She couldn't recall all the details. But she remembered being happy the day she was flying in a large airplane. The kind that allows for walking around everywhere. It even had activity rooms. As usual she was mulling over what she was going to do, what needed to be done, going over mentally life's daily necessary chores and plans as people do. Slight worries about this, concerns about that. Taking for granted routine would continue, as routine often does. She supposed all the other passengers were as well. All that changed in 1/2 second, for 1/2 second ago reality was flying safely and happily in a plane, mulling over life's tasks once she got to her destination, wherever the hell that was. She wasn't sure if she would ever find out. All
worries, plans, and joys 1/2 second later had vanished. It happened so fast, there was no time to think about it. Yet, when she experienced an overdose of fear, terror, dread, a large pit in her stomach that kept falling and getting heavier, why it felt like it was going on forever. Like never ending torture. She had no idea how long it had actually lasted, but that kind of pain, fear, and terror, no matter how short, seems like you're forever trapped in that moment in time. One second the plane was flying safe and straight. The next it turned on it's side with no warning at all. Her first recollections were of everyone (including herself) falling and screaming. Oh sweet Jesus she was being thrown hard and fast. She remembered grabbing the bottom of a seat and feeling massive suction, but holding on for dear life. The next thing she saw was an old man and a little girl being thrown about. Poor child was
terrified and the old man was trying to save her but he couldn't. From her vantage point she doubted he could save himself. If he did manage to save her, he would be forfeiting his own life. So many massive emotions and awarenesses were going on at once. For the moment she was anchored by having somehow managed to grab the solid metal on the bottom of the chair when she did. Observing the horrible plight of the child, she was completely powerless to do anything to help her or anyone else. God she felt sorry for her. Life had dealt everyone a tough hand on this plane. Fore however many seconds or minutes their life might last, it was all up to each individual to survive for himself. She was aware that the plane was going down way too abnormally fast turned on it's side and falling diagonally. Jesus it's going on forever. Will this never end? As if someone had pushed her out of a plane sky diving without a parachute is how she felt. That's a long fucking fall. The terror, like her stomach had dropped out, a terror so intense, a cruel torture that is eternity. Another awareness she had was the fact that she was going to hit ground. How could she have time to think about this? Oh
dear, Mary Mother of God, she didn't want a slow torturous death. In her mind she could see herself being ripped apart or impaled. A long, painful, lingering kind of death. She was aware of what she thought about that morning when she woke up. She was happy about that. She had woken up thinking that all people, no matter what horrible acts they may have committed, deserved compassion and understanding. Not that those acts should go without some sort of consequence. People are so quick to condemn and judge others. A person convicted of molesting a child got so much evil and hate directed at them. Yes, that person needs to be separated from society maybe. But does anyone ask what horror the molester may have suffered? She thought thats what Jesus had meant when he said to love your ememies. Jesus would not agree with what the child molester did. He would not condone anymore such acts. But he would show love, compassion, and understanding. "Before you pluck the mote out of your brother's eye, pluck the mote out of your own." "Let he without sin among him be the one to cast the first stone." She felt she finally knew the meaning of that. She spent or tried at any rate, the last year of her life trying hard to not condemn others. By understanding why people did what they did, made it easier not to condemn. Therefore, although she hated the acts of murder, torture, rape, and other monstrosities, she had come to the conclusion that people that are unaccepting of their own faults and weaknesses are those that lash out at and
are unaccepting of others misdeeds and weaknesses. Having been a drug addict had taught her this. She had accepted and come to terms with her affliction. Although she felt she would never stop for good, she was honest and accepting with herself about that. She had done some not so nice things in her life. She had done some wonderful things. She was a bright woman that made incredibly stupid choices at times, but having gone thru what she had in life, was now able to be understanding and compassionate with other peoples weaknesses and misdeeds. She tried anyway. She knew if she died now she would still have alot to atone for in the next realm. She felt she must live out her physical life for it's natural span which she felt would be another 35 years. She felt a duty. An obligation. She felt sad at the thought of separating from this life. She had been begging, chanting, over and over "Oh Mary Mother of God-Please don't let us die like this," silently. It felt
futile, but then began saying "Oh Mary Mother of God don't let us die." At what point she begged, screamed, and pleaded with God to spare her from a death she was sure was going to be long and excruciatingly painful she did not know. Overcoming the fear factors, next came the combined reevaluation of her life. The sadness at leaving (as much as she had cursed God and hated life every bit as intensely as when she loved it with every fiber of her being) A sense of duty, feeling desparation, not being able to finish out her term no matter how much she hated life at times. On another level she grieved leaving her home, as in life on earth. This was what she knew. There was the earth, beauty, water, beaches, people, stars, crazy ass stunts pranksters pull, people she loved and would miss. After this life was up, nothing would ever be the same. Going to another realm however heavenly it might be would and could never be the same as this life right now. She longed to go home and experience life's simple gift of sleep. She wanted to enjoy a few more days. She simply wanted to enjoy more days and nights, enjoy a cold glass of water. These emotions overriding her fear were what made her start pleading her case before God saying, "Please don't let us die!," instead of "please don't let us die this way." She was fighting with all her might to remain attatched to this life. No longer afraid of a physically painful death, she was now REALLY concerned with allowing to remain in this life. Not wanting to even want the benefits of heaven, she would rather
remain on earth. She felt unbelievably desperate to stay. Chanting before God, "I want to go back!" "I want to go back!," She just HAD to remain in this life. Please God. Begging in the most intense, despairate voice. What she prayed she felt with all her heart and conviction. That the powers that be COULD and NEEDED to allow these people to live out their lives. They must. It's as if somehow she knew the powers that be could reverse/prevent the outcome that was to result in massive carnage. Even with the strong intuition telling her she could enjoy a higher realm of existense (it touched her so much at the fact she would be able to elevate to a higher level! relief, gratitude, touched in the way as if a lover that moves or stirs profound emotions within. she was experiencing these feelings full force as well at the same time as all the other emotions/thoughts) after the outcome of this flight. No. She needed to remain on earth. To her surprise she
wanted to remain on earth as well. So many times she heard how once many folks left their bodies, say after being clinically dead, they didn't want to go back into their body. Well she was not dead yet. Choice. Somehow it all came down to choice. For once in her life she chose the more difficult path. She wanted to live. Knew that everyone on the plane needed to live. Summoning God, The Holy One, Mary Mother of God with all her conviction that this sudden, tragic abortion of lives COULD and WOULD intervene. Chanting, demanding, pleading the cases to neutralize this tragedy. "I want to to back," she said. Over and over as if those words were 10,000 times more powerful then casting a spell. Seeing her life as she hated it on earth in her mind, she chanted "I want to go back." Remembering with anguish and sorrow the misdeeds she had done.
"I want to go back." Realizing she tried to offer understanding for the transgressions of others against her. "I want to go back." The way of life, earth, good, and bad she would miss. "I want to go back." And finally, the few people that were dear to her heart. What she might be able to do if she lived, if only one little thing. "I want to go back." Being somehow informed she may choose to duck this hard life crap and pass onto a higher realm soon. "I want to go back." Everybody on the plane, oh Mary Mother of God! That was her choice. Of her own free will. The choice to follow the road less traveled. Even a drug addict on earth may somehow do someone some good. She didn't know how long this "falling plane" had been going down. Whatever amount of time it was, it seemed like an eternity. As if some higher force had said "very well then," the plane and the passengers were taken five seconds back in time before any damage had occured to the plane. Everyone on the plane was aware that they would have crashed, but the higher forces that be put the plane back a few seconds back in time. No one was hurt. The plane landed at it's destination with everyone intact. The memory of the crash that might of/almost happened was intact in everyone's memory as well. They had been given a second chance.
worries, plans, and joys 1/2 second later had vanished. It happened so fast, there was no time to think about it. Yet, when she experienced an overdose of fear, terror, dread, a large pit in her stomach that kept falling and getting heavier, why it felt like it was going on forever. Like never ending torture. She had no idea how long it had actually lasted, but that kind of pain, fear, and terror, no matter how short, seems like you're forever trapped in that moment in time. One second the plane was flying safe and straight. The next it turned on it's side with no warning at all. Her first recollections were of everyone (including herself) falling and screaming. Oh sweet Jesus she was being thrown hard and fast. She remembered grabbing the bottom of a seat and feeling massive suction, but holding on for dear life. The next thing she saw was an old man and a little girl being thrown about. Poor child was
terrified and the old man was trying to save her but he couldn't. From her vantage point she doubted he could save himself. If he did manage to save her, he would be forfeiting his own life. So many massive emotions and awarenesses were going on at once. For the moment she was anchored by having somehow managed to grab the solid metal on the bottom of the chair when she did. Observing the horrible plight of the child, she was completely powerless to do anything to help her or anyone else. God she felt sorry for her. Life had dealt everyone a tough hand on this plane. Fore however many seconds or minutes their life might last, it was all up to each individual to survive for himself. She was aware that the plane was going down way too abnormally fast turned on it's side and falling diagonally. Jesus it's going on forever. Will this never end? As if someone had pushed her out of a plane sky diving without a parachute is how she felt. That's a long fucking fall. The terror, like her stomach had dropped out, a terror so intense, a cruel torture that is eternity. Another awareness she had was the fact that she was going to hit ground. How could she have time to think about this? Oh
dear, Mary Mother of God, she didn't want a slow torturous death. In her mind she could see herself being ripped apart or impaled. A long, painful, lingering kind of death. She was aware of what she thought about that morning when she woke up. She was happy about that. She had woken up thinking that all people, no matter what horrible acts they may have committed, deserved compassion and understanding. Not that those acts should go without some sort of consequence. People are so quick to condemn and judge others. A person convicted of molesting a child got so much evil and hate directed at them. Yes, that person needs to be separated from society maybe. But does anyone ask what horror the molester may have suffered? She thought thats what Jesus had meant when he said to love your ememies. Jesus would not agree with what the child molester did. He would not condone anymore such acts. But he would show love, compassion, and understanding. "Before you pluck the mote out of your brother's eye, pluck the mote out of your own." "Let he without sin among him be the one to cast the first stone." She felt she finally knew the meaning of that. She spent or tried at any rate, the last year of her life trying hard to not condemn others. By understanding why people did what they did, made it easier not to condemn. Therefore, although she hated the acts of murder, torture, rape, and other monstrosities, she had come to the conclusion that people that are unaccepting of their own faults and weaknesses are those that lash out at and
are unaccepting of others misdeeds and weaknesses. Having been a drug addict had taught her this. She had accepted and come to terms with her affliction. Although she felt she would never stop for good, she was honest and accepting with herself about that. She had done some not so nice things in her life. She had done some wonderful things. She was a bright woman that made incredibly stupid choices at times, but having gone thru what she had in life, was now able to be understanding and compassionate with other peoples weaknesses and misdeeds. She tried anyway. She knew if she died now she would still have alot to atone for in the next realm. She felt she must live out her physical life for it's natural span which she felt would be another 35 years. She felt a duty. An obligation. She felt sad at the thought of separating from this life. She had been begging, chanting, over and over "Oh Mary Mother of God-Please don't let us die like this," silently. It felt
futile, but then began saying "Oh Mary Mother of God don't let us die." At what point she begged, screamed, and pleaded with God to spare her from a death she was sure was going to be long and excruciatingly painful she did not know. Overcoming the fear factors, next came the combined reevaluation of her life. The sadness at leaving (as much as she had cursed God and hated life every bit as intensely as when she loved it with every fiber of her being) A sense of duty, feeling desparation, not being able to finish out her term no matter how much she hated life at times. On another level she grieved leaving her home, as in life on earth. This was what she knew. There was the earth, beauty, water, beaches, people, stars, crazy ass stunts pranksters pull, people she loved and would miss. After this life was up, nothing would ever be the same. Going to another realm however heavenly it might be would and could never be the same as this life right now. She longed to go home and experience life's simple gift of sleep. She wanted to enjoy a few more days. She simply wanted to enjoy more days and nights, enjoy a cold glass of water. These emotions overriding her fear were what made her start pleading her case before God saying, "Please don't let us die!," instead of "please don't let us die this way." She was fighting with all her might to remain attatched to this life. No longer afraid of a physically painful death, she was now REALLY concerned with allowing to remain in this life. Not wanting to even want the benefits of heaven, she would rather
remain on earth. She felt unbelievably desperate to stay. Chanting before God, "I want to go back!" "I want to go back!," She just HAD to remain in this life. Please God. Begging in the most intense, despairate voice. What she prayed she felt with all her heart and conviction. That the powers that be COULD and NEEDED to allow these people to live out their lives. They must. It's as if somehow she knew the powers that be could reverse/prevent the outcome that was to result in massive carnage. Even with the strong intuition telling her she could enjoy a higher realm of existense (it touched her so much at the fact she would be able to elevate to a higher level! relief, gratitude, touched in the way as if a lover that moves or stirs profound emotions within. she was experiencing these feelings full force as well at the same time as all the other emotions/thoughts) after the outcome of this flight. No. She needed to remain on earth. To her surprise she
wanted to remain on earth as well. So many times she heard how once many folks left their bodies, say after being clinically dead, they didn't want to go back into their body. Well she was not dead yet. Choice. Somehow it all came down to choice. For once in her life she chose the more difficult path. She wanted to live. Knew that everyone on the plane needed to live. Summoning God, The Holy One, Mary Mother of God with all her conviction that this sudden, tragic abortion of lives COULD and WOULD intervene. Chanting, demanding, pleading the cases to neutralize this tragedy. "I want to to back," she said. Over and over as if those words were 10,000 times more powerful then casting a spell. Seeing her life as she hated it on earth in her mind, she chanted "I want to go back." Remembering with anguish and sorrow the misdeeds she had done.
"I want to go back." Realizing she tried to offer understanding for the transgressions of others against her. "I want to go back." The way of life, earth, good, and bad she would miss. "I want to go back." And finally, the few people that were dear to her heart. What she might be able to do if she lived, if only one little thing. "I want to go back." Being somehow informed she may choose to duck this hard life crap and pass onto a higher realm soon. "I want to go back." Everybody on the plane, oh Mary Mother of God! That was her choice. Of her own free will. The choice to follow the road less traveled. Even a drug addict on earth may somehow do someone some good. She didn't know how long this "falling plane" had been going down. Whatever amount of time it was, it seemed like an eternity. As if some higher force had said "very well then," the plane and the passengers were taken five seconds back in time before any damage had occured to the plane. Everyone on the plane was aware that they would have crashed, but the higher forces that be put the plane back a few seconds back in time. No one was hurt. The plane landed at it's destination with everyone intact. The memory of the crash that might of/almost happened was intact in everyone's memory as well. They had been given a second chance.
