.
Now, do you really think that people that overdose on drugs are just stupid ones that were asking for it to happened?
The fact is , that people with depressive personalities get hooked up on e, literally. Did you know these funny details about your personality before you hit 20 .? i think not. Did you start doing E before you turned 20. I think so. I will not generalize, this post is not targeted at you Harry, and you can only be proud of your strong will, but if you don't want me to genearilize, why would you do the same, saying that its kool to do it if you do it in moderation . everyone is different and drugs are certainly not for everyone, i wish someone pointed me out in a crowd and said "Xtc is not for you , go sniff some glue". I knew what i was doing all along , its just now that i realize that i don't know what the hell i was doing. get it. ? The main thing do not kid yourslef, if you are thinking you are doing it too much than you most likely are. If you are getting depressed , and even taking 3 weeks breaks won't help you restore euphoria , your body is letting you know find yourself another hobby.
Shepassion,
my original topic was not as much about "Anxiety and depression caused by frequent long term use" (even though thats exactly what i described) but more to see how many people are damn sure in themselves (just like me awhile ago) that their responsible intake of XTC will never turn ugly on them. And as i see a lot of people are, which is nothing but normal.
Mommy
I hope you are getting bettter. And the most important thing is knowing that you will. And you will. I've been trough this and i know you will. = )~ I remmeber having this pain in my chest and going to a doctor and have EKG and all kinds of tests., and all i really needed is for him to tell me buddy relax its all in your head. he teached how to meditate and told me that i had to find a way to relax. I came out of this office thinking so my chest doesn't hurt..?? and the pain went away. well needless to say i felt like i was a man of my mind again and went back to my old tricks after a month or so. Why ,? well the doctor told me to find a way to relax , right.? Xtc generally has one important good side to it, it relives stress, and stress is what causes all our diseases. Well like i said before soon i got a even worst panic attacks, it was really hard for me to accept that i shouldn't take a break , i shouldn't take 5-htp to get me back to normal, i shouldn't get moe vitamins and minerals to make my trips normal. I SHOULD JUST STOP.!!! ...
......and everyting will flow...
-= )~
 
thats why you should stick to lsd. I have done x a handful of times and lsd 100's of times and guess what my brain is fine. However I do have a weird habit of using symbols to display thoughts and words. An example my wife asked what features i want in a dvd player I drew a box an asterisk and the number 4. She was like wtf does box star 4 mean .It Made sense to me. frame magnification.
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We had two bags of grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine and a whole galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers. Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls
 
dance2tranz- thanks! i am feeling a lot better. i now know that i do NOT have any of the ailments i thought i did. quite a relief. and i too, thought that not dosing for 2 weeks and taking 5htp would solve my problems. i even thought taking more e would help me. and it did.....for 4 hours. then they came back 3 fold. i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, knowing that i will never do ecstasy again. that part of my life is over now. and i'm really excited to start my sober partying days! to be honest, i usually have more fun at raves before i dose. then i just become a mash case.
so thanks for those who understand and learn from these experiences. x is not for everyone- even "in moderation". there is no safe way to do ecstacy- don't fool yourselves.
 
Cheers Harry.......very well put.
I too have taken the drug in question for over ten years......it seems in quite the same manner as you Harry. I took it for the first time twelve years ago and have continued to take it in moderation since. I too come from that little island called the rest of the world!
Ive generally kept to taking the drug no more than once or so a month, however there has been several times during my 'career' where I have dropped every weekend for several (5-6) weeks at a time. As I posted previously.......I feel all good.
Perhaps I am a 'lucky' one....or perhaps people like Mommy and Dance are 'unlucky'. But for now, I feel ok...... dont get me wrong......I DO NOT feel invincible......I am aware of the risks (just prepared to take 'em).
Bottom line is......drugs are not for everyone.....which is why I will not post telling anyone to take 'em. Its every individual's choice and one they gotta live with. I can certainly say that a moderate approach has worked for me and that is all. I hope, for my sake, that if I begin to feel any of the symptoms described by others in this post, that I will be smart enough to change my ways. Id like to say that I would be that smart.......but hopefully it wont get to that and what has worked for me over the last twelve years, will continue to see me through.
By the way Shepassion......fucken great quote to open with.......hope everyone takes the time to think about that before responding.
Get well crew........appreciate what you are trying to get across.
T
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"Drugs work"
 
I simply have to say this: Those of you who think that Ecstacy is not damaging to your mental health are living in a DREAMWORLD!!
First of all, most people who post on here are American. America is in its ecstacy honeymoon period right now, and most American posters have only been in the scene for less than 2 years.
I dont give a shit whether scientifically the tests on XTC damage are inconclusive. I have seen the damage that it is capable of with my own eyes.
Having been heavily involved in the Australian scene for about eight years (and having taken XTC for that long) I have been around long enough to see what it does to people.
I, personally, through moderation and luck have managed to avoid any of the long term effects that have wreaked havoc with some of my friends. I also beleive that in moderation (ie once every month at most) the damage can be avoided or at least minimized. But to pretend that no long term damage can occur is not only stupid, but extremely irresponsible.
In fact I would go as far as to say that to argue against the fact that ecstacy CAN cause long term nueral brain damage is wrong and bordering on evil.
I work with a bunch of people from Manchester in the UK, a place that was known during the Acid House explosion era (1988) as the ecstacy capital of the world. These guys were going to raves of 50,000 people. Now they can barely muster a happy thought between them.
For Christs sake, just look at any of the long term big name DJ's. For example Sasha is known for his panic attacks.
So dont shoot down people like the person who started this thread. They are only trying to help. And yes I still take ecstacy and prefer it as my drug of choice, but I am not blind its risks unlike some of you!
 
Hey TRYPX that was from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas! super funny movie...
First off i would like to respond by saying this is were i come in. I graduated with a degree in Psychology and i love my major and going back for more education. I've used E about 8 times in two years. People would call me a pansy but my brain is real sensitive to chemicals just like everyone elses is. And yes your neurons will probably not recover (if they extremely slowly).
back to the conversation, and wow one fuck'n hell of a debate here. Here's one for ya, I love McDonald's French Fries like a motherfucker i could eat them everyday of the week if i wish, but u know what I would have a heart attack in about 5 years from eating so much saturated-fat and cholestrol. Same thing with and my choice of using E a couple times a year giving my head a rest. So i eat McDonald's French Fries couple times a month. (Moderation) (Moderation) just like any other drug ----> 1st it's just a habit, 2nd then abuse, 3rd DEPENDANCE of the drug.
I do admit E is an amazing experience.
Finally, the sleep loss, and depression, panic attacks, anxiety, etc etc, this doesn't surprise me which also scares me. WE seem all to be educated, neurotransmitters are the key to mental well being. Insomnia is my fear for the generation of the overwhelming amout of E users, as well as Depression and other mental disorders, My fear is Alzhemier's for the abusers and Dementia and so on with old folk disorders. It's a frightning world and it doesn't care, in turn makes it Evil.
Imagin a street drug that made am individual burn up all of neurotransmitter Dopamine. It made u feel so good and even more intelligent during your fix. But, after a few year's of reasearch the users became schizophrenic. U C if there's dopamine to keep one balanced then maybe a nation of schizophrenic's will solve the problem.
anything abused is taken for granted
anything taken for granted is wasted
anything wasted is forgotten
P.S Merry Christmas and peace be with you as well as a cup of coffee
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"Your perception of the world correlates to how the world perceives you."
-------monolith
 
I was just wondering if any of you who are experiencing these problems with X have thought about trying meditation. I too have noticed some small changes from my E use but meditation seems to be a good way of sorting you head for all sorts of things, worth a try. I think a combination of moderate use and meditation is starting to improve my life after a short period of uncertainty.
PLUR
Chalk
 
As the quote says:
"when your lying on your deathbed you'll only regret the things you didn't do"
 
A lot of people take drugs
Some of those people are going to be fucked up people even with out the drugs.
Some will be fine with out drugs
Then when the drugs do happen and the regular fucked up person takes them he later says its from his drug use. Maybe
OR maybe its just they way that person was going to be
 
i've found this thread to be really helpful. i myself am not a heavy user of 2 years or anything, i've just started taking xtc this year, and so far i've taken 5 pills. 3 of those pills are in this month alone (1 1/2 last saturday, and 1 1/2 3 days ago
frown.gif
), so you can see the path i'm heading down and i can see it as well and i dont want it to happen. so as ai general plea for help, what are some steps you guys can recommend to me to only use xtc in moderation. i know this sounds like a stupid question but i think this can help a lot of us who might be heading donw the wrong path.
for now i've decided to do xtc one last time on new years eve and after that i wanted to take a few months off. me and my friends stopped smoking weed for 2 weeks before finals as well and because of how much we did it before that i think that increased my use of other drugs and substances, so that probably didn't help my situation. i'm thinking after NYE, i'll go back to weed periodically and alcohol sometimes on the weekends. gotta get back into the life of a typical college student
smile.gif

but please, any recommendations from the ppl who have been down these paths.
-peace
 
I just wanted to bump this because even though I may have jumped to conclusions, this has become a great thread. So...without further ado...*BUMP*
 
If I had read this post a couple months ago, I probably would have flamed it with some self-righteous, ecstacy promoting propoganda.
*Sigh* But, after a couple trips to the ER, and docs, and an extreme sensitivity to even alcohol, I would have to go with dance2tranz on this one and give people an extreme warning about overdoing and underestimating MDMA, MDA.
He's right though, most of it is in your head but I can definitely see former Ecstacy user support groups in the near future. Anyone want to put money on that?
You feel pretty invincible at 19, no?
 
I just dont understand why we continuously discuss this topic over and over again
The bottom line is that sure Ecstasy might be really damaging and maybe we wont find out for years-I knwo this, have thought about and guess what? I still roll...maybe i will change my mind down the line or maybe not but regardless thats my decision as its anyone else's decision to choose not to roll (or use any substance for that matter) so cant we all just get over the fact that people make different choices and just respect that instead of trying to change peoples minds constantly
I for one am sick of everyone telling me theor horror stories and then being shocked that I am not changing MY behavior...i take each story into account and appreciate that that person has told me their story but i do not want to be preached to about what I should or shouldnt do
So my point is cant we just forget the bullshit and provide information instead of constantly trying to change everyones mind???
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"To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say "Sorry, got these sacks." Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
 
This was quite the interesting thread to read on a comedown, the irony is deafening.
I find that I'm having an inner debate about having rolled tonight, like an angel on one shoulder, and the devil on another.
I've acknowledged the risks associated with e-usage, but haven't yet determined if those risks do/will outweigh the rewards. To be honest, I'm more concerned with the social and legal risks with using, rather than the physical effects.
My biggest concerns have always been "what would happen if my family found out" and "what if I spent time in jail because of this?"
From the panic attacks and sleep disorder standpoint, I had more panic attacks and nights of insomnia prior to using e. Yes, I agree that the chemical imbalance that e creates will cause these things to happen, but my experience has been that so does drinking alcohol.
I have had only one panic attack during a comedown, but found that I was able to think myself through it because I knew it was a result of my serotonin depletion. The experiences that I've gained through using e have helped me to recognize my emotional swings, outside of any e usage, and deal with them as they come and go.
Am I going to use e for the rest of my life? No. There is a time and a place for everything.
Has my personality changed since I began using? Absolutely. For the better or worse? TBD. It has opened my eyes to things I never had appreciated before. Life is about experiences. Each experience will help to form your personality as you grow older.
Am I trying to rationalize my fondness for the feeling of empathy and togetherness when I roll? Of course.
... I'm just shootin' some salad here, thanks for listening.
 
"So my point is cant we just forget the bullshit and provide information instead of constantly trying to change everyones mind???"
we are providing information. not all of its going to be good. if you can listen to the horror stories and keep doing e then thats fine. like i said before- you don't know until it happens to you. like what kyk said above. so don't be offended when people try to dissuade you from rolling- they just don't want you to go through what they did. i wouldn't wish this crap upon anybody. and i do miss e alot- i had some wicked times on it, but i can't do it forever. and my body was telling me it was time to stop.
whatever......i'm just saying- this is a drug discussion board- expect to hear the bad as well as the good. hopefully you'll gain something from it.
 
This has been a good post. And one of the few good posts Ive seen being anti-ecstasy. I think there would be alot more posts like this if people who were established on this site could make a post like this without the fear of being flamed or called a troll. This post remained educational(after a few corrections)without negativity. Lately this page has turned into a site to promote ecstasy use, and to flame anyone who says different. If more posts could be handeled like this one, Bluelight could be a harm-reduction site, instead of a commercial for your local MDMA dealer.
 
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