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"I Want To Date An Open-Minded Ventriloquist . . .

L O V E L I F E

L O V E L I F E

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 2, 2000
Messages
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Location
New York, NY, USA
"I want to date an open-minded ventriloquist.

Because that way, whenever I'm closing my eyes to fantasize during sex with her,

The face and the voice can match up."







******
 
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I think your version is funny.

That said, The Powers That Be have told me repeatedly that I should try to write "less dirty."

And to 30-something Jane Schmoe, in my experience, "wacky" things like "threesomes" are dirty, while fantasizing about someone else while you're having sex is more "normal."

Trust me, as someone who CRAVES open-minded audiences, who can even appreciate a great rape joke, I am learning that because those type of audiences tend to be few and far between, that:

When in doubt, DON'T OFFEND.

Sad, but part of the game.

Thanks as always for the feedback, Redleader - I sincerely do appreciate it, and it is often quite helpful. :)
 
How about:

"I had sex with a ventriloquist in a dark room the other day. Her dummy was really jealous of me. Kept yelling 'No!' and 'Stop!'."
 
I still don't fathom using WORDS as a practice stage for the jokes rather than the LOUNGE, other than feeling the target audience in that place wouldn't appreciate it or might ass rape such posts. Still, you could give it a try.


Taking this as another joke-practice, I'll agree RL's response was a bit funnier. I stopped in, as I misread the title (again) as "I want to date an open-mouthed ventriloquist..." which led to some splinter jokes, but I see I've been beaten to that point as well. Perhaps spinning a few punchlines towards:

Threesome:
...but I always felt like the third wheel (self deprecation)
...there was always confusion when she started yelling at the dummy (self deprecation)
...I always felt like they kept secrets from me and talked behind my back
...all the conversations ended up talking about how much fun she had with her last dummy, where they went, etc.

Voices:
...the voices in my head didn't like losing arguments
...but only if her 'voice' is in a sexy foreign language
...because I'm so used to having my women speak for me and what it is I really want

Sex:
...sex always freaked me out, to hear a voice talking but her "lips" weren't moving :D
...the blowjobs were amazing
...the blowjobs were amazing, but my penis always ended up crying/laughing_at_me (?)
...she always talked dirty to herself, I couldn't get a word in edgewise
...she had me convinced we had an invisible gimp in that trunk
...her 'toys' always start yelling to join in on the action and it ruins my concentraion
 
TheLoveBandit said:

I still don't fathom using WORDS as a practice stage for the jokes rather than the LOUNGE, other than feeling the target audience in that place wouldn't appreciate it or might ass rape such posts.

Still, you could give it a try.
Click to expand...

You nailed it, TLB - I post my "Not Yet Ready For The Stage" jokes in here, rather than in The Lounge because:

(1) I'd strongly prefer getting 5 genuine pieces of constructive feedback (positive, negative, or mixed - it all helps) per joke in Words than 43 idiotic ones in The Lounge;

(2) With respect, I consider my jokes (and ANY comic's jokes) to be ART in the form of WORDS, and so I feel that originally-written jokes naturally fit in here.

-- LL
 
Maybe a mega-thread for jokes could be a solution for all? Proper comedy is a form of "Arts & Entertainment" after all, and I see no reason to push such to the Lounge. Where ya, LL's point 1) won't be met.

---

Anyway, taken together with EA's reply, how about:

"I want to get head from my ventriloquist girlfriend.

But she just won't open her mouth wide enough for it to fit in...

So I turned toward her dummy...

And only THEN did I realize that I was given a gift from God (motion to groin)."
 
I actually preferred LLs original wording. I literally laughed out loud.
 
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