I Want My Neighbor

[Comrade Kane]

Your best post yet...where's the honour in this though? She is married and her husband comes over every season, while trying to hold the family together.

Huh? Are you imagining things?

Also work on your reading comprehension more; the womans husband has his own girlfriend is visiting the kids sleeps on the couch and is not with the woman in any way except they have not yet leaglized their divorce. The woman is single. Read. The husband is not single. Read.

I havent given the OP any advice at all.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

OK we're even there - for once I forgot something I read.

I totally agree with your post in that case.

SOund advice...and you deleted your post BUT it's quoted in my post so you can't back out.

 

[Comrade Kane]

OK we're even there - for once I forgot something I read.

I totally agree with your post in that case.

SOund advice...and you deleted your post BUT it's quoted in my post so you can't back out.

You can quote anything just by putting in quote tags even things that were never said. Watch.

I like to invent quotes from people and put them between quote tags to pretend they are real.

Do you have any proof that what you have quoted from me is real else we can just assume you have made it up. A screenshot would do.

 

[Stripes314]

Hello everybody.

I joined this forum looking for some advice. I have a strong attraction to my neighbor, but the dynamic is complicated. I'd like to share what is going on and would love some advice.

Okay, I live in a home that is owned by my parents. My parents live in the same town as me but 5 minutes away. They are still paying off the mortgage on the home so I pay them directly with a set rent each month. My parents also own and rent the home next door to the one I currently occupy.

A Japanese woman moved into said home this summer. She has two kids (8 and 9) and was born and raised in Japan. She is very educated and is in the States for at least a year working a very good job. She is I believe 10 years older than me. (I'm 30.) I'm single, in shape, and very good looking. When I met her, she told me her husband worked as a doctor in Japan and that he would be coming to visit roughly every 3 or 4 months for a week at a time.

Her children are very sweet and I make a point to say hello whenever I encounter them. Their mother however refrains from having any sort of long conversations with me. After a few verbal exchanges she usually excuses herself or essentially implies that she needs to go inside or go somewhere or whatever. We get along just fine but it seems impossible to really get to know her.

This woman has a sister who is about 4 years older than me. She is single and not ugly but I'm not really attracted to her. I've met her on few occasions as she has come from Japan to visit and she has expressed a strong interest in me. Her interest in me comes off as a boyfriend scenario and not a sex one. Complicating things are my desires for her sister (my neighbor) and the fact that I don't want to bang my parents tenants sister. (Unless of course I was super into her, which I'm not.) The sister comes to visit once every 2 months for a week or so.

It turns out my neighbor is separated from her husband and he is living with another woman in Japan. I met him over the summer and later found out that he slept on the couch in their home during said visit. I know this because this woman has semi befriended my mother and they had a heart to heart chat about 2 months ago. This man has also been abusive to this woman in the past. I'm not sure if it's physical, verbal, emotional, or some sort of combo. But I know that this woman has had issues in the past with him and that she's in a rough spot because she would like to divorce him and live in the States full time but he doesn't want that plus the kids are stuck in the middle.

I'm Facebook friends with the sister. My neighbor's son is also my FB friend. He requested the connection. I friend requested my neighbor however she has not accepted in the week since the friend request. Her profile pic hasn't changed in that time so I don't know how into FB she is.

I want this woman badly. I don't want to date her but I'm incredibly attracted to her. And my desires became serious once I knew about her issues with her husband. I imagine that she hasn't been banged in a long time and sleeping with her hot young neighbor (me) would not be impossible to consider at least.

Lastly, when she first moved in, we texted back and forth a few times because my parents were in Europe on vacay at the time and I was essentially her contact if she needed anything. She was nice and pleasant via text but after that initial move in period we never texted again. I did text her a few times this past fall (once because her sister wanted to say goodbye to me before returning to Japan and another reason for something tenant info related that I simply needed to pass along) and in both instances she never responded. In her defense I didn't need a response but still it would have been nice.

So that's it. I want to express an interest in this woman but I find it borderline impossible. I'm thinking about sending her a random text just saying hello and to let me know if she needs anything. I know that is weak but that's all I got really. (Maybe if she replies I can follow up with a question?) Her sister is coming next week so I'd probably wait until the sister went back to Japan. Also, I have to be kinda careful here because she is my parents tenant and I don't want to come off as creepy, annoying, or weird. She also has a lot on her plate. (2 young kids to raise, a broken marriage, not knowing what to do about the future and her family.)

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Well in this case you cant go after her sister unless you are ready to give up your chances with the neighbor. Pretty much it needs to be a situation like this. You need to put the feelers out to guage interest, but it needs to be super subliminal. Maybe a question that would lead you into some kind of clue. You cant just straight up ask her but you need to find a backchannel way to find out the information you need to know. Because there is so much on the line you cant get caught coming on to her, unless the action is wanted. Maybe if you are close to your Mom she could ask indirect questions to the lady to find out for you? Most likely just have her over for dinner and see how much she is willing to show. This is most likely a no-win situation though so play your cards close to the vest.

 

[blh]

Some interesting responses since my last reply. As expected I thought most of you would tell me to back away.

I have two new updates. She came by my parents house to drop off an Xmas gift last week and I was there too. She only came in for a minute, but I texted her a thank you a few hours later along with well wishes for the holidays and she replied pretty quickly via text with a well wish back. Nothing huge but at least progress from the lack of response the last time.

She also confirmed my Facebook request this morning. Her profile is pretty bare with the exception of about 20 photos. Her sister on the other hand has like 1000 photos. Very different approaches to the site, and perhaps a reflection of how different they both are. Her FB profile also confirms she is 40, so with an 8 year difference between us I don't think this is really a cougar situation.

But, alas, I don't see anything coming of this. I would need an in of some sort to establish any potential relationship between us, even just something physical, and I don't see that happening. I find her to be shy and reserved even with my parents. It's an almost impossible situation. I see only one scenario where anything could happen, and it's a long shot. She'd need to have some long convo with me either via text or FB where we let our guard down and get to know each other. And the chances of that happening are slim to none. I just can't envision her opening up to me. This will most likely remain nothing but a fantasy for me.

 

[motherofearth]

Some interesting responses since my last reply. As expected I thought most of you would tell me to back away.

I have two new updates. She came by my parents house to drop off an Xmas gift last week and I was there too. She only came in for a minute, but I texted her a thank you a few hours later along with well wishes for the holidays and she replied pretty quickly via text with a well wish back. Nothing huge but at least progress from the lack of response the last time.

She also confirmed my Facebook request this morning. Her profile is pretty bare with the exception of about 20 photos. Her sister on the other hand has like 1000 photos. Very different approaches to the site, and perhaps a reflection of how different they both are. Her FB profile also confirms she is 40, so with an 8 year difference between us I don't think this is really a cougar situation.

But, alas, I don't see anything coming of this. I would need an in of some sort to establish any potential relationship between us, even just something physical, and I don't see that happening. I find her to be shy and reserved even with my parents. It's an almost impossible situation. I see only one scenario where anything could happen, and it's a long shot. She'd need to have some long convo with me either via text or FB where we let our guard down and get to know each other. And the chances of that happening are slim to none. I just can't envision her opening up to me. This will most likely remain nothing but a fantasy for me.

Sounds like you are resolved over this situation. Good to hear.

 

[blh]

Sounds like you are resolved over this situation. Good to hear.

I'm basically stuck is what it really comes down to. It's a situation I can't penetrate. I think my biggest issue is the children honestly. If she didn't have kids and the marriage was in it's identical state then I'd feel more comfortable expressing an interest. But kids in the middle makes things really complicated.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

^ that's a good place to be in - thinking of the children first.

They can get very attached fairly easily, especially if they don't get to see their father much.

Wise stepping back, and yes - Japanese people of her generation are very reserved, even more so than English people of the generation before - I have a lot of experience with the Japanese and I can tell you they are very repressed.

To be honest though, considering this - she will most likely be a freak in the sack, and she will do anything you want.

Now how does that sway your opinion of the situation? That's all you were interested in, in the first place, wasn't it?

Sounds like you are resolved over this situation. Good to hear.

 

[blh]

^ that's a good place to be in - thinking of the children first.

They can get very attached fairly easily, especially if they don't get to see their father much.

Wise stepping back, and yes - Japanese people of her generation are very reserved, even more so than English people of the generation before - I have a lot of experience with the Japanese and I can tell you they are very repressed.

To be honest though, considering this - she will most likely be a freak in the sack, and she will do anything you want.

Now how does that sway your opinion of the situation? That's all you were interested in, in the first place, wasn't it?

It doesn't really sway anything. I'm just stuck honestly. I see no way of something happening between us unless she surprises me in some way. (Perhaps a random text or Facebook message, which I don't expect.) I also have no idea what she is really like personality wise. For all I know she could be a rather dull person. Or shy. Or something else. I don't know, and I probably never will.

Her sister is the complete opposite. She is funny and outgoing and warm and has made it clear that she likes me. Sadly she's not in her mid-twenties and attractive.

So in the end, nothing changes. I've given up hope that anything will happen between us.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Haha fair cop - all that fantasy for nothing.

 

[COUSiNSEX]

Found this thread whilst googling shit and couldn't resist. I, like you, am in a very similar situation. Except she's younger and I'm older. We hang out quite often but I know my place and clearly, as the situation stands now, I've been remanded to the "Friend Zone". You, on the other hand, are just meandering in purgatory. What piqued my interest even more about your current dilemma is the fact that she's Japanese. Japanese people have a strong reverence for honor, integrity and will do anything to avoid bringing shame to their family. Fucking the landlords son is a definitive defamation on her values and if that's all you are truly interested in then you should probably piss off now. But if you want to soldier on and not relegate this to fantasy land, I have some ideas that may get you closer to her but it will require a friend to feign interest in Japanese culture (unless you actually know someone who is interested in moving to Japan). I have been slowly studying Japan, the people, the laws, the culture etc and if you want to get a chance to talk to her outside of just the "friendly hello" scenario you can try this: If I had a friend with a Japanese neighbor, especially an attractive woman, I would ask that friend as a favor if I could speak to her in a safe, comforting, location and obviously invite the kids (a family restaurant, in her front yard on the porch, the next time your family has a cook out etc) because for me I would love to find out what her experience was living in her native country. If meeting her at a restaurant, you and her friend can offer to buy her dinner as thank you. I'd ask what good jobs were available for Americans, or anyone for that matter (besides being an English teacher), if we could try speaking Japanese to each other, the best places to live, if trying to acquire legal papers or something as basic as internet service is detrimentally bureaucratic, if the government is absurdly totalitarian etc. Of course, you would be there to mediate the whole encounter between your friend and your neighbor. As you said, she's going through a mess right now so it may be good for her to set her focus somewhere else besides the day-to-day activities of her normal life. She might be extremely helpful towards you and your friend, and in turn may thank you. At they very least, you will have had the chance to know her better. The worst thing that can happen is she becomes attracted to your friend instead of you, so pick one of your more average looking friends. At this point, what do you have to lose? If she declines the invitation, game over. It would also help if you had a friend who was genuinely interested in Japanese culture instead of just "putting on a show" for your benefit. BTW, I realize this thread is like a year old but still couldn't resist. -db-

 

[Growth In Recovery]

Who isn't turned on by the idea of a naughty neighbor?