We have been together for 3 years. Longest relationship I've ever had and i love him more than i can explain. He has used pills for about 10 years. I didn't know this until after he moved in with me 3 years ago. He introduced me to them and i fell in love. So we both were addicted now and for the first 2 years I was the only one working and paying rent and for the pills. He would occasionally pick up some for free by middling or get money from his family, but it was mostly all me. It was so frustrating that he wouldn't try to get a job.
At the end of the 2 year mark i ended up losing my job and car and got evicted. We moved on to heroin, first snorting and for the past year its been IV. Since we came here broke, my bf has been middling/getting money from family/pawning items for our habit.
Now, back when he moved in with me and we were doing pills, we would go pick them up together and do them together. There was no hiding of anything and i split everything with him 50/50. But now, he goes to pick up without me since hes middling. He used to bring in whatever he ended up getting and splitting it up with me and we would do it together. No hiding. Now he will go to the bathroom to split it up and do his shot in there. He will give me maybe half a point if im lucky, but usually its like a quarter of a point.
He will say he split it up even but will visibly be higher than me and nod. Also there are times he will say he didn't get anything and so ill have to be sick all day but he won't be acting sick at all. He gets mad at me if i bring this up saying im always accusing him of lying when he's not.
But i have caught him in many lies over the past few months. My grandparents sent me $100 to pay a cell bill and i told him not to touch it and he ended up using all the money for drugs and then denied it until finally coming clean. He middled for someone and came back saying he didn't get anything and when i texted the person they said they did pick up and give him some.
We fight constantly because i always feel like he's lying and it hurts that he can see me sick and go get well himself. Because in those 2 years i paid for everything i shared it all even if that meant i was going to be sick for work.
Now, I've been debating leaving for the past year. But something keeps telling me to keep holding on because maybe it will get better. I do know i am co dependent and afraid to be alone. And i did want to be with him forever but i don't want to be an addict forever.
Its to the point that im barely even getting any drugs so i am sick almost all the time, and when i do get half a point it just gets me well. So i feel like this would be the best time to quit if i was going to, since im barely doing anything to begin with. I told him for the sake of our relationship we should get clean, and he said he can't right now because he want handle the withdrawls and doesn't have money for subs and doesn't want to go to a doc for them because he doesn't want that on his record.
I have talked to family/friends and they all want me to leave. This Saturday i have a friend willing to pick me up and take me home. So i have to decide what to do quick and im so terrified. My bf today just got his liscense back and applied to a job hes pretty guaranteed to get. So that's why part of me is wondering if i should stay and see if him working will make our relationship better and see if he will actually get on subs. Im worried im going to leave at the worst time when things actually have a chance to get better. Im so worried im going to make the wrong decision...
At the end of the 2 year mark i ended up losing my job and car and got evicted. We moved on to heroin, first snorting and for the past year its been IV. Since we came here broke, my bf has been middling/getting money from family/pawning items for our habit.
Now, back when he moved in with me and we were doing pills, we would go pick them up together and do them together. There was no hiding of anything and i split everything with him 50/50. But now, he goes to pick up without me since hes middling. He used to bring in whatever he ended up getting and splitting it up with me and we would do it together. No hiding. Now he will go to the bathroom to split it up and do his shot in there. He will give me maybe half a point if im lucky, but usually its like a quarter of a point.
He will say he split it up even but will visibly be higher than me and nod. Also there are times he will say he didn't get anything and so ill have to be sick all day but he won't be acting sick at all. He gets mad at me if i bring this up saying im always accusing him of lying when he's not.
But i have caught him in many lies over the past few months. My grandparents sent me $100 to pay a cell bill and i told him not to touch it and he ended up using all the money for drugs and then denied it until finally coming clean. He middled for someone and came back saying he didn't get anything and when i texted the person they said they did pick up and give him some.
We fight constantly because i always feel like he's lying and it hurts that he can see me sick and go get well himself. Because in those 2 years i paid for everything i shared it all even if that meant i was going to be sick for work.
Now, I've been debating leaving for the past year. But something keeps telling me to keep holding on because maybe it will get better. I do know i am co dependent and afraid to be alone. And i did want to be with him forever but i don't want to be an addict forever.
Its to the point that im barely even getting any drugs so i am sick almost all the time, and when i do get half a point it just gets me well. So i feel like this would be the best time to quit if i was going to, since im barely doing anything to begin with. I told him for the sake of our relationship we should get clean, and he said he can't right now because he want handle the withdrawls and doesn't have money for subs and doesn't want to go to a doc for them because he doesn't want that on his record.
I have talked to family/friends and they all want me to leave. This Saturday i have a friend willing to pick me up and take me home. So i have to decide what to do quick and im so terrified. My bf today just got his liscense back and applied to a job hes pretty guaranteed to get. So that's why part of me is wondering if i should stay and see if him working will make our relationship better and see if he will actually get on subs. Im worried im going to leave at the worst time when things actually have a chance to get better. Im so worried im going to make the wrong decision...