It sounds like depersonalisation/derealisation. I recommend finding a doctor who will let you experiment with different substances, do that until you find one that works, then use it as a temporary remedy to get you into a better mindset to find a permanent solution. Substances which block a wide range of neurotransmitters, try them out. You can start by seeing is OTC first generation antihistamines help. Doxylamine, promethazine, chlorphenamine, diphenhydramine (benadryl), they're all good ones, see if they alleviate the symptoms. Make sure its the first generation ones, the second gen ones like loratidine (claritin) are useless for this. You need to get into a functional state so you can come up with a plan to sort the issue out permanently. I know a fair bit about pharmacology, I'll help you in that area, any questions you have about substances you are considering to counteract this, PM me. It sounds like depersonalisation/derealisation you are going through, I dont know much at all about it, I just read a bit about it on a thread by someone who was dealing with it. I think it might have a lot to do with kappa opioid receptors. Have you ever done salvia? If so, is what you're feeling any way comparable to salvias effects? Theres a thread on ayahuasca forums about someone who went through this, I'll dig it up for you. Also, have you tried meditation and/or mantras? Can you describe in more depth what you're experiencing, I'll help you best I can. I have issues myself at the moment though, so I can't put too much time into researching it, but if you describe in more detail whats happening, then theres a better chance people here will know what it is.
I've had sleep deprivation induced psychosis, and things didn't seem unreal. It was more like a state of paranoia where I was fully convinced that my paranoid delusions were real. The hallucinations too, I was hearing voices and I thought that I was being targetted by experimental mind control technology by the military (I lived near a barracks at the time). Everything I saw had profound meaning to it. For example, I'd glance and see a stop sign, and I'd think its a message from the universe telling me to stop the life path I'm on. I don't think this is psychosis that you're dealing with, but I don't know, there are different types of psychosis. What experience do you have with psychedelics and other substances? Paradoxically, I've heard of cases of ibogaine CURING derealisation and other long term mental ailments like datura induced psychosis. I talked to a guy who said he was in a psychotic state for a year after taking datura, he said that what cured him was ibogaine, but he also said that he was put on an antipsychotic (can't remember which one, it wasn't a common one though) which helped him a lot and he isn't sure whether it was the antipsychotic or the ibogaine that cured him. He was home free after doing the ibogaine session with a shaman, he says his family were the ones that organised that, he was too incapacitated to do anything and he says he can't even remember most of it. I recommend trying OTC antihistamines before anything else, prescription antipsychotics have some shitty side effects. Does alcohol help at all? When you see your doc, get a blood test done and make sure the nurse ticks all the boxes so they test for as many things as possible, that way if the DMT caused some kind of change in brain function thats causing hormones/vitamins/nutrients/whatever to be metabolised in an abnormal way, the blood test might reveal that.
Can you tell us more about the DMT trip too, I assume it was a proper breakthrough with a high dose. What was the experience like? Was it different to your previous DMT experiences? Have you been using other substances at the same time. This woman who developed derealisation and HPPD was using datura and various other plants and doing regular ayahuasca sessions with mimosa hostilis/syrian rue brews. What you said about wishing to be a junkie, thats a massive mistake. I had been thinking about this just recently. Never strive to replace one negative situation, with another negative situation. The grass is always greener on the other side, and the other negative situation might be just as bad. Instead of wishing to be chemically enslaved by an opioid, why not wish that you get into a good state and be drug free at the same time? This might be a blessing in disguise. Maybe if you learn how to control this state, it will become a source of power. Alchemical transformation of a negative into a positive. What this experience is doing is severing your attachment to the material world and the ego. I knocked my neurochemistry out of whack and have arrived at a similar position. Everything is meaningless. I have nothing to cling to anymore.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Please, go see one asap, don't just walk around with this.
