iLoveYouWithaKnife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2002
- Messages
- 8,351
As I sat in the break room
staring out of the third floor window
I tried to decide when would be
the best time
to go outside for a cigarette.
I saw the car
with the NY Yankees
decal in the window;
that I would stand and wait for,
smoking my cigarette
slowly enough
to see him driving down the street.
I walked back to my desk.
I don't know him.
But he's been around me
for at least the past 6 years.
And we almost never spoke
up until a few months ago.
I make him nervous.
I can tell by the way
he shifts around his hands
when he talks to me.
I can never find full
sentences to say to him,
as he leaves me tongue tied.
And for the first time in my life-
which I have to say
scared the fuck out of me
I asked someone who would know
if he was married or not.
Because everytime he was around-
I'd forget to check his left hand
for a band
that would represent
never-ending love.
I am surrounded by my friends
who are completely in love
and are planning weddings
and buying houses,
while I am picking out outfits
that would make me seem
a little more desirable
to some slimy dipshit
who's looking for a girl
to talk dirty to him tonight.
But I'm not that girl.
I'm finding myself lost.
Stuck in a transition period,
from fucking off to growing up.
Where so many new things
are becoming relevent.
I cannot answer these
questions of love
because I have not found it yet.
I have never woken up
every single day
next to the person who I shared
my bed with for the moment
and have been completely happy.
There were always thoughts,
at some point,
of 'when the fuck is he going to go home?'
or 'how the fuck do I get out of this?'
or 'how the fuck did I get myself
into this mess?'
when i somehow thought
living together would be a great idea.
I need that person to complete me.
to make me happy.
that person that drives me
to be a better person, for me.
I need that person to love me.
I want to make that difference
in someone else's life-
the reason to open his eyes
and crawl out of bed,
on those dark cold winter mornings.
I want him to look at me with those
'I am the luckiest man alive' eyes,
the ones that have the thumping hearts
like in the old warner bros. cartoons.
I need that feeling of euphoria,
because that is what
I am lacking in my life.
I tend to fill that void
with silly temptations, and
false acusations that this one
might actually be the one.
I need to pass the time
somehow. someway.
staring out of the third floor window
I tried to decide when would be
the best time
to go outside for a cigarette.
I saw the car
with the NY Yankees
decal in the window;
that I would stand and wait for,
smoking my cigarette
slowly enough
to see him driving down the street.
I walked back to my desk.
I don't know him.
But he's been around me
for at least the past 6 years.
And we almost never spoke
up until a few months ago.
I make him nervous.
I can tell by the way
he shifts around his hands
when he talks to me.
I can never find full
sentences to say to him,
as he leaves me tongue tied.
And for the first time in my life-
which I have to say
scared the fuck out of me
I asked someone who would know
if he was married or not.
Because everytime he was around-
I'd forget to check his left hand
for a band
that would represent
never-ending love.
I am surrounded by my friends
who are completely in love
and are planning weddings
and buying houses,
while I am picking out outfits
that would make me seem
a little more desirable
to some slimy dipshit
who's looking for a girl
to talk dirty to him tonight.
But I'm not that girl.
I'm finding myself lost.
Stuck in a transition period,
from fucking off to growing up.
Where so many new things
are becoming relevent.
I cannot answer these
questions of love
because I have not found it yet.
I have never woken up
every single day
next to the person who I shared
my bed with for the moment
and have been completely happy.
There were always thoughts,
at some point,
of 'when the fuck is he going to go home?'
or 'how the fuck do I get out of this?'
or 'how the fuck did I get myself
into this mess?'
when i somehow thought
living together would be a great idea.
I need that person to complete me.
to make me happy.
that person that drives me
to be a better person, for me.
I need that person to love me.
I want to make that difference
in someone else's life-
the reason to open his eyes
and crawl out of bed,
on those dark cold winter mornings.
I want him to look at me with those
'I am the luckiest man alive' eyes,
the ones that have the thumping hearts
like in the old warner bros. cartoons.
I need that feeling of euphoria,
because that is what
I am lacking in my life.
I tend to fill that void
with silly temptations, and
false acusations that this one
might actually be the one.
I need to pass the time
somehow. someway.
