I Want to Support my Little Brother

[HelpForMyBrother]

I'm not sure where this belongs but I've just read a couple very interesting threads that are somewhat related to my inquiry so I thought I'd reach out to see if I could get a little more information.

My little brother, who turned 18 about 6 months ago, is deeply into using and distributing drugs in the small southern city where he lives. He has Aspergers, which I consider a huge factor in this situation because I know many drugs can give a sense of well-being, relaxation, and just generally ease social interactions. However, his understanding of social interactions has become so stilted (through drugs or AS or both) and his impulsiveness has become so problematic, that he's been getting into trouble recently including running up a 2K credit card bill, stealing our dad's car, various illegal online activities (he is a programming genius), and OD'ing in a McDonald's and having his stomach pumped (he was there with friends who abandoned him).

He doesn't have a job (never has), dropped out of high school, and has been kicked out of both our parents' homes. I'm concerned for his safety and his health and my sister claims that he owes "drug dealers" "lots of money" (though I'm not sure where she heard this or if it's true). His situation has put a huge amount of stress on our family.

I don't know where to turn or how to best support him--I don't really care if he wants to use drugs or not, but I do feel like drugs and the drug community in his area is enabling him in a bad way. Does anyone out there have advice on how to best support him? Resources I might look at? Please know I'm not trying to "blame drugs" for everything he's done or judge anyone who uses--I just am hoping that someone out there may have a similar experience and can give insight on how to help...or at least how to not be so upset with him?

 

[luckyshot04]

I'm not sure where this belongs but I've just read a couple very interesting threads that are somewhat related to my inquiry so I thought I'd reach out to see if I could get a little more information.

My little brother, who turned 18 about 6 months ago, is deeply into using and distributing drugs in the small southern city where he lives. He has Aspergers, which I consider a huge factor in this situation because I know many drugs can give a sense of well-being, relaxation, and just generally ease social interactions. However, his understanding of social interactions has become so stilted (through drugs or AS or both) and his impulsiveness has become so problematic, that he's been getting into trouble recently including running up a 2K credit card bill, stealing our dad's car, various illegal online activities (he is a programming genius), and OD'ing in a McDonald's and having his stomach pumped (he was there with friends who abandoned him).

He doesn't have a job (never has), dropped out of high school, and has been kicked out of both our parents' homes. I'm concerned for his safety and his health and my sister claims that he owes "drug dealers" "lots of money" (though I'm not sure where she heard this or if it's true). His situation has put a huge amount of stress on our family.

I don't know where to turn or how to best support him--I don't really care if he wants to use drugs or not, but I do feel like drugs and the drug community in his area is enabling him in a bad way. Does anyone out there have advice on how to best support him? Resources I might look at? Please know I'm not trying to "blame drugs" for everything he's done or judge anyone who uses--I just am hoping that someone out there may have a similar experience and can give insight on how to help...or at least how to not be so upset with him?

First off, good for you for not coming out and saying, "My little brother is on drugs and I want nothing to do with him!" It's this stigma that drug-addicts belong in the gutter and don't need help that leads to them not getting the help they need. Being an addict myself, it's a struggle. But is there hope? Absolutely!

Furthermore, you understand the signs...Running up 2k in credit, stealing a car, OD's, these are all accredited to drug abuse (I'm sure the AS contributes to the need and want to get high, to feel normal). Be aware that these activities will persist as long as drugs are present in his life. He might learn his lesson (doesn't sound like it at this time) and clean up for a while, but if he goes right back to using, he's not going to get anywhere anytime quick.

The best thing I could advise is to sit down with him first and have a chat. See where he feels he is at with his drug abuse. Then, you might explain to him that you see these "signs" persisting. But let him vent for a while and see what may be causing the abuse, how he feels, etc. I know you want to help badly and that's great, however, if he doesn't want to quit or get help, I can tell you almost any attempt is going to be fruitless.

Suboxone is a great medication used to keep an addict from craving. There are tons of threads about suboxone as a maintenance drug that you might want to read about. If he's willing to quit, but doesn't want to do the inpatient rehab, this is a great alternative. Methadone is also a great maintenance tool, but most members will tell you that it can be a long-term deal. Suboxone is not considered a long-term treatment option.

Try to be as supportive as possible with him. The last thing an addict wants to hear is he's causing destruction and chaos everywhere because it will more than likely make that person just want to get high and forget about it. Although you can point out what you see as an issue, try to do it in a calming way, not as an accusing type of manner.

Keep us posted, I know others will chime in as well!

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey help for my brother.. I think it is awesome of you to seek help for your brother... you are exactly right that aspergers is a major precursor to drug use.. if fact there are many aspies that both use and moderate this site.. since your brother is really into computers why dont you direct him to blue light. I believe he will be able to find support with his aspergers as well as his drug abuse..

aspi mega thread >here<
aspi treatment thread >here<
>Here< is a another aspie thread.. it has a test included that has an interesting take, take the test and others have posted thier results.. Please let your brother know about BL as he may find some things here that may make his life better..

 

[herbavore]

I'm really sorry that your brother, and your family, are going through this. I agree with the above posters that you are a very empathetic and admirable brother to reach out as you are to try to get help for him. Luckyshot04's post was right on. Talking about what you see and listening to what he perceives about his drug use will go far--both for the problem and your relationship in general.

How are your parents doing? Getting support as family members (through support groups of all kinds from Al-Anon to Asbergers Family support) would be helpful for them. When families are under so much stress it is so easy to fall into reactive modes that don't help and actually even make the situation worse. Good luck to all of you.

 

[dankplantgrower]

It might help us more if you told us what he is addicted to. Advice from a recovered tweaker to a current tweaker is going to be more effective than advice from an oxycontin addict.

I second the notion regarding Al Anon. You will find other families who have been through what you are going through right now. I advise you to find an online Al Anon forum right now and run this past them too. You may just find someone who knows how to start fixing this issue.

Also, if you have the means, see what you can do about getting the dealers paid back. If he owes enough money, he could have someone looking to kill him. It would be a tragedy if you got him clean, and some angry dealer just takes his life anyway. I say this as a person with a "green light" (something like a death warrant) on his head from a SoCal street gang over drug debt.

Good luck. This situation isnt hopeless.

 

[psilocybin420]

Not hopeless at all. You have to let him make his own choices. But you need to pull friends and family that care about him and do an intervention. Go around the room with people who care and tell him how much you love him. Let him know you love him if he uses or not. If you dont want him homeless, tell him he can stay with you, and find a job. Give him a second chance to get his life clean. Its his choice if he takes it or not, but then you can put your worries to rest and know that you did everything you could to help him.

Also be patient. Relapse is a problem with recovery. My Uncle, whos brother recently passed away from a Heroin Overdose and was a long time addict--Decided to get him a job and help him get off drugs. One night, a month later, he smoked pot in their basement, and they kicked him out. Relapse is part of recovery. I think they should have been patient with him. for an addict they cannot say, i will never do this again. they have to say, I promise i wont do this today. I think they expected him to be completely sober and just put it behind him. well they fucked up, he fucked up, and he died. RIP Nate

 

[firstborn]

Hey, I think you're doing a great thing trying to help him. It's a far-from hopeless case! You should let him know that you care, try to make him realize that this could turn out bad (he probably knows already, but maybe he feels too attached to let go of his habits and friends.)

I'm 18 myself, turning 19 in a couple of days. I live in a small town, and I see how people fuck up all the time. Some people just seem to get too attached to the environment, or whatever you would call it. I see young people get into debt, steal and get beaten, but they still stick around for the people who really are responsible for this - those who make them do it. It's like a gang, or a "family". I've been involved with this kinda stuff, but just the thought of how disappointed my mother and father would be if I really fucked up and got caught or something bad happened to me, kinda keeps me out of it. I moved away from this town almost a year ago, but right now I'm here for the summer, and I'm just trying to stay out of trouble because of my parents and my criminal record (I have none, just thanks to A LOT of luck.) I know that I have to move from this place, because it's too small and I'm way too deep into the "wrong" environment. I have no future here. If I stay here, chances are I'll end up as the old small-town addicts whose lives are about when that next great deal comes around. I'll have no family, no job and no good reputation. I'll only have other friends like me. And that thought scares me shitless. But hell, I'll still do drugs when I move away. It's just that this place is too small.

That's my situation, I hope it can help you and your brother. It would really help if we knew what he was using, because then we would be able to give more specific advices. I too think it would be a good idea to introduce him to Bluelight.

When it comes to debt, that might be a pressure point. I mean, he might be willing to break into places and steal stuff, etc. to erase that debt. He could be badly beaten up someday, who knows. That really depends on what kind of people he owes money to. Personally, I've never had any debt, but people have always had debt to me. I don't do anything about it, except talk to them about it, ask for it sometimes. I don't stress about it, because I always think that "I'll eventually get it, it's not that much money anyway," and I'll rather see if they can be trusted. But then again, I also know people who will beat someone up for $40 if it takes long enough before it's paid back. Mostly though, those people will add extra money to the debt per week or day, and suddenly the $40 is $200.

Good luck, I wish the best for your brother. You're doing the right thing trying to help him.

 

[Treefa]

Hey man sorry about your bro...me and him sound similar in that we both have older brothers and have difficulty with socializing.

I, however, am in a considerable amnt of pain everyday from my back and have been using opiates and marijuana.

<snip>
Honestly I can't quit.
I withdrawal at least 2x a month for 5 days at a time between prescriptions or some poor dudes medicine cabinet.

<snip>

Good luck man he can be helped