burntserkits
Bluelighter
Hello good friends of TDS. I have a story to share with all of you and I want you all to know that this is really, REALLY hard for me. I have to re-live exceptionally dark moments in my life to tell this story but I genuinely hope it will help others to make better decisions in their own lives. So here goes...The Rise and Fall of burntserkits....
Shortly after joining this site in 2006 I had a very serious auto accident. I had been dabbling in opiates and benzos most of my adult life but was starting to get pretty serious with them. It was a beautiful affair, or so it seemed. I had just finished a strenuous semester in school and was very excited about the summer. It was Friday night and I had heavily dosed methadone earlier in the day as well as drank several beers. I wasn't feeling the high as strong as I'd liked and had some company coming by but I was very sedated. I figured I'd drive into town (about ten minutes on highway) and score a little coke to pick me up.
I was driving along alone and nodded off a few times. Next thing I knew a flashlight was being shined into my face and I was asked if I was okay. I felt nothing physically but was very disoriented. I went in and out of consciousness until I finally awoke in the local hospital. My mother was crying, my girlfriend was beside herself and I was in serious pain at this point and felt a weakness unlike any other. I inquired as to what happened as I really wasn't sure. "You've been in a serious accident," my mother told me. "They are getting ready to transport you to the trauma center in Memphis once you get a little more stable here and they get your leg pieced back together." This is how it all began...
I could go on for days with specifics but I'll get more to the point. I nodded off and hit another driver head on. Luckily they only sustained a broken ankle and sprained wrist but I am so sorry they had experience that due to my drug problems and poor decision making. I, on the other hand, had a broken nose, fractured C7 (neck), fractured L4-L5 (back), cracked pelvis, fractured left hip, compound right tibia, cracked right ankle and calcanius, fractured left ankle and both feet. It took nine screws and two plates to even attempt to mend my right ankle back together then right above that my tibia had snapped in half and was hanging outside of my leg. It now has a rod from my knee to ankle with five screws. I also have an artificial pelvis ring and some hardware in my left ankle. I am obviously disabled now but I can walk...![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Fast forward two years and two months. I did a year and a half of physical therapy and can walk again. I had five major reconstructive surgeries and have serious pain issues as well as a full blown opiate addiction...
It's summer '08 and I had just scored a massive supply of dilaudid. I hole up in a motel for a weekend of IV "pleasures." Believe me, I was way more consumed with being high than being healthy. I wasn't using very sterile techniques as that was the last of my concerns. Binging on drugs was the only thing I had come to care about at this point in my life. I had lost everything else (or so I thought). I wake up Monday morning and have to leave the motel but I am in so much pain in my right foot that I can't even walk. This goes on til Wednesday. My foot is so swollen it was AT LEAST three times its normal size. I am so sick all I can do is vomit and cringe in pain when I finally decide to visit the ER.
I had been there several months earlier after an OD and was made to feel less than welcome by the doctors who assumed I was there seeking drugs. I could not convince them otherwise. I was given a shot of zofran and an Rx of promethazine and sent on my way. Thursday was miserable and now it was Friday. I had been taking excessive amounts of methadone to alleviate my pain and plenty of prometh to keep it down. I had a 4"x6" L-shaped scar on the outer side of my right ankle that was swollen. The foot kept burning and eventually I passed out in shock after an intense wave of pain kept hitting me, not to mention the insane amount of narcotics I was HAVING to take at this point. For the third time in two years I woke up in the hospital.
My girlfriend found me on the couch barely breathing and could not rouse me. My foot had swollen so badly that the scar literally ripped open and was draining blood and infection. I had contacted staph from unsterile IVing the weekend earlier and it had settled into the hardware of my foot and was just eating away at everything. I spent 5 weeks in the hospital on IV antibiotics and had several surgeries to clean out the infection and had to have the hardware removed. I spent 10 more weeks on a wound vac and had to go to wound management every other day and have the packing material removed and repacked which alone was misery.
I am doing much better now and have truly gotten my act together. It was been a hard road to travel and many a lesson has been learned. Drugs are fun and all but once they start taking your life and your health from you, they just aren't worth it anymore. I am a living testament to this. PLEASE BE SAFE AND RESPONSIBLE WITH THEM! My life is forever affected by them now. I will never be physically or mentally the same and I encourage you all to be HEALTHY AND RESPECTFUL to your body and mind. If you made it through all this I really hope you will take it to heart. Drugs just aren't worth losing your life over...
Shortly after joining this site in 2006 I had a very serious auto accident. I had been dabbling in opiates and benzos most of my adult life but was starting to get pretty serious with them. It was a beautiful affair, or so it seemed. I had just finished a strenuous semester in school and was very excited about the summer. It was Friday night and I had heavily dosed methadone earlier in the day as well as drank several beers. I wasn't feeling the high as strong as I'd liked and had some company coming by but I was very sedated. I figured I'd drive into town (about ten minutes on highway) and score a little coke to pick me up.
I was driving along alone and nodded off a few times. Next thing I knew a flashlight was being shined into my face and I was asked if I was okay. I felt nothing physically but was very disoriented. I went in and out of consciousness until I finally awoke in the local hospital. My mother was crying, my girlfriend was beside herself and I was in serious pain at this point and felt a weakness unlike any other. I inquired as to what happened as I really wasn't sure. "You've been in a serious accident," my mother told me. "They are getting ready to transport you to the trauma center in Memphis once you get a little more stable here and they get your leg pieced back together." This is how it all began...
I could go on for days with specifics but I'll get more to the point. I nodded off and hit another driver head on. Luckily they only sustained a broken ankle and sprained wrist but I am so sorry they had experience that due to my drug problems and poor decision making. I, on the other hand, had a broken nose, fractured C7 (neck), fractured L4-L5 (back), cracked pelvis, fractured left hip, compound right tibia, cracked right ankle and calcanius, fractured left ankle and both feet. It took nine screws and two plates to even attempt to mend my right ankle back together then right above that my tibia had snapped in half and was hanging outside of my leg. It now has a rod from my knee to ankle with five screws. I also have an artificial pelvis ring and some hardware in my left ankle. I am obviously disabled now but I can walk...
Fast forward two years and two months. I did a year and a half of physical therapy and can walk again. I had five major reconstructive surgeries and have serious pain issues as well as a full blown opiate addiction...
It's summer '08 and I had just scored a massive supply of dilaudid. I hole up in a motel for a weekend of IV "pleasures." Believe me, I was way more consumed with being high than being healthy. I wasn't using very sterile techniques as that was the last of my concerns. Binging on drugs was the only thing I had come to care about at this point in my life. I had lost everything else (or so I thought). I wake up Monday morning and have to leave the motel but I am in so much pain in my right foot that I can't even walk. This goes on til Wednesday. My foot is so swollen it was AT LEAST three times its normal size. I am so sick all I can do is vomit and cringe in pain when I finally decide to visit the ER.
I had been there several months earlier after an OD and was made to feel less than welcome by the doctors who assumed I was there seeking drugs. I could not convince them otherwise. I was given a shot of zofran and an Rx of promethazine and sent on my way. Thursday was miserable and now it was Friday. I had been taking excessive amounts of methadone to alleviate my pain and plenty of prometh to keep it down. I had a 4"x6" L-shaped scar on the outer side of my right ankle that was swollen. The foot kept burning and eventually I passed out in shock after an intense wave of pain kept hitting me, not to mention the insane amount of narcotics I was HAVING to take at this point. For the third time in two years I woke up in the hospital.
My girlfriend found me on the couch barely breathing and could not rouse me. My foot had swollen so badly that the scar literally ripped open and was draining blood and infection. I had contacted staph from unsterile IVing the weekend earlier and it had settled into the hardware of my foot and was just eating away at everything. I spent 5 weeks in the hospital on IV antibiotics and had several surgeries to clean out the infection and had to have the hardware removed. I spent 10 more weeks on a wound vac and had to go to wound management every other day and have the packing material removed and repacked which alone was misery.
I am doing much better now and have truly gotten my act together. It was been a hard road to travel and many a lesson has been learned. Drugs are fun and all but once they start taking your life and your health from you, they just aren't worth it anymore. I am a living testament to this. PLEASE BE SAFE AND RESPONSIBLE WITH THEM! My life is forever affected by them now. I will never be physically or mentally the same and I encourage you all to be HEALTHY AND RESPECTFUL to your body and mind. If you made it through all this I really hope you will take it to heart. Drugs just aren't worth losing your life over...
Pity you had to learn the hard way...
) Most importantly I've learned that being reckless WILL WRECK YOU! Making choices in life that will have a positive impact on others and, more importantly, yourself is key. Damaging yourself to feel good is gonna hurt...I promise. Find peace within yourself if that is why you are doing drugs to cope with being alive. RESPECT YOURSELF! Know that you are a good person and life is wonderful if you aren't getting down on it all the time. Times can be tough but I promise they can be much tougher and so can you.
