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I Want My Neighbor

B

blh

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 17, 2012
Messages
8
Hello everybody.

I joined this forum looking for some advice. I have a strong attraction to my neighbor, but the dynamic is complicated. I'd like to share what is going on and would love some advice.

Okay, I live in a home that is owned by my parents. My parents live in the same town as me but 5 minutes away. They are still paying off the mortgage on the home so I pay them directly with a set rent each month. My parents also own and rent the home next door to the one I currently occupy.

A Japanese woman moved into said home this summer. She has two kids (8 and 9) and was born and raised in Japan. She is very educated and is in the States for at least a year working a very good job. She is I believe 10 years older than me. (I'm 30.) I'm single, in shape, and very good looking. When I met her, she told me her husband worked as a doctor in Japan and that he would be coming to visit roughly every 3 or 4 months for a week at a time.

Her children are very sweet and I make a point to say hello whenever I encounter them. Their mother however refrains from having any sort of long conversations with me. After a few verbal exchanges she usually excuses herself or essentially implies that she needs to go inside or go somewhere or whatever. We get along just fine but it seems impossible to really get to know her.

This woman has a sister who is about 4 years older than me. She is single and not ugly but I'm not really attracted to her. I've met her on few occasions as she has come from Japan to visit and she has expressed a strong interest in me. Her interest in me comes off as a boyfriend scenario and not a sex one. Complicating things are my desires for her sister (my neighbor) and the fact that I don't want to bang my parents tenants sister. (Unless of course I was super into her, which I'm not.) The sister comes to visit once every 2 months for a week or so.

It turns out my neighbor is separated from her husband and he is living with another woman in Japan. I met him over the summer and later found out that he slept on the couch in their home during said visit. I know this because this woman has semi befriended my mother and they had a heart to heart chat about 2 months ago. This man has also been abusive to this woman in the past. I'm not sure if it's physical, verbal, emotional, or some sort of combo. But I know that this woman has had issues in the past with him and that she's in a rough spot because she would like to divorce him and live in the States full time but he doesn't want that plus the kids are stuck in the middle.

I'm Facebook friends with the sister. My neighbor's son is also my FB friend. He requested the connection. I friend requested my neighbor however she has not accepted in the week since the friend request. Her profile pic hasn't changed in that time so I don't know how into FB she is.

I want this woman badly. I don't want to date her but I'm incredibly attracted to her. And my desires became serious once I knew about her issues with her husband. I imagine that she hasn't been banged in a long time and sleeping with her hot young neighbor (me) would not be impossible to consider at least.

Lastly, when she first moved in, we texted back and forth a few times because my parents were in Europe on vacay at the time and I was essentially her contact if she needed anything. She was nice and pleasant via text but after that initial move in period we never texted again. I did text her a few times this past fall (once because her sister wanted to say goodbye to me before returning to Japan and another reason for something tenant info related that I simply needed to pass along) and in both instances she never responded. In her defense I didn't need a response but still it would have been nice.

So that's it. I want to express an interest in this woman but I find it borderline impossible. I'm thinking about sending her a random text just saying hello and to let me know if she needs anything. I know that is weak but that's all I got really. (Maybe if she replies I can follow up with a question?) Her sister is coming next week so I'd probably wait until the sister went back to Japan. Also, I have to be kinda careful here because she is my parents tenant and I don't want to come off as creepy, annoying, or weird. She also has a lot on her plate. (2 young kids to raise, a broken marriage, not knowing what to do about the future and her family.)

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
 
Since you mentioned she's being a bit cold to you I maybe wouldn't get my hopes up too much or try to push it...maybe you could invite her & her kids over for dinner or whatever some time? Like as a friendly neighbor thing. That way you can get to know her without it being in a 'date' scenario that she would be more likely to refuse.
 
hmm bangin the landlord('s son), probably not something i would do if i wanted a stable home to live in.

it doesn't sound like she is into you (possibly due to all the baggage and previous negative experiences), also she has kids to think about. plus if she is 40 and you are 30 then your priorities will be different i.e. i doubt she will be looking to pump out more kids (though you never know) whereas you at some point may possibly want them soon enough.

also her sister has a thing for you.

its difficult to read but i always try and keep my landlord at a distance.

invite her for dinner but don't expect too much. women divorcing men who have girlfriends and beat them up/abuse them are not going to jeaopardise their settlement with a new relationship. so far its looking in her favour to get custody/a good amount of dosh out of him. an example is a friend of mine worked with a woman who took a lower paid job during her divorce to get more money out of her husband. shrewd
 
I would advise to leave her alone. If she's going through a divorce with an abusive partner you could really do some damage.
 
Thank you for the initial responses.

She is not going through a divorce. At this time they are separated however I doubt they will get back together seeing that he lives with another woman in Japan now and has been abusive in some regard towards her in the past. The question becomes what she plans to do. That remains to be seen.

Someone mentioned me wanting kids some day. Just so we are clear, I have no desire to date this woman seriously. She has kids and she's older than me. Two things that would make me not want to get serious with her. I am however very physically attracted to her and would love some intimacy between us. I realize this is very complicated because of her situation with her current husband and the fact that she has two kids. I realize that these complications will most likely stop anything from really happening between us, however I wanted to post my situation because it does bother me a little. Every time I see her a part of me just kinda sighs inside.

I also realize that her situation with her husband really complicates things to the point where it will most likely be the reason nothing happens between us. In my dream scenario, we find a way to get it on but without her kids ever knowing and without this woman really having strong feelings for me. Ideally, to just have sex with me when she wants to. It's a tough thing for me to pull off.

I welcome any other words of advice. If this woman wasn't my parents tenant then I would be more comfortable making some sort of move, but that factor in itself only adds to this already complicated situation.
 
Doesn't sound like she's into you at all. I'd leave her alone. There's plenty of other milfs around.
 
Tude said:
Doesn't sound like she's into you at all. I'd leave her alone. There's plenty of other milfs around.
Click to expand...

I don't think that the issue is that she isn't "into me". I think it's a lot more complicated than that. One, she probably has no idea that I am attracted to her. I have done nothing to hint that I am. Two, she is older and has kids. She probably assumes I'm not interested in an older woman with children. Three, she's in a messy personal situation and perhaps isn't really focused on bringing a man into her life.

I'm not really attracted to older women so that part is irrelevant.
 
No disrespect, but by the same token, you're assuming she's into younger guys. She may not.
 
Tude said:
No disrespect, but by the same token, you're assuming she's into younger guys. She may not.
Click to expand...

I think our age difference would be an issue if I were serious about trying to date her. But as a hookup, I think it's less of a deal, or not an issue at all.

The obstacles are many. Her sister digs me, she's in a messy martial situation, she has kids, she is older than me, she doesn't seem comfortable engaging in anything beyond simple convo's. If she were to friend me on FB I could at least attempt to express a subtle interest, but she hasn't accepted my request so far.
 
You say you're not ugly (I'm taking your word for it) so there's two possibilities:

1) She is not interested in you. At all. She could have cancer and your dick is the cure but it's still not happening.

2) She actually is interested but purposefully avoiding you because she knows bad things will happen if you get involved.

Only one way to find out: next time you see her, ruthlessly hit on her. If she turns you down, keep trying until she either moves or you get what you want. What's the worst that could happen? She avoids you and doesn't talk to you? Oh wait, that's already happening.

Please note: this advice is not meant to be followed if you want a healthy, long-term relationship.
 
Yeah, she has made it pretty clear that she is not interested. She cuts conversations short, has not replied to any texts and has not accepted your friend request on Facebook. Short of actually telling you to leave her alone, I can't see how much clearer she can make it.

You also mentioned that this woman and your mother have become friends. Perhaps she won't go there out of respect for your parents? Not everyone is comfortable with fucking their friend/landlord's kid.

Either way, it seems like a good idea to leave this one be.
 
blh said:
I think our age difference would be an issue if I were serious about trying to date her. But as a hookup, I think it's less of a deal, or not an issue at all.
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She's still married and from what she told you mother, it sounds very sad. I would leave it as a fantasy.
Find a woman who has the same needs as you which would be hooking up.
 
Mel22 said:
Yeah, she has made it pretty clear that she is not interested. She cuts conversations short, has not replied to any texts and has not accepted your friend request on Facebook. Short of actually telling you to leave her alone, I can't see how much clearer she can make it.

You also mentioned that this woman and your mother have become friends. Perhaps she won't go there out of respect for your parents? Not everyone is comfortable with fucking their friend/landlord's kid.

Either way, it seems like a good idea to leave this one be.
Click to expand...

I don't think the conversation thing has anything to do with me. She's done it with my parents too. We think she is either shy or just has a lot on her mind. We aren't sure.

The non reply to my texts are a bigger deal. Even though the texts did not necessary warrant a reply I still find the lack of a response as very telling potentially. Not accepting my friend request was odd but at the same time she is not even friends with her sister (the one who digs me) on Facebook so there is a chance she's just not really big into Facebook.

Either way I have zero signs that she is remotely interested. I think what also hurts is that I don't see her often. It's hard to drop hints to a woman when you never interact with them. Plus, I know deep down that her marriage is a mess and me jumping in in any way is probably a huge mistake.

Still, I will hold out a little hope. I'm going to text her after the new year to just say hello and tell her I hope all is good. If she doesn't bother to text me back, then I'll just give up this fantasy entirely.
 
I think you should leave her alone. Not all older women are cougars looking for random hook-ups. If she were that type you'd probably have sensed it by now. I'm certain that you can find someone who you are equally attracted to who will want to hook-up. Also, please never use children to get closer to a woman who you just want to bang. Children are innocent and do not deserve to be used as pawns in a game.
 
assuming she too was interested; she would have acted by now. you have contacted her at times of opportunity that she hasnt taken you up on.

personally i think there are cultural, personal and business differences that she respects much greater than any advances on your behalf.

sorry op <3

...kytnism...:|
 
I've been in a similar situation and I think you can't push things. Maybe one day the right circumstance will come along to make something happen, but don't try to force it.
 
Short answer: keep your distance. That seems to be the consensus here, as well.

Some warning bells rang in my head when you stated your interest in her heightened when you heard about her marital issues. While you say you didn't add her son on FB (9 years old and on FB? Shiiiiit), accompanied w/ the somewhat opportunistic/predatory statement you made about her marital problems, your acquaintanceship w/ her child seems sordid. You shouldn't be enthused by the potential of sex w/ your distraught neighbor. I mean, I get it. You want to fuck; you're a human and that happens to us all in confounding ways we can't always control or comprehend. But these circumstances should give you pause, if not redirect your libidinous urges elsewhere entirely.

It seems you are spending all your time obsessing over all the obstacles rather than the prospective fallout from this situation. Notwithstanding all the hangups here, just the idea of a one night stand w/ a neighbor you need to see all the time, who has a relationship w/ your mother, who you can't extricate from your life sounds dubious. Do yourself, and certainly your neighbor, a favor and find another object of your lusts. And try not to be the guy who pursues emotionally vulnerable people. You can do a lot of damage to others that way.
 
Get a hold of yourself brother - she has shown no interest in you, and as you say - "has a lot of her plate".

She is going to be just another notch on your bedpost, so control your desires. You have no idea about her life, or her relationship with her husband.

I would be telling you to make a move now, if she had shown you the slightest interest. Instead she has blanked you, clearly unencouragingly.

If you really need a fuck, go to a bar if you're very good looking, or fuck her sister. Or act like you are going to fuck her sister, and then if she is interested in you at all, she will compete for your attention(I like putting that one into practice it is a KILLER - thank you, Tucker Max).

But seriously there is no justification for making a direct move on her - you have had no signal this would be appropriate.
 
Just leave the lady alone already. And don't go for the sister either, both are stupid moves.
 
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