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I want to tell the neighbor girl I like her and want to be friends

Speed King

Speed King

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 7, 2014
Messages
6,074
Location
Orando, Florida
I'll try to keep this short. About a year ago, I had new neighbors move in a few doors down from me. A woman, her daughter, who I'm intrested in, whose a year older then me, smart, pretty and she looked like she had it a little rough, for a few years. She also has a daughter, but single mom. I'm a divorced dad, so I can relate.

I met her and liked her. The cool thing was, we started talking about a Phish show I went to and she was suppose to go, but wasn't able to (some guy didn't take her). That was my clicking point. She is nice, has the correct perma gleam in her eye. I've been through some drama myself this year and last. I guess I flirt with her, when I can. A month ago, I went to Disney World and asked her what Her daughter liked, so I could bring something back. I ended up buying a nice gift, that was perfect for the daughter. I bought her a coffee cup that had Snow White on one side and on the other it said something like " even in the morning, I'm the fairest of them all ". I thought that was the best cup I could get her.

Here is the main issue. I obiviously like the woman. I only want to be friends. If we can't be friends, we cannot be anything else. I sometimes get mixed feelings, from my own head. I seem to misread things on occasion. In this case, I would hope that I am being too cautious or have issue with myself.

I want to go up to her and ask her to go to a concert or something where I don't feel claustrophobic. I just want to say " Hey, as friends can I take you to a show, or want to get coffee? I am simply at wits end. I just want to ask her out as friends. Is there any, straight to the point thing that says I think your cool, I want to get to know you as a friend. I do want to take her to a show.

Any help would be appreciated. I'm a shy guy when it comes to the ladies, because I was hurt.
 
I'd say have something specific in mind. Like X show is going to be showing around on Friday and Saturday. Say "hey, X is playing on Friday and Saturday, I wanted to see the show, would you like to join me?" something casual like that? Then go out afterwards for either drinks or coffee or dessert or whatever so you can chat more.
 
Ask her if she likes red wine and if she'd like to sample a couple with you, as you have received some as a present and need help drinking them
 
You're overthinking this. Give up the "let's be friends" approach if that's not what you really want. You need to spark her interest first.

Be genuine and surprise her with something simple and sweet. She'll know right there and then.

Life is wonderful but also short man. Stop wasting time and go for it.
 
ed.ston said:
You're overthinking this. Give up the "let's be friends" approach if that's not what you really want. You need to spark her interest first.

Be genuine and surprise her with something simple and sweet. She'll know right there and then.

Life is wonderful but also short man. Stop wasting time and go for it.
Click to expand...

This is excellent. Thanks for the positive push.
 
yeah the friends thing is confusing to me as a reader and it prob will be in real life too to her.

if all you want is friendship this whole setup sound like you want a date with this woman

being friends often leads to good romantic relationships because there is more depth
 
I do. I've had a rough few years and am playing catch up in areas. That on top of a bad marriage years ago, has caused me to muff out, so to speak. Wussy stuff like fear of rejection. I figured, instead of rolling in hot and heavy (probably the correct answer), I broke it all the way down to a safe friendship. That way, I'm not too forward or getting my hopes up too much. Also, If I'm really into someone, I really want to be friends. That is my code. I was hurt, she was hurt. The good news is, if I get past the initial hurdle, things may progress at a quicker rate.
 
I would personally still approach things as a date. You might screw yourself out of the possibility of more down the line if she thinks you only like her as a friend. That's just my advice anyways.
 
I'm glad yourself and others have been pointing that out. She knows I'm intrested, ice is broken, then I can dial in the progress after that. I'm referring to building a proper relationship. I'll man up and approach with a date.
 
Speed King said:
I broke it all the way down to a safe friendship. That way, I'm not too forward or getting my hopes up too much.
Click to expand...

You're not playing it safe by friendzoning yourself right off the bat. If a woman is willing to accept an offer to go out with you "as friends," she likes you enough to go out with you so you may as well just leave the b/s friends bit out. Approaching with the "as friends" line just makes it obvious that you're lacking in confidence, and will hurt your chances at getting to know this girl if anything. It's a turn off.

Glad to hear you're asking her out properly. Good luck!
 
Yeah, just ask her very causally. I think if you hype it up more, the more serious and "relationshipy" it'll seem. Just when you're randomly talking to her, be like, what kind of music do you like? Oh, cool, me too, I heard that blah blah blah is going to be playing at blah blah blah, wanna check it out with me?

Hopefully, she'll say yes!

Or she might say, I don't think I'm ready to be dating right now...
And that's when you would say, Oh, yeah, me neither, I just want to have a fun time as friends. :)
 
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