girlygrrl
Bluelighter
I have had major depression for a few years now after some really bad shit happened to me in 2006 that I don't want to get into.
I have had nothing but problems with SSRI's so I won't take them, plus it bothers me that you can't just stop suddenly and not have major withdrawal symptoms and psychological problems from going "cold turkey".
When I discovered mephedrone I found it helped me a lot for its anti-depressant effects which I have found very beneficial towards getting off my ass and working towards fixing my problems instead of sitting around feeling depressed and unproductive.
Recently I've been able to get a hold of pure MDMA powder that I can weigh out and accurately dose.
I've found it to be incredibly therapeutic. Unlike mephedrone, it seems to help me psychologically to find the things within myself to make me happy and to help me focus on fixing the root problems in my life to find genuine happiness and cures for depression.
For example I have been feeling like I'm fat and ugly for awhile, but with mephedrone helping the depression I've been exercising a lot eating much healthier but haven't been paying attention to the weight loss. Then when I did MDMA recently I finally was willing/able to weigh myself and saw that I lost about 12 lbs over the course of the last six weeks just from being more careful about what I eat and more consistent with my exercise. For the first time in a few years I was going thru my closet and trying on clothes I hadn't worn in ages and actually feeling sexy for once, which I haven't in a very long time.
So while MDMA is very euphoric like mephedrone, it is is far more therapeutic, instead of just improving my mood it actually seems to unlock my brain to give me the ability to be my own therapist and look at things objectively but without the fear and guilt I generally feel when I think about those things.
It is like MDMA opens me up to allowing the possibility of being genuinely happy and feeling worthy and deserving of happiness. It's like it's giving me a shot of self-esteem instead of just a shot of anti-depressant.
The problem is that I find meph to be fairly low body load because I generally see it as a anti-depressant caffeine replacement rather than a drug to get stoned on. I find that it helps me focus and be happier but I generally don't find it tons of fun to try to roll on because it just is too ampy for that IMO.
But MDMA I love to roll on, just exhausts the hell out of me, I feel like for a day or two after doing it I can't function normally, and while it vastly improves my mental outlook it bothers me that it hits me so strong.
I'm just trying to figure out how to best dose it and have been researching pre and post supplements to see if there is something that can be done. I don't want to lose 2-3 days of productivity every time I need some introspection. I want to use it responsibly and respect it, but at the same time I genuinely need to conquer the depression and frankly it is way cheaper and more effective than going to a therapist.
So I just want to know what the best way to use it is so that I can benefit from its therapeutic properties while not spending tons of money on supplements and while not feeling so damn exhausted for a couple days afterwards.
I did buy some 5-HTP and am hoping I can figure out how to use that to stave off some of the effects.
I do think that me continuing to get in shape is helping considerably, I know I have been letting myself go for a long time and it seems like a lot of my exhaustion is related to being overweight, but I am working on it.
I feel like I have chronic fatigue or something which is amplified by stress/depression and that is mostly why I started using mephedrone in the first place. But I'm losing a lot of interest in meph now that I can get pure MDMA powder.
I just want to be as healthy as possible, but I notice my mental health has way more effect on my physical health than just about anything, and MDMA seems like the cure for the mental health issues I seem to have.
I have had nothing but problems with SSRI's so I won't take them, plus it bothers me that you can't just stop suddenly and not have major withdrawal symptoms and psychological problems from going "cold turkey".
When I discovered mephedrone I found it helped me a lot for its anti-depressant effects which I have found very beneficial towards getting off my ass and working towards fixing my problems instead of sitting around feeling depressed and unproductive.
Recently I've been able to get a hold of pure MDMA powder that I can weigh out and accurately dose.
I've found it to be incredibly therapeutic. Unlike mephedrone, it seems to help me psychologically to find the things within myself to make me happy and to help me focus on fixing the root problems in my life to find genuine happiness and cures for depression.
For example I have been feeling like I'm fat and ugly for awhile, but with mephedrone helping the depression I've been exercising a lot eating much healthier but haven't been paying attention to the weight loss. Then when I did MDMA recently I finally was willing/able to weigh myself and saw that I lost about 12 lbs over the course of the last six weeks just from being more careful about what I eat and more consistent with my exercise. For the first time in a few years I was going thru my closet and trying on clothes I hadn't worn in ages and actually feeling sexy for once, which I haven't in a very long time.
So while MDMA is very euphoric like mephedrone, it is is far more therapeutic, instead of just improving my mood it actually seems to unlock my brain to give me the ability to be my own therapist and look at things objectively but without the fear and guilt I generally feel when I think about those things.
It is like MDMA opens me up to allowing the possibility of being genuinely happy and feeling worthy and deserving of happiness. It's like it's giving me a shot of self-esteem instead of just a shot of anti-depressant.
The problem is that I find meph to be fairly low body load because I generally see it as a anti-depressant caffeine replacement rather than a drug to get stoned on. I find that it helps me focus and be happier but I generally don't find it tons of fun to try to roll on because it just is too ampy for that IMO.
But MDMA I love to roll on, just exhausts the hell out of me, I feel like for a day or two after doing it I can't function normally, and while it vastly improves my mental outlook it bothers me that it hits me so strong.
I'm just trying to figure out how to best dose it and have been researching pre and post supplements to see if there is something that can be done. I don't want to lose 2-3 days of productivity every time I need some introspection. I want to use it responsibly and respect it, but at the same time I genuinely need to conquer the depression and frankly it is way cheaper and more effective than going to a therapist.
So I just want to know what the best way to use it is so that I can benefit from its therapeutic properties while not spending tons of money on supplements and while not feeling so damn exhausted for a couple days afterwards.
I did buy some 5-HTP and am hoping I can figure out how to use that to stave off some of the effects.
I do think that me continuing to get in shape is helping considerably, I know I have been letting myself go for a long time and it seems like a lot of my exhaustion is related to being overweight, but I am working on it.
I feel like I have chronic fatigue or something which is amplified by stress/depression and that is mostly why I started using mephedrone in the first place. But I'm losing a lot of interest in meph now that I can get pure MDMA powder.
I just want to be as healthy as possible, but I notice my mental health has way more effect on my physical health than just about anything, and MDMA seems like the cure for the mental health issues I seem to have.
Last edited: