I want to get off APs

[greenlight204]

Typing this has me miserable. I don’t know if I’m schuzoaffective or not. I had a drug induced psychosis in 2015 where I minorly hallucinated and checked myself into a psych ward. At this point in 2021 my life is still changed forever. I hate myself and want to die. I abused mushrooms to get over a breakup and now it seems my brain is all sorts of fucked up. I’ve been prescribed anti psychotics, have tried 8 different ones, and am currently taking Zyprexa. It has completely ruined my body, my face, and I am now addicted to it. These anti psychotics level me out and make me feel so dull and numb. I am so fucked up. I don’t look young anymore, people are a chore, and I don’t want to do anything. I should be moving mountains at my age. I had so much going for me, a great career, and then this all happened. Taking APs makes me feel like I’m chasing the dragon, getting high. I’ve seen 4 doctors, 2 said I’m probably bipolar one said I might have a mild form of sz and one diagnosed me schizoaffective. I want to kill myself. Nobody talks to me unless I take these fucking pills, when I do it’s like I invite energy back into myself. I don’t want to keep taking fucking pills I want my brain to be normal without them. I’m fat, look so unhealthy. I used to love people now I dread everyone including my family. I’m at rock bottom. I don’t use drugs anymore, just these fucking meds and I want to be able to sustain great conversation, do work well and live life without them. I truly feel like I have been shut out of heaven, doomed and condemned to a life of eternal suffering. Killing myself would 2000000% be the better option than live this hell on earth. I can’t tell if it’s the APs that have made me this stupid anymore or if I actually have a degenerative brain disease. My doc is working to change my diagnosis but I still had the discussion and have thought I’m schizophrenic. I used to have millions of friends, so happy and lived life to the fullest. Now I get no joy out of anything

 

[blueXtX]

This happened to me due to PCP and ether. I’m better now, but don’t think I’ll ever get off APs.

 

[deficiT]

Typing this has me miserable. I don’t know if I’m schuzoaffective or not. I had a drug induced psychosis in 2015 where I minorly hallucinated and checked myself into a psych ward. At this point in 2021 my life is still changed forever. I hate myself and want to die. I abused mushrooms to get over a breakup and now it seems my brain is all sorts of fucked up. I’ve been prescribed anti psychotics, have tried 8 different ones, and am currently taking Zyprexa. It has completely ruined my body, my face, and I am now addicted to it. These anti psychotics level me out and make me feel so dull and numb. I am so fucked up. I don’t look young anymore, people are a chore, and I don’t want to do anything. I should be moving mountains at my age. I had so much going for me, a great career, and then this all happened. Taking APs makes me feel like I’m chasing the dragon, getting high. I’ve seen 4 doctors, 2 said I’m probably bipolar one said I might have a mild form of sz and one diagnosed me schizoaffective. I want to kill myself. Nobody talks to me unless I take these fucking pills, when I do it’s like I invite energy back into myself. I don’t want to keep taking fucking pills I want my brain to be normal without them. I’m fat, look so unhealthy. I used to love people now I dread everyone including my family. I’m at rock bottom. I don’t use drugs anymore, just these fucking meds and I want to be able to sustain great conversation, do work well and live life without them. I truly feel like I have been shut out of heaven, doomed and condemned to a life of eternal suffering. Killing myself would 2000000% be the better option than live this hell on earth. I can’t tell if it’s the APs that have made me this stupid anymore or if I actually have a degenerative brain disease. My doc is working to change my diagnosis but I still had the discussion and have thought I’m schizophrenic. I used to have millions of friends, so happy and lived life to the fullest. Now I get no joy out of anything

This sounds really difficult and I'm so sorry you're going through it I know it's difficult, but suicide 100 percent is not the answer.

I am struggling with this at the moment myself. While the AP's do help control my mood swings, they also seem to decrease my ability to have pleasure with anything. I am on Zyprexa and Abilify. I think I'd feel better either lowering the dose of zyprexa or just getting off of it completely. I have gained 40 pounds in a few short months, and just overall am starting to feel worse about everything.

 

[ions]

APs are lucrative for psychiatric doctors but not your enticing as they put it on. Manage the thoughts in your head. They’re not psychotic. God put them there.

 

[LongeDD]

This sounds really difficult and I'm so sorry you're going through it I know it's difficult, but suicide 100 percent is not the answer.

I am struggling with this at the moment myself. While the AP's do help control my mood swings, they also seem to decrease my ability to have pleasure with anything. I am on Zyprexa and Abilify. I think I'd feel better either lowering the dose of zyprexa or just getting off of it completely. I have gained 40 pounds in a few short months, and just overall am starting to feel worse about everything.

what dose zyprexa and abilify? are you still on it? are you able to get high?

 

[deficiT]

what dose zyprexa and abilify? are you still on it? are you able to get high?

I was on 10mg zyprexa, 5mg abilify, and 300mg Seroquel at the most medicated. I'm no longer on it. I slowly dropped off all of them. Yeah I can get high, haven't dosed abilify or anything in at least a month.